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Parents : from a daughter’s view

Back in many years ago, a little girl swore, that one day, if she would become a mother, she would never, n.e.v.e.r., treat her child(ren) as her parents treat them.

She really could not understand about so many things that her parents did to her, and her siblings.

Why were they so strict?

Why did she has to make schedule just to watch TV?and only can choose certain shows.

Why did she has to learn every night?

Why did she has to do the scary, yet suffering piano course?with all those scary and strict teachers. yet, practice it every day. Practiced all the songs that she would never really master. Coped up with those talented students. For 13 consecutive years. From age 5 till 18. No break.

She asked this and got an answer : “Finish what you have started”. Yet, some (good) luck favored her in this thing.

Why could not she have pocket-money to buy any snack in the school canteen as other children did everyday?Instead, she had to bring her own snack and lunch, which sometimes she was quite ashamed of, because she almost never went to the canteen?

Why didn’t they buy her those branded shoes and bag, as her friends had?and even judged someone from what shoes he/she wore.

Why couldn’t she have that cute baby-g watch as it was being trend in her school?instead, they bought her a simple watch and answered her question : “Do u know what is the function of watch?to show you the time?Has ur watch do that for u?Yes, it has. So, what else?”.

Why did they never buy her and her siblings those video games, Nintendo, or any other games that their friends often talk about in the school?

Why did they never allow her to hang out with her friends to the mall during weekend?

Why did they never allow them to go to any school events after school?

Why did they never send them to the school by their own car like her parents’ friends did?

Why did she never have birthday party at school like her friends?

Why did they give so many rules, set so many standards, and yet, hardly ever give some rewards?

Why did they restrict her of having any relationship along the junior, senior, high school, yet even university?While several boys had asked her in junior and senior high school. Even some of her friends had a boyfriend since primary school. She couldn’t really understand why.

And so many why in her head till she really swore she will be a very nice mother someday, unlike her parents.

As the years gone by, one by one, she started to see everything more clearly.

All of those things that her parents did, bring too many good things for her.

She experienced it most started from her college years. Clearly see the difference between her parents product and other parents’.

Clearly see the characters nurtured from her parents made distinct differences comparing to others. Not at all a perfect one, but it was just different.

She had already a job, real job with a contract from a very good music school in her first year of university. Which wouldn’t be happen if her mother didn’t really really insist her to finish her 13 years of music studies. while others students still depended on their parents’ money.

She had a Straight A without having to attend English class, because she scored good in the TOEFL prediction test. Which wouldn’t happen if their parents didn’t pay and send her to a good English course. Which other students had to struggle and attend the English class, yet, not obtained an A.

She became a lecturer assistant in her third year. Which wouldn’t happen, if her parents didn’t teach her the habit of learning and achieving good score in her study. While other students could not have the same chance, either because they didn’t meet the requirement or they could not pass the test

She had been asked to teach Iqra for her house-owner children, since they know that she used to teach and able to teach. Which wouldn’t happen if her parents did not push her to learn Qur’an with their private teacher every week, from elementary until university, continuously.

Straight from her first year until she finished her study, several men had asked her, not merely to be their girlfriend, but straightly saying that they wanted to her to be their future wife. More, although she refused it all, they were willing to wait. literally wait. at least for some years.

After graduated, she chose to work in a school, as she had wanted since long. to become a primary teacher. She had done a good work in the school, good appraisal evaluation, selected as one of the favorites teacher in teacher’s day, obtained the highest score in the school during the teachers test from the ministry, and so on. Which could not happen without all of her parents effort, values nurtured, since her childhood.

She had a very good financial condition, several accounts, including Hajj account, and even a dollar accounts with a very good amounts for an early 20s girl. Which could not happen if her parents did not teach her saving money. Saving was one thing, taught her to manage it was another thing. If other children had given daily/weekly money by their parents, not with hers. They gave her monthly, and asked them to manage it well. No asking for more money, unless for school needs. Even they had given her a debit card, from the first year of junior high school.

And with those money, she had been able to travel abroad to several countries, pay half of the Umra fee, and paid half of her postgraduate school fees, and above all, paid her fees of Hajj registration in her 24, which will depart insya Allah soon.

…..The pride is priceless.

There are so many more to write.

Along these years, she change her mind a lot. Instead of thinking that she does not want to be the same parents as hers, she started thinking if she doesn’t want to be like them, then like who?

While all the evidence is there. Prove how her parents really done well in raising their children.

While she might haven’t been able to do half of what her parents had done to her future child(ren).

They might not be the best parents in the world, but they truly the best parents she could ask for.

Now, the thought of not being able to be as great as her parents really despise her.

If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.
Brian Tracy quotes (American television host)

“The deeds of the children are a testament to the upbringing they received from their parents”.

CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI, Brisingr

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Another (most) favorite thing

I can’t remember when you weren’t there
When I didn’t care for anyone but you
I swear we’ve been through everything there is
Can’t imagine anything we’ve missed
Can’t imagine anything the two of us can’t do

Through the year, you’ve never let me down
You turned my life around, the sweetest days I’ve found
I’ve found with you … Through the years
I’ve never been afraid, I’ve loved the life we’ve made
And I’m so glad I’ve stayed, right here with you
Through the years

I can’t remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear you’ve taught me everything I know
Can’t imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more

Through the years, through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had, I’ve always been so glad
To be with you … Through the years
It’s better everyday, you’ve kissed my tears away
As long as it’s okay, I’ll stay with you
Through the years

Through the years, when everything went wrong
Together we were strong, I know that I belonged
Right here with you … Through the years
I never had a doubt, we’d always work things out
I’ve learned what love’s about, by loving you
Through the years

Through the years, you’ve never let me down
You’ve turned my life around, the sweetest days I’ve found
I’ve found with you … Through the years
It’s better everyday, you’ve kissed my tears away
As long as it’s okay, I’ll stay with you
Through the years!

Kenny Rogers-Through The Years

I love it. From the very first hearing, back in my junior high school. Each words. I can’t help smiling when i’m reading those words and humming this song.

It has all the best of a song can be. The lyrics, the melody, as well as the singer. And most of all, it is absolutely heart warming.

Definitely my all time favorite:)

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So long..

It feels like years that i haven’t written anything.

Currently in my last chapter here. I have been enjoying (maybe) the longest holiday in my life. I just hope it will finish well and , maybe again soon.

I just have two un-answeres questions while i am here :

– Why, can not we have such good transportation system back in my country?while almost all these jiran countries have those already. I never could understand.

– Why, the language become so differ than ours?the accent , which i found sometimes is quite annoying, while it came from the same root?

Never mind.

However, this year would also be one of the most exciting and memorable year.

Having another degree, will travel again insya Allah on September and having another birthday there (amin,amin, amin), and another big(gest) plan in the end of the year, Insya Allah.

Still have not any clear direction where to go from here. I hope i’ll just find the right place along the way. the only thing i care about is finding the way to my constant stomachaches destinations. It’s absolutely a guilty pleasure to read those blogs and searching for promo tickets, click any dates, and see how much it cost,hehe.

I just believe i’ll be there someday,let’s keep it in mind and have some faith.

Till then…

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Deactivated from home

So I’m back here. Struggling with this school stuff.

Trying my best to solve all the (small-but-annoying-my-mind) problems and alhamdulillah, slowly, they are all done. But, i haven’t solved one of the most important one which can affect all the plans ahead. Dear Allah, please help me..

I miss home even more than the first semester.

and having a very strong drive to go home on october

(It rhymes, doesn’t it?)

Then i realise one thing

Travel and being far from home teach us to understand how priceless family and friends are

and

to see where our truly home is

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Counting down

Every minute passed toward that particular date always make me feel hard to catch enough air to breathe. Yeah, I’m exaggarating this, i know. But, seriously, it is. I want that coming late as much as i want it coming soon.

I have tens of worryness and i feel like to release it as soon as possible. Do my best and may Allah would help the rests, as always. Amin.

Bon courage!

What worries you, masters you. – John Locke-

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Searching…

I’ve been searching for something lately.

How?

By reading tens of wedding blogs these days. I did find what I’ve been searching for, but, then i find my self even feel worse than before.

I’ve been searching for something that can assure me that a marriage is another (my) next best thing. I found it is, in those blogs that i’ve read.

But then I find my self worrying lots of others thing. Because instead of being sure, I really feel doubt about everything.

Me..

Him..

Us..

My Family..

His Family..

Our Plan..

It seems like a scatter plan. While I also have another worryness about my study. I dont know whether it would be a good news or a bad one if that U** offer me a place there. .

If it is, I’m not sure having a longer and longer distance relationship..

A-once-more break-up?well…

Sometimes i really want to throw it up.

and to take my head off..

Dear Allah..

I really need help. Please, show me the (right) way. I absolutely feel utterly lost…

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Why..

I stop running

But i feel tired…

I stop swimming

But I feel like drowning..

I have what I’ve asked for

But I feel like getting rid of it..

I’m an audience

But I feel exhausted as if I’m the performer..

I’m 26 and I feel nothing..

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Nice one..

Mencintai itu.. kadang mengumpulkan segala tabiat menyebalkan dari seseorang yang kau cintai..

Memakinya..

Merasa tak sanggup lagi menjadi yang terbaik untuknya dan berpikir tak ada lagi jalan kembali..

Tetapi tetap saja kau tak sanggup benar-benar meninggalkannya..

(Muhammad, sebuah novel)