What Monday Looks and Feels Like

Dealing with three times traffic light in few meters after sending the little girl to the school.

Continous sighing of “I am so tired” due to late night out and late sleep. In my dictionary, late means anything done outside after the maghrib prayer.

Regularly punching my aching shoulder and wonder “should 40 feel this old?”. What is the science behind the decreasing energy as decade passed by?

I wrote those lines above while waiting for one of the longest red lights in the city. I resumed this while waiting for the little girl’s math class in the afternoon.

After school delivery, I had an appointment at nine am and was heading there while whining. This Monday is unusually packed from morning till evening.

I stopped by a supermarket along the way. I planned to visit my parents’ house after the appointment, so I picked some traditional snacks and was quite happy with my choices for today: a pair of Lumpur surga, a pair of Dadar unti, a pair of lalampa, and a pair of panada—two pairs of sweet snacks and two pairs of savory ones. It’s Monday and Sunnah fasting day, so those were good selections for Iftar.

Besides snacks for my father, I bought a pack of Santang Honey tangerines for the house assistant who has been staying with us for 29 years, along with the Eid money I had prepared for her. It was a long overdue Eid money. Making time, space, and energy for something that is not really compulsory requires a high level of intentionality, and that is not easy. I already felt so guilty for continuously postponing the visit.

It was great view with blue sky and white clouds from where I sat behind the steering wheel. It makes the heart slightly lighter when the weather is nice and there was an inexplicable feeling that today’s meeting would be a good one.

I have been thinking about this particular matter related to the tiny business since a few years back, but again, there is not enough time, space, and energy to really consider it. Staying within the status quo has been my escape.

But last Ramadan, I still remembered how it went. It was like being struck with lightning. I sat at my dining table and suddenly had an idea. Looking at the maps and texted few possible scenarios in my head. After years of doing nothing, I finally took the first step toward change.

The idea was a bit unusual, but trying wouldn’t hurt. Surprisingly, I got answers, although many were not what I hoped for. A few declined, and one answered with a chance of good news. I set up a meeting, asked many questions, and returned a few times, but something didn’t click. No matter how often I imagined how it would be going, I couldn’t feel certain.

I went back and forth by this option. I kept questioning whether it was just really unfit or just another excuse that had been around for years. The hardest one to beat in life is no one, nothing, but my mental block inside.

I seem to be less courageous as I grow older. Staying wrapped in comfort is indeed addictive.

In between thinking and considering, we visited another option but it was even more unfit.

The idea keeps lingering, until last Saturday, I took my time, driving alone in the morning to drop some equipment and picked my daughter’s bag.

The road was empty so I could drive slowly, hoping to notice something that I have been missed before. I have this certain restrictions that I always set for almost everything that I want. So it makes the options limited and I rarely want to compromise. I’d rather wait.

When I took the u-turn, passed a convenience store, and kept driving slowly on the left, I saw a small banner with a tiny phone number. Unfortunately, I couldn’t take a picture or note it down since it was so small. I was hesitant to return because I still had to be in another two places after this. I need to go through a bit circling once again to get the number.

But, this time, I told myself, if I didn’t, I might regret it. This might be another chance that could work. So, I did

Got the phone number and asked right away. Along the way I started compromising my restrictions to have more options. I captured three more phone numbers and asked right away too.

Not long, all came with answers. The only positive answer came from the one whose number I got with an extra effort. Set up an appointment on Monday.

I almost cancelled today’s meeting due to the low energy since the moment I woke up until the moment I typed the first three lines ranting above. I already thought to send a text that I had to cancel, but, some guts said “just don’t, come on!”.

Usually, I tried to use as much as my logic for everything. But, it was hard to deny the good feeling inside about the meeting. When I arrived, met the couple, saw it with my own eyes, it reminded me of the first time I saw our current home, our place in London, our current business place, the red English garden bench, all the things that I have been looking for and need to wait for a while until I found them.

It felt just right.

The rest of the day was spent by discussing things with the co-owner, texting few other people that came to my mind regarding the matter, and suddenly I feel like finding a new purpose for living. Sounds joking but it’s true.

Other than the technical and non-living things, I always consider the kind of people I deal with. I like the people I met today, and I think they like me too. The deal has been done in less than 24 hours. No matter how convincing it feels, entering a new phase is still frightening. The sign : countless repeated Bismillah over and over again, consciously and unconsciously.

At times like this, my thoughts always return to The One Who Decide all affairs. All the sequences that doesn’t seem make sense, but happened. All the knocked doors seem to be voluntarily closed and only open for the right one. All the little things that send me to the particular place or things has one similarities : it happens so fast.

The waiting has always been worth it.

This Monday also marks the end of the fasting marathon during the past two weeks.. Five days of Qadha, and today was all the three Sunnah fasting altogether: Syawal, Monday sunnah, and the last day of white moon. The hardest fasting is always those are done after Ramadan. Alhamdulillah for the chance to complete it all.

On my mother’s hometown, after completing six days of Syawal, there is this second Eid called Lebaran Ketupat and it is celebrated quite loud too.

We had iftar at our old home in the mall in one of Indonesian restaurants with wide range and good selection of food and traditional snacks, and they just officially got a halal certification! Another good news that made me happy too.

(I don’t really fond of having iftar outside, it’s tiring. But, the little girl’s had a dentist appointment there and it was too close to iftar time. When it comes to iftar, I always crave for Indonesian food. Another restriction set by me for me).

This Monday looks and feels like another Eid. Literally and figuratively.

Taqabbalallahu Minna wa Minkum Shiyamana wa Shiyamakum (May Allah accept our fasting for you and us).

Eid Mubarak!

(Writing about the mundane events of daily life is underrated. This Writer said it well).