Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité

About feeding

Lately, half of my energy went to this thing called feeding. For this one thing, I had to give up several things so I could concentrate about this. Things I really like such having an aerobic exercise on Thursday, just because it didn’t go well with this feeding schedule.

Comparing to other moms stories, maybe Langit is slightly better since she almost never refuse the food that I serve for her. I remembered few of that she refused back then, but never directly refused. She would try some until she couldn’t take it. Another good thing is she rarely doesn’t finish her plate. For this one, I also really push and insist to finish what have been served until the last spoon.

BUUUTTT, all that is not easy. I have to think 1001 ways to make it. That is why I think, beside love and war, all is fair too in feeding a baby.

What I don’t mostly like about feeding because it is messy, and emotionally draining. During feeding, I also did some works like picked up every small rice that fell on the floor. I hated the way the rice would stick in the feet when others stepped on it. Only ones that fell on the floor?

Not.

I also cleaned those left on the chair, on the toys, on everything that we used during the feeding.
Other than that, I also did singing, playing kastanyet, tamborine, and any possible things that could keep her on her seat. It has been harder lately since she started learning to walk. So, she pushed me to take her out of her seat and move her either to the floor or stand up while holding on my sitting body.

No wonder I always feel so exhausted once the feeding is finished -___-.

But then, no matter how hard it takes, I will still do it every single day. Why? Because I consider it as one of the three most important things that my child deserves from her parents. As stated on my previous post, I believe that good nutrition, health, and education are the three things that every parents should give to the children in order to let them live well, not only for current being, also for long-term. So, those three things become the major reason why we have to work hard.

It makes me also become inflexible when it comes to feeding. Inflexible means I don’t allow others to take it lightly like saying Langit didn’t like the food or she had enough when seeing her being a bit cranky while eating. Or else when we wanted to go somewhere, it had to be done according to her meal time. No such thing like we went first, or she could eat later once we arrived at our destination.

Sorry, it is a BIG NO.

Better being late or cancel it than going without she finished her meal. I won’t deal with feeding when we were out.

On her 10 months to be, she has three big meals a day, breakfast, lunch, and early dinner. She has also fruit snacks between breakfast and lunch and sometimes after dinner or altogether with dinner. So, practically, I have this feeding battle at the very least three times a day.

What makes it paid-well is when the result of those hard work show through her good health and when those people acknowledge it when they see her. That is good enough for me.

Well, hopefully, we can continue doing well. Amin.

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Posted in Langit Senja, Review

Baby Play Yard ACE Hardware

Saya jarang sekali bahas tentang barang-barang yang biasa saya pake sehari-hari. Tentang Langit pun hampir ngga pernah saya bahas apa yg dipake, makanan yang dimakan, dan lainnya. Karena saya pikir ngga ada yg spesial banget sampe harus ditulis.

Tapi yang ini, saya akan tulis. Mungkin yang baca ada yang punya bayi baru mulai mau berdiri dan jalan, bisa jadi bahan masukan.

Play yard ini kita beli waktu Langit sudah mulai berdiri dan bergerak kesana kemari yang semakin sulit dijagain. Sebelumnya kita udah punya satu Play Yard yang dibuat pesen sama tukang dari rotan. Umurnya udh hampir 10 tahun, almh ibu saya yang pesen waktu adek sepupu saya masih bayi. Karena rumah tingkat dua, dan saya suka banyak urusan di lantai bawah kaya masak dan beres-beres, maka diputuskan buat ditaro di bawah supaya saya bisa kerja dengan tenang tanpa khawatir Langit jatuh waktu main.

Ternyata, semakin kesini, kita ngerasa semakin kewalahan juga di atas karena Langit maunya kesana kemari merangkak dan berdiri. Ngga mungkin juga dipegangin terus-terusan. Pak dokter, kaya biasa, langsung semangat banget kalo udah urusan beli-beli. Liat di internet mau nyewa kok mahal ya.lebih mahal dari beli jatohnya.

Baca salah satu blog review tentang portable play yard,bagus emang dan enak bisa dibawa-bawa. Tapi, begitu tau harganya langsung meringis. Kemahalan kalo buat kita. Cari yang second di internet yang ada kok ngga jauh beda sama beli baru. Sempet beneran kepikiran buat sewa aja. Tapi masih ragu juga.

Sampe saya inget dulu pernah main ke rumah sahabat almarhum ibu saya, liat dia lagi jagain cucunya yang ditaro di box gitu. Saya langsung whatsapp tanya beli dimana. Sebenenrnya sih, sedikit ngharep juga sapa tau dia mau nawarin pinjem,hahaha. Dan, setelah dia tanya ke anaknya, dia bilanh itu ada di ACE Hardware.

Saya langsung seneng dengernya. Karena paling ngga, tempat nyarinya ngga ribet. Kebetulan mal komplek juga punya ACE, dan pas banget itu hari Minggu, Pak dokter ngga jaga dan kita emang mau ketemuan sama ibu bapak di mal itu. Jadi, selesai makan siang langsung berangkat ke ACE.

Tanya sama mbak-mbaknya awalnya bilang ga ada. Tapi penasaran kan,mungkin aja dia emang ngga tau bukan ngga ada. Kita coba muter dulu dan Voila! Ternyata ada! Cukup gede diantara barang2 mainan anak-anak lain.

Kita tanya-tanya sama mas-masnya yang sangat ramah dan tau banget tentang produk ini. Pas nanya harganya,langsung diem dulu. Pergi dulu sambil mikir. Sementara Pak dokter udah semangat bener ngomporin buat beli sekarang juga.

“Udah yang,beli aja. Toh kan kepake juga”

“Kalo ngga sekarang kapan lagi ada waktu gini”

Soal belanja, suami saya lebih cocok jadi ibu-ibu dibanding istrinya.

Setelah menimbang-nimbanh sambil mengultimatum kalo ngga boleh jajan apa-apa lagi abis beli ini, akhirnya saya relain kartu debit digesek. Pulanglah kita dengan mainan baru.

Ternyata Alhamdulillah ngga nyesel sama sekali. Sebagai perbandingan, harga yang kita liat internet bisa sampe 1,5 juta. Adek ipar saya ke pasar gembrong pun sama, kisaran harganya 1,2-1,5 juta. Untung dia ngga jadi beli. Abis denger saya beli play yard ini dengan harga di bawah sejuta, besoknya dia beli juga yang sama:mrgreen:

Play yard ini ukurannya sedang dan ngga makan tempat buat rumah saya yang ngga gede, sehingga ga keliatan menuh-menuhin ruangan. Masangnya juga gampang, tinggal dikaitin antar rangka, tanpa obeng atau apapun. Saya juga bisa sendiri, tapi tetep minta tolong Pak dokter sih.

Selain mainan dan boneka, saya juga taro kasur kecil, bantal gede dan matras tipis supaya kalo Langit jatoh-jatoh, yang mana itu pasti, kepalanya ga kena ubin. Dan, kalo saya atau yang jaga mau main di dalemnya bisa sambil tiduran😂

Ini sangat membantu banget. Langit bisa saya tinggal mandi, solat, atau sambil nonton korea tanpa harus khawatir atau megangin kesana kemari. Oya, karena bayi biasanya lebih pinter, bagian depan yang ada pintunya, saya geser ke samping dan ditutupin bantal gede. Jadi, saya ngga perlu khawatir dia bisa buka pintu dan keluar. Ternyata emang bener yang saya pikir. Sepupu Langit, anaknya adek suami saya, tiap ditaro disini maunya buka pintunya terus karena emang ada gagang yang mencolok gitu warna kuning. Jadi, malah repot bener karena dia maunya keluar terus. Emang jadi orangtua harus lebih panjang akal dari anak. Lebih pinter belom tentu. Hehe😎

Di sini, Langit juga bebas berdiri dan jatoh berkali-kali tanpa sakit. Awal-awal sih nangis tiap jatoh bunyi keras. Lama-lama, kalo jatoh dia mikir dulu. Diem dulu, seakan-akan mikir ‘perlu nangis ngga ya’ , biasanya saya langsung alihkan perhatiannya supaya ngga sampe nangis. Sekarang dia udah bisa thawaf keliling play yard cepet banget. Trus suka manjat bantal gedenya juga. Kadang-kadang mikir apa anak cewe bisa selasak ini ya. Oya, play yard ini ada musiknya juga lho. Tinggal kasih batere, pencet tombolnya, nyanyi deh.

Jadi, buat yang punya bayi atau mau patungan kasih kado ke temen yang punya bayi, play yard ini sangat berguna banget. Patungan bersepuluh masing-masing 100rb udah bisa beli ini masih kembali seribu. Oke kan?

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Ada dua pilihan warna, krem coklat sama merah biru. Saya pilih ini karena emang tinggal ini dan pas banget ngga suka merah biru.

Good job, ACE!

Posted in Langit Senja

The Ninth Month

We’re heading to the ninth month. Alhamdulillah, until this very day, everything is going well. Langit also acquires some new ability such holding two things with each hand, picking up the toys in the floor from her eating chair as well as standing so quickly in that chair while eating or when I didn’t watch her for some seconds. This girl really loves climbing everything.

Apart from mastering motoric skills, she is also getting better at crying. This girl can cry for high pitch sound. If she is doing that, instead of telling her to be silent, I just stare at her until she stops it. Fortunately, this crying only appears for some people like me or le husband. She is rarely cranky when others babysit her.

Breastfeeding is keep going and due to the teething on the upper teeth, it makes breastfeeding is pretty unpleasant since it hurts. Especially the right breast. I don’t think others beside a mother can bear such pain and keep doing that in spite of the pain.

My pray always be the same. Be healthy and happy, Cipi-kun. Please lower the crying volume. But then, still, I love youu:**

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That smile:)
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With cousin Hana
Posted in Langit Senja

MPASI Updates

It has been three months since Langit has started eaten. So far so good. Good here doesn’t mean without any difficulties. I don’t believe a baby can eat without any dramas.

She has been a good eater. Finished almost everything given to her. Since three weeks ago, she started having real porridge and it has been a week since we rarely use a blender because she is able to chew the food well. Alhamdulillah.

She now often eats the food made for the adults too. Like fish, chicken, or meat. Only I add some ketchup if it is too spicy. We also have three times meal a day now, but the last one is pretty flexible. Other than rice, I served macaroni with chicken/meat and vegetables then put some cheese. She can finish it within half an hour or less.

The fruit is given in the morning between breakfast and lunch and I still stick to avocado and manggo. The good news is I no longer have to blend it anymore. So I just cut it and she eats it. Super yay! After maghrib before sleeping she has either biscuits or pudding. But it is not everyday, just occasionally.

Why does sound so easy? Says who. I had been dealing with a-pause-chewing food phase for weeks. So she just let the food inside her mouth unchewed. When it usually took 30-40 minutes to finish all, that phase became almost 1,5 hours. I was tired and she was cranky. Another one is eating and crying all together. It often happened in the afternoon meal. Until now, among the three meals, afternoon meal is one that I choose more carefully with smaller portion.

I have been training her to eat cookies by holding it by herself and using fork to eat some food like fried potato that had been cut in dice size or fruits.

I don’t do what they call BLW. I don’t see it suits me (and my time). What important for me is she gets what her body needs from the food. I believe when it comes the time she is ready to eat by herself, she will do it and I will help her to do it. But not now.

So far, she said yes to any semur, food with coconut milk, and soup. She was confused with sayur bening, haha! When the taste doesn’t really suit her, she opens only half of her mouth;))

I am grateful that she has been able to receive anything without any allergies indications. Hope she will continue to eat well. Amiin.

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I am really enjoying this delicious sagu keju!
Posted in The Big Three

Blogging and Blog-walking

Why do I love blog-walking?

Because those ones are informative, enjoyable, and leave something after reading it.

Why do I do blogging?

Because I like remembering things. Write that up makes me remember better.

Another new one is because my kid(s) don’t have a chance to meet her great grandma in person. I need and want to write much so they will know her better through my writing. My mum is not the only thing in my life, but everything I receive in my life, all mostly thanks to her.

Period.

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité

About Breastfeeding

As any other things that never come easy in my story, breastfeeding is no exception.

I did IMD and breastfeed Langit directy just few hours after her birth. Only the second day, the milk was not flowing at all, but on the third day, my breasts largened and it hurt a lot.

The first month of breastfeeding, Langit only could breastfeed from the left breast because she couldn’t latch properly on the right side. We tried hard, everytime she breastfed. Left side didn’t latch easily too. At least it took 3-5 minutes to latch on properly. Trust me, those minutes were very long. But it was easier compared to the right side which took us 15 minutes to achieve that. Or worse, we dropped it. It was very frustrating. Seriously. I remembered when I looked at the mirror, both breast were clearly on a different size. Big and small.

We just made it with the right side on the middle of second month. Another problem came. On her first month, Langit’s weight didn’t progress well and the pediatrician suggested to boost it in two weeks, and if there was still no improvement, mix it with formula was the solution.

The pediatrician was not the only one that suggested the idea. Even le husband did too. I was trying hard to breastfeed her very often and pumped it when I went working. Woke up in the midnight was no longer a problem as long as she could do better.

When I pumped the breastmilk, it also didn’t boost my confidence. I pumped it for two or three hours and all I got was 30 ml. Yep, that much. It only made those people.around me suggested formula harder. When I was asking my sister in law how long and how much she pumped the breast milk and her answered was : 120 ml in 10 minutes.

I really didn’t know what to say. Like really? 10 minutes for 120 ml? I spent 12 times longer and produced 4 times less?

The only good thing was my stubborness. I was, am and will never giving up about something that I really believe and want. As I believed and wanted to do exclusive breastfeeding, I did any way possible to make it happen. Eat well, rest well, read any information about that would help. I lowered my expectation about doing two full years of breastfeeding, instead focused on these first six months.

Slowly but sure, Langit showed good progress. Actually, she was doing good, it was just only her weight didn’t as much as her height. But, it was doing okay according to pediatrician. Alhamdulillah, Langit didn’t taste any formula during the first six months of her life.

Up until this 9 months, we’re still do breastfeeding and I still don’t find this easy. Breastfeeding really needs persistence, determination, and strong willingness from the mother. Not using any excuses since there are many if you want to. It is very true that the hardest battle is the one you do with yourself.

Currently writing this next to sleepy cranky Langit who hasn’t slept since her lunch. Although we did twice long breastfeed already, it doesn’t seem enough to make her sleep. So, I am watching this baby sitting on her bouncer grumpily. She is still so cute with her grumpy face.

Let’s keep trying hard, baby! We’re getting there. 12 months of full breastfeeding, we’re looking forward to meet you!

Posted in Maternité, The Big Three

Patience ATM

I wish there is one. With unlimited amount and auto refill. So I can withdraw it whenever I need it, as much as I can. The more we withdraw, the more it refilled. I wish I will just simply press a button in my body then the patience will flow through my head and heart.

When Langit is being unusually cranky, it tests my patience a lot. I am maybe pretty far from what you call nice. To everyone. Even one of my best friend’s boyfriend said that I was too straightforward, in term that he didn’t really fond of it.

The consequences of being impatient are not pleasant too. The baby is getting louder and seems even more cranky. While for me, it is the guilty feeling after sometime. It feels uneasy to be angry to your baby. Feels like I am not capable enough even after all the things I have been done (alone):'(. Sounds like I am saying that I have been doing that much, eh? Whatever.

I am currently writing this with the guilt after last night. Langit is currently doing thawaf in her play yard. Yes, she is able to circle from one side to another side now.

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See that happy face 🙂

I love you, Cipi-kun.  Have a lot of patience with me ya. I will try hard to boost mine:oops:

Posted in Maternité, The Big Three

Parenting : a learning from the past

Being a mother for less than a year is surely not valid to say much about parenting. Thus, I prefer writing it from my experts. My parents.

I was raised by great parents. Surely, they were not flawless, but who were perfect anyway?My mum liked talking a lot. About everything. She had strong characters, a decision maker, in short, the centre of her family before and after marriage. She had been always right in everything she judged. She was the best multi-tasker I have ever known.To her children, she was pretty strict and stern. Most of the time, or maybe almost always we did what she told us to do, in everything. Especially me. I hardly do everything without my mum’s approval. At first maybe because of fear. But, as I grew up, I found too many truth in every words she said. For small things, such buying clothes or things I used, I didn’t wait for her approval, but I always let her know. But, for things like the one whom I was seeing (well, actually, the only one I was seeing in the past was le husband), I asked her. When she was against it, I stopped. Of course, not just like that. I did tell her my arguments, and things became awkward between us, but I chose her.

We had more time together than my siblings had with her. I was glad I spent so much time with her. Even on her last breath, I was the one who was with her. For me, it was a greatest honour I have ever had. To be with her on her last moment. Since she liked talking a lot, she left me with many advises that really stuck on my head. What I have been done taking care Langit alone, half of it based on her lectures. Maybe I know now why she had been talking a lot in the past. To guide us through her words since she was not able to be present physically.

Not only to us the children, she was very chatty too with others. Her colleagues, or even random people. My mum was widely known in our neighborhood. They called her Bu Haji Salma. Of course, not only because of being chatty, but she was very generous and helpful. She had a sharp mind. She could see things in a long-term way. She could think something that no one can do. Let me give you example.

Do you know when someone dies and the family wants to bathe the body in the house, we need curtain to cover the bathing area, and after that the body needs to be covered with kafan, we also need another curtain to it? She saw this after the death of her father. Thus, right after that, she went to Tanah Abang buying fabrics to make two different curtains. She asked someone to sew it. Then, she told some people and the mosque keeper, whenever someone needed the curtains, just came to our house. At first, It startled me. Why, what for and who would use it? But, as I told before, she had been always right. Not long, the first person I asked to borrow those curtains. Only once? Nope. Every time our mosque announces the death of a person, the family shows up to our house to borrow the curtains. Until now. Her invention could be compared with those who invented electricity and telephone,hehe.

My father is kind-hearted, more flexible, and a great family man. During our childhood, I remembered him as a scary father. He was very strict about school and scores. He could make us sit for hours just doing maths problems that we couldn’t solve and being angry for that. So unpleasant. He was so discipline in everything. Really, my father in the past was no cool, at least for me. Well, for us. As I grew up, he changed, pretty much. He became  more relax, flexible, royal, in short, be more like a dad than a father. You know the difference between a dad and a father, right,? Of course, it made us happier. But, in certain things, he is as strict an discipline as before. We don’t mind though.

Mostly, my dad followed what my mum decided for us. He had been always said ,” Ask your mum first,” when we asked him buying us things. He was financially stable and had good position, a good and respectable career as a government’s officer. When my mum wasn’t a good student at all, my dad was a very bright one. He had been a chief of student body at school, at campus. When my mum was known because of her social skill, my dad was known because of his brain.

My feeling towards him was not as good as mine towards my mum. But, after my mum left, I took care and spent more time with him, although it is not always easy, I grow fond of him much more than before. Took care of my mum on her last days had great impact to the way I feel toward him now. I want to take care of him as long as I can, as best as I did to my mum. Because, he deserves it as well. I see that in spite of the difficulties, it is lucky that I am given a chance to take care of him. I will just use it well as long as I can.

My favorite time as a family was mostly happened in the kitchen. In our dining table. There, most our best conversations were happened. Values were shared. It was a happy feeling reminiscing what we had there. Especially during weekend. We had breakfast together, made plans, or just talking about everything. Even gossiping, haha😁
Of course we have our ups and downs too. Bien sur, it were not happy moments. But, once everything was settled, then we were good.

So, what are those I most learn from my parents? Here I list from the most considered important :

1. Shalat, and other religious things
Shalat becomes the most often thing my parents being annoying about. Yes, I use term ‘annoying’ since they are really concern about that. It doesn’t stop there. We were obliged to learn Qur’an every week with a teacher, from primary until we graduated from college. Nonstop. After we all earned our own money, my mum asked us to pay our own zakat and every year do our own qurban during Idul Adha. It didn’t stop there, after that, they encouraged us to go Hajj before getting married. Thus, three of us are done with the fifth pillar in Islam before married. I went in 2012, others two went in 2013.

2. School, school, and have another soft skill
We were sent to the best schools from kindergarten till college. We went to good private school in primary, went to the same junior high, (semabels), went to unggulan high schools (81,68,81), and went to reputable universities (IPB, BINUS, UI). Other than Hajj, another thing that we were being encouraged to do before marriage was pursuing master degree. Then, I went abroad to UPM, Malaysia took Curriculum and Instruction, my sister went to Binus Applied Finance and my brother got scholarship from UI continuing his bachelor to master degree in Industrial Engineering.

Really, up to until this standard, I am not really sure whether I can do as good as them. Not many parents can do as good as they were based on my experience. Is that all then? No. See more below.

3. Earn your own money, as soon as you can.
Earning our own money had been sounding for a very long time by telling us how they were already earning their own money since very young. They told us so many times until we were very bored hearing that. But, later, I knew that was their way to implant this spirit into our mind. All those courses we went to, so we could have many options to sell ourselves better in the future. See my  Piano post.
They were repetitively reminded us we had to have a job before we graduated. It was compulsory. No matter what job we do, but we had to have that. Why? Because they knew, being jobless was tiring and uncomfortable. Thus, three of us graduated with a job that paid us quite well. We seeked our ‘serious’ job with another job in our hand. It was true. Not only us felt different, the interviewer looked the same way. We had our pride, they saw with respect.

4. House works duties.
We had our house helper but since primary each of us have our own tasks to do. My mum started teaching me and my sister preparing for breakfast since the third year of primary.
Few years later, she didn’t go to the kitchen until breakfast was ready. So was for dinner. After our house was rebuild, we had our own room and bathroom. Me and my sister were sharing a bathroom. Thus, each of us, including my parents cleaned up our own bathroom.

5. Be happy, go shopping, go seeing the world
This one maybe is the easiest and most pleasant. They allowed us to do whatever we want with our money. Me, I liked saving and using it for travelling. I regularly bought dollars after I had two jobs (even three). With those money, I went to several countries, went Hajj and funded half of my master degree cost. My sister likes shopping a lot. She spent her money mostly on bags, watches, clothes, or other things. My brother is more like my sister, plus he likes eating out a lot.

Fiuh, it is a very long one. But, it worths my time writing it all. It helps me remember better. And I also write this for my children so they will know later how good their grandma and grandpa were. It also becomes my guideline so I can have this standard and hopefully no lower than this. Amin.

Guess I can face my mum with a bright smile if I can do as good as she was once we meet again later insya Allah.  So help me God. Let me show her I can do as good as her. Fighting!

Posted in Past learning, The Big Three

Piano

I am too sleepy to write at this hour but when le husband hasn’t come yet, I can’t sleep. So, I will just write another story for Langit Senja.

Started learning classical piano at 5. Why? Because I had to repeat another year in kindergarten since I was only 6,5 months. It wasn’t enough to enroll elementary. Mum was afraid that I would be bored of schooling, so she enrolled me to a music school.

This music school is famous for its classical learning. It is truly a school not just a course. It has an academic year with certain timetable of report and exam month. Not only doing the practice, it also teaches the theory, history, psychology, and paedagogy.

If one goes through all level from the beginning, it will take 12 years to complete all level, if you don’t delay any subjects. Me? I was doing it for 13 years. 13 bloody-years.

If people heard I was doing it for such a long time, they thought I was really talented. In fact, I wasn’t and am not. I just worked very hard and luckily, the results were enough just to let me pass to the next level.

One must think that learning music is and should be fun. As long as I remembered, fun was not a right word to describe the time I had there.

We,the students had a practice session with the teacher twice a week for lower level and once a week for higher level (each session is 20min for lower level and one.hour for higher level). Beside practice lesson, we also had a theory class together in one big room with other teacher once a week. Higher level students had paedagogy, psychology and history of music other than theory, all once a week.

The levels consist of Pre Elementary, Elementary (maybe like kindergarten level in school), grade 1-6 (primary in school), Pre Conservatorioum Preparation (Pra PK), Conservatorioum Preparation 1-3 (PK 1-3). If you are good enough, in every subject plus attitude, you will be offered a place for become a teacher there. Then, you will continue to PKg 4. It is very selective offer. In one year maybe only 1-4 students being offered. Even once, there were none in one year.

I made it until the very end (PK 3) with hard fight. I wasn’t a bright one at all. I didn’t know why all the lesson seemed so hard for me. No matter how much I practiced, it.was never good enough to deserve 80 in my exam and let alone got any prize. Yes, they were so stingy with score. During those 13 years, I only got 80 on PK 2 level. 80,05 precisely. Fiuh.

This school has a policy that stated students who fail in grade 6, can not continue to the higher level and must quit. They can re-enter by doing the entrance test for the next academic year.

Grade 6 became very important for those who really wanted to continue there. My grade 6 years had been so hard and painful. I got a.new teacher, very strict, very stern, and I couldn’t help being so afraid everytime I had my lesson. I really had my lesson under pressure, each week. Since I was the last student of that day, the lesson that supposed to be finished in an hour extended until three hours!

Was that all? No. This teacher, other than being strict and stern, she was also having a sharp tongue. She predicted by saying among three grade 6 students she had, one would go directly to PK 1, one would go to Pra PK, and one would fail? Who would fail? It was me absolutely.

To be honest, I was half happy and sad if I really failed. Happy because it had been so hard that I really wanted to quit for so many times. But then, I let my teacher to be right that I didn’t deserve to be a higher level student. My mum had been encouraging me a lot that I would endure it at least until the exam. She said, whether I failed or passed, it was not up to me. My job was only doing my best. Nothing about pass or fail, but not to embarrass my self in front of the examiners. That was all. That thought calmed me. Surely, I too didn’t like the idea of me embarassing my self in front of other people.

So, I practiced more and more. I woke up at 3 am every morning so I could practice better. As the exam was closer, I practiced even.longer. Thought this might be my last exam here, so better to leave with my best effort.

I tend to remember clearly with every small details about some special days in my life. This one is one of them. The day when the result came out, it was saturday afternoon, I was waiting anxiously at home. I didn’t go to my music school since I had school in the afternoon. Whem my mum arrived, I asked her when she was still sitting in the car outside the gate.

“How was it?”

She replied quietly with a soft gaze,

” You made it. Passed.”

It was one of her look that I remembered knowing that she was proud of me.

It felt like my heart exploded with lots of happy feeling. I really made it! It was even happier when I knew that among those three, it was only me and another one that was predicted to PK 1 directly passed. So, the teacher’s prediction, I answered it well.

You know, to pass the exam you had to score average minimum 70, from 12 examiners. Me? My score was 70,93. The other who didn’t pass got 69,97. 0,01 made all the difference. Could you imagine how strict they were? It was just another 0,03 to let one passed, but they didn’t do that. Amongst 100 students in my batch, only 40 made it to the higher level.

The happy days lasted for days and soon be replaced by anxiety. The consequences of passing means I would go back to those hard days. It would even harder.I passed to Pra PK level. It was just like another grade 6 because when you failed here, you had to quit too. Not (too) happy.

Another problem arose when the result came, another news also came that my father was transferred to another province which made all of us had to join him later after school year ended.
I remembered how my mother had been struggling with this. She surely didn’t want all those efforts done to pass to the higher level be wasted like that. It was also a chance that would not come twice in the future. She was very sure once I quit, I would never be able to come back. Not only about ability, but more of my willingness.

She came to my teacher telling the problem and the teacher’s reaction even louder. She strongly opposed the idea of me going there. She even said, she would accompany my mum to meet with the director and asked to postpone my entrance for a year and came back later without doing a test.

It turned out my problem became bigger than it was expected. My mum happened to trap in the directors meeting just to discuss my case. Other director agrees to postpone a year and come back without a test, while another one didn’t. It was pretty tense to finally made a decision. Then, my mum exited the confrence room with a letter signed by the director I was allowed to come back a year later without a test.

So, did I go then? I didn’t. My teacher proposed an idea to my mum that told me to stay and had a private lesson with her for a year to strengthen my skills to be better at the higher level. She said it would be very tough and I was not good enough for it. I might fail again in Pra PK. Better not go and had another year with her. My mum agreed.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed my higher level time much more than previous ones. It was more interesting and maybe it was a proud being in a higher level since not everyone could be there.

In that higher level, the hardest thing was the months before exam. We were pushed to practice like it was the only important thing in the world. Students who were under one teacher will gather twice a week performing in front of each other. The session started at 7 pm and ended around 11 pm or even 12 am. My dear father had to wait for 5 hours sleepyly.

I passed every exam I did quite well. As I said before, I was not a  bright student at all. To be more.honest, amongst 40 people there, my best achievement was only being in the 27th place. I graduated there obtained Judisium B. It was more than enough for me.

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When I was having hard times there, I promised my self that I would never to do such thing to my children later. I would not push them to do something they don’t like and not good at too.

After graduated in 2003, a year later I started teaching at another music school. Then, my mind started changing. I didn’t know before that teaching could be so pleasant. I really loved it. I might be not a good performer, but I dared say my teaching is very far from bad. To add some more, it was so cool having a job you like to do when you were just a first year college student. To have your own money while others still relied on the parents support. Oh, I did too. My parents still paid for my tuition fee. Other than that, I paid with the money I earned.

Slowly one by one, those 13 years of learning started showing its investment return. Not only in term of teaching, but almost in many things I did. Believe it or not, during job interviews I had been through, this piano lesson became a very important thing that got me accepted. Almost every interview asked me about that. Until the very recent interview I had, the 13 years of learning still helped me to nail it.

On a bigger scope, the charm also touches others’ life other than myself. Right after the wedding, le husband entered the first semester of residency, and I just graduated from my master degree and just returned from Hajj. Both of us were jobless. The only thing left was my piano teaching. I was still in the process in few schools at that moment. So, we survived the first sixth months of our marriage solely from my piano teaching salary, which was not much but Alhamdulillah, it was sufficient. Oh! Another thing, it was also this piano that made us closer for the first time. When I think about it, le husband had so many advantages from this thing:))

When Langit came, this piano thing spread its charm even wider. I had to resign from the school, again, the only thing left was piano teaching. I helped my husband, my child, it is the biggest advantage that I feel so grateful.

I am glad that I and everyone made me stayed that time. I am glad I chose to endure more years so I could make it to the highest level and graduated.

If one day Langit read this, I’d like her to know, enrolled, encouraged, supported her mother all the way  to do and survive this piano lesson is the greatest gift that her grand-mother gave to her.

Again, I remind you dear, hard work and patience will never betray. The result goes with you for such a long time.

Posted in The Big Three

Allo, maman..

Dear Bu Gendut,

Beberapa kali pengen banget nulis sesuatu nyeritain apa aja yang Kak Indi mau ceritain. Tapi seringnya ngga jadi. Ntah lagi cape, ilang moodnya, atau ada apa lah sampe akhirnya ngga jadi.

Duh, bu, banyak bener yang pengen diceritain. BANYAKK.
Hari ini semoga bisa beneran selesai.

Kak Indi baru pulang dari Pondok Gede. Hana aqiqah hari ini. Alhamdulillah lancar semua. Pas baca doa bener2 cuma keluarga deket, Alhamdulilah tamu lainnya belum dateng. Kenapa Alhamdulillah? Ya karena sbagian besar yang baca doa, kirim doa buat ibu, ya orang-orang yang bener-bener kenal ibu. Jadi, Insya Allah udah pasti bener ngedoain.

Lega bener hari ini udah selesai.  Hidup sesudah ibu ngga ada, sama sekali ngga gampang. Terutama buat Kak Indi dan Dian. Banyak bener yang kita harus hadepin. Rasanya kadang- kadang sampe mikir, kok berat bener ya. Kadang-kadang. Ngga selalu. Ngeliat semua ke belakang, we’re doing really fine I think. Maksudnya biarpun Ibu udah ngga disini, kita bisa jalanin dan ngurus semua (seringnya) sendiri.

Buat Kak Indi, salah satu achievement yang paling gede itu ngurus Langit sendirian. At least 90% sendirian. Bukan sekedar ngurus sendiri, tapi Alhamdulillah sampe detik ini, selama hampir 9 bulan, Langit selalu sehat, berat tingginya bagus, perkembangannya juga bagus. Selama hampir 9 bulan ini, Alhmdulillah kita ke dokter anak cuma sebulan sekali karena jadwal vaksin. Semoga sehat terus. Amin.

Semua yang bisa Kak Indi kerjain dan urus ya bukan karena siapa-siapa, it’s all thanks to you. Terima kasih karena udah ngedidik dengan sangat baik, yang mana ternyata emang sangat ngga mudah. Semoga Kak Indi bisa ngedidik Langit sebaik ibu.

Keep watching me from up above.

Till then..