Whinnings and The Cure

• On reading many samples book on google play,

“So many interesting books, so limited budget”.

• After reading and watching some videos about the best education around the world,

“Is it really possible to catch up with these kids with our current old style/conventional school/method? If yes, when?”

• On dealing with this lockdown (by schedules, by closure, by anxiety, worry, and whatever),

“Were that London days real? Why these three months feel like forever?Why being grateful feels so hard these days?”

• Being with the little girl 24/7 without break, being her teacher in every subject, it starts getting more suffocating. But, witnessing how her language seems regressing, it made me whine louder.

“I want break. Proper break. I am so tired.

Also me,

“Where else should I search for therapists? What do I miss?”

Whinning changes nothing.

But, there are times that I don’t want to hear any flowery words and just embrace the hard days as they are. To complain. To not compare what I have with what others dont. To feel as low as it can be. To drop everything and just doing nothing.

(Maybe) I’ll pick up myself better tomorrow.

Or next week. So I thought.

It turns out there is something bigger than my whinnings and it makes the hard days feel slightly better.

The daily habits.

No matter how hard it is, I no longer could stop myself of waking up at 4.30 and ready for breakfast.

No matter how shitty it feels, I couldn’t stop myself to do the least morning routines : reading and piano lesson with the little girl.

No matter how low it seems, I couldn’t stop myself from doing afternoon exercise with Heather. Even it’s only for 20 minutes.

No matter how messy I look, I couldn’t stop myself from tidying up the house, cleaning the sink from dishes, and start preparing meals for next days.

Last but not least, pressing the publish button in this app.

The good habits build during good days saved myself during the bad ones.

For countless times.