Halfway Through Ramadan

Writing this outside Brawijaya Mosque waiting for the doctor and my daughter doing tarawih while I am being an outsider, sandals watcher, and a mosquito slapper.

This Ramadan feels weird (It’s been like that since 2020). Knowing the third WW has been rolling while real life keeps going is the strangest feeling of all. Reading the previous WWR history, I had always wondered what kind of parallels life in other parts of the world while it happened? It felt surreal to really live it. Actually, life has always been surreal since 2020, getting worse in 7 Oct 2023 up until now.

On the personal level, the hardest thing in Ramadan is no longer about the refraining from eating, drinking, or anything else.
It’s restricting screen time and replacing it with the most important thing Ramadan is about.

Last year, I managed to tick the goals of memorising four new juz amma surahs so I can have more varied readings in tarawih and tahajud. But, this year, been trying to get a new one since few months before, still struggling with no progress. I read and watched other people experiences and I learned that in Ramadan, reading is strongly suggested than memorising. So, it’s encouraged to read as much as you can.

I love reading Quran, but, I can’t do it for long.
I can’t stand reading Quran long without knowing the translation. I have the motivation, but, as always, motivation without system will always be failed.

So this year, I moved my Quran to the place where my phone is. Every after prayer time, still in my mukena, I sit in this chair picking my phone. Now, with the Quran right next to it, it changed something slowly.

The brain starts picking what’s (on the) right first. Endurance of reading Quran feels like enduring workout. You just have to start and once you start, you keep wanting doing more. One more page feels just like one more repetition.

I started this regime few weeks before Ramadan. Halfway through Ramadan, it works more than I expected. Never underestimate the power of designing your environment to the change of habit.

Screen time is a hard battle to overcome and the more you fight, the most likely you will lose.
But, with a bit of change in system and visual awareness, it helps me to replace and balance it with something else. I also did all the target few weeks before for habituation.

Compared to others who manage to finish Quran several times during Ramadan, what I do is surely nothing. I just remind myself that I am competing with my own laziness, with my previous Ramadan, not with others.

It has always been mixed feelings when it’s halfway through Ramadan. I love Ramadan wholeheartedly since early up until my forty. The many obvious ane inexplicable joy it brings, the most looking forward event of the year.

May Allah allow us to strive for the best for the last leg of Ramadan. Amin.

17 Ramadan 1447H.