Category: Maternité

We arrived early for today’s swimming training. It was dark and cloudy but not yet raining.

An hour before the schedule, the coach had texted whether we would be there. I said yes while her tone showed that she expected the opposite.

When we arrived, the coach asked us to wait. I replied ‘ok’ shortly and unhappily.

Why should we wait? until the rain came?

Few minutes after waiting pointlessly, I asked her to start. We could stop anytime if needed, but just started first.

I didn’t mind a bit of rain, it wasn’t the first time they did training under the rain. But the coach made me question my self, “is it really okay?”

When in doubt, I always return to the kid,
“Be, is it okay? We might have heavier rain later,”.

The training kept going as usual, under heavy to light rain. Had a short break once when the thunder was too loud. Then, resumed it again until the end.

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For the past two years, I have already transformed into that annoying parent who doesn’t care about what people think, and strongly express my concerns. Especially while dealing with the local teachers.

But, l’ll make sure all the teachers see how serious and committed we are to the schedule. We always arrive in time (Not ON TIME), close to never cancel the lesson, pay them in advance, and make sure she is being focused in every lesson.

It paid off.

At the beginning, the 5.30 am Quran teacher often canceled the lesson. For many reasons. I didn’t say much on this. Why? It’s hard to find one like him, and Quran is important.

People would think I was crazy to make my daughter do a lesson as early as 5.30 am. But, actually, this is what we do daily on our own. I just replaced it with a proper and qualified teacher twice a week so she got another standard other than mine.

Few months went by, he rarely canceled any classes. Whenever he couldn’t make it, he would give the replacement day right away and I never said we can’t. Weekday or weekend, it doesn’t matter since Quran is the only lesson and schedule that is doable in any days, anywhere, as long as it is at 5.30am.

Recently, it’s been few weeks since I noticed he added more minutes to the lesson.

The piano teacher (the Indonesian one) was teaching her for only 10 minutes out of 20, on the second meeting and it made me write a long email to the music school principal.

We cleared the misunderstanding as soon as possible and she totally changed right away.

Ready before 7 AM (I didn’t ask, she offered it). Forty minutes lesson often turned 60.

There have been a lot of national holidays on Saturday, and she always offers to keep having the lesson online, since the school is closed on national holiday. Again, I always said yes. I won’t ask, but when she offers it, I’ll take it.

Judging from my experience who always accompanied this little girl for any offline lesson before pandemic, same people will act differently according with whom they deal with.

In Indonesia, many children are either accompanied by their nanny or granny. There was this therapist in one of the therapy centers in South Jakarta.

When it was the little girl schedule, she started and finished on time. But, whenever it was the next child’s turn who went with her nanny, she started late and finished early.

I noticed this when the little girl was having another session at the same time with another therapist while that kid had session with the therapist mentioned above.

When the little girl had started, she hadn’t. When the little had not yet finished, she had. After the session, my explanation from the therapist would be long and detailed. While that little girl, would be short and brief.

It happened all the time.

This is why it is important to set our own standard. Especially when you live in a country where being on time, discipline, and strongly committed to the schedule is not a common practice. By setting clear standard, others will understand what kind of student they deal with and act accordingly.

Sometimes, it’s taxing, being annoying. Why we should even fight for what we deserve according to what we pay. But, there’s no other way to get it than being loud and clear, then so be it.

Oh, the little girl’s answer to my question typed in bold letters above,

“It’s ok. It’s just rain,” she said.

Sometimes, some people are too focused on being kind but totally forget they have jobs to be done.

A dentist visit to pull out an extremely wobbly tooth which supposed to be done in few minutes but extended to more than an hour.

Been reading while waiting until it seemed weird why they hadn’t finished while it was only one tiny tooth. Turned out the four adults (three more coming to the scene) were too busy soothing the kid who refused to open the mouth with flowery words with no result.

I came to the chair, looked at the child and say, “It will hurt, but it would be only few seconds. So, open your mouth and take it,”.

“Just do it doc, come on. (You waste too much time already, I whispered),”.

Less than 10 seconds, all done, no tears left.

Sometimes, the word kind should be taken with pinch of salt instead of sugar.

If being kind means letting the child do whatever she wants to do, have all her wish fulfilled, no matter what it takes, allow her to decide when she wants to eat, sleep, it’s more of doing harm than being kind.

I don’t think as an adult we want to work at the place or with the boss without rules, SOP, and established systems that allow us to work well. It would be confusing, wouldn’t it?

That’s pretty much the same with parents and child. It’s the parents who should set the boundaries, rules, and know when to say no.

I’ve been known as a strict mother since a long time. During the first year, they know how strict and stern I had been when it comes to eating and sleeping time. I listened to no one. No matter how hard, no matter how bad I looked in front of them, I knew I had to do this.

Fast forward few years, people can see result between one who has regular eating and sleeping schedule and who hasn’t. Until now, while others are still dealing with the same eating problems, like going back and forth to pediatrician, nutritionist, doing some tests here and there, just because they chose to let the child do whatever she wanted to do (no rules, eating whatever, whenever, and many more), I enjoyed the result of my stubbornness during the first year.

Another scene also happened during family meeting last week. We agreed that we would only ride on the ferris wheel after lunch, but suddenly the other relatives proposed an indoor playground. It was 2.30 and the dad wanted to stopped by IKEA and also we had another appointment at 5 pm.

For me, it pleased the child but would hurt the others. We already talked and agreed before of what we would do. She knew someone would come at 5 pm to the apartment. Letting her play means we might miss it, paid Rp 200.000 to play for a while, and if you think it wasn’t another problem to make the kids stopped playing, then you might be wrong. I already kept quiet when she had the second cup of ice cream of the day, since someone bought it for her. But letting her prolong the schedule?

At that time, I had to say no in front of other people which made me look bad, even worse with those teary eyes. But, I didn’t care.

As always, the teary eyes didn’t last. It was hard to be sad while enjoying a cup of mint chocolate chip ice cream in your hand.

Saying yes indeed easier, nice and less headache. While saying no takes a lot of courage to handle the look and the judgement from other people.

But, just like I said to her at the dentist chair, I would just take it.

Two pages from my personal favorite parenting book explained it well :

It’s another form of being kind to do what’s right over what’s easy. That’s my way being kind to her for the long term.