I received a phone call from my father yesterday. It was just a casual talk until we discussed my brother, who is currently pursuing his doctorate study in Germany, with his family.
They just recently moved after around two years lived apart. I have been so eager for them to reunite as a family, while my dad prefers that he stays there alone until he finishes his studies, without too many distractions.
This is a topic that we often discuss over and over again, and always having a debate about our own opinion.
For me, your own family is not a distraction. How come? From what I see from his videos, his life is much better with his family around. He has two uber-cute toddlers and baby daughters whose laughter is so contagious , and even for me, who is only listening to them, it makes me happy.
Having them around might be more challenging, but so what? That is his responsibility as a father. Being an adult means having multiple roles that you should figure out how to deal with, and being a man to your wife and a dad to your kids should be the top priority.
I am thrilled that they finally moved in together. Such a critical and golden period of his marriage and child-rearing experience is too precious to be wasted for just a title behind his name.
While my father thinks the opposite, it’s essential to focus so he can finish his studies soon. His wife and children could wait here, and his wife could keep working because money is vital, too. Besides that, help is widely available here. Most of everything that they need is easy to get. He said that they could go there for just a holiday.
Then I realized where this came from.
That was precisely what my father did when he pursued his master’s degree around 30 years ago. He went alone and left my late mom with the three kids to take care of. My mom could keep working, too, because I was sure money was tight then. They thought bringing the whole family there was only a year and not worth the hassle.
We visited him during summer break for a month. When I looked back, I loved a month spent there. I wish we could stay there together. That was also the starting point when I learned English and had the idea of living abroad. I kept repeating and remembering that month, and it quickly became one of the best core memories of my childhood. I wrote this twelve years ago, eighteen years after that event happened, still with that high excitement.
While my father’s opinion came from his experience, so did mine. When a chance to move to London came for my own family, we didn’t think twice to move together, despite all the hassles, money and energy spent. It was also only for a year initially.
Then, when we moved to London, it was hard. All the preparations until the departure, the first two months there, were far from easy. But, there is no single thing I (we) regretted doing. Life in London was one of the happiest moments in my life personally and as a family. I believe that is also the case for my daughter and the doctor.
Although I couldn’t push my opinion on anyone, things important to me might not be necessary to someone else; I hope my brother follows more of my path than his father. They are still indecisive about staying and prolonging their residence permit, which will expire in August. Two days after I arrived, he called me and said they seriously considered only staying for three months and returning to ‘normal life.’ Two days after arriving. Imagined how long my lecture had been at that time😂
Besides nagging him on WhatsApp, I’ll add them to my prayers, too, so Allah will show them the right way as a family. Amiin.
I read a line while reading Harari’s Homo Deus yesterday that said :
Studying history will not tell us what to choose, but at least it gives us more options.
This is the best reason to learn history: not in order to predict the future, but to free yourself of the past and imagine alternative destinies. Of course this is not total freedom – we cannot avoid being shaped by the past. But some freedom is better than none.
I think those lines also applicable for personal life.
(I see some hope. As this writing was published, he sent me a text with scooter and push bike picture).
A Penny for My Pensieve 