Reasses the Acess Card(s)

Everyone must have certain limit that they set for themselves about something or other people.

Is it confusing?

I am not in a very clear mind while writing this too. Let’s restart.

I, am someone, who prefers being misunderstood than busy explaining the truth.

I, am someone, as I wrote before, who prefers being JOMO than FOMO, in many things in life.

I love being invisible and live life free of drama.

I have a very tiny circle of friend that mostly last more than 20 years.

I am very private and selective about the people I allow to enter my area of life.

For me, my peace of mind is ultimate priority. I will do almost everything to be traded with peace of mind.

I rarely seek any validation, approval, or anything much from human.

My chance to be hurt by other people is too low.

While I seem so cold and distant to other people, I think I am the most kind to that tiny circle of mine.

While I am saying no very often to those outside the circle, I would say yes to almost everything for that circle.

I am a cold blood introvert to the bone, but, I am a loud extrovert to that circle.

I am not only talking about friends but also families.

As the price of being so selective, I could only be hurt by those whom I trust and care the most.

When that happened, the damage would be much much bigger than any ordinary damages.

These past few days, I learnt, no matter how selective I have been, there’s always a room for misjudgement as I am human too.

The hell I have been dealing with inside not only ruins the mood but it can burn the strongest bridge.

Theoritically , I know how untrustworthy human can be, but, to be betrayed by your closest friends or family, that is another level of crazy.

I have several first hand of experiences, but, it never gets easier everytime.

I remember one of the quotes from Shoe Dog, I really certain it is there, but, I couldn’t find it in my bookmarked list. It says like this :

« love is giving someone the power to destroy you and trusting they won’t use it. »

It’s time to reassess again.

It’s time to exercise the principle below :

Apology (might be) accepted, Access denied.