Author: arlanadya

Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee
Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité

Full Day (Almost Night) Potty Training

Posted on by arlanadya

Taking care this baby alone teaches me that I am not as strong as I think I am. Not strong enough to beat my anger, not strong enough to be more patient, not strong enough to beat the laziness.

Thankfully, those bad things could be covered with one good news. I am sure I am not ignorant. Despite being lazy, it won’t stop me from doing something that I think is important enough.

Potty training has been on my head for quite some times. I planned to start it after she’s turning two. But again, it takes a strong will to drag me out of the comfort zone (using diaper, I mean). Keep postponing the plan until I don’t know when. My laziness won a lot.

One Wednesday when my aunt said something about teaching the baby to pee and poo in the right place bothered me. Langit is now 27 months already. I have limit before that I want her to be potty trained before she turns 30 months.

It was a week where I had no one to be taken care of beside the baby. My father was on a trip and le husband had his shift. So, the very next day, the potty training officially began.

With this, I prepared everything like changing the lower folding mattress with tikar, covered the couch with perlak. 

The first day was a quite disaster, as expected. Five times cleaning the pee, and once for poo. It was Thursday and I had my fasting. Since I knew that accidents would be unavoidable, I was with my full tank of patience.

But, it didn’t make the training less tiring. Cleaning the pee and poo weren’t everything. Here, we have to teach the baby how to tell us when she felt the urge to pee and poo. So, every certain time, we put the baby on the toilet and tell her to pee. Mostly pee. No single attempt was perfectly done on the first day. 

I had a battle in the evening whether to do this directly day and night or just doing the day one first. Finally, I decided to do the day first. Like office hours 7-5. So, Langit has been without her diaper start after the morning bath and wear it after her afternoon bath until morning.

The second day was the time when I almost gave up. Haha! The second day and I had thought about giving up already, thinking the baby wasn’t ready yet. I had hold a diaper on my hand and ready to put it on. Then, the baby suddenly said,”pipis,” and I hurriedly bring her to the toilet, then..

She did it!!!!

I was too happy. She did it!! You didn’t know how a little thing like watching your baby doing pee for the first time in a proper place could make a mother being so happy.

Then, did it mean a victory?

Of course not.

On the second day, accidents still happened with less numbers. Only twice happened for pee and none for poo. None means she didn’t poo at all during the time without diaper.  

The day after the second , felt a lot easier. She’s getting better and better in telling us whenever she wants to pee. Until now, for pee, it’s been almost zero accident. Whenever she is in the toilet, she does pee happily😄.

We skip using potty. For me, it’s not an effective way for a toddler. It makes double job also for me. Cleaning the potty everytime she is doing pee or poo is burdensome.

I was doing a lot of reading related to this. Both domestic and foreign articles. One of the reasons I almost gave up on the second day was one of the articles that said if the baby wasn’t ready, it would be better to wait. A story from a mother said it took her months until the baby passed the potty training, which I found it scary.

It is obligatory to fully stay at home for the first few days of the training. Both of us stayed for the first five days. We went out for pediatrician visit on the sixth day. 

Was it with or without the safety belt?

I decided to be a bit bold by using NO DIAPER for the firsr time outside. After pediatrician visit, we stopped by the nearest mall for a quick lunch also. Then, we went home.

Result? We safely arrived at home without any accidents.

Since morning, I had arranged her fluid intake and made her pee twice or thrice. Right before we left, she did her pee quite much. Then, right after we arrived home, she did it again. I assumed she had started knowing how to hold the urge.

Until today, two weeks after the first day of training, we have been having almost a week without pee accidents anymore. Poo? We just had it yesterday. The second poo accident after one in the first day.

A surprise came this morning when I found her diaper was totally dry a whole night. Maybe, we should proceed to the night training as well. Just maybe for now. Let’s see for more evidence.

Usually, I ask her to go to the toilet around thirty minutes after she takes any drinks. Sometimes she does it and sometimes she doesn’t. For these few days, it’s been much easier because she now tells us when she feels like to do it.

An article said that potty training is a big milestone. Not only for the baby, but also the mother or parents. I totally agree with this.

I couldn’t express how happy I have been whenever she’s doing her pee on the toilet. It’s a big achievement for me. I take potty training more seriously than weaning. For me, weaning will be done naturally. Or so I believe.

So, happy 27th month without diaper, baby girl! 

Enjoy your presents 🍦🍦🍦🍦🍦!

Posted in Favorite things, Langit Senja

First Duet : Moon River

Posted on by arlanadya
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We love the everlasting Moon River a lot. I used to play it alone and having duet with le husband, piano and guitar. 

This song is also one that being sung a lot to Langit to put her to sleep. I remembered one day, around last month, she surprised me by singing the first phrase with a perfect tune. She sang ‘Moon River’ with her own mouth along with the correct melody. 

Since then, she’s been caught several times humming the song. It makes us singing the song often. Little by little, she starts gaining more words. It’s both hilarious and heart-warming😁.

Today, I accidentally want to play this one and thought about recording it. Surprisingly, it worked. She played some random high pitch tune and it turned out to be okay. Haha. Not perfect bien sur, but I really enjoy the result. Yeah, I don’t have high standard.

Thank you for such a beautiful piece that lives through generation, Mr. Sinatra.

We apologize for the bad cover.

Posted in Past learning, Thoughts

A Greeting

Posted on by arlanadya

To the one I owe every good things I have and I become of,

To the one whose hard works and kindnesses I could never repay,

To the one who set a standard about what, when, how, and why important things one should achieve in life,

To the one whose presence touched so many people,

To the one whose words were often hard, yet very rarely wrong,

To the one whose mind and money always went to others but herself,

To the one whose absence will always forever be mourned,

Joyeaux anniversaire, Madame Salma.

For showing us clearly and boldly how one should live and more importantly, how one wishes to return,
I could never thank you enough.
Merci beaucoup.

Bissoux,

Ta fille.

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité

Extended Breastfeeding

Posted on by arlanadya

After this breastfeeding journey, it turns out the breastfeeding adventure still keep going after two years. Why?

Hm, why not?

Before saying why not, I have tried several ways to wean peacefully. But, it didn’t work and it was quite understandable since I am practically at home most of the time. 

After some times, rather than trying hard to push the baby to stop breastfeeding, I chose to find some references about extended breastfeeding. The result shown, either from medical and religious perspective, there is no harm of doing extended breastfeesding and it is allowed to do so, as long as both mother and baby are having no objection to that.

My sister in law whose daughter is at the same age with Langit has succesfully done with weaning, with some dramas. Facing the crying, tantrum for several days to a week. I don’t think I could go through such thing, for the sake of my sanity. I don’t have any stuntmans available daily to cover me dealing with such things and days of unnecessary dramas. 

Or, am I just lazy? Well, maybe. Don’t mind to be called lazy since it is not wrong too😌

Thus, with these references and experience, I decide to let this weaning process be done naturally. She actually doesn’t do this much anymore. No longer doing it while we’re going out, even several nights she goes to sleep without breastfeeding. 

On the 27th month, her verbal skill has been improved so much. Counting in bahasa and English, one to ten in bahasa, one to twenty in English, naming things and colors, remembering family names, singing her favorite children songs, and surprisingly singing one she heard often from her parents like Frank Sinatra’s Moon River. Grandpa Sinatra must be very proud.

She’s on the way for a complete Al-fatihah and parents pray which she constantly asked being recited after shalat.

These two years, I have been given almost all ideal things in this motherhood jungle. Vaginal birth with IMD, with a very quick process, a complete breastfeeding without having any single drop of formula until now, feeding the baby with home-cooked meal and not once (yet) she’s having any instant baby food, a baby who eats well and doesn’t let me experience even once, the thing called GTM.

I have a freedom to choose being a stay at home mother with a flexible part-time job, with a workplace within walking distance, a healthy baby who,until I write this post, hasn’t once tasted any medecines, even for fever or cough. Too much to be counted all blessing we have for these years. 

When you’ve been given so much more than what you need, it should go without saying to return the favour more than what you asked for.

Two years is the time asked for in breastfeeding. I hope doing the extended breastfeeding also extend the blessing and all goodness for the baby’s physical and mental health in the future, as well as mine. Amin.

Happy (extended) breastfeeding!

Posted in Thoughts

Farewell Lessons

Posted on by arlanadya

It’s unavoidable having a very noisy mind after witnessing a death, specially for the loved ones. It makes me recall lots of things I went through in the past.

I was taught the importance of having goals in life since a very young age. Being in the top five, went to good public schools, went to places I wanted the most, those were mostly measurable. Somehow, the goals have been rarely tangible. I have least interest in things.

A crucial moment which happened five years ago made me or force me having a new goal in life. The pain of missing the chance to say goodbye to my other grandmother lasted for a quite long time. Being thousand miles away during the final meeting with one I love so dearly was very torturing. Worse, I could do nothing to delay the farewell.

From then, I told myself, being present for those who matter a lot for me, in health and sick, happy and sad, life and death should be the guide how I will live my life forward.

The next big thing after my grandma’s death was my mum’s. I was so beyond lucky to finish my master degree when her sickness started. Even luckier that I had no permanent jobs at that time since I was in the middle of preparing for hajj departure and the wedding. 

In the middle of those big event preparation hassles, I still managed to accompany my mum to her doctor appointments, drove her here and there. As she would go hajj with me too, so it was double hassles.

I was with her on her last months, days, minutes, and the final breath. Though it made me become the most heart-broken, yet I felt that I was, am, and will always be the richest. I had the most memories, the greatest honour to be able the one who sent her off. Even after five years, tears couldn’t help falling reading those previous posts above.

It was painful for sure. But, I would still choose it than having none to be treasured. It’s soothing knowing I did my best to be with her during her final and hardest battle.

The chance came to me once again last Friday. When all things told me that it would be my grandmother last moments in the world, I was really grateful that I insisted to stay overnight with her, even more, stay right next to her ear to recite what most important she needed and wanted to hear for the last breath.

I had the honour too once again having my turn when she had her final breath. I kept accompanying her until we’re done with her funeral. 

Lots of her relatives from other towns came to her funeral. They made time to catch the earliest flight possible to send their last respect to her. From Palembang, Surabaya, and Banjarmasin, they put money or other things aside so they wouldn’t miss her farewell.

It makes me more certain about one thing. I am getting more and more assured that time is the most precious thing that a human could have in life.

We don’t give our most valuable things to just anyone. Such precious thing like time should be given to those who deserve it most. 

I want and choose to give this particular thing to ones who really matter to me. I find joy in staying more at home, taking care of my dad and others. Instead of making money but having less time, I choose making lots of time and having less money. Though it’s not always been easy, yet it’s satisfying.

I choose not to work on Thursday and Friday since two years ago. I want to have a peaceful sunnah fasting and having time for reading yassin leisurely after maghrib and breakfasting. I wouldn’t be able to do that if I am being tired from work. I want to have one special time, time when pray is being granted the most to be sent to those people I love.

I hope to keep this value for a very long time and want Langit to acquire a good understanding about this. 

82 years of living that my grandma had might sound so long. But, as we reach the end, really, life is indeed too short. Those years were just gone in a blink of an eye. It is a good reminder for us to choose wisely what and who really matter in our life.

Everyone choose differents battle to be fighting for in their life. Not all battle could be won and whether we like it or not, there will be battles that we lose. Choose well which one we want to win and with that comes ones that we have to lose.

I decided mine already and will keep going with that until the end. All things I live my life with, I am hoping for a happy ending to go through the hardest last battle in life.

At last, it reminds me about one important thing in life :

It doesn’t matter how you start, it matters a lot how you finish.

Posted in Thoughts

Undelivered Tuna Sandwich 

Posted on by arlanadya

The last two days have been the hectic, tiring, yet ones that become a new member of my precious memories collection.

It started with an unusual call from my cousin to le husband on Friday evening. When we saw the call I knew right away that it would be something related to my grandma.

It was right. My cousin who is also a resident, told le husband the grandma was unconscious with a very low blood pressure and he decided to bring her to the hospital right away.

At hospital, everything that could and should be done, had been done. She kept being unconscious, no blood pressure was able to be detected, her heart was largened, and we knew she’s been fighting for the final.

Once she was admitted to the ICU, I insisted a lot that she shouldn’t be left alone. I was persistently asked everyone there to take turn recited tahlil or Qur’an in her ear. I was the one who was staying by her side longest.

I asked le husband to take Langit home and asked permision to stay at the hospital with my father. I surely wouldn’t know when would be her due, but I wanted to be there as long as I could. Said to him, I would be home by morning, but for the night, I wanted to be with her, just in case, it would be the last time.

In the ICU, I kept reciting La Illa ha Illallah and syahadat in her right ear. Despite there were lots of things attached to her body, wires were everywhere, it was pretty uncomfortable for sure to stand while leaning to the bed. It was understandable my dad and aunts couldn’t do it for long.

I kept staring at the monitor and witnessing how the numbers were gradually lower. We’ve been told it mostly the medecine worked. We asked the nurse to gradually reduce the medecine and said we would take all those things attached to her body by morning,whatever condition she had. 

We fully accepted her condition and wished nothing to be done to her. We just needed to be allowed to stay by her side. Thankfully, the nurses had been very helpful and kind. I even borrowed Qur’an from them. At midnight, seeing I kept standing for hours, one of them offered me a chair, finally. 

I took turn with my father and aunt around 1.30 am. Tried to sleep though the chair was surely uncomfortable. When I woke up, my aunt also slept so it’s been only my father inside. I went inside to ask him to rest. 

When I entered, the number on the screen was zero and my dad said it’s been a while. Her heart was still beating slowly. My dad went out and I replaced him. Kept reciting the tahlil word continously and read yassin once. 

I didn’t really know the precise time, but the zero on the screen, once suddenly changed and went up to 61 then dropped again. After that I just realized it this morning, it might be the time when she’s gone. Not long after that, my aunt came and joined me.

Just ten ninutes to five am, the doctor checked and pronounced her death. Though I had been staying by her side almost all night, tears couldn’t help bursting out hearing she’s gone. Knowing there woudn’t be any other chances to be with her.

I kept accompanying her throughout the process. In the deceased room, in the ambulance to my home, bathed her for the last time, wrapped her in kafan, sat beside her in the ambulance that sent her to cemetry, until the last piece of soil put to her graveyard.

———————-

It was Friday morning when I went to supermarket and found the rare burger bun available. Bought two packs with the thought of sending her the tuna sandwich she liked for Saturday’s breakfast. 

Sadly, it was undelivered and would never be delivered anymore. I hoped my presence that night, words and prays I recited the whole night could make up those undelivered tuna sandwich for her.

She had 82 years of life. Even the number amazed me. Eight successful children, fourteen grandchildren, and four great grandchildren, fifty year of marriage, and so many things that I even don’t know. For one to have such a long life must be a great blessing that is just not anyone could have. I wish she had a beautiful next life as she had in her previous.

Till we meet again, dear grandma. Have a good rest and happy reunion there.

Be sure that my pray will keep going for you.

A bientôt.

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité

The Happiest Face

Posted on by arlanadya

Langit’s taste bud has been expanding widely. She literally almost eats everything, with a very wide range of tastes. Bitter, sweet, plain, savory, spicy, light or heavy spices, she eats them all. One that I know she has been constantly less preferable is egg. Any kind of egg dishes. 

She stopped having baby’s food completely around thirteen months. As she started her first table food on her eleventh months, she started having exactly the same like the adults had. I also gave more spices to the food. 

Knowing she had no problem with pepper, I continued with chili. Now, she eats any kind of sambals. She loves tomato sambal, but one that works well with her is dabu-dabu. 

She has been soup number one fan. So, soup is almost never absent. Chicken soup, meat and vegetable soup, tofu soup, and the most epic one that she likes a lot is lamb soup.

She enjoys some particular vegetables like cucumber, brocoli, sawi putih (don’t have any idea in english), and bean sprout. Some vegetables with coconut milk like pumpkin and sweet corn is also a yes for her.

For protein, fish is on the top of her preference list while chicken is the last. Funny how she has quite similar preference with me. Ah, she doesn’t really keen on soysauce dishes.

Lots of times, I captured her very best expressions were ones that she had during eating. She looked so happy and it made me even happier watching that and couldn’t help recording it. Hope she’ll keep being an adventurous eater like she has been. Apprendre les cuisines en France, si possible!

Keep happy and healthy, baby!

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Eating tauge and labu kukus for lunch starter. Look at that wide grin and smile!

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Finishing kuah bakso like she couldn’t get it enough.

August Coiffeur was right.

Good food is the foundation of genuine happiness.

Posted in Maternité, Thoughts

Motherhood’s Choices

Posted on by arlanadya

Life happens usually quiet for few weeks in 2017. Not that quiet actually. Been dealing with some exciting stuffs and hope everything goes well. Doing tons of reading about something you’re excited about is soothing and rewarding. There is always some new knowledge. 

The baby is doing fine. Getting chatty and smarter when it comes to get something that she wants through nagging, crying, and whining. Sometimes, it is hard to deal with.

I am not that kind of sweet,loving, and crafty mother type. I lose my patience often and regret it after (often too). It feels like the baby is having more patience than me. 

But then, the choice made to stay with my baby had been decided since long ago. I didn’t have any idea about being a (good) wife, but I am always in when it is about being a mother.

I decided long ago, I would be the main caregiver of my child(ren) once I signed up for parenthood. I have been never into career or office work. I knew I wanted to be a teacher since my elementary school days. Simply because I enjoyed those glorious six years of learning. I loved my teachers, my school, and felt so happy to be there. 

As I grew up older and had my first teaching job in my first semester of college, I was totally sold to teaching. It’s addictive and rewarding at the same time, more than just numbers or recognition.

Since I was also raised by a teacher, it gave more insights how this job doing to my mom’s parenting. It allowed her to be present for her children. Not the kind that always playing with the children or doing things together, but whenever we needed her, she was there.

She was a working mom as well. In our toddlerhood years, she took turn with my father. My father worked from morning till afternoon, went home then my mom left and worked until evening. She left two toddlers and a baby with my father. Left without no hassles. 

When we were left with our father, he didn’t need to do any messy things. My mom had done it all before she went for work. Basically, my father was only babysitting us and he could rest, as we had gone to bed as early as seven pm.

I worked full time few years ago and only survived for one and half years and switched to part time. It was one of the best decisions made. It felt so liberating. I could do more things I love other than teaching (working). I had more time for myself and turned out for my mother when she was sick.

I love money but I love free time more. It makes me happy when I am able to do my regular exercise in the morning, enjoying my breakfast religiously, not rushing here and there, not dealing with traffic jam every morning and afternoon, not being trapped in a building all day, having time to watch serials and korean dramas, and more, doing my prayers and religious things not in a tired condition. 

Having men and a baby to be taken care of is not an easy job. Can’t imagine how I could take care ones that matter for me the most while dealing with too much work outside.

When the baby came, I first had struggles to do those things while dealing with baby’s stuffs. But, as I highly needed those things to keep my sanity, so I put more efforts to have it. I reduced my working hours outside to gain some more peaceful time at home.

It’s a bless that I have been an early morning person thanks to my mother. I always woke up few hours before subuh to do stuff. Practicing piano at 3 am, learning for exams, and preparing breakfast. 

My mother had me and my sister took turn to prepare breakfast for the family since elementary school. It was up to us how we arranged it. Either one week straight or day by day. When piano exams months coming, I had to wake up even earlier so I could practice before breakfast. Breakfast is served before subuh in this house. I really want having what I had as a child once I am a mother.

Until now, it keeps going like that and the baby is surprisingly following the habit. She wakes up minutes before adzan, joins us for breakfast, having a tiny cup of tea or milk with fruit or bread, then sometimes she follows her dad to go to the mosque for subuh prayer, then joins me for Qur’an reading. Then, the real breakfast and the rest of the schedules are going as usual, more or less the same since she started eating. It’s funny remembering that I have been given almost all things that I want and what I have been picturing for a long time. 

Since the beginning of motherhood, I have been even given more. I didn’t trying hard to have vaginal birth since I had high d-dimer during pregnancy, I prepared more to have c-section, but it turned out I had vaginal one. I grew up with formula since birth,and I felt I had nothing against that so I prepared to do the same for my baby. Again, the more I read and know that there’s something better than that and worth to be fought for, I ended up breastfeed my baby up until now. Not yet succesful to wean.

For these two years, I couldn’t be more grateful to have the choice to stay with my baby. Choosing and having many things happened because of that choice are privileges that not everyone can afford. 

I stay at home most of the time while still able to have regular morning exercises class twice a week, go working for few hours three times a week, watch korean dramas daily, take care of my father and house stuff, not have to deal with traffic jam since my workplace is within walking distance and the other one is about 20-30 minutes driving. 

In the other side, I have a chance to witness how this little creature grows up day by day, from knowing nothing to lots of things, from being incapable of doing things until she masters some, being the one she turns to when she wakes up, feeding and taking care her with my own hands, and witnessing how some my habits (good and bad) followed by her precisely.

I absolutely earn much less money than pre-motherhood but alhamdulillah, it never feels less sufficient. It comes through any other ways beyond a human calculation. Putting money over things I consider more important turns out giving more than just larger amount in my bank account. I couldn’t count them enough. Really.

I choose to neglect my baby for a while and let her playing alone to write this, free of guilt. Even to the simplest choice, I believe there is no right or wrong in any motherhood choices we make. In the end, every mother is responsible for any choices that she makes in her life and the children’s. 

For the greatest responsibility that I consciously signed up and given perfectly, I choose one that I think the best way to bear the responsibility, which I consider most important. 

I hope to have the least regret in the future. Having too much absence, literally and unliterally, while I am still healthily present.
Then, time to go back to ‘work’ now.

Bonne journée!

Posted in Thoughts

New Year’s Wishes

Posted on by arlanadya

Bonjour!!

It’s been quite some times after the last post in 2016. New number on the calendar means another year closer to the expired date. Haha, such a gloomy first greeting😀

I stopped having certain clear resolutions after 2012. It was when my steps were finally slowing down after several years running fast, hard, and going here and there a lot. 2012 was the year of fulfilled-dreams. Years after that, life had been more of living the real life dealing with marriage and motherhood.

2016 gave some surprises beyond the wildest thought. Never thought that Paris was finally checked in 2016. The long awaited and most wanted Paris was granted beautifully. 

But then, nothing good comes easy. 2016 also gave one of the most unpleasant surprises. Some relationships meant to be changed due to some circumstances. I nearly forgot there had never been great things fulfilled without having some precious ones taken, like 2012 did to me.

When most people said 2016 was absolutely terrible, I came to say it was terribly great in both ways. Paris was equally worth the pain.
After the big three dreams were all accomplished, I don’t have much to be looked forward to for personal stuff. The wishes become more abstract. Motherhood becomes top priority. I am pretty much done with myself.

So, let’s pray for more strength and patience to be bestowed to go through whatever life brings this year. Health and wealth in true faith until the end.

Amin.