A New Schedule Struggle

It’s the third week since the beginning of the new school year, so we kinda have a new schedule daily at home. It’s actually just a slight change in the little girl’s school hours but, for me, for the past three weeks, it’s been quite a struggle.

I remembered one of my readings that said having no free time is stressful, but do you know what is the most stressful? It’s having too much free time.

I am currently struggling to deal with longer leisure hours daily. It feels like I keep looking for something yet, I haven’t found what. I have to rebuild my routine from the scratch once again until I could feel comfortable with it.

It is actually not the first time. Since 2019, when I finally left the job I had for 15 years, that was exactly the first time I faced such struggle. Not only that, moving across continents added to the pressure.

But, the more uncomfortable I had been, the more intense the searching. So far, I always find what I am looking for in the end. But, you know, the process of starting all over again, it is such a pain in the mind.

The struggle is combination of feeling guilty because the brain keeps telling that I should have been more useful than this, feeling confused to decide what such leisure time worth doing, and last but not least, the tiredness of thinking of weekly plan. The thinking part is the hardest job of all.

But, does it mean I want to return to the regular day when everything is fixed and I just have to run day by day doing the same thing?

Hoho, that would be the scariest feeling of all.

I keep telling my self that whatever struggle you deal with, it’s many times better option than returning to phase of life that was finished. No advantage of repeating the cycle once again.

The hardship of navigating new directions is totally normal and it’s more reasons to keep looking, but turning back is never an option.

This is kind of spontaneously written post when I face Monday without a solid plan.

My bad.