Two Decades

Two high schoolers met in 2002 without knowing the dramas they would face for the next ten years ahead.

Fast forward ⏩

Two years of preparations while doing multiple long distance, among three griefs and countless setbacks throughout the year, it felt surreal to finally sign the paper at the end of 2012.

Both were jobless.One just finished master degree, the other one freshly enrolled to residency. Near zero saving à grace the wedding.

But, that didn’t stop her making an excel sheet for the wedding money. Made a report and returned 20% of it to both parents. Shared 30% to other family members.

The rest 50% went to them.
Instead of using everything, put 80% of it to the untouchable instrument and tried to survive few first months with the last 20% while looking for other streams.

Downgraded everything. The resident had been driving a car around since high school. Being married made him walking and riding angkot as early as 5 am, as late as 12 am. Ojek was out of budget.

Signed the paper meant agreed to two new roles : a wife and a breadwinner, didn’t prepare for an additional one. Mother left just two weeks before the wedding and took over her responsibilites at home was unavoidable.

Been working for 10 years before marriage and knew exactly what number is sufficient. What needed at that time was time and space to stay sane and just ‘enough’ money to support this family.

Secured one job with flexible schedule and looked for another to support the resident.

Once so close signing with another work who accepted her T&C. Before the pen touched the paper, saw a little important detail that had been discussed missing. Said they would fix it after signing. Closed the pen and left.

Being penniless doesn’t mean no choices. It’s just limited. This too shall pass spelt continously.

In spite of many things life threw, they survived. Other than many helps from invisible hands, what also helped was both had 80% done with themselves. Did what they wanted to do,went places,not much what-if left.

Low on money but highly self-aware. Financially fragile yet mentally strong to handle the shittiest days.

Those only felt good in memories, not in reality.

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The burden of adulthood is not something one should take lightly. Asking another person to share the burden should be considered carefully, thought repeatedly, and chosen wisely.

Gonna spend most of the lifetime with someone who will decide what life will look like in the next 20,30 years down the line. We’re about to choose the father (or mother) of our child(ren).

Use more of the head more than the heart when it comes to marriage.

Write down everything. Be specific about the non-negotiables. Don’t compromise. Do the math. Take your time. Discuss everything. Make sure the values aligned.

Ask in details to The One who grants all the request. He granted even a wish as simple as “I dont want any sister-in-law (sister from the husband)”.
No pray is silly enough.

Not much could be said once one entered the jungle other than good luck and lower the expectations.

Done? Lower some more. Expect (and always be prepared for )the worst. A human heart is not a solid form. It’s more fluid than liquid.

This is so far the highest risk decision made in life.

When all has been done, all requirements met, things still won’t get any easier.

The past ten years were exhausting, heart-breaking,
yet on the other side,
it’s been amazing and exhilarating.Things happened beyond expectations.

Ten years from 2012, we managed to find the way not only to provide ourselves but also for others, to tick each other’s dreams, to raise a human being, to travel to many places, to deal with countless episodes of life challenges and many more.

On this tenth year, we took a small step to execute two biggest family plans thanks to two years of pandemic that made travel less tempting.

You won’t find any sugary words here. But, making me write such a long post with countless editing for weeks, that should explain a lot.

Personally, two decades with any kind of ships with a-previously-stranger is a milestone.

I am grateful (with a pinch of salt and sincere heart) more than any words written here or anywhere that the Boss up there paired me to work, navigate life (up until this point) with this partner I have.

Alhamdulillah for everything.
Bismillah for the third leg, mate!