Category: Life happens

To The Smallest Details

Above was last year writing and recently I (or we) had been experiencing how life has always been carefully precisely designed by The Best Planner and Designer.

Education is my obsession and apparently Allah matched me with someone with the same or even more intense level of obsession. We as parents and individuals really enjoy spending time thinking, searching, curating, and executing any trainings that we want to pursue, or we just like.

There are recent several big and small things that dumbfounded me of how Allah really takes everything that we want seriously.

I once casually said, but, wholeheartedly, since we couldn’t send little girl to where the Chinese kids study, let’s go where they train. In her music school, I notice there are certain small circles with specific teacher which consist of students with different level of skills and achievements. Then, the more I observe, their parents were actually my fellows back in YPM years. That even makes more sense.

These kids not only pursue things inside the school, but also things outside their school. Then, I said to her father casually, “how we could join them in training?”.

I actually don’t have any idea at all. I don’t want to exercise my audacity for this.

That’s the first circumference.

On the other lane, since last year, we changed her ABRSM teacher from one online in Spain to an offline one coming to our house once a week. Considering her current level, an online teacher is no longer sufficient to achieve the level’s requirements. Someone has to show it in front of her face.

We had been searching for suitable offline teachers for months. Contacted several but, on none returned the call. Until one did last November. We had the trials and so far we have been quite satisfied with what she brings.

Then, here’s where things get really fun(ny).

Last two weeks, this teacher texted me whether my daughter wanted to join a concert in one of the recital halls in town. Not a huge one, but a very decent one and it’s located only 20 mins drive from our home. We once went there too to watch an orchestra.

I said I was interested and signed up right away. Last week, we attended the practice and saw the small-circle teacher mentioned above during the practice session. Not only that, but we also met my fellow student since early years, she also happened to be a fellow doctor. This friend’s daughter also joined the concert.

Small world story is always fun(ny).

The concert will be held in two sessions and we asked to be included on the second one.

Few days ago, the offline teacher sent me the rundown of the concert and I couldn’t help laughing silently.

Many of the names on the second sessions consist of the small circle students that I said I wanted my daughter to join.

All of these were too absurd to be called a coincidence. I just said casually, in my own mother language, “gimana sih join circle itu, yang serius-serius gitu latihannya dan rapi bgt mainnya?”. But I did nothing to pursue it. Not desperate enough to do something about it. Just a simple wishful thinking to improve my daughter’s skill and character.

I once read a thread that relying on human logic only is the most illogical thing a human can do. The truth is, we should put our best effort into ourselves, but tie the result to something bigger than our own limitations. To One Who Is Limitless. That’s actually the right logic for doing well in life.

This is jsut a story among many that keeps proving many things in life is really possible if you really want to and with Allah’s permission.

I reached a point where I needed to warn myself to be really careful, yet remain utterly hopeful about everything I asked.

Because it can be fulfilled,

To the smallest details.

PS : I wrote this few days ago. Today’s is the concert day and everyone keeps saying how beautiful her playing was. Alhamdulillah.

This april has been running with different kind of mixed feelings.

It reminds me of few periods of life in the past. In 2012 where many important milestones and events took place throughout year and in 2019 during the big moving . Torn between so many feelings daily. Sometimes intense, sometimes calm, sometimes I felt like I have been doing everything to the smallest detail, another time I feel like doing too much and I shouldn’t be doing it that way. Like constantly operating with emotional rolleecoaster ride.

I remembered the excitement and the anxiety, they were taking over each other daily. Like the visualization of Inside Out movie where Joy and her other friends were fighting inside.

Pre-night sleep spent by having mental and internal talk show inside the head. Creating many scenarios, imagining many different ifs, and last but not least, questioning if this was even real.

The same event experienced in my 20s, 30s, and 40s might be giving the similar feeling, but, it is all dealt with different insight and mindset . In some ways, life really humbles us as we grow older.

The feeling of entitlement in the 20s thinking something happens because we strive for that has been replaced by the assurance in the 40s that it all happened only and only because Allah allows it. Our efforts matter, but it’s not the main reaaon why it came to our way. The good and the bad.

This is maybe what the scholars said about life as a moslem is series of sabr and shukr, patience and gratitude. What amazes me more, this is exactly what the dua mentioned in the Quran once we turn 40, in Al-Ahqaf : 15.

The funny thing, there is similar dua in An-Naml : 19 that I knew for the first time in my first year of university and has become my favorite since then . This is the dua of one of the prophets. The prophets have their own dua and it’s all beautiful. But, my number one favorite has always been Prophet Sulaiman AS of 27:19 which is similar to 46:15.

In 27:19 it said :

So he smiled, amused at her speech; and he said: “O my Lord! so order me that I may be grateful for Thy favours, which thou hast bestowed on me and on my parents, and that I may work the righteousness that will please Thee: And admit me, by Thy Grace, to the ranks of Thy righteous Servants.”

In 46:15 it said :

At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and attains forty years, he says, “O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Thy favour which Thou has bestowed upon me, and upon both my parents, and that I may work righteousness such as Thou mayest approve; and be gracious to me in my issue. Truly have I turned to Thee and truly do I bow (to Thee) in Islam.”

Above all the different kind of feelings fighting inside, I have been praying and hoping that gratitude is one of the feelings that conquer all the emotions for the past two decades.

Not only because it’s another promised in the Quran that gratitude will make us be given more, but, more importantly, the ability to be grateful alone is the most valuable blessing more than the blessing itself, as both dua mentioned. It doesn’t ask for specific blessing but the ability to be thankful.

Isn’t it beautiful?

——————

This is an additional writing the following day. There’s one thing that always happens until I have certain slogan : “the right book will always find you at the right time”. Apparently it’s the similar case to Quran verses, so the alternative for the quote is, “The right verse will find you at the right time”.

Here’s the last verse discussed on Saturday Quran lesson with Kak Isna :

This is also a closing Saturday Quran session for 1447H season.

Alhamdulilah.

This Friday, we managed to take one enormous step toward another essential family goal that had been started four years ago.

It feels scary, overwhelming, and incredible all at once. Looking at such numbers, it gave me goosebumps to see, countless times, how Allah made many things possible beyond calculation.

Life over the past ten years has been quite hard to explain and make sense of. The ups and downs, the highs and lows, they were all incredibly amazing. The Best Life Planner and Designer beautifully crafted every detail.

The roads we have traveled are rarely easy. In fact, there have always been external and internal situations to deal with throughout the years we asked for and pursued huge things in life.

Since I really get used to dealing with hard things, I feel insecure and think it’s fishy when things are easy😅.

What keeps me grounded is knowing and comprehending that in Islam, trials don’t always look like turbulence. It can be disguised in many forms, including what we see as blessings.

Tried my best not to tie everything we received to the efforts we have made. I feel more peace when I reframe things and zoom out, giving credit where it’s truly due. Not because of our efforts, not because of our good deeds, but it’s simply because Allah has always been The Most Merciful and the Most Powerful to allow us to make it and be where we are. Efforts and good deeds matter at some point; doing our math right is important, but they don’t make much difference without His approval.

In pursuing many of my life goals from my 20s through the 40s, those are when I experience the lessons of tauhid in real life. In witnessing how this life journey sails, I experience how the wind brings us to many ports and stops to allow us to fetch a bit of this and that, lessons here and there, then brings us to where we are supposed to be, more often than not, it has always been better than the initial request.

Bismillah for everything onwards. May Allah make it easy and keep us on the straight path, protect us at every step of the way, and throughout the journey.

Amin. Amin. Amin.

In my own words

A huge milestone in the 40s : after bailing out for few times due tp unmatched schedule (really??), mustered the courage to attend arisan ibu-ibu in a house ten steps away from home.

Social skills seem to be one skill I keep refining (in my own way) yet never fully bloomed let alone mastered. Combination thick blood introverted and borderline neurodivergent, already accepted and make peace with it that this is something that doesn’t come naturally for neurodivergent individuals (like me and my daughter). We’ll keep trying as reasonable as we can.

Being the youngest in the circle turned out to be an advantage. My nerve always feels safer being around the wisdom and kindness of older people. It suits my old soul better (another similarity to my daughter).

It was a nice soirée with enjoyable conversation and tolerable duration.