To The Smallest Details

There’s a little thing that amazes me when I look at the pattern of how every time this thing comes.

I recognize one thing since my early 20s that my period is rarely on time, but it always comes at the right time. It always comes right when I need it the most.

It doesn’t happen once or twice. It happens so many times until I could recognize the pattern.

The first time I recognized that it always comes at the right time was when I first went abroad with few of my dad colleagues to Singapore. It turned out that praying time wasn’t in their schedule. I remembered that I hadn’t had my period for almost two months.

Then, suddenly, it just came the night before the departure of the trip. I was quite surprised and didn’t prepare for that. I also wasn’t really fond of having period during traveling. But, after knowing I turned out to travel with a group of people who didn’t really include praying time in the itinerary, I thought “what a perfect timing” and felt so grateful for that.

After that, several situations happened that made me realize the pattern of my period that is rarely on time but very much often comes at the right time.

Another memorable one was after pregnancy and giving birth. After around 1,5 years without having period, it suddenly came when I was really exhausted of feeding and teaching eating while it was Ramadan, juggling with many other responsibilities until it didn’t feel like Ramadan anymore. On the peak of my exhaustion, it suddenly came to give me a break for a while.

It wasn’t only the big thing. It goes down to the smallest details. Last September, I had to accompany the little girl to one of the playdates and it might take quite long. I worried that the location was too far for me to go back and forth, and worried about I might have two prayer times outside. Again, I supposed to have my period a week before, but it didn’t happen. On the morning of the play date, it happened.

Last December, I had to drive quite far to the north to do some tests for the little girl. It was scheduled on Thursday, which means it was a fasting day too. Fasting is not a problem, but driving far while fasting and uncertainty of where we would pray was not really up to my liking. Thursday is the schedule of our weekly Quran night too. So, it would be quite tough.

The period had been coming at the same date since September, October, November. But then, in December, it passed the usual date. Five days after the usual schedule, on the night before the test date, it came.

I could imagine my relief breathing while writing this.

I have many many more to write. But, here is one last example.

Every beginning of the month, I will write everyone’s schedule on the board in the kitchen. The doctor’s shift schedule, the little girl’s classes and my fasting schedule along with the iftar and sahoor time. The parents have a routine that whenever the doctor has an afternoon shift, we will send the little girl to the school and proceed to have brunch after that. It is one of the most anticipated monthly events.

Last week I realized that the afternoon shift would be during the date of ayamul bidh fasting (three days white moon fasting). This January, I expected to have the period on the same date as last month, which is three days before the brunch schedule. So, if it happens on the expected date, there wouldn’t be any problems since I won’t be fasting. I even already decided the place for brunch.

But again, it didn’t happen on the expected date. Not on the following day, not the day after the following day. I became anxious because I didn’t really feel good about dropping fasting for brunch, yet, in the other hand, the promise was made too. Although it’s hard, I know which side to take if the period still hasn’t come. Kept sending tiny whisper asking for help so I didn’t have to choose between doing my regular fasting and keeping the promise.

I woke up as usual around 3 am on the date of the brunch and fasting, then it came.

Just like that.

I remember a line that I wrote on the day we moved back from London to Jakarta. Heavily anxious about the situation at that time, with the peak of Covid and many uncertainties ahead of us.

“The decision to return is about putting the utmost trust to the One who decides all affairs. Allah has been taking great care of us everywhere. To the smallest detail. He will do the same, no matter what situation we have to deal with, no matter where we are anywhere in this world”.

That was one of the most powerful lines I have ever written wholeheartedly during one of highest levels of my anxiety.

A simple line that has been proven through thick and thin, high and low, and any seasons of life, after all the best efforts have been done.

To the smallest details.

Found the longer explanation on threads.