Closing the loops

I just closed one of the biggest loops opened since last month today. Paying the salary and Eid gifts to all the crews. It feels heavy yet relieving at the same time. The ninth year doing this I thought it would be getting easier.

It’s not.

Another loops that recently closed is settling about an idea inside. Accepting that past glory was something that can be replicated and to find a new way either to just survive or to want to thrive.

In real life, knowing the theory is totally different with doing the reality.

In theory, I absolutely understand : always choose the hard way. In reality, boyy, I just want to have all easy while crying loudly😭

I remembered reading one book during London days, six years ago. The Curve of Happiness. According to research, the curve will be on the lowest during early forties and will slowly increase again around 46/47.

I was reading that when I was 35, at the peak of the most rainbow period in my 30s. At that time, it was hard to imagine. Now, I am here, doing the years mentioned on the book, it feels strangely relatable.

Certain unfamiliar feelings keep appearing since entering forty. Things that I easily do previous years, suddenly or slowly feel harder than before. Been wondering whether this is laziness or I become less resilient as I age?

What saved me I guess, I keep showing up no matter what. Something that I am really grateful having growing up. Like my body keeps score that showing up is my default. It’s the familiar thing that my brain and body remember.

I am saved by certain self identities that have been built since early, albeit I know precisely how lazy I can be.

I am the one who keep showing up no matter how hard.

I am the one who gets things done no matter how reluctant I am.

I am the one who don’t quit when things get tough. I quit when it’s finished.

I hope these identities will continue save me.

No wonder it says the 8th world wonder is not any buildings or anything.

It’s something called consistency.

I am beyond lucky and grateful to be born and live as a Muslim where such trait is trained daily and regularly since early, like Ramadan for example.

I saw a very good quote about Ramadan this year :

Ramadan is not actually refraining yourself from what is haram, but more restricting yourself from what is halal.

I think that is also of the biggest learning that this Ramadan brings.

25 Ramadan 1447H