After The Funeral

This is not about a book from Agatha Christie.

Unavoidably, the last few days had been spent by witnessing one of historical events happened this year. The passing of the longest monarch who had been around for almost 100 years was not something that we would see again in our lifetime.

Instead of feeling sad about the passing queen, or admiring the long queue of people who were voluntarily standing for hours to pay their respects, what made me relate more to this event was the aftermath. Something that would be experienced by the the closest family, whose life would be greatly affected by such big loss.

I am talking about that empty feeling after the funeral. Certain emotion that hit you after dealing with loud funeral with so many people around then returning to silent home.

Day one after funeral would be the hardest because you’re entering a new different life. A day without your loved one that had always been around. You felt her/his presence everywhere and tears would be flowing easily in any situation that reminds you of her/him.

There were days when you kept questioning yourself whether this was real or not. There were days and nights when you suddenly woke up in the middle of sleeping or just looking around your home trying to accept that she was no longer here.

Even there were times when you were outside, for me it was driving, when suddenly emotional breakdown attacked. You might want to find some available parking spot so you could cry for a while because it was too dangerous to keep going.

We would grieve less and less as the time goes by, but it would never go away. Life goes one with a huge void inside the heart that would remain forever.

A page from Tuesday with Morrie explained it well :

It is the tenth year from the biggest plot twist of my life in 2012, no single Friday passed without thinking about the day I lost my mother.

“Grief is the price we pay for love”

Indeed.