Raising Onlies : Balancing First and Last Child Syndrome

Disclaimer I: this is a personal observation.

Last child lives a soft childhood, the prince or princess of the family, especially when they’re different gender from the older siblings. They have more attention and compassion from the surroundings.

Thus, They’re generally entitled. Maybe because they are here when everything is ready. They mostly don’t go through the lower end of the family history.

They’re more close-minded than the other siblings. I think this is related to the entitlement they carry.

They grow to be an adult who thinks it’s all about them and their problem solving skills are mostly one way thinking.

Disclaimer 2 : back to disclaimer 1

While, the first child syndrome, they are the warrior of the family. The second parent to the siblings, one who carries the most burden, expectations, and responsibility. They mostly have ‘rough and hard’ childhood.

In the other hand, they become an adult who is strong, self-reliant, capable, and emotionally more intelligent than other siblings. They’re real life ready since early. They’re mostly the most ‘successful’ in the family, and it’s not only about material things. First child tends to have solutions to every problems.

But, there’s always price to pay. What doesn’t kill you indeed makes you stronger. But, at what cost? The successful fist child seen from the outside paid with the most innerchild wound inside.

Onlies tend to be the combination of last and first child. As a parent of one, balancing between the two has been the homeworks that I have been working on. Raising the little girl with sufficient amount of last child comfortable life for the basics (although what considered basics in her period is way totally different than one in our period). But, in the other side, treat and push her towards the mentality of first child through the daily activities, regular experience, and setting the right expectations.

As a first child, it’s not really hard to train of what I am and have been through. The most difficult part is to understand something that I am not and I didn’t have growing up. Putting some new perspective inside the mind and consider it as nice thing to have too.

Acknowledged that she doesn’t have to go through what I had been going through to become a functional adult. But, not so much too lenient until she became more of dysfunctional last child who can only deal with anything comfortable.

Where’s the middle child syndrome? I don’t really have so much encounters with middle child. But, one thing that I observe from few families with middle child :

Strong parents usually produce the typical first child. While not so strong parents usually raise a strong middle child. Middle child who try to fulfill the absence of traits that are usually own by the first child.

This is aligned with what my psychologist told me. Unconsciously, every child will take some role in the family they’re born into. So, in some scenarios, if the first child doesn’t take the role of the typical, then other child will take that role, in this case the middle child.

Well, this is a personal ranting, not an empirical study. So, feel free to disagree.

Cheers!