A YPM alumni posted a writing about life in YPM and it triggered more alumni to give their testimony too. I am enjoying YPM’s little reunion on the comment section while keep reflecting and being currently on the down slope of parenting.
Reading those comments make me realize few things.
Not all the students become great/famous pianist. But, all agree in one thing. The result of all the rigorous training done for years are same for everyone :
the good characters stay, Especially for those who reached certain level.
Lower grade in YPM is about building discipline, consistency, resilience, and many kind of internal characters.
Upper grade in YPM (if one is given the chance) is more about displaying years whether those characters have been successfully internalized or not.
Before grade 6, if you don’t pass, you can repeat the year. Starting grade 6, if you don’t pass : out.
The brilliant one goes directly to PK 1. The not so brilliant one (like me) goes to Pra PK. It’s like another second chance of grade 6. If you don’t pass : out.
In PK 1 – PK2, if you don’t pass all or half of the subjects, repeat the year.
PK 3 is the final destination. The end of journey.
They pick 2-3 student to be taken as teacher, if they tick all the list.
Looking back, I think, those who could proceed and survive PK years, are ones who got the characters internalized, more than the skills.
Ones who, in spite being scolded hard weekly, keep coming. Ones who might be not so talented, but keep trying. Ones who keep juggling between task and challenges, they give their all to finish it,no matter the result.
Evening Replass is where we have play in front of others, being criticized openly and bluntly. Twice a week, From 7pm-12 am. It might sound weird, but, I have never seen an empty Repclass room even during school exam, like final test or even UAN. They don’t choose between school or YPM. They embrace both responsabilities equally.
Having/doing/surviving YPM in my formative years, it’s like a ‘shortcut’ to be a functional adult.
The most significant tangible result is nothing written on the paper, but when I look around my peers and realized I was entering 20s fully ready to deal with the most uncertain period of adulthood.
because I am good, but because I have been trained to deal with whatever adult should deal with.
Adults :
Pay their own bills.
Doing multiple roles.
Doing things we don’t like, but we have to.
Having clear goals and know how to achieve it.
Saying no to many things that doesn’t align with the goals, be it job offers or marriage proposals (plurals).
Fully aware that good life comes with price and willing to pay for it.
It’s certainly not because who I am. It’s the works that many people do for me in my formative years and YPM was the huge part of it.
Working and volunteering with the 20s for the past few years, I see it as one way to paying forward for all the hardwork done on me.
Succesful education can be considered by two characteristics : competency and character.
In YPM, they nailed both.
Closing this with one of the most favorite quotes from a book :
“Teachers (and great education) affect eternity. No one can tell where their influences stops”.
The past few days, life gave me huge lessons about few things. Or maybe show me some test to my character.
It showed me how reactive I am. How quick I was jumping into conclusions.
It showed me how much improvement needed regarding my communication skills.
It showed me no matter much I think I know what to do, at certain point, I will be slipped.
It showed me the complexities of raising a child. No matter how much I think I know about my child, there will be more than I don’t know and teach me those I don’t know through certain circumstance that doesn’t make sense.
I feel humiliated, embarrassed, disappointed, stupid, all level of shame from the lowest to the highest. On the other side, I feel confused, worried, defeated, and extremely exhausted. It has been countless session of talking inside the head and tears flowing suddenly. Even when I am currently writing this.
This is actually the real life test to certain thing that I seem to understand during learnng, so it gives me a chance to see how much I understand when it happens in real life, not through others, but first hand experience.
But, this also one of the moments of confirmation how precise Allah’s timing for everything. While facing this lesson, He let me deal with it ‘alone’ to make sure I am the one who get the lesson.
I wrote to the smallest details at the beginning of the year. It happened again this time. Been wondering why it kept delaying while for the past few months it has been consistently on time. It came at the right time to remove some of obligations while dealing with huge commotion.
Other than the emotions mentioned above, there’s one thing that gives me some light :
The amount of courage that helped me get through this. Years spent training this trait through doing hard things and decision making, turned out to be the most useful while dealing with turbulence in life.
Another thing I realized, we, as human, will never be done with ourself until the end. When we think we have done with ourself, then another layer will be peeled, whether we like it or not. Onion peeling event would always sting in the eye.
During this season of life, the day can be divided into a few roles and shifts during the day.
It starts with quiet and silence in the morning. When the 3 am alarm rings, moved to the living room. It’s when I read, write like now, then followed by the Sunnah prayers and morning Quran.
The loudness of the day starts between five and eight a.m, dealing with motherhood’s tasks and duties. This period is loud and intense. But, this is also when the most important parenting takes place. Between 5-8 am in the morning is my 80/20 principles as a mother. Me as a child was quiet, me as a mother is loud. Whose mother is not loud anyway?
It feels like pushing a button or turning down the volume knob right after school delivery to midday. It’s where I play, do some work, and rest. The little girl always asks when I picked her : “what did you do while I was gone?”. Sometimes the answer could be lengthy, sometimes it could be no more than five words like: “I read and sleep”.
This period of the day is guilt-free. It’s one of the most important periods of the day when I can entertain myself, body, mind, and soul. I go for a morning walk, go jajanan pasar hunting, volunteer, meet with friends/parents, clean the house, read and sunbathe, and then nap. Nap time is important.
Preparing myself to mood-switching after midday where I resume working. Picking up the work phone and start dealing with customers and teams, while going for school pick up followed by after-classes session and dinner preparation. This is like doing multiple jobs at once. Tired, but totally manageable. Whose life is not tired anyway?.
Dinner always done between 5.30-6.30 pm and another period that I am looking forward. Works are all done. Study night with the little girl doesn’t count as work, it is more like a light discussion or checking some of her works.
When the last five times prayer of the day is completed, it is already near time for bed.
Saturday is mostly the loudest weekday during this season. (Any day that requires me to move around is considered a weekday.)
I decided one thing that I didn’t want to do in life when I was 26 : daily commuting and being stuck in one place for hours daily. After doing it for two years, it crushed my body, mind and soul. I didn’t want to move restlessly between day. That was when I understood that I need more than money to live properly. I was far from wealthy but I didn’t want to spend my life being tired and unhappy daily.
Trading stable jobs for tranquility is the price to pay and that was the first time I exercise my audacity to ask kind of life I want (or I didn’t want to be exact).
Everyone looks for peace of mind at a certain point in life. I just decided a bit early.
One of the gains from this kind of life that I really treasure is a chance to do my five times prayer mindfully and peacefully. No rush and I can take it as much or as long as I want (although there are times when it is still as fast as I can). Time and space to exercise the long surahs and verses memorized. The sit and stare after some of the prayers. At my age, any other gains offered but must be traded with such significant gain is no longer interesting.
From few angles, this life might look boring and uninterested. But, from many POVs, I am just privileged and and lucky that life granted me the audacity and go along with my decision.
Life before the London days and after that also plays an important role. London days were milestones when life season gently changed and no willingness to return although the period of living there was over. Life once again granted me the courage and audacity to ask such a thing.
I sometimes wonder where such audacity comes from? Only courage and bravery from genetic and personality? Or it‘s more of pure good fate and destiny? Because, audicity doesn’t stop there. It’s closely related to being resourceful and high agency. I often assume all of these contribute to the complexity of rezeki.
Despite knowing this as an undeniable privilege, maintaining this actually needs one to be sober and sane, not once or twice or sometimes, but all the time. It takes high level of discipline and consistency because it’s really easy to slip away without realized it.
Audacity is not just about courage or bravery, nor destiny. In my native language, audacity should come with “tau diri”.
Cut half of my income and spend only the other half since I was a first jobber in 18.
Number one and two I followed the example set at home. Home matters. May Allah keeps showering the rewards of all the good teaching from and for my mother . Amiin.
Number three, I didn’t really remember how I started but, having clear goals and three big dreams in my 20s helped me giving clarity and purpose what the money earned for.
I also learn that if you can’t be clear about your own goals, it’s likely to be harder to be clear when it comes to other people.
Doing all the those three since my 20s turned out to be a huge advantage in my 40s. Getting older is unavoidable, but what I just realized getting older comfortably needs more hard work when you’re younger. You’ll get what you pay in your 20s for your 40s. Good things compound, so does bad ones. All the habits done daily and regularly over the years during my 20s suddenly feel easy when I turn 40.
I am often being hard on myself because I know myself too well. I am basically and naturally lazy. But I want to live comfortably. If I keep validating my laziness, it will make life harder for me, so there’s no other way to do the opposite.
This also becomes my stand on raising my daughter. I want my daughter have what I have in this part. Although her life is not mine to live, but I wish her well being, physically and mentally in her adulthood, which means the preparation should start early.
Enjoying my 20s thanks to years of training done since my childhood and teenager years, again credit goes to my mother and for some part, my father.
Now, in my 40s, it isn’t time for relax and easy. It means another preparation should be done for the next two decades. May Allah make it easy, may the mind and heart keep being on the track to live peacefully in this world and hereafter. Amiin.
If I could describe what makes me survive these past 13 years, maybe one of the answers is because we have a functional marriage.
This post has been sitting on the draft since last year (I even forgot what year). I only managed to finish that first paragraph above. Nothing came out after that until today (I also didn’t remember today referred to when).
It took a tweet that triggered me to finish it. Not yet published, but just finish it is good enough.
The job division in this household is quite clear from the very beginning. We only have the three of us at home. So, everyone is responsible for certain things at home other than their personal responsibilities without other people involvement in our daily life.
We started literally from zero as I once wrote here.
I was the breadwinner during the first and half years and slowly the doctor took over. Studying full time as residents in the morning while working part time in few hospitals in the evening. Sacrificing less time for more money. That was why we postponed to have a kid during the first years of marriage.
When the little girl came, I took many steps backward towards working although it means less income. But, the baby doesn’t need two parents who give her money. She needs one to earn the money while the other one to give her their time and energy. So, it’s clear who did which.
Up until the tenth year, the job division is still as clear. Not only for the major thing, but also down to the smallest thing. When the doctor cooks, he needs no help in preparing anything. In return, he doesn’t have to think about anything other than producing meal for us, not the cleaning, not even returning bottles of spices used to its rack. It would be my responsibility, and there’s not much argument about that.
It goes the same with money. One will focus on bring in the money while the other will be focused on managing and allocating the resources to the smallest detail.
This marriage has been like an organization which functioned well because the members contributes different skills needed to run it well. One possesses good hard skill while the other one has the soft skills.
Without money, there would be no single dream checked for the past ten years. Yet, money alone without proper management wouldn’t take us anywhere no matter how much the number has been growing since our first year.
When one has to deal with many things outside, the other one takes care everything inside.
The kitchen analogy describes this well. You need different kind of knives when you’re cooking. You can’t cut the meat with the same knife you use to cut the fruit. You can’t cook the soup with same pan you use to grill the steak. This is basically and exactly what a functional marriage looks like.
It might be not an ideal type of household like other typical Indonesian families where additional helps are available to cover some works. But, so far, this works best for us. It’s not easy but it’s totally doable and I am beyond grateful with what I have.
Personally, surviving life together with someone is not easy. I used a meticulous and detailed process to select candidates for someone who had never dated another person.
Pardon my humble brag, but I had plenty of offers during my 20s.
I can’t imagine navigating adulthood alone. Many things that I want in life can not be done alone, and many things are indeed easier with some companies. Single life might be more simple, but together, you’ll be going much further than you can imagine.
As I grow older, I learn to accept many things through continuous broken-hearted sessions. I learned that you can’t have everything, but you can choose what you can tolerate.
I am strong-minded; not much can break me as long as I know the ultimate purpose of accomplishing something. That includes being married.
I sincerely accepted things that happened, the good and the bad, the best and the worst. I wholeheartedly owned all the highs and the lows. This last line is another joy of growing old, I guess. You can just accept anything without so many excuses, because you know, life goes on.
(The third updated draft after another major issue happened).
Entering this new decade makes me wonder more than usual.
Questions about many things that have passed and even more questions about what lies ahead.
Entering my 20s with high spirits, fully optimistic, and the assurance that the future will be bright. Holding tight to my three big dreams ready to fight whatever battle to achieve them.
Entering my 30s, I was exhausted, anxious and defeated after all the lessons taught during my 20s. Especially in the last years of the 20s. But, during the 30s, I arrived at many peaks that I didn’t even imagine I would climb in the previous decade. If the first five years were bleak, then the last five years of the 30s were full of adventures that make life more enjoyable. This is also the period where I feel like I have had everything I need and want.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have many that I haven’t got and still want to get, I have a lot of plans about my daughter and with the doctor, but basically, I get everything covered for myself right now.
Explained in Maslow’s pyramid, up until the fourth stage, I feel like I have had enough for now.
I found a very good writing about the fifth on the Top (I added this one day after this writing was published and it is once again confirmed, the right book/articles/reading always comes at the right time. This is one of the best substacks on my inbox)
Being grateful and knowing what’s enough is undoubtedly good. But I found another angle that I didn’t think I would use.
Entering 40 with all the blessings turns out to be confusing. I am beyond grateful, but, I can’t believe I tell myself the same line that often played inside my head when I was exhausted, burned out, and tired in my early 30s, “shouldn’t be more life than this?”.
Human is truly a complex creature.
I didn’t really remember about having a quarter life crisis. Having three fixated big dreams played important role on this. It gave me fuel to keep running and somehow those were feel like reasons for living.
I read a lot about midlife crisis. Maybe this is a small part of it. Or maybe not. Maybe this is just my mind playing tricks on me which means I need to be busier doing more life than just reading or staring at the screen.
I also read more about this from the Islamic point of view. It opened a few perspectives that I think I haven’t considered previously. During one of the text conversations with the doctor, I once said that I felt like we were entering a new season. Not massive drastic changes, but little things that are shifting slowly. I hope it’s for the better. Amin.
I also conclude that specific adventures are (only) best enjoyed in particular decades. As decades change, we tend to change too, and “the ship has sailed” rings true for a few things (that matter) in life. Time is indeed the only currency that we couldn’t grow back no matter how hard we try.
There are times when I wish someone could tell me this. How life feels like in the 40s, 50s, and so on based on their own experiences. I think we need more wisdom from our own parents and elders while they are still around. What certain in life, it never goes backwards, so listening to those who have been through more than us could be helpful in some ways.
Or maybe, there should be more people of their 40s who share their own thoughts about this. Not the psychological type article or items in bullets with “40 things I wish to know before 40” on the title page, but the real situation and problems they deal with inside out.
What soothes me a bit, judging from past experiences, is that during the period of confusion, by pattern, I’ll keep looking ahead to find some answers, and that is a good thing.
One of them is to finally write this for public and press the publish button.
The initial schedule was arriving in Madina around 9.30 morning, but then, six hours delay made us has to deal with 10 hours of layover and arrived at 21.30.
A flight with 100% punctuality and no delay history, yet, it delayed for 6 hours, ONLY on the day we departed. Instead of arrived early as planned, we had 10 hours of layover in the airport, wasted and doing nothing. Even the transit hotel plan missed us.
Half of the day was abruptly taken by unexpected event, half of them was more for Umra preparation, it left us with a full day in Madina. but Allah made this brief time spent in Madinah sufficient for all things that the heart yearned.
Arrived in Madina exhausted and unfocused. Alhamdulilah we chose the right hotel after changed it for few times. At least, something was right.
Nabawi has always been tranquil and beautiful. I only had few main itineraries in Madina other than regular pray in Nabawi. Visiting Quba, Raudah, and Rasulullah Biography museum.
Entering Raudah now needs some permit and it is quite hard to obtain. It seemed too good to be true until it turned out happening on the last minute. Even how smooth the visit was left me speechless.
It reminds me of one of Rasulullah SAW saying : “What has reached you was never meant to miss you and what has missed you was never meant to reach you”.
In this Umrah trip, we experienced both.
Umrah bound to Makkah using Haramain train and the Umrah process itself Alhamdulilah went smoothly.
The real struggle was when dealing with the bucket list.
In few previous umrah and Hajj, pray in the ground floor with Kabah view was a regular thing to have. Doing daily Tawaf on the ground floor is easily reachable. Returned to Haram afrer 13 years, it’s totally different situation to deal with.
It tortures me to certain degree on this trip until I spent almost 30.000 STEPS just to execute what has been fixated on my mind which becomes one of the bucket lists in this trip.
Constructions are all over the places and many access blocked. You can’t just enter from any gates to have what I want to have. More blocked access for woman too. Beside that, maybe as it’s getting closer to Ramadan, it’s been quite crowded.
I spent the whole first morning trying to figure out this, then continue the quest between zuhur and asr. Couldn’t stand the thought of coming here from thousand miles away just to accept things at it is without any proper fights.
Hajj was crowded and I even managed to do this for every prayer time I did in mosque, not easily of course. The voice inside kept saying, « Haji aja bisa masa umroh ngga ». Such thought can be poisonous, but I’d rather consider it as fuel.
When I finally figured it out, then I understood that I couldn’t have everything due to current situation and had to compromise a bit.
Such understanding can only be accepted knowing I have done the best possible thing through these thirty thousand steps.
Knowing what you want is indeed a blessing and a curse.
Umrah with Kid
I have been sounding several times to my travel members that we would plan for an Umrah trip once my daughter reached akil baligh age. The time when she’s considered an adult in Islam.
But then, plans changed, the calling for Umrah came faster and after a long search, the only way forward was to execute the plan.
I have told her many times that Umrah trip is totally different with any other trips that we have been through. It will be tough, it will be harder, and it won’t be a trip to the park and playground.
She once again, showed her maturity beyond her age in traveling. Dealing with long hours of layover, anxious and exhausted parents without any complaints which is the total opposite of her mother. I wish I could be as easy going as she is, a little bit.
As she has survived any kind of walks and hike, from beach to mountain, she endured all the walk and hike in this Umrah trip.
Taking children for Umrah for the first time, I learned that we should really set a realistic expectation for them and for us. Certain standard that allows them to enjoy their experience without compromising the parents standard of ibadah. We have gone far for that, after all.
So, what I did was in Madinah, we went all the way for five times prayer since the hotel is nearby and it was manageable.
While in Mecca, she only went for five times prayer in Zuhur, Maghrib and Isya altogther. Tahajud and subuh only for parents, and she just woke up once adzan subuh heard. Even her parents were leaving and doing their own thing separately.
Zuhur was at the mosque while Asr she stayed at home to have some early dinner to prepare Maghrib and Isya together at the mosque. Providing books during the waiting between Maghrib ane Isya worked well for her.
The only city tour I wanted for this trip only for museums and looked like it suits her well.
I hope this trip brings her joy, more experience and excitement as a moslem, and may Allah always guard her in every step of the way. Amin.
Epilogue
A trip (especially) to Holy Lands has always been about my meticulous plan and the reality that reminded me (especially) again and again the He is The One Who Decided all the results.
I often wonder should I be less invested in things so the expectation would be somehow not makes you devastated when things don’t go according to the plan?
I know all the theory.But, during turbulence it’s often hard to think clearly and stop the what ifs. I think this is the price of being quite opinionated and determined (In bahasa : sok tau and banyak mau).
His bounties are more than we deserve, but, the way it reaches us, I still need more training to get used to the suprise.
This trip is personally challenging. It is emotionally exhausting, dealing with the unexpected long delay, the crowd five times a day, yet it is also exceptionally rewarding.
To have all my bucket list ticked with certain degree of struggle, to witness all the little help from Allah through the strangers we met, to enjoy the trip at our own pace, the best duration of the trip, surviving a long delay, completing Umrah together, again, Alhamdulilah is an understatement.
I saw that the doctor somehow also enjoyed it in his own way. Hopefully, he also found what he’s looking for other than all the surpsingly good speciality coffee in these two holy cities. We also had a young smart mutowwif as a company and the discussion has been really interesting.
Despite the struggle and the crowd, I love Makkah more than Madinah. I love how quiet it is in spite of the loudness. I love how diverse it is. Madinah is literally tranquil, but Makkah has some level of peacefulness that Madinah couldn’t have.
In the end, May Allah receive all the worship, grant all the prayers, and give us many more chances to return to these blessed places. Amin.
Based on few experiences visiting the Holy Lands for Umra, Hajj in 2012 was one of my best experiences. Hajj is one with the crowd,super massive crowds, but it was when I experienced how peaceful solo travel among the crowd was.
I went with my late mum, but since she was not in good health, I basically wondered around Mecca alone. Not to say, I needed to take bus twice to go from our Maktab to Haram. Sometimes I needed to walk since the bus was full. Looking back, I realized how crazy was that. The best moment of life most of the time not the happiest one, but the hardest one.
Three times here, I had quite few experiences of any kind of Umrah. Ramadan, Private, one with really great service staying in the best hotels, and the government service.
I realized that I only enjoyed the time inside the mosque, the session of sitting and staring in front of Kabah, groceries in Bin Dawood, and bookstore hopping in Hilton. I didn’t really enjoy following the schedules set with so many people, going here and there. I don’t really like small talk which most people love. I don’t like uniforms. I don’t like people telling me what to do and what to wear, unless it’s mandatory.
At that time, the internet wasn’t like it is today. Only Yahoo Messenger and sms worked. Close to no distractions like what we have today.
After COVID-19, Umrah has changed a lot. Now, we can arrange our trips according to our preferences and pace.
After registering for Hajj together three years ago, the desire for Umroh grew. Umrah is part of the family long term plan. Since many years ago, the when is well-described but the exact time is a total mystery.
In spite of the uncertainty, For the past two years, I have sent inquiries to countless travel providers, sending them my terms and conditions and itineraries, and close to none have returned the message. It’s uncommon, but it’s doable if someone is willing to help.
Sometimes, I wondered whether we should just sign up for services that offered the best value and were closer to what I wanted. This is what happens if you have goals without a clear time frame. You even confuse with your own plan.
What I am certain, I want to arrange it personally. Our travelling habits over the past nine years have also influenced our decisions.
Four significant things that I wanted to decide on my own were:
Time
Duration
The flights
The Hotels
On the other hands, I want to outsource few things for which I lack the capacity, little knowledge and capabilities to handle independently.
This is Langit Senja’s first Umra experience and her father and I return after 13 and 22 years. There must be a lot that we don’t understand. No matter how much I read, with few experiences, we need proper guidance from a knowledgeable person to perform the Umrah based on Sunnah and Syariah.
I also don’t want to deal with handling and transportation during the stay.
It was a long, on-and-off search with no result until the green light appeared last year once we set the exact dates we planned to go.
Finally, one service gave me exact numbers for my travel conditions. It was precisely the kind of service I was looking for. They let the customers customise everything, and they will chip in to provide what we need. For our kind of trip, we pay for what they call LAND ARRANGEMENT (LA).
What’s included on the service it depends on the travel or the customers and price will follow. Certain travels have already specific package so you just have to choose.
This kind of umrah is what we call semi-mandiri. We have heard many Mandiri ones, but this one combines Mandiri and private ones.
My experience arranging this trip made me understand why going with a travel service is sensible and more convenient, especially for a first-timer. It’s risky if one does it without proper knowledge and experience and doesn’t have the time and energy to do all the thinking and searching.
Since I am moderately jobless with a certain level of experience, so let’s just try this. Alhamdulillah the doctor has been really supportive (or permissive?) to let me entertain any of my ideas. He’s the best for that.
Only two possibilities for trying new things: winning or learning.
Much of the content about Umrah Mandiri is solely focused on the spill budget and low cost. But, based on what I have been through, there are many things beyond the amount of money paid that cost you other (more important) things than money that we should consider. Umroh is significantly different from any other trips I have ever planned in many aspects.
Umroh Mandiri is not necessarily cheaper, but we only pay what we want to spend, be it money or other intangible costs. We all must wish for the best services with the best price we are willing to pay for such travel conditions.
While arranging the trip, I learned a lot about Umrah 101, what makes the process different, which kind of service is worth trusting your Umrah experience with, what the most significant cost of Umrah is, and how we can customise the trip according to personal and general preferences.
This is when things get complicated. Endlessly torn between “not because you can, then you should” or “What are your priorities, girl?”.
But the good side is that now everyone can go (very similar to the tagline of an LCC, which will take you to Madinah with the price of the current minimum basic income). The options are widely available, and it’s doable.
Other than that, Umrah, like any other ritual, should be done with proper knowledge and understanding. So, arranging a manasik mandiri is also part of my plan. We have been doing it three times since last December and have provided some books for the little girl.
Ultimately, whatever means we use to visit Baitullah is not as crucial as our true intention. For me, more than sticking to the budget set, this is the hardest one to keep on track.
This writing saved way before the departure, not knowing how the trip would turn out.
Safar has always been a platform to test your level of tawakal.
There’s a little thing that amazes me when I look at the pattern of how every time this thing comes.
I recognize one thing since my early 20s that my period is rarely on time, but it always comes at the right time. It always comes right when I need it the most.
It doesn’t happen once or twice. It happens so many times until I could recognize the pattern.
The first time I recognized that it always comes at the right time was when I first went abroad with few of my dad colleagues to Singapore. It turned out that praying time wasn’t in their schedule. I remembered that I hadn’t had my period for almost two months.
Then, suddenly, it just came the night before the departure of the trip. I was quite surprised and didn’t prepare for that. I also wasn’t really fond of having period during traveling. But, after knowing I turned out to travel with a group of people who didn’t really include praying time in the itinerary, I thought “what a perfect timing” and felt so grateful for that.
After that, several situations happened that made me realize the pattern of my period that is rarely on time but very much often comes at the right time.
Another memorable one was after pregnancy and giving birth. After around 1,5 years without having period, it suddenly came when I was really exhausted of feeding and teaching eating while it was Ramadan, juggling with many other responsibilities until it didn’t feel like Ramadan anymore. On the peak of my exhaustion, it suddenly came to give me a break for a while.
It wasn’t only the big thing. It goes down to the smallest details. Last September, I had to accompany the little girl to one of the playdates and it might take quite long. I worried that the location was too far for me to go back and forth, and worried about I might have two prayer times outside. Again, I supposed to have my period a week before, but it didn’t happen. On the morning of the play date, it happened.
Last December, I had to drive quite far to the north to do some tests for the little girl. It was scheduled on Thursday, which means it was a fasting day too. Fasting is not a problem, but driving far while fasting and uncertainty of where we would pray was not really up to my liking. Thursday is the schedule of our weekly Quran night too. So, it would be quite tough.
The period had been coming at the same date since September, October, November. But then, in December, it passed the usual date. Five days after the usual schedule, on the night before the test date, it came.
I could imagine my relief breathing while writing this.
I have many many more to write. But, here is one last example.
Every beginning of the month, I will write everyone’s schedule on the board in the kitchen. The doctor’s shift schedule, the little girl’s classes and my fasting schedule along with the iftar and sahoor time. The parents have a routine that whenever the doctor has an afternoon shift, we will send the little girl to the school and proceed to have brunch after that. It is one of the most anticipated monthly events.
Last week I realized that the afternoon shift would be during the date of ayamul bidh fasting (three days white moon fasting). This January, I expected to have the period on the same date as last month, which is three days before the brunch schedule. So, if it happens on the expected date, there wouldn’t be any problems since I won’t be fasting. I even already decided the place for brunch.
But again, it didn’t happen on the expected date. Not on the following day, not the day after the following day. I became anxious because I didn’t really feel good about dropping fasting for brunch, yet, in the other hand, the promise was made too. Although it’s hard, I know which side to take if the period still hasn’t come. Kept sending tiny whisper asking for help so I didn’t have to choose between doing my regular fasting and keeping the promise.
I woke up as usual around 3 am on the date of the brunch and fasting, then it came.
Just like that.
I remember a line that I wrote on the day we moved back from London to Jakarta. Heavily anxious about the situation at that time, with the peak of Covid and many uncertainties ahead of us.
“The decision to return is about putting the utmost trust to the One who decides all affairs. Allah has been taking great care of us everywhere. To the smallest detail. He will do the same, no matter what situation we have to deal with, no matter where we are anywhere in this world”.
That was one of the most powerful lines I have ever written wholeheartedly during one of highest levels of my anxiety.
A simple line that has been proven through thick and thin, high and low, and any seasons of life, after all the best efforts have been done.
If book titles describe my life,then up to this 40 years, it has been a series of Unreasonable Hospitality bestowed by Allah the Almighty.
All the things that brought me here,the ups and downs, have been The Ride of a Lifetime.
Where I am in my 40th year is the combination of Allah’s endless favours,the love and support I received from my loved ones and the accumulation of self-courage to constantly choose and Do Hard Things from The Defining Decade and the following one after that.
When I look back, Thinking in Bets often becomes my standard operating procedure for navigating life, especially when it comes to something that matters to me because, for many things, it Always Seems Impossible Until It’s done.
If one asks How to Measure Your Life? Looking back, I see the choices made with no regrets: Finish What You Start, enjoy Tiny Beautiful Things, live A Walking Life, and keep training for an Organized and Disciplined Mind through consistent Atomic Habits for the past 20 years.
I am far from The Smartest Kid in The World, but I am blessed with Grit,a right Mindset, love playing The Infinite Game for the most important things, applying Clear Thinking to maintain certain things What Money Can’t Buy.
I don’t always have self-confidence, but I always believe in Berserahlah, Biarkan Allah Mengurus Hidupmu. May Allah grant me more wisdom, strength, patience, and guidance to navigate life learnings and winnings in this new decade. Amin.
A Penny for My Pensieve 