Looking Back and Ahead

Entering this new decade makes me wonder more than usual.

Questions about many things that have passed and even more questions about what lies ahead.

Entering my 20s with high spirits, fully optimistic, and the assurance that the future will be bright. Holding tight to my three big dreams ready to fight whatever battle to achieve them.

Entering my 30s, I was exhausted, anxious and defeated after all the lessons taught during my 20s. Especially in the last years of the 20s. But, during the 30s, I arrived at many peaks that I didn’t even imagine I would climb in the previous decade. If the first five years were bleak, then the last five years of the 30s were full of adventures that make life more enjoyable. This is also the period where I feel like I have had everything I need and want.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have many that I haven’t got and still want to get, I have a lot of plans about my daughter and with the doctor, but basically, I get everything covered for myself right now.

Explained in Maslow’s pyramid, up until the fourth stage, I feel like I have had enough for now.

I found a very good writing about the fifth on the Top (I added this one day after this writing was published and it is once again confirmed, the right book/articles/reading always comes at the right time. This is one of the best substacks on my inbox)

Being grateful and knowing what’s enough is undoubtedly good. But I found another angle that I didn’t think I would use.

Entering 40 with all the blessings turns out to be confusing. I am beyond grateful, but, I can’t believe I tell myself the same line that often played inside my head when I was exhausted, burned out, and tired in my early 30s, “shouldn’t be more life than this?”.

Human is truly a complex creature.

I didn’t really remember about having a quarter life crisis. Having three fixated big dreams played important role on this. It gave me fuel to keep running and somehow those were feel like reasons for living.

I read a lot about midlife crisis. Maybe this is a small part of it. Or maybe not. Maybe this is just my mind playing tricks on me which means I need to be busier doing more life than just reading or staring at the screen.

I also read more about this from the Islamic point of view. It opened a few perspectives that I think I haven’t considered previously. During one of the text conversations with the doctor, I once said that I felt like we were entering a new season. Not massive drastic changes, but little things that are shifting slowly. I hope it’s for the better. Amin.

I also conclude that specific adventures are (only) best enjoyed in particular decades. As decades change, we tend to change too, and “the ship has sailed” rings true for a few things (that matter) in life. Time is indeed the only currency that we couldn’t grow back no matter how hard we try.

There are times when I wish someone could tell me this. How life feels like in the 40s, 50s, and so on based on their own experiences. I think we need more wisdom from our own parents and elders while they are still around. What certain in life, it never goes backwards, so listening to those who have been through more than us could be helpful in some ways.

Or maybe, there should be more people of their 40s who share their own thoughts about this. Not the psychological type article or items in bullets with “40 things I wish to know before 40” on the title page, but the real situation and problems they deal with inside out.

What soothes me a bit, judging from past experiences, is that during the period of confusion, by pattern, I’ll keep looking ahead to find some answers, and that is a good thing.

One of them is to finally write this for public and press the publish button.

My lovely dinner table, 4 Ramadan 1446H.