Onion Peeled Lesson

The past few days, life gave me huge lessons about few things. Or maybe show me some test to my character.

It showed me how reactive I am. How quick I was jumping into conclusions.

It showed me how much improvement needed regarding my communication skills.

It showed me no matter much I think I know what to do, at certain point, I will be slipped.

It showed me the complexities of raising a child. No matter how much I think I know about my child, there will be more than I don’t know and teach me those I don’t know through certain circumstance that doesn’t make sense.

I feel humiliated, embarrassed, disappointed, stupid, all level of shame from the lowest to the highest. On the other side, I feel confused, worried, defeated, and extremely exhausted. It has been countless session of talking inside the head and tears flowing suddenly. Even when I am currently writing this.

This is actually the real life test to certain thing that I seem to understand during learnng, so it gives me a chance to see how much I understand when it happens in real life, not through others, but first hand experience.

But, this also one of the moments of confirmation how precise Allah’s timing for everything. While facing this lesson, He let me deal with it ‘alone’ to make sure I am the one who get the lesson.

I wrote to the smallest details at the beginning of the year. It happened again this time. Been wondering why it kept delaying while for the past few months it has been consistently on time. It came at the right time to remove some of obligations while dealing with huge commotion.

Other than the emotions mentioned above, there’s one thing that gives me some light :

The amount of courage that helped me get through this. Years spent training this trait through doing hard things and decision making, turned out to be the most useful while dealing with turbulence in life.

Another thing I realized, we, as human, will never be done with ourself until the end. When we think we have done with ourself, then another layer will be peeled, whether we like it or not. Onion peeling event would always sting in the eye.

I hope I truly learn my (hard) lessons here.