Who (and What) We Tend to Take for Granted

It’s been a while since this post is on my draft. It supposed to be a post with few lists. But, I couldn’t manage to finish it after several trials.

Something what happened in the little girl’s therapy sessions triggered me to finish this. Also another hard conversation happened in the family last week too.

So, the therapist asked her about what compliments you can give to daddy and she mentioned severals like he’s a good cook and a good anesthesiologist. Then, the next question was about what compliments you can give to mommy. She gave a long pause and said something that was totally unclear. Even I didn’t really understand that myself.

It reminded me with what happened in the family last week between the doctor and his brothers. One of them ‘accused’ their mother for not having enough time for him just because she didn’t text him for a week or two.

Their mother was quite furious about such brutal accusation. Day after, she sent text to the doctor telling him how hurt she was and explained everything that she has been done.Oh, how I totally understand her.

If there’s one person who everyone is so often take for granted is mother. A mother who takes care everything at home so everyone could function properly outside.

Coming home to a tidy and clean house, everything is well-managed, even a single thank you rarely heard. Maybe it’s on the gene, or let’s not blame the gene, but it’s totally depend on the person.

I totally understand why the little girl could mention the compliments for her father, who has, so little time with her, better than her mother, who is on her side 24/7. A mother who do everything with her and for her. It’s simply because someone discussed her father with her, but no one discussed her mother with her until not even a single thing she could mention clearly. Partly, it’s also due to not enough examples given how to appreciate her mother enough and better.

It’s actually a warning sign too for us. What have the parents been doing until an 8yo was so clueless about giving proper and simple appreciation to someone who takes care of her daily?

How easy to take people for granted if they are always there. Taking care little things that are not considered as well as important as the big job outside or things that happen daily which is hard to notice compared to something that happen rarely so it seems so big.

This is why I think mothers or anyone who takes care everything and everyone should be selfish. Try to not put themselves lasts. Do more what they think contributes to their peace of mind. No matter how loud the ustad saying how huge the reward for mother would be, that is not enough.

The bitter pill that they have to swallow and should be accepted and understood is she could take care of everyone and everything but no one would take care of and care about them other than themselves. So, one that every mother should take care the most is herself. Do it for themselves, not for everyone else.

(A very good post from a blog I recently followed related to this).

The more I read, the more I totally understand the grey divorce. How old mothers suddenly ask for divorce after all the children are out of home. They endured more than enough for everyone’s peace of mind along the years.

(About the divorce, couldn’t help adding another beautifully written post by the other Dame Maggie Smith).

But, strangely, I find the over glorification about how great mothers are, is as well cringe. I love the quote from one of my recents readings, which I really forgot which, it says,

“Mothers matter, but it doesn’t make any difference”.

I agree too with this one. In the end, we could only do our best. Whatever happen later with the kid or even ourself, that’s not something for us to decide. Not the slightest control on us about the result.

We have heard enough a kid from nobody becomes somebody while one from respectable family end up being in jail.

In one of my unpopular opinions inside my head, it’s more important to use the head more than the heart when it comes to do what you should do, that you choose on your own. Just remember the responsibilities attached to your roles, then just do it. Most of the time, your feeling is only important to you. It’s something that I feel hard to teach my daughter about because she really cares about the feeling. It’s not bad at all, with terms and conditions.

(That childfree campaign, don’t really agree on that, but totally understand about that).

Well, I guess it’s enough for this.

Other than the problem above, Ramadan is here and that’s another thing often being taken for granted. Many forget how precious it is to be given a chance to meet another Ramadan, in good health, safe and sound.

Another Ramadan is not just another year of fasting session. It’s a precious opportunities to experience this month full of blessings once again that should be treated as it is the most important time of the year. Few past years, I remind myself harder about this.

May this year Ramadan brings more blessings and hope everyone has a joyful one!

Amin.

Jakarta, 3 Ramadan 1444H