Posted in Life happens, Thoughts

To The Smallest Details II

Above was last year writing and recently I (or we) had been experiencing how life has always been carefully precisely designed by The Best Planner and Designer.

Education is my obsession and apparently Allah matched me with someone with the same or even more intense level of obsession. We as parents and individuals really enjoy spending time thinking, searching, curating, and executing any trainings that we want to pursue, or we just like.

There are recent several big and small things that dumbfounded me of how Allah really takes everything that we want seriously.

I once casually said, but, wholeheartedly, since we couldn’t send little girl to where the Chinese kids study, let’s go where they train. In her music school, I notice there are certain small circles with specific teacher which consist of students with different level of skills and achievements. Then, the more I observe, their parents were actually my fellows back in YPM years. That even makes more sense.

These kids not only pursue things inside the school, but also things outside their school. Then, I said to her father casually, “how we could join them in training?”.

I actually don’t have any idea at all. I don’t want to exercise my audacity for this.

That’s the first circumference.

On the other lane, since last year, we changed her ABRSM teacher from one online in Spain to an offline one coming to our house once a week. Considering her current level, an online teacher is no longer sufficient to achieve the level’s requirements. Someone has to show it in front of her face.

We had been searching for suitable offline teachers for months. Contacted several but, on none returned the call. Until one did last November. We had the trials and so far we have been quite satisfied with what she brings.

Then, here’s where things get really fun(ny).

Last two weeks, this teacher texted me whether my daughter wanted to join a concert in one of the recital halls in town. Not a huge one, but a very decent one and it’s located only 20 mins drive from our home. We once went there too to watch an orchestra.

I said I was interested and signed up right away. Last week, we attended the practice and saw the small-circle teacher mentioned above during the practice session. Not only that, but we also met my fellow student since early years, she also happened to be a fellow doctor. This friend’s daughter also joined the concert.

Small world story is always fun(ny).

The concert will be held in two sessions and we asked to be included on the second one.

Few days ago, the offline teacher sent me the rundown of the concert and I couldn’t help laughing silently.

Many of the names on the second sessions consist of the small circle students that I said I wanted my daughter to join.

All of these were too absurd to be called a coincidence. I just said casually, in my own mother language, “gimana sih join circle itu, yang serius-serius gitu latihannya dan rapi bgt mainnya?”. But I did nothing to pursue it. Not desperate enough to do something about it. Just a simple wishful thinking to improve my daughter’s skill and character.

I once read a thread that relying on human logic only is the most illogical thing a human can do. The truth is, we should put our best effort into ourselves, but tie the result to something bigger than our own limitations. To One Who Is Limitless. That’s actually the right logic for doing well in life.

This is jsut a story among many that keeps proving many things in life is really possible if you really want to and with Allah’s permission.

I reached a point where I needed to warn myself to be really careful, yet remain utterly hopeful about everything I asked.

Because it can be fulfilled,

To the smallest details.

PS : I wrote this few days ago. Today’s is the concert day and everyone keeps saying how beautiful her playing was. Alhamdulillah.

Posted in Thoughts

A Thriving Adult

This grade 5 has been a year with the most heart thumping journey in primary school. All the new experiences of being a parent really shake many things inside. It makes me question myself more and practices that I have been doing in raising my daughter.

I wrote a post with a long caption two years ago while we were traveling to Munich and with a view of Munich Central Station. It’s about being an adult. I remembered writing a similar tone post six years ago, while the baby was still a toddler.

What I also learned in this journey, knowing what to do doesn’t mean you know how to do it. It takes so much energy and effort to apply what you know in real life. To turn theory into practice in many things in life, the more it is aligned with your identity and belief, the easier it becomes.

Prof Qurais Shihab once said, “it’s easy to change your opinion, but it’s never easy to change you belief”. With knowledge you can change your opinion, but to change your iman? Good luck for that.

I read bulk of parenting books, journals, anything. I might have consumed more than average parents in this country, even before the child was here. Does it make me a better parent?

Clearly not.

More knowledgable maybe yes.

Better one? I even feel cringe for saying that.

What I realized I might need enough knowledge but I need strong and bold iman to go to the right direction.

Knowing the journey towards teenager years won’t get easier, I really need to prepare myself better. My current tagline becomes : intense belajar, endless istighfar, dan semoga selalu sabar di jalan yang benar. May Allah make it easier.

Here’s what I wrote two years ago :

Being an adult is hard.

That’s a bare minimum to be a functional one.

To be a well-rounded one in every aspect, then it will be many times harder and I realize only few could achieve this.

I am not talking about any achievements, titles, or anything that could label for someone as a successful adult.

I am talking about the hardship of living day to day to life, doing multiple roles as an adult.

It’s not about what you do for a living. You can be anything and it will be as well hard for everyone. Just different theme of hard.

It really takes a huge amount of emotional intelligence to be an adult.

Without that, it’s hard to survive life that is about :

Moving from one problem to another.

Dealing with one plot twist to the next one.

Facing series of unexpected challenges yet still have to be firm and act like show must go on.

No matter who you are, what you do, the emotional skills set needed to be an adult is pretty much the same.

Discipline. Endurance. Persistence . Perseverance. Tranquility. Creativity. Commitment . Last but not least, for me personally, spirituality.

A successful adult can’t be determined by good scores on the report card, kind of trophies on the shelf, or lists of competitions or achievements on the paper.

A ‘successful’ kid doesn’t equal to a successful adult.

Based on real life observations and situations, the price of having a successful kid is too expensive if the trade is having an adult who fails to thrive.

Maybe, being an (successful) adult means fully understand there’s no shortcut, if you want to do and have things the right way.

Choose your hard is the only way to go in adult life and every choice comes with consequences.

You have to fight yourself for the countless time, to keep afloat, to stay safe and sane, amidst the pain, chaos, and confusion.

This view in Munich Central Station after office hours shows that no matter where you are, the conclusion is pretty much the same :

Being an adult is hard.

So, there’s no way we don’t give proper training when we raise one.

Especially when you’re coming from some countries who don’t give you any privileges to make adult life slightly easier.

Posted in Life happens, Thoughts

Documenting Feelings and The Most Important Blessing

This april has been running with different kind of mixed feelings.

It reminds me of few periods of life in the past. In 2012 where many important milestones and events took place throughout year and in 2019 during the big moving . Torn between so many feelings daily. Sometimes intense, sometimes calm, sometimes I felt like I have been doing everything to the smallest detail, another time I feel like doing too much and I shouldn’t be doing it that way. Like constantly operating with emotional rolleecoaster ride.

I remembered the excitement and the anxiety, they were taking over each other daily. Like the visualization of Inside Out movie where Joy and her other friends were fighting inside.

Pre-night sleep spent by having mental and internal talk show inside the head. Creating many scenarios, imagining many different ifs, and last but not least, questioning if this was even real.

The same event experienced in my 20s, 30s, and 40s might be giving the similar feeling, but, it is all dealt with different insight and mindset . In some ways, life really humbles us as we grow older.

The feeling of entitlement in the 20s thinking something happens because we strive for that has been replaced by the assurance in the 40s that it all happened only and only because Allah allows it. Our efforts matter, but it’s not the main reaaon why it came to our way. The good and the bad.

This is maybe what the scholars said about life as a moslem is series of sabr and shukr, patience and gratitude. What amazes me more, this is exactly what the dua mentioned in the Quran once we turn 40, in Al-Ahqaf : 15.

The funny thing, there is similar dua in An-Naml : 19 that I knew for the first time in my first year of university and has become my favorite since then . This is the dua of one of the prophets. The prophets have their own dua and it’s all beautiful. But, my number one favorite has always been Prophet Sulaiman AS of 27:19 which is similar to 46:15.

In 27:19 it said :

So he smiled, amused at her speech; and he said: “O my Lord! so order me that I may be grateful for Thy favours, which thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may work the righteousness that will please Thee: And admit me, by Thy Grace, to the ranks of Thy righteous Servants.”

In 46:15 it said :

At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, “O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam.”

Above all the different kind of feelings fighting inside, I have been praying and hoping that gratitude is one of the feelings that conquer all the emotions for the past two decades.

Not only because it’s another promised in the Quran that gratitude will make us be given more, but, more importantly, the ability to be grateful alone is the most valuable blessing more than the blessing itself, as both dua mentioned. It doesn’t ask for specific blessing but the ability to be thankful.

Isn’t it beautiful?

——————

This is an additional writing the following day. There’s one thing that always happens until I have certain slogan : “the right book will always find you at the right time”. Apparently it’s the similar case to Quran verses, so the alternative for the quote is, “The right verse will find you at the right time”.

Here’s the last verse discussed on Saturday Quran lesson with Kak Isna :

The right verse will find you at the right time

This is also a closing Saturday Quran session for 1447H season.

Alhamdulilah.

Posted in Thoughts

Learn History

The answers to these questions are far more important than knowing “gajinya brapa”.

History is compulsory to understand the future.
To build a better and strong future with someone, you need to study the past comprehensively. Where they come from, who they grow up with, what kind of lifestyle they family lead, how much it fits with yours growing up and the chance of having it better in the future. Even doing this doesn’t guarantee the result you expect

Done with studying the past, observe the present.
More than knowing the number earned, see what those numbers become. High earning doesn’t mean better if it’s spent without clear purposes.

High in numbers means high in problems without having the right money mindset.
But, so does the low. Low in numbers without having the right money mindset, most of the cases, will bring you lower as you’re getting older.

Getting older is unavoidable and it’s expensive, again, in number and in many senses. Choosing someone to grow old with is a huge challenge of adulthood which no schools ever teach us this.

As choosing middle school is getting closer with still no clear answers, I am wondering, “why schools rarely teach the real important thing the kids need in life?”

Posted in Life happens, Thoughts

This Friday :One Step for A Milestone

This Friday, we managed to take one enormous step toward another essential family goal that had been started four years ago.

It feels scary, overwhelming, and incredible all at once. Looking at such numbers, it gave me goosebumps to see, countless times, how Allah made many things possible beyond calculation.

Life over the past ten years has been quite hard to explain and make sense of. The ups and downs, the highs and lows, they were all incredibly amazing. The Best Life Planner and Designer beautifully crafted every detail.

The roads we have traveled are rarely easy. In fact, there have always been external and internal situations to deal with throughout the years we asked for and pursued huge things in life.

Since I really get used to dealing with hard things, I feel insecure and think it’s fishy when things are easy😅.

What keeps me grounded is knowing and comprehending that in Islam, trials don’t always look like turbulence. It can be disguised in many forms, including what we see as blessings.

Tried my best not to tie everything we received to the efforts we have made. I feel more peace when I reframe things and zoom out, giving credit where it’s truly due. Not because of our efforts, not because of our good deeds, but it’s simply because Allah has always been The Most Merciful and the Most Powerful to allow us to make it and be where we are. Efforts and good deeds matter at some point; doing our math right is important, but they don’t make much difference without His approval.

In pursuing many of my life goals from my 20s through the 40s, those are when I experience the lessons of tauhid in real life. In witnessing how this life journey sails, I experience how the wind brings us to many ports and stops to allow us to fetch a bit of this and that, lessons here and there, then brings us to where we are supposed to be, more often than not, it has always been better than the initial request.

Bismillah for everything onwards. May Allah make it easy and keep us on the straight path, protect us at every step of the way, and throughout the journey.

Amin. Amin. Amin.

A constant reminder

In my own words

Posted in Thoughts

From Hobby to Obligatory

I always like questioning what things to do next. Maybe for just the sake of entertaining the brain because it can’t stand being idle without having nothing to think.

I sometimes wonder if I actually really like reading or I just need some escape. It’s one thing that stimulates my brain and makes my mind think. Void inside or outside is something that human rarely can stand. But, it’s still valid to say it as my hobby since I read often and many.

People often say turn your hobby into a job so you don’t feel like working. I beg to differ.

Having reading as a hobby is totally different than doing it as paid work.

Doing cooking as a hobby is completely different game than when one is doing it for work. It reminded me of one story of a man who opened a small warung for her mom, whose cooking was great and he thought it can turn the skill into some income.

The warung only lasted for four days. Cooking is one thing, turning it into bussiness takes more than a mere good cooking skill.

I think we should having separate rooms between hobby and work, unless we are ready for a bigger commitment to turn it into work. Hobby is something that we do for ourselves, anytime we want, however and whatever we like. Not much responsibility for doing or not doing it.

A paid job is obligatory. Even if you really like doing it, once money involved, it’s no longer a hobby. When commitment and responsibility are involved, we have to deliver properly.

A few jobs I held for a long time turned out to be things I didn’t really like doing. But those are things that paid my bills and that I also need (like the small business we run).

For the past nine years, showing up and doing the work daily, according to SOP that has been set from the beginning, it might sound mundane above the paper, but, nine years is such a long time if I looked back from where we started.

I have built a quite solid SOP and team that can operate daily without my physical presence. One of my favorite success stories was that I once kept this going for 1,5 years from 12.000 km away, with a 6-7 hours time difference. That took a lot of courage and determination to do.

(I really admired how courageous and bold I was in my 20s and 30s. Why does it seem to be fading in my 40?)

These nine years showed me I have the mentality, but the capabilities turned out to be another story. Starting something new and better requires more than just a mentality. At some point, I conclude that one needs a certain amount of extroversion to run a successful business.

Not necessarily personal branding, but you need to put yourself out there, dealing with people directly and regularly, which is a weakness of mine.

Still looking and wandering for now. I just hope it’s not about getting lazy.

Some guide in choosing a hobby.

Posted in Thoughts

Halfway Through Ramadan

Writing this outside Brawijaya Mosque waiting for the doctor and my daughter doing tarawih while I am being an outsider, sandals watcher, and a mosquito slapper.

This Ramadan feels weird (It’s been like that since 2020). Knowing the third WW has been rolling while real life keeps going is the strangest feeling of all. Reading the previous WWR history, I had always wondered what kind of parallels life in other parts of the world while it happened? It felt surreal to really live it. Actually, life has always been surreal since 2020, getting worse in 7 Oct 2023 up until now.

On the personal level, the hardest thing in Ramadan is no longer about the refraining from eating, drinking, or anything else.
It’s restricting screen time and replacing it with the most important thing Ramadan is about.

Last year, I managed to tick the goals of memorising four new juz amma surahs so I can have more varied readings in tarawih and tahajud. But, this year, been trying to get a new one since few months before, still struggling with no progress. I read and watched other people experiences and I learned that in Ramadan, reading is strongly suggested than memorising. So, it’s encouraged to read as much as you can.

I love reading Quran, but, I can’t do it for long.
I can’t stand reading Quran long without knowing the translation. I have the motivation, but, as always, motivation without system will always be failed.

So this year, I moved my Quran to the place where my phone is. Every after prayer time, still in my mukena, I sit in this chair picking my phone. Now, with the Quran right next to it, it changed something slowly.

The brain starts picking what’s (on the) right first. Endurance of reading Quran feels like enduring workout. You just have to start and once you start, you keep wanting doing more. One more page feels just like one more repetition.

I started this regime few weeks before Ramadan. Halfway through Ramadan, it works more than I expected. Never underestimate the power of designing your environment to the change of habit.

Screen time is a hard battle to overcome and the more you fight, the most likely you will lose.
But, with a bit of change in system and visual awareness, it helps me to replace and balance it with something else. I also did all the target few weeks before for habituation.

Compared to others who manage to finish Quran several times during Ramadan, what I do is surely nothing. I just remind myself that I am competing with my own laziness, with my previous Ramadan, not with others.

It has always been mixed feelings when it’s halfway through Ramadan. I love Ramadan wholeheartedly since early up until my forty. The many obvious ane inexplicable joy it brings, the most looking forward event of the year.

May Allah allow us to strive for the best for the last leg of Ramadan. Amin.

17 Ramadan 1447H.

Posted in Thoughts

It Starts with The End

Being a mother is personally life changing experience.

It makes me question everything I have been through growing up, as a daughter, as an adult and as a wife.

It makes me read and learn more to answer those questions.

I observe people lives intensely growing up and I wrote it down. Sometimes it makes me feel like a villain character from a thriller movie.

My to-go life hack has always been : think-read-think-read some more-wait-looking for alternatives-wait-bismillah execute.

The speed always depends on consequences and the hassles it brings. Some things take days, other take weeks or months, some specifc things takes years.

I thought life runs linearly until my mid 20s. When I arrived at certain milestones, then, why it wasn’t as I thought it is? But, I still operated with the similar mindset.

Until my daughter arrived and many many life changing things happened after she came. Then, I realized, it doesn’t work like that, so I started reorganizing, my thought, my life, and my execution.

Raising a human being turned out to be the hardest training in decision making. So little time, so much to do, and it needs backward thinking.

In writng a great fiction, the writer starts with the end. It’s the most important thing to consider. Without knowing how it ends, it’s hard to write a story a highly coherent story. This one reason makes Harry Potter is one of the greatest literatures ever made.

Raising a human being works like that too. Without having clear end goals, we will raise them as we were being raised or following the crowd without knowing why we do what we do.

I am mindful woman above the paper, but to be a mindful mother, the training is brutal and it’s not getting easier as I am getting older and she’s growing up.

With everything that has been currently happening and going around outside, it’s even more important to be more intentional and thoughtful on to how we raise our children.

I always say repeatedly, May Allah make it easy, and I really really mean it now more than ever.

12 Ramadan 1447H

Posted in Thoughts

How to Live

Ramadan Mubarak!

It’s been a hectic week since last week with the highest peak yesterday. Alhamdulilah.

Few months ago, I wrote long and gloomily after dealing with so many social projects and problems last year, I felt like slowly losing myself. Dealing with so many people problems pushed me to have parallel social interactions and it gave me burnout. Some were big problems and without I realized, it consumed me emotionally. Like I was drowning in their problems and boy, it was so hard to get out of there.

Starting the beginning of this year, I radically pulling myself out and Alhamdulillah slowly returning to home.

There’s one thing I just realized recently after joining few volunteers organizations, online classes for myself and my daughter, running the tiny bussiness for the past nine years, dealing with people problems, and new classes enrollment with coaches.

I could only learn, work, and strongly connected with people who take me (and my daughter) seriously, and take themselves/their life seriously too.

It explains why I only survived certain volunteer for 6 months, while thriving in another for 3 years.

It explains why many of Langit teachers couldn’t last for few months and only very few lasts for years.

It explains why some students can work from their first semester up to the last one in our store, while few only lasts few months.

It also explained why I survived 13 years in YPM despite having no talent, yet, I tried my best. Because all my teachers took me seriously.
My grade 6 teacher made me sit for 3 hours just to make one single ornament right, every single week.

I grew up surrounded by the people who took me seriously as a child, and I just realized how significant it was to my adulthood life. Most of them weren’t even family. Sometimes it’s family who don’t take you seriously.

So, when I quit and cut something, I quit and cut fast, because if the other party is not on the same level of commitment, I don’t want to waste my energy.

This is also applicable in any kind ships done. Be it partnership, relationship, or friendship.

In my 40s, I become more unapologetic in putting boundaries to whoever and whatever drains my energy uselessly. Be it friends or family. Because, really, some people truly don’t want to change, and there’s nothing you can do about that.

Once heard someone say, “If someone thinks you are too much or intense, maybe because they are too basic”.

This is nothing about arrogance, but I have been through a lot of period where I offered sincere helps without expecting anything in return other than to see little progress and change. Then, I realized, change is not and will never be my authority and how limited my power is. It returns my peace and stability and finally chooses to just wait and see.

6 Ramadan 1447H

Posted in Books, Thoughts

Another Book to Answer (Big) Questions

I just finished a book that answered some questions in the post above and many unanswered ones for years.

I thought to understand human behavior what we need to study is psychology and economic.

Those two might help us to understand the behaviors, but after reading this book, the foundation of understanding all human behavior lies in studying Quantum Physics.

Furthermore, it even helped me to understand one of the most difficult chapters in six pillars of faith, Qada and Qadr.

I have always been a polygamous reader who read a lot and anything. But, this is the first time a book about physics is really captivating until I keep returning to some pages and made me doing long inhale exhale and stare after finishing it.

Truly a recommended read

The joy of being a reader : one book always leads you to many others.