Category: Uncategorized

Bathroom is often being a place where lots of thinking happened.

This morning, some random circumstances in the family make me come up with this thinking :

” When your skills aren’t even half-good as the talented one, the only thing that left is double your stubborness and work ten times harder. That way you might catch them up. Yes, might. Some people are born with those pure luck who couldn’t be beaten even by the hardest work.

But, one thing to be sure, no talent shows good results without any hard work.”

Happy Sunday!

Something unusual happened last nite. Out of nothing, I had notifications telling me that this blog stats were booming. The last time I checked, there were 147 visitors and 300 views. In one nite.

I have been keeping this blog since 2010, when the internet at home was established. I wrote on diary before for a very long time. Long time means from my elementary years-2010. And I keep all those diaries till now.

I decided to make a blog merely to replace those diaries. I like to re-read them. But, I can do that only at home to keep it safe from others. So, this blog actually only means for my personal record. No one knows until last nite.

A friend from twitter suddenly told me that she just read my blog. It was pretty,well, shocking. I didn’t realize I put the address on my twitter bio. It feels weird to know that people reading my diary -_-

Every social media such blog,twitter,instagram that I have, its purpose is only for my personal record and to enjoy other’s. That is why I don’t follow many people on twitter, instagram, or blog. I also don’t really concern about being followed. I selectively follow certain people whose tweets I enjoy reading and whose pictures I enjoy looking at.

I tweet quite often, post a picture on instagram several times and write whenever I feel like to write on blog. I have no worries that people would read,comment,or judge about my tweets,pictures, or writing.

So, last nite was quite funny for me to know that there were people who viewed and read those ordinary writing.

In spite of what happened last nite, I prefer keep flying low.

Honest or dishonest?

Dishonest : so so. I am fine.

Honest : unhappy. Like much.

Maybe due to exhaustion, boredom, loneliness, dissapointment, and several things lost recently, such as works and me time routine. Meanwhile, endless house works only make it worse.

Sometimes, I feel like trapped here with all those stuff I have to do. I just can ignore it actually, but I can’t.

Update :
It is getting sucker and sucker. If only my mum were still here and healthy, I would not stay here at all.

Never mind the houseworks, I don’t really mind doing all those with very little help. What bothers is that everyone think that I am such a housekeeper.

Won’t go any details. I just want to escape from here. I am tired of everyone’s selfishness.

Having Langit is truly one of the greatest things happen in my life. Several times when I am looking at her, it is a bit hard to believe that this little funny girl, yes, she has many funny faces:)), is truly my daughter.

Few years back then, I had no idea of me having a child, let alone a child, even a marriage was sound too scary. I enjoyed my comfort zone with my family.

The term family now has been altered since I have my own. It reminds me how things really change, or really have to change one day. I never imagine living without my mum before. Having a child without her guiding me. I thought my life will be as I predicted. My world had been turning around since 2 years ago. Life truly happens.

The journey with le husband so far has been fine. Quarel is surely unavoidable. It is impossible not to quarel when he marries me. It has been a tough 2 years with him. Facing all the difficulties here and there, but we made it so far. Tomorrow he will be leaving for Ruteng,NTT for a month. It is the first time we have another LDR after the marriage. Not too pleasant, hoping it will end sooner and well. Amin.

It’s 5 pm and I suddenly remember one of le husband’s old text :

” Is there any slightest chance that you would be the mother of my children?”

My answer was I didn’t know.

4 years later, here I am, writing this before preparing his daughter for afternoon bath..

Pengen nulis pake bahasa Indonesia lagi.

Bulan ini piano udah cuti jadi tinggal sekolah. Minggu ini masuk minggu 36 insya Allah. Semakin deket,semakin deg2an dan.. bosan. Dan itu kayanya buat sumbu makin pendek. Dasarnya emang galak, makin kesini makin galak ternyata. Beberapa hari terakhir kesel terus dan emang ada aja yang ngebuat kesel. Pembenaran? Emang.

Kalo udah agak tenang biasanya browsing lagi. Selama hamil ini, semua keluhan yang dirasain PASTI langsung search di internet. Dan semua ada. Literally semua. Dari yang fisik sampe psikologis, yang artinya ibu-ibu hamil di luar sana juga ngalamin hal yang sama.

Pagi ini abis baca satu posting di blog ibu2 yang nulis betapa beratnya jadi ibu itu. Anaknya dua. Sebenernya banyak baca ada untung ruginya. Di satu sisi bisa belajar mungkin dari orang dan mungkin jadi lebih siap2 lagi atau di sisi lain malah jadi makin parno.

Kaya belakangan ini karena udah sebagian besar di rumah, rajin baca-baca tanda-tanda persalinan, cerita melahirkan orang-orang,dan yang sejenisnya. Selalu meringis tiap baca atau denger cerita orang tentang sakitnya melahirkan. Terus terang sampai hari ini belum bisa men-set pikiran yang bisa sedikit ngurangin rasa takut. Jadi, sementara cuma berdoa tiap solat semoga dikasih kemudahan,kelancaran, kelapangan, dan kesehatan kalo waktunya dateng. Berdoa sih bukan cuma kali ya.

Hal lain adalah sering elus-elus perut sambil ajak ngomong si baby,
” sehat terus ya, kepala udah di bawah aja, biar ibu lebih mudah keluarinnya, ibu sehat, papa sehat, semoga nanti dikasih kuat dan sabar yang banyak untuk nahan sakitnya”

Terus terang, dibanding minta ga sakit, lebih milih minta dikasih kuat dan sabar untuk nghadepin itu. Kayanya lebih realistis aja.

Melahirkan itu satu hal, hari-hari setelahnya itu lain lagi. Udah coba kerjain dan siapin apa yang bisa dikerjain sekarang. Berusaha ngerjain sebisanya dengan sumber daya yang dipunya since I don’t have the luxuries like my mum had 30 years ago.

Luxuries disini maksudnya support system dan bala bantuan. Dulu ibu punya nenek, tante susan, semua om-om, papa, tetangga yang sama2 punya anak kecil dan.bisa diandelin, dan lain lain.

Sekarang, ibu ngga ada, mamanya bintang pun jauh, tante susan jauh, tetangga deket pun bisa dibilang ngga ada yang bisa diminta tolong, uang ada dan cukup meskipun dibilang leluasa pun ngga karena pak dokter sekolah dan sekarang udah cuti di piano yang artinya berkurang pemasukan sementara pengeluaran bertambah.

Ini ngeluh apa bukan sih maksudnya? Ya apapun itu deh namanya, cuma perlu cerita aja. Biar nanti-nanti kalo dibaca lagi kapan-kapan bisa inget semua yang udah dilaluin.

Jadi, siap-siap ya buat petualangan selanjutnya. Semoga dimudahkan, dilancarkan dan selalu sehat. Amin!

Not a song title. But it is literally rain a lot in this month. This also the month when my mum left 2 years ago.

Have been gloomy these days. Either it is pregnancy hormonal or others, I become quite teary. Lack of sleep might cause this too. Some days, it really frustrates me for not being able to sleep, while still have to wake up early and prepare everything.

My mum, she often said long time ago that everything will be much harder when it is my turn to live my life. She meant a real life. And it turns out to be true. It is truly a hard work and tough. I wont bragging about things that I should be grateful for. I want to point out that it is truly not easy.

When your life is not only about you. When you have to put others’ needs above yours, when you have to take care almost everything while at the same time you have your work too. It has been not easy at all, especially to make everyone is happy.

My life after my mum left so far has been spent to take care others’ stuff. Sometimes it is so tiring and ngeselin. While everyone in the house can just do their own bussiness outside, go home, have some rest and repeat the same thing everyday.

I miss my selfish years..

I have been wondering what kind of mother I would be later. I haven’t been talk about you a lot during these months while other moms must have been writing almost every thing about their baby once they knew their pregnancy.

But, it doesn’t mean that I am less happier than those moms. I am beyond happy that you are here. Especially last few months, I have sensed your presence well since you have been kicking here and there for couple of times. It has been funny, you know;))

You have been verrryyy good to me. You allow me to work well enough, do the houseworks, did my sunnah and Ramadhan fasting, even you help with Syawal fasting. I really hope we can continue to work together nicely like this:D

Me and dad have not been meeting you since last June, and I am really looking forward to meeting you hopefully next week insya Allah. I have done the blood test since the doctor said that I have to do that before meeting him again. You know I am extremely afraid of doctor,hospital,and all the things related to it. Oh, your father is a doctor I know, but to me, he is nothing about a doctor. He is my husband,hehe.
But,since I really want to know how you are doing there, I did the blood test yesterday. Hope everything is fine. Amin.

So, please keep healthy,be good, and see you soon:*♥