The Highest Return of Self Awareness

An excerpt from James Clear’s newsletter last month felt so relatable :

It took me back to a project in Entrepreneurship subject in the fifth semester of college in 2005. It was one of my most memorable and enjoyable subjects in college.

We had to make a book filled with everything that we wanted to do after graduated. A dream book where we made a list of things that we wanted to achieve, have, or pursue. Anything small or big put it down on the book.

I didn’t know about others, but, I really took that assignment seriously. I truly wrote everything wholeheartedly. I wrote every single thing, big or small, simple to hard ones.

Fast forward, I never knew that this list would be a compass to navigate life for almost 20 years after that. How it turned out is exactly like what the newsletter said above.

I ticked certain things that I wrote. It gave me goosebumps about how certain things really turned out as exactly as I wrote it. Not all dreams can come true, but the journey always matters. The process of achieving these items is where all the learning lies.

Dostoyevsky identifies one of life’s great paradoxes: Happiness requires purpose; purpose requires a sense of direction; a sense of direction requires goal-setting— but happiness cannot be had by realizing those goals. True satisfaction comes from progress in the struggle toward the goal.

I put Going to Hajj as the number one thing I wanted to do after graduation. At that time, I had already registered myself, studying while working four jobs simultaneously. It was tiringly satisfying.

Writing these doesn’t mean you have figured out everything; life is always confusing and challenging, no matter what life stage you are doing.

But writing and clearly defining certain things personally helped me not be easily distracted by/envious of what others achieve or have done because I have my goals, which are different from what others pursue. Writing this book made me look at more of the inside than outside.

The only thing I am constantly worried about is whenever I feel I am too far/too lazy/unfocused from what I want to pursue. I was mostly competitive when it comes to my own goals. I don’t care about anyone else’s.

What I learn, there’s no such thing as flawless winning. You might get a great one in something, but, not so much in another thing. To accept that we can’t get everything in life, that is liberating.

Borrowing from the grading of the OWL exam in Harry Potter, life overall has been exceeds expectations for me. It wasn’t exactly like I imagined, but, I couldn’t think of any better one other than what I have right now.

Being able to look back on things you wrote 20 years ago with a warm heart full of gratitude is one of the joys of growing old.

My 20s had been one of my most treasured periods. The 20s is indeed a defining decade where knowing what you want to pursue is the greatest intangible resource to navigate life. It is a decade where you have to figure out about yourself on your own, which was a very exciting journey indeed. The highs and lows, the win and the learning.

From my personal experience, I can safely say, freedom is the highest return of self awareness. Knowing how priceless freedom is, maintaining it is never easy.

Freedom in your 20s is different than in 30,40, and so one. It means it’s something that you have keep working on. It’s not once and done forever.

Thus, the best thing we can do is to keep figuring out what’s inside, stay vigilant and enjoy the ride.