The First

It’s been always the first for everything. First step, first word, first love.

I had one of my first recently. My first Eid. 

First Eid without my dearest mum. As well as first Ramadan.

Ramadan has been always my favorite time of the year. The ambience, the feeling, it’s been always different from any other months. It’s also the time for family. We would have sahur together in morning, and try as best as we can to have ifthar at home.

My Ramadan had been wonderful as far as i remember. I loved it best while I was in elementary school. But, then, last Ramadan, that was so far, the plainest Ramadan I’ve ever felt.

Yes,plain. I used to have sweet one. I had full fasting, alhamdulillah. Never missed any day to break fasting at home, except one when I went to watch Liverpool with him. Couldn’t help crying on few first days. It was so heart breaking no longer having her at the dinner table. 

Then, it turned out that this Ramadan, brought another thing that i didn’t know that i can do before. We made this Lebaran with our tradition Lebaran cookies. Chocolate chip, Kaastengel, and Strawberry Cookies. It was hard to believe that we really made it. Somehow, I thought that she might help us from up above. 

But then, nothing beats the sadness about having Takbiran and Eid prayer without her. I was crying over the night, in the morning, and along the Eid prayer. That was the time when it was so hard to believe that she’s gone. It hit me hard that things wouldn’t always be the same.

Things change and you have to go on. Whether you like, or not.