It took me sometime to think what to say about this.
But, let’s begin.
During the last few months of my pregnancy I started thinking about many things. Worry actually. So many what ifs occured in my mind.
What if I have to go through c-section in the end?
How can I deal with the pain? And it would surely take almost all of our saving.
What if I have to deal with it alone when the time comes and no one at home and no one be there to help?
What if something happen in the end of pregnancy while it has been quite good so far?
On the least important part, we had prepared a name for the baby but the name was one of a very certain name about the time the baby was born. So, what if people kept asking why name it like that while it wasnt born at that time.
Yep,even i worried about that kind of thing.
What if I really gave birth according to the due date on mid-december while my permission leave only until the end of january? While le husband announced another news that he might be sent out of town for a month in January. How could I even manage it all alone?
This head filled with those fears.
But then, for the countless times in my life, I once again was taught to have a faith, a really strong faith to the one and only, Allah The Al-Mighty, after doing all the best that I could.
It was an incredible journey that my shallow mind couldn’t even think of.
Tuesday, 25 november 2014
It was my check-up routine. The doc said that it was 37 week, the baby’s position was good, but she was still a bit underweight. But since there still would be another few weeks, we had some times to manage. Just eat and wait for the time when she wants to come out, he said. It confirmed that it would be a girl.
So, i tried to eat more even the belly felt already too heavy.
Wednesday,26 november 2014
I went teaching as usual. Then go home. Then, at home i felt something unusual. I felt some pain on my hips like that one I had during period. Then for some short times i feel my tummy was cramped. Firstly, I didnt take it too seriously. But, it was getting often.and hurt. Le husband came and checked. He said it might hurt but its ok. Still nothing about the birth phase. That day, i felt something in my heart. A thought occured that she might want to come on Friday. The best day in Islamic calendar. While there was another thing, that Friday was the last Friday in November, it was the same time when my mum left 2 years ago.
But, it was just my wishful thinking. As the thought occured and the pain is getting worse, I prayed harder that she would come at the best time that Allah chose.
Thursday, 27 November 2014
The pain was no longer there in the morning. So, i still had a thought to go teaching. But, le husband told me not to,just in case. So I dropped it. Then, it was 08.30 when the pain started attacking. Then, it came continously and it was getting worse and worse. It lasted only 30 seconds till a minute, but it was soo hurt when it came.
After dzuhur, I phoned the hospital to register for another check-up on next Tuesday. Then, I asked the nurse too what signs that showed me that I had to go to hospital. Then she asked few questions and my answers were yes. She told me to come.
Even after the phone call, I still had a doubt to go. I told my dad I might ask him to take me to hospital when this pain was getting unbearable. At 13.00, I decided to go. It hurts like i dont know what and too often. At least they can check there and gave me some solution. I still phoned my aunt asked her how to manage this pain when it came. She said nothing. You have to endure it. Well,okay.
I arrived at the hospital at 13.20 and directly being examined by the Emergency unit doctor. Then, she said that it was already step 3. The uterus had opened 3 cm which means that I was already doing the birth phase. It was 1-10. Mine was already 3 and in other words I had to prepare to give birth at the maximum by next morning. So, they didn’t allow me to go home. My dad administered me to the hospital.
I was already in my room at 14.45. I wanted to explain in words how the pain felt at that time, but no idea. All I could do was sitting on a chair next to the bed and hold on to the iron stick next to it and grabbed it so tightly when the pain came. I no longer just squeezed something soft.
At 15.45, the doctor came and checked. It was already on the 4th stage. So he said it might come at 10-11. I was stunned. An hour ago I prepared to do the labour by the next morning, and now it would be just few hours left. I was getting nervous and scare as the pain was stronger and stronger.
At 17.30, the water broke. It means that delivery was very near. The nurses checked and it was 7th stage. They hurrily prepared the delivery room and moved me there. Le husband came with me.
I could remember well how hard to endure the pain. As the stage kept going up, the cramp was getting painful. I think painful sounds too easy. It was true that people said that nothing hurt more than what a woman feels during delivery.
In the delivery room, we had to wait until it was the time to push the baby out. Remembering that time, I am speechless. I just squeeze le husband’s and the nurse’s shirt when the cramp came. Squeezed it like I could tear it.
It took me quite sometimes until I succeed to push the baby out. All people there kept encouraging me to push harder, until at one moment I was almost give up.
It was truly truly painful.
It was at 19.35, Thursday night on 27 November 2014 when Langit Senja Almakirana came. No further explanation.
You know what, my mum left on the last Friday of November 2 years ago. Langit came on the last Friday of November 2 years later. She was truly a gift from up there.
All these process that I’d been through, I realized that we had nothing to do for the result. All we have to do is just doing our best. What happened on that Thursday was beyond my best expectation.
Worry about have c-sect? Not happened.
It usually takes longer for the first child. Two days even some of them have to endure the pain in a week or two. Me? 6 hours.
Worry about how we pay the hospital bill if there’s something wrong? All the doctors who helped the delivery didn’t charge their service at all,even the room. Grace á le husband as fellow doctor.
Me having a wishful thinking that Allah would allow her to come on Friday? Checked, checked, checked. Subhanallah.
Worry how when she came in the morning,night, or even a bright day? It doesn’t fit the name we prepared for her. But, she came very close to it. So, Langit Senja it is.
But, all those things didn’t happen freely. My delivery was quick much more because I’d been moving and doing a lot at home. I cleaned up the bathroom on Monday, brushed the floor while sitting on the chair.
She came on Thursday night (in Islam, a day starts after maghrib.So, thursday night is officially Friday) much more because I read Surah Yassin on the few last months of pregnancy every Thursday night.
I don’t write this to show off anything. But, I truly believed, everything happened above were nothing about coincidence. There were a result of something.
So, dear Langit, may you always be protected and blessed in your entire life. Welcome, my little princess:)
A Penny for My Pensieve 