The month of another year getting older always feels bittersweet.
Over the last few years, I have felt like I have a compounding understanding of many things, especially about myself: why I am who I am, why I do what I do, why things happen the way they do, and more.
I finally found some answers to my question from my 20s. I wrote this particular question constantly in my diary when I was dealing with something emotionally draining for a long period of time. I didn’t have any idea how to have a complete closure and move on because such things kept coming back for more.
Such a question is equally draining since you have to wait to get to the answer—until time tells you.
It’s difficult sometimes to distinguish between “Is this a hard thing I’m supposed to work through?” or “Is it hard because it’s the wrong thing and I need to let go?”.
This is a question that applies to many confusion in my 20s.
Fast forward to 20 years later, here I am,
after specific experiences and statistics of results,
safely said I found the answer :
It’s more about the former than the latter.
The wrong one usually will find its exit way much sooner than later. No matter how much you hold on to them, it will slip away.
While the right one will persist and stay, no matter how hard you try to shoo it away, it always finds its way to return.
Most of the time, everything right is unusually hard and tough. Since such thing is destined to be yours, although you’ll never know how long it will be yours, you have to do the work. You have to overcome whatever hardship until it will be safely arrived on your hand.
This perfectly fits the concept of sustenance in Islam. It says that when your heart desires something, Allah gives it to you for some reason. But, you have to do the work to get it, and trust that you’ll get it in the end. When and how, it’s not yours to decide.
The more beautiful thing about this : there’s no such things as NO as an answer. It will be always a YES, with three different situations :
- Yes, exactly like you want and you don’t have to wait long for that.
- Yes, but you have to wait for a quiet long time.
- Yes, not exactly what you want, but it will be replaced with something much better than what you want.
It takes getting older for me to understand this. I watch to see how my prayers and dreams come true one by one. That’s why I call it a privilege to be getting older.
It also makes me realize another thing :
It’s impossible to keep up with all Allah’s blessings, which have been running at an exponential curve while I am still returning them at my slow walking pace in a simple, irregular (more downs than ups) curve.
In the end, doing your best is the only way to go.
Again, it’s stated in one of the most beautiful verse in Quran :
“Allah does not require of any soul more than what it can afford. All good will be for its own benefit, and all evil will be to its own loss”.
Among the many privileges of getting older that Allah has been lending to me, being a Moslem and being among the true believers (Mu’min), which I hope and keep trying to climb the ladder to be the Muhsin and Muttaqin, is indeed the biggest and the most important privilege that I won’t trade for anything else.
May Allah make it easier for what my heart desires.
Amin.
A Penny for My Pensieve 