The past few days have been the weirdest period in this year Ramadan. Everything happened so quickly and so hard to believe it’s really happening.
It felt so similar with same thing happened during Ramadan six years ago, with much bigger scale. It gave me goosebumps and brought me to many disbelief, confused mind, and constantly asking how could it happen so quickly?
It felt surreal a simple visit to a place could change a life trajectory for the next years above. The past four days have been the days when I woke up with certain specific thing in mind and continous pleading for anything that could tell us if it wasn’t the right (to do). But, just like what happened four years ago, there were none.
Despite the doubts that scattered everywhere, things escalated quickly in a good way, (too quickly if I may say). We slept it out and kept looking intensely, revisiting few times, instead of the feeling wanted to withdraw, it pulled us to the other side. It brought us closer to it until at certain point, we decided that this might be the time.
With countless bismillah, finally sealed the deal last night.
It is frightening, honestly.
Since we return from London, this is something that we thought might be happening within four to five years later. We had the plan, have been religiously doing the works to get there, but no slightest idea to execute such life changing decision, like now.
It felt surreal how life could bring something that you know it is on the way but fully certain and understand it is still quite far away. It’s pretty shocking when it is suddenly show up in front of your door, knocking so hard, screaming so loud, asking to be let in.
It feels like experiencing the famous The Alchemist quote in reality. The past four days have been the period of having countless universe conspirations that made us closer to the thing we’re too afraid of dream having right now, yet it is really here.
I am still in another period of countless self-talking “Is it real? Is it really okay?”. The last previous similar situation also happened three years ago.
I have been experiencing many little joy that Ramadan brings. It has always been the most wonderful time of the year. But, to experience and receive such enormous ‘present’ in front of our door, Although it comes with long term consequences, yet I couldn’t help asking, how could this be?
Last night was just a tiny step among many thousands more to come that we should face in the future.
Buckle up and,
Bismillah.
Dark living room, 02.53 AM, 26 Ramadan 1443 H
A Penny for My Pensieve 