Ten Years of Motherhood

For the past 10 years, the most difficult part of parenting is not about her. The hardest struggle is about regulating my self. The toughest battle is about to change what’s inside me. To fight many things that that have been imprinted subconsciously for years.

To unlearn few beliefs growing up that no longer resonates with me. Yet, in the other hand, to insist she understands, memorizes, and applies certain values that I consider important.

To acknowledge those things, it is important. To fight it, boy, it’s a battle that makes me cry regularly during early morning one-on-one session. Even every time I edited this post, tears couldn’t help falling knowing how much I lack as a mother.

Other than our spouse, The One who we really have to include in every stage of parenting is the creator. Guidance, patience, compassion, things that could only be granted by Him in this life task of raising a human being.

As she is growing up, I am also growing old. May Allah grant me the force needed as we’re heading to puberty and perimenopause. Amin.

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For the past ten years, she grows as beautiful as the literal meaning of her name. Inside out.

For the past ten years, she has grown according to the meaning of her name. A knowledge seeker, a learner, a beautiful sunbeam illuminating our world, makes life full of hope, warmth, and radiance.

In her name as a whole, my hope refers to QS 58: 11

وَإِذَا قِيلَ ٱنشُزُوا۟ فَٱنشُزُوا۟ يَرْفَعِ ٱللَّهُ ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ مِنكُمْ وَٱلَّذِينَ أُوتُوا۟ ٱلْعِلْمَ دَرَجَـٰتٍۢ ۚ
“Allah will elevate those of you who are faithful, and ˹raise˺ those gifted with knowledge in rank”.

Happy 10th birthday, my dearest.
May Allah bless you with strong faith, excellent health, and sufficient wealth and always guide you every step of the way. I wish you all the resilience and excitement you need to deal with whatever life throws at you.

I hope this first decade of your life has been a great enjoyable ride for you as it’s for me. It’s not always rainbow, but being your mother has been one of the best adventures in my life.

Thank you for all the random “I love yous” you throw me daily. You know I love you too, right?