Losing

So, we received this year Piano exam result yesterday.

Last year result set a high benchmark which was quite hard to beat. More than sure, it would be too good to be true to achieve the same result this year. But, we expect at least it won’t be too far from last year one.

It turned out to be not as good as we expected.

The poin jumped down by ten points. The awards shorten by many lines.

She cried hard and sobbing loudly after knowing the result. She said, “ I thought I did well!”. It was funny than sad actually watching her coping with this.

If that was the result we received for the first time, I think I would definitely dance joyfully. Few awards and goes to prize concert in June was quite big. To say it’s bad is quite ungrateful actually.

Comparison is a thief of joy indeeed, isn’t it?

But, evaluating the situations needed.

Last year exam done by recording exam due to pandemic. It wasn’t a usual practice. But, no other options. The exam should be recorded in one long video without stop then submitted the recording to the exam google drive. She did quite well for all the five pieces.

This year, the school slowly returns to normal exam but they still give options. Students can choose whether they want to do online (by zoom, not recording) or offline, face to face.

I didn’t have any hesitations about choosing between the two. Face to face is the only way to go. There’s no use going for another year of online exam. She needs to experience offline exam as soon as possible.

Last year, time for practice was available abundantly. School was still doing more online than offline. No morning rush to the school so we could do our morning practice leisurely.

This year, as school has fully returned to offline, five times a week, time for practice reduces significantly. Some of the days, we could only manage to get 10 minutes.

Since the beginning of the year, we started having afternoon practice knowing the morning one is not enough. But, I think morning is still the best time to practice. The morning energy is totally different with the afternoon.

Last year, we chose all the five pieces by ourselves. Those five pieces were highly enjoyable. The set of five songs played in order was exciting. The combination between the low and slow pieces taking turn between the fast paced and grand pieces were beautiful. Watching her playing the whole set was so entertaining.

This year, when the teacher suggested the exam pieces, that was quite surprising. All the pieces chosen were downgraded in terms of technical requirements and mostly not as enjoyable as last year ones. I once asked about this to the teacher . She said this grade required the students to start playing etude and they had to choose two pieces of etude and that was quite hard.

Okay, so we chose two safe and easy compulsory etudes for the exams. But, what was even more surprising, the teacher also chose equally safe and easy songs for the optional pieces. Three equally safe and easy songs. All has only one page consist of four rows. Simple notes and melody.

I was trying not to be too fussy, but I asked the little girl to ask her teacher to at least play one or two that would be more entertaining. We couldn’t do much about the boring etudes since they are compulsory but we can do something about the optional ones.

Among the three optional songs, two were finally changed to slightly difficult ones, although it’s as short as the intial choice. One song remained the same.

For the exam, whether it is recording, online via zoom, or offline face to face, they will only play three songs out of five. The jurors will choose the three songs that they will listen in recording, or the song to play for the online and offline.

We practiced the five pieces equally but it’s unavoidable to have preferences. Not really equally I think, I demand her to practice more the for the harder one, and she voluntarily practice more for the song she prefers more than the others. One etude is more preferable than the other one. Among three optional pieces, one song is also played better than the other two. Why better?Because she loved it, because the songs allowed her to love it. It is only three bars but allows different mood in playing it.

On the exam day, she got one etude which was less preferable one, the song she played the best, and another easy one that included from the beginning. I actually had no idea what happened inside, but she exited from the exam room with a happy face.

So be it then. After all, our control stopped at the efforts. Result is never ours to decide.

When we finally got the result, I was torn between disappointed and unsurprised. Among the three songs she played, she only got a single award for that one particular song that she played best. That’s it.

Let’s compare this year awads with last year.

She got awards for all three pieces she played last year along with the second place spot for her year while only got one single award for this year without knowing where she sits for this year. That one piece really saved our heart I think. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel if she missed everything.

Here’s when I thought the feeling towards the song should be taken into account when choosing a piece. I have been a piano teacher for 15 years and now exclusively teaching my daughter after we moved to London. During that 15 years, I joined five years of school competitions with my students.

Not all student could compete. Competition is not concert. As a teacher, I set personal requirements for those who can join the competition. I don’t want to waste months of time and energy, since competition is not compulsory.

Only one that really could spare time to work hard for the competition among any other their responsibilities, can bear long hours of practice, and enjoy being scolded regularly that are eligible to register. Why setting such requirements? Because, they will compete with such students from many other teachers. Without having those requirements fulfilled, they will lose even before they play on the stage.

Among five years where I joined the school competition, there was no single year my student came home empty hands. For my last year of teaching, two students enrolled, both came home with first winner prize.

Such result is actually start from a little thing called choosing the right piece. I could spend hours to sit and think about which piece should be played by each student according to their competition level by grade, according to their best strengths, judging how less known the song is. The less popular the better.

Back to the exam results above, it also confirmed the same thing. When it comes to performing, choosing the right song matters a lot. Winning a competition starts by choosing the right song to play.

Well, I rest my case here.

The real deal about dealing with disappointment is actually not the on theday when it happened, but on the days after we brought it to sleep. It would be the first one you think about after waking up in the morning. A year of hard work will keep flashing back on your mind, the countless rigorous practice sessions we had done, and many more.

But, is it all bad? Of course not. By getting the result, we are able to know what works and what don’t. Through this year results, we know being on the top couldn’t be achieved by doing bare minimum practice. Last but not least, this year result gives easier standard to achieve better next year compared to what last year done to this year.

Guess I am done with my coping.

Writing always helps.

Breathe in, breathe out, let’s return to 90 bracket next year. Bismillah.

(About last year piano exam result).