Thoughts – Page 23 – A Penny for My Pensieve

A New Member in The Village

Posted on 3 Nov 20214 Nov 2021 by arlanadya

At first, the decision to send her to a non-religious school gave certain guilty feeling inside. It was among many (important) things that didn’t go according to initial plan.

But then, since when (big things in) life goes according to your plan?

Never mind. The more important thing is while the goal should be rigid, the strategy needs to be fluid.

The bright side of choosing non-religious school where religious study is not the main menu (and far from adequate), it opens many opportunities to explore other possibilities of good teachers.

Done with a Quran teacher, next searching that I have been doing for months is a (proper) Islamic teacher.

When gender is not a problem for the Quran teacher, as long as the person is qualified and speaks English well, which we go with a male teacher, for Islamic, I strictly want a female teacher.

Why female teacher? Because she will soon go to puberty, where many drastic changes would happen. A period of many turbulences which she needs someone to hold on to, to share things with other than her parents (since maybe the parents would be one that she would have conflict with), someone who understands what she has been going through, more importantly, someone with proper knowledge about the know-how according to our religion. For me, that’s one important thing that I surely couldn’t handle alone.

Been looking around, reading many profiles, did some trials and not working well, until I bumped into a good looking profile in one of the platforms on the internet.

Sent short paragraphs of introduction explained what I looked for, what kind of lesson I expect to have and the learning purpose. Explained thoroughly about her condition and my expectations.

A reply received in an instant. The conversation went well and the first meeting set up right away.

Alhamdulillah, the first lesson done as good as expected. On time, well-prepared, and I loved how the lesson delivered.

Hopefully, the relationship will be as good as the first lesson.

It takes a village to raise a child. Surround her with good and qualified teachers on the subject that we consider important and where the parents don’t have adequate knowledge about, is part of our efforts to provide proper village for her to grow.

(Switch to Bahasa mode)

Menuju periode 7 tahun kedua, hati makin berat dari sebelumnya. Kenapa? Karena sadar ilmu yang diperlukan buat menghadapi periode ini masih jauh dari cukup.

Menghadapi 7th pertama yang udah belajar teorinya jauh sebelum prakteknya aja masih banyak ‘miss’-nya. Apalagi ini, yang baru mulai ‘serius’ belajar beberapa tahun terakhir.

Di parenting Islam, 7th pertama anak adalah raja (master) yang bebas tanpa tugas, main tanpa batas, masuk ke 7th kedua anak adalah ‘slave’ (once elaborated here).

Waktu dimana sudah harus belajar disiplin, ilmu yang baik, punya kewajiban dan tanggung jawab, bahkan boleh dipukul jika umur 10 tahun tidak melaksanakan kewajibannya.

Usaha mencari guru ini yang terlihat buat ngajar anaknya, tapi tujuan utamanya adalah buat ngajarin orangtuanya. Menghadirkan guru buat anak lebih untuk supaya orangtuanya lebih punya ilmu yang benar buat menghadapi ‘battle’ yang akan lebih berat dari sebelumnya.

Seperti dokter yang harusnya lebih tau dari pasiennya, bos lebih jago dari bawahannya, masuk akal kalo tuan harus lebih pinter dari hamba sahayanya. Jadi, ngga ada cara selain belajar lebih keras dari sebelumnya. Anak-anak itu fast learner, yang lambat itu orangtuanya.

Hari-hari menuju akhir 7th pertama, hati lebih sering gentar dari sebelumnya.

Past learning, Thoughts

Ten Years from 27

Posted on 28 Oct 20216 Nov 2021 by arlanadya

It was during writing time with the little girl when suddenly such view appeared by the window. We stopped doing what we did and watched my second favorite nature view (after sunset) until they disappeared.

One said that rainbow comes to apologize for the angry skies. Thinking about that, it might be true. The sky had been so grumpy for hours that day. Then suddenly, these beauties appeared and made us smile.

This felt like a little present on this birthrday month. It’s been the period without daily sunrise nor sunset view for the past months, so having such view cured the longing a little bit.

As usual, never write on the exact date of the birthday. But, what is birthday without the sentimental thought that keeps pondering on your head?

The time of the year where I have always looked back, not one, but ten years behind. I often judge my life within the period of ten years, because less than that, the span would be too short to evaluate and allow some big changes happen in life.

I once read, which again, I forgot where or who (tried to google it with different kind keywords but found nothing), that 27 is the year when you make some important decisions of your life. It was kind of true for me.

(Wait, are you saying you are 27?!)

Bien sur que non, mes amies.

That 27 years old was the time when I started executing my 20’s big dreams. The first two were granted on that age. It was also the age when I took a leap of faith to make one of the most important decisions in one’s life. Marriage.

Life happened incredibly on 27. The ups and downs were beyond crazy. Gained two big dreams and another huge thing in life equaled to lost three VIPs in my life. All happened in that ONE YEAR.

That 27 was a huge milestone when I started viewing life from a totally different angle.

Took off from 27, life began its real courses.

I have been a wife, a primary caretaker and bread winner, a mother, a small bussiness owner, a teacher, a housewife, an avid lifelong learner. I had ticked my third big 20s dream beautifully, ended my 15 years of works on high notes, started different set of life abroad, a volunteer, and one of the highlights was, put a heavy reader name tag back on my chest after years of being in the slump.

For these 10 years, the heart had been through so much. From utmost betrayal to the worst broken heart. Standing up again and again after falling for so many times, refused to give up for something that I stubbornly believed. Slowly cured, forgave, and moved on from the (many) wounds in the past.

And, here I am, ten years from that 27.

I looked back to those ten years behind with heart full of immense gratitude for every experience and learning beyond my wildest imagination. I am overwhelmed with abundance of blessing that Allah bestowed upon and me and my family.

Still have many rooms for improvements, occupied by insecurities here and there, but overall, I am beyond grateful to be in a better place than ten years ago.

When I said above that I started seeing life in a totally different angle since 27, ten years later, I still stan with that angle, only with more clear view. It’s the same angle J.K. Rowling used to write her life time bestseller Harry Potter. She started with how it would end.

So, whenever many insecurities creeped in, I asked myself, if the time is up, who and what would be my biggest concerns?

The answers become the compass to arrange my priorities on daily basis.

That way, I hope to continue living this borrowed-life meaningfully and would return it with the least regrets. Amin.

No other hopes in positivity tone?

Sorry, I am a pessimist. I am scared, anxious, and too careful more than it is shown.

I prefer to keep my seatbelt fasten all through the journey.

So, whenever turbulence appears, at least, I would be on the least level of ready 🥂 .

Maternité, Thoughts

Critical Point on The Game

Posted on 18 Oct 202119 Oct 2021 by arlanadya

It was almost 11 pm and the mind was still dealing with the some noise inside regarding the big match that meant a lot for this country.

Surely won’t discuss how the team beautifully fought and got the best result, but more of what happened during one of the matches.

It was almost 8 pm and we had done with the last prayer. Bedtime for the little girl.

We (mostly me) always accompany her for bed time stories everyday. But, that time, none of us, both her parents, wanted to move from our seat.

Her dad told her to sleep first by herself and after some good night kisses with him, she went to her room, without said much and looked at me at all.

I kept watching until few minutes later and then decided to leave my spot and went to her room.

She was lying around with eyes opened, looked so restless, and was busy wiping her eyes when she saw me coming.

I hugged her and asked if she was okay and answered :

“I am so sad no one wants to accompany me”.

“I know, right? But, I am coming. The match is so important, but you are far more important”.

The tone suddenly changed and she picked the storybook we haven’t finished for days. We only read few pages but that was more than enough to switch the voice and situation from going to sleep with awful mood to a happy one.

I stayed a little bit longer till I bid good night.

When I return to the couch, the match was still on the run, with no significance difference from when I left.

Watching the rest of the matches enjoyably till the end result.

Along the final matches, the players made lots of small mistakes, some were pretty frustrating, but there were certain critial moment, that they should make it and earned important points, because it made all the difference. Like getting to 11 first on the rubber set, because most of the time, one who got to 11 first on the rubber set won the game. Most of the time, not always. The decider player last night didn’t get to 11 first yet he won the match. But, it was rare. Most of the time, it has always been the one who got 11 first on the rubber, win the match.

Maybe it feels similar to parenthood. Along the journey, you’ll make lots of mistakes, wrong your child, but there are certain moments, that you can’t mess up, as long as you have the choice. In one of my readings which I couldn’t remember who or where, there are three critical periods in children daily life where being next to them would be an advantage : wake up time, after school, and before bed time.

I was glad I chose to come to her. Had I decided to keep watching, I might not miss the athletes made some points but, I would indeed miss bigger and critical points from someone who is absolutely more important than the athletes on the screen.

Having someone left their seat during the match wouldn’t change the result. No one will notice or don’t have a slightest care about that.

But, by doing that, it surely made a huge difference for the little girl’s mood result. She might remember it for some time such feeling, the bad or the good, depended of what the choice we made last night.

In the end, both circumstances wrapped beautifully.

The mens group lifted the trophy beating the Chinese group in three straight matches, after long years of waiting.

While me, I managed to lift up my little girl’s mood and prevented her from going to sleep with such awful feeling, after beating myself and warned the brain to not to mess up with the priority.

Two great victories made last night.

Congrats, guys!!

Well done, you.

Thoughts

Mental Noise

Posted on 8 Oct 202110 Oct 2021 by arlanadya

I have been wondering about something lately and end up reading some articles about this.

I am someone with noisy mind. From the time I wake up till bed time, my mind is one ‘who’ is constanly having monologue inside the head. Doing lots of daily activies always accompanied by the monolog inside my mind talking about many random things.

From this article : Mental noise – also called inner monologue – is a term used to describe the incessant chattering we hear all of the time in our brains, from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to sleep (sometimes it can even prevent sleep!).

The few items described by that article speaks to me a lot, especially one that said “constant analysis of our and other people’s situations, reactions and behavior”.

I always feel like having another friend inside of me that keeps me entertained. This is maybe why overthinking becomes one of my natural talent.

The good thing is it doesn’t bother the good night sleep at all so far. In some unusual day like when I have something big in mind like travelling far away from home, then it might disturb the night sleep.

Another side effect of having noisy mind is I am constantly looking for something to think. I feel restless when I have nothing to read and I feel calmer when I have enough reading stocks around. It gives me certain pleasure whenever I find something new to read unexpectedly, like bump into an instagram or blog with enjoyable writing.

With such noisy mind, I also keep looking for something to entertain my brain, making plans, doing some researches on something, mostly about doing activity with little girl or some new ice cream shop to try. Thus, I always one with plans and somehow feel ‘guilty’ when I have nothing in mind.

Writing is one way to reduce the noise inside. Been constantly writing since my elementary school days. It has been a great help until today. While reading doesn’t work all the time because it’s more of consuming kind, writing always does because it’s on the releasing part.

The downside is, whenever the writing urge strikes, once it started, I couldn’t stop until I finish it. Whenever the mood to write comes, I need to grab it. So, neglecting some other things is sometimes unavoidable.

This is also why I almost always write during holiday. With so many things the eyes see, the brain works even harder and the talking inside is getting louder. It needs some ways to reduce the noise and writing is the only possible way because I don’t (really) like talking to human being.

I rarely wait until the holiday is over because by that time, I already have other noises to deal with.

Just like now, by clicking the publish button, I am releasing some noise inside to give more space for some other to come.

This topic reminds me of one of the most exciting current on-going shows from dramaland, which is NOT SQUID GAME (still can’t bring myself to proceed more than the first few minute of the first episode), but this one.

Just like Yumi, maybe the noise comes from the cells inside that keep talking all the time?

It could be.

Bon weekend à vous tous!

Favorite things, Places, Thoughts

Brake and Break

Posted on 1 Oct 20214 Oct 2021 by arlanadya

Currently writing from inside a glamping tent in the middle of little forest.

Planned this short break just few weeks ago. When piano school break schedule was released, I thought we had to use it for something a little bit more than ordinary. We received the piano report card last week with pretty much flying colors. Never imagined I would see a perfect 100 in my 13 years of piano report card. Even 80 was gained with so much efforts.

When I saw such number on little girl’s report paper, there were certain inexplicable feeling. While she was being totally indifferent, not really knowing what it meant, thinking that it was just meaningless numbers (it actually was just numbers), but it was totally different story for me.

On that report card, I couldn’t help thinking hard about my mother. About things that she had done to make me stay, in spite never having tangible satisfying result for 13 years . To have such leap of faith, keep telling me that no hardworks would be wasted.

On that report card I saw how far this piano journey takes me. I won’t repeat the story here since I had written about that in here.

She was, as usual, right. That 13 years started to keep giving return right after I completed the long journey. Gave me the first job when I was on my first year of college. Gave me that proud feeling on earning my own money way much earlier than my peers. Started fully supporting my self on my third year, paid all my expenses from school tuition to rent, food, entertainment, even managed to save some for Hajj registration.

It didn’t stop there and continued to return the result of enduring that 13 years diligently. More than I could think of, in many things of my life. Thanks to 13 years, I was able to accompany my mother till her last breath, to take care of her on her last days. Thanks to that 13 years, I escaped full time works when I was a bread winner during the first year marriage. Thanks to that, I had choices to be able to stay with the little girl during her most important years. Thanks to that, I ticked my three big dreams during my 20s. I could go on about its return for me, but I’d rather stop here.

When I thought it couldn’t give better result, then it still refused to stop. Knowing the little girl condition with her speech delay and everything, I was totally reluctant to teach her this piano since I couldn’t understand how could she manage with such restriction.

But, there’s always something bigger than my small minded mind. Only need one coincidence of canceled school day and an anniversary gift.

I started teaching her out of leisure time on one winter day in December 2019 because her school suddenly sent notication they were dealing with small fire so they had to close the school that day. A simple Do-Re-Mi song from The Sound of Music.

We never stop since that day.

It becomes daily habit done 7 days a week with close to zero day, unless we are away from home. Two years later, this was what we got.

The first thing that came to my mind seeing this was : Nenek Salma must be happy

But, more than the numbers, I was happier to see the naration. How hardworking she has been, her enthusiasm, her willingness to learn, I was glad it was well-appreciated.

Wow, such a long prolog for a post.

It’s also been busy and packed for the last few weeks at school. Been doing tests on all subjects for few weeks and last Wednesday was the last one.

We planned this trip without knowing the last test schedule but, glad it turned out to fit everything. Last test on Wednesday and for the first time, there is no zoom meeting for the her favorite subject today. So, I could ask for permission with lighter heart.

She had been asking for camping for few times. Had so many ideas on her head about real camping. But, as a first timer, I wasn’t ready. So, thorough glamping researches done and finally met this place. Thinking about having a separate review post once we’re done.

The situation out there alhamdullilah is getting better and better, but still, we take every precaution needed till we decide to keep going with this. The doctor also managed to empty his schedule and everything.

So, here we are. Pressing the brake to enjoy some break with nature for a while before resuming of pressing accelerator pedal with clutch in daily life.

Langit Senja, Maternité, Past learning, Thoughts

Heartache

Posted on 14 Sep 20211 Oct 2021 by arlanadya

Today, during school from home morning circle, the little girl learned that people would break her heart, made her upset and cried hard, although it was unintentional, and there was nothing she could do to avoid that, no other way than to deal with it, on her own. Those around her could soothe her for a while, but the rest, she had to figure it out herself because it’s her who felt it inside.

A simple thing like when someone forgot to call your name during attendance list and gratitude book reading could turn to be something big. It was far from simple when you had waited for your turn patiently, you had prepared your line carefully, heard that even others who hadn’t prepared at all being called twice, you expected that your turn would come soon and suddenly it said it was done.

I encouraged her to speak up about that. I told her to unmute herself and say it loudly, although it was with trembling voice and teary eyes that she said she hadn’t got her name called. Some excuses given from the other party, but it didnt make things better of course.

Afterwards, I sent text to stress how important this thing for us and reminded to pay careful attention so there would be no second time for this, to anyone, for whatever reasons. Apology sent to me but it was actually the little girl who needed to hear it. She kept asking whether the person was really sorry or had already said sorry.

Other than upset, being confused was totally understandable. Here at home, we (always try to) apologize properly, discuss it, explain the whys, but we couldn’t ask other to do the same. Apology is not something that you ask from other people. It was given from someone who feels it’s the right thing to do after a mistake.

In the society where sorry and thank you are not not trained properly and considered mandatory, it’s hard to expect such thing from others. Even worse, those who think children doesn’t deserve a sincere apology.

At times like this, what helps a lot is to have proper time and space to process everything, to explain thoroughly so having acceptance would be easier. I am glad I was with her when such things happened.

As we make journaling more routine, she also managed to pour her feelings into short writing.

Slightly messier handwriting than usual due to messy heart?

It was not my first time dealing with this, been through worse, yet, it was still heart-breaking to see other people hurt your child.

There’s always homework to do in any stages of motherhood you go through.

Emotional regulation is our main subject which comes with bulk of tasks and lots of unannounced tests, for now.

Some days are Joyful and , some days are awful and bring you displeasures.

Langit Senja, Past learning, Thoughts

5.30 am Request Granted

Posted on 13 Sep 202113 Sep 2021 by arlanadya

New week with new timetable on the list.

The long search about finding a proper Quran teacher who fits all my requirements finally ended. It’s been couple of weeks since having this uncomfortable feeling teaching her this subject. Knowing how far from adequate my knowledge on her current level.

It also doesn’t feel right when we go with professional and qualified teachers for her other education like piano, speech language therapy, gym, so why we go with a mediocre and unqualified one for something as important as learning Quran?

As always, what we ask is what we get.

After clicking lots of profiles in superprof app for months, following few learning accounts, without satisfying results till I just stopped searching. But, giving up on this is not an option.

As always, things always granted when we desperately want it the most.

The right one found me at the first search after long pause of searching at the end of last week.

The teacher accepted the request not long after that.

The funny thing happened when we discussed about the lesson time.

When I offered choices of our free afternoon schedule, the teacher said he could only have mornings since he had fully booked from afternoon till night.

I had certain unusual idea in mind that I would like to propose to whoever that will become her Quran teacher.

To have the lesson at the same time she usually has her lesson daily with me. Right after subuh.

Since the teacher said he wasn’t available during usual and normal hours, so I thought it was perfect time to offer the unsual idea of mine.

I asked.

He agreed right away.

We paid in advance.

He gave the lesson link with the schedule in an instant.

On the day, we requested five minutes before the appointed schedule as we always do.

He accepted at exactly 5.30 am.

This is why we should always ask everything in details.

I want a Quran teacher who :

– has proper knowledge and qualification in teaching the subject

– speaks english well (more because of her first language is English and she thinks in English), not just one that can speak English, like me.

– know how to teach.

– last but obviously not the least, on time to the last minute.

Alhamdulillah, as many other things in life that I have requested so far , this time too, all is granted on the right time.

First lesson done well. Hopefully will continue to do so. Amin.

Books, Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

The Joy of Motherhood

Posted on 11 Sep 202112 Sep 2021 by arlanadya

As we finished isya and she folded her mukena, she came to me and looked at me, then whispered in tiny voice,
“Are you binung (bingung)?” since she caught me staring blankly.

“I am not feeling well,”

“Can I help you with anything? Do you want some tea?”

“Ya, i’ll make some tea later,”

“I’ll help you with it. With sugar or honey? Or without sugar?”

“Without sugar. Do you know which glass to use?”

“The green glass,”.

Then I just watched her doing it step by step in her own way.

While mine is put the tea bag on the glass, then fill it with hot water while hers is fill the glass with hot water then put the tea bag.

As her hand went up and down with the tea bag, she asked,

“Enough?”

“Yes,”.

The glass didn’t have any handles on it, when she touched it she knew she couldn’t bring it to me.

I thought she would ask me to just go to the table and drink it there (i still sat on the sajadah), but instead she said,
“Wait, I need a tray to bring this, but where is it?”

(there’s usually a little tray for drinking glass on the table)

“In the drying rack, I washed it. Is it dried enough already?”

She took it and answered,
“Not really, but it’s fine”.

She put the tea on the tray and put it on the carpet.
One sip, it filled the whole body with warmth.

Listened to the empathetic tone. Listened to her offering help, even asked with some details. Watched her doing the task systematically and solved the problem well.

It was a joy that no kind of tangible achievement could give.

I once wrote last year, I have three qualities that become my compass in raising her. At the same time, Edward de Bono’s book become one of the on-going readings on the shelf.

Being shown that she displayed one of the qualities properly and showed that she knew how to think accordingly.

This is the kind of learning and training result that matters the most for me.

This might be just a simple thing for others, but this is the kind of event that could wipe all my worries tremendously for a while.

It was one of the moments that I could assure myself that she would be ok.

Favorite things, Places, Thoughts, Travel

The Colors of Life

Posted on 31 Aug 202131 Aug 2021 by arlanadya

… that I miss a lot. Among tons of excitement life in London has to offer, its parks and gardens are things that I treasure so dearly (it is one of two best things in London). Especially when the leaves change colors during the most beautiful season of the year.

It was a period of life when I captured the same views for ten times in every corner. Sat on the bench while watching people, lay down on the grass while looking at the beautiful sky. Walked slowly around the quiet garden admiring my shoes, counting my steps, and taking some shadow selfies. Listened to my loud mind asking random things that I didn’t bother to answer. The period when I felt such enormous gratitude inside.

The period that I remembered telling myself often,“when life is on the low, remember that it was once this high and glow”.

It was one of the periods when life was the most beautiful and the heart was indeed beyond full.

Hyde Park

Favorite things, Thoughts

Charging

Posted on 29 Aug 202129 Aug 2021 by arlanadya

These past three days were few of the rare days on this motherhood jungle where I had enough proper space and time for myself or doing things that I needed and wanted to do.

On Thursday, I let the little girl doing her online piano and therapy by herself. After few months, the relationship with the teachers and therapist have been safely formed. She managed well and it was not bad at all. While she was busy doing lessons, cleaning spirit striked hard, this time was the long overdue fridge. I did the freezer few weeks ago. The fridge is quite tricky when it is not empty. So, when it was quite empty and the chance was granted, it was only right to grab it. That happy feeling after cleaning was good mood booster.

Empty space for breakfast treats on the first and fruit row on the third.
Leftovers row were packed.

On Friday, the doctor decided to stay at home after 36 hours shift and before another 24 hours one on weekend. Knowing the sudden good news, my brain was racing with plans.

Since we had no one to sit the little girl other than us, having him at home during weekdays is such an opportunity that I wouldn’t waste. So, after done with first subject at school, I went out to take care some things in few places.

Stopped by the bakery, the nasi kebuli place, then heading to Snapy. Planned to do grocery after Snapy, when suddenly something came to my mind.

The car tax is due next Thursday and the schedule would be pretty tight next week. It was lucky that I had everything in my bag and I was at Snapy so I could make copies of document needed. Groceries postponed and rerouted the plan to SAMSAT. It was even luckier that it was still quite early so I could arrive before they closed for Friday prayer break. Car tax stuff taken care in less than 10 minutes. Few years ago, I wrote how much I love this drive thru service in this post.

At times like that, it reminds me of my late mom whose one of the best skills was being able to think quickly in many situations. Something that I learn a lot from her.

It was a relief having the most important thing done quickly so I could move on to the next things on the list. Unlike the usual routine, I decided to do the grocery in the supermarket below the apartment this week considering few things that I still needed to do.

Returned home to store all the stuff and checked the little girl’s work and sadly, needed to cut her game time and asked her to fix the schoolwork before I submitted it to google classroom. I had reminded her dad to check and made sure that she did it properly. But yeah, that what happened when daddy sat the school from home session.

Done with things at home, went out once again for few things which turned out took longer than expected. But, luckily, having the doctor stayed at home means dinner is also taken care of. So, although something didn’t run according to the plan outside, but at least, I got things covered inside. My comfort food served well that day.

In normal days, kitchen is closed and clear before maghrib, but that day, I could only manage to clear everything after Isya. One of the reasons why staying outside and being away from home too long is not for me. I didn’t have enough energy to take care what’s inside properly.

That day, it reminded me of old days where I had no choice but to spend hours working outside and felt too exhausted to take care anything inside.

Another thing that reminded me of my late mother is her golden rule to always leave home when it’s tidy. You wont be happy coming back to messy home. So, whatever I need to do outside, I always try taking care the inside things first.

Then, the following day, I still needed time to do things I had to do so I booked one night stayover for the baby in grandpa’s house while the doctor was on duty.

Among those things that I had to do, one is work-related, another is chore related, but the most exciting ones are about things I have been planning for myself.

Plans were always changing in the last minutes. Before, planned to drop the little girl early in the morning then went places. But, once again, something more important barged in and need to taken care of asap. Once again, rerouting the plan was unavoidable.

Instead of heading to my dad’s house, I drove to the bank first instead to change the account and card. I love weekend banking while it was early. It was empty and comfy.

Dropped the little girl, then instead of heading to the work place as planned, I drove home and doing things that I thought more pleasant for that time.

Things like :

– finishing left over fried rice with tahu isi for lunch.

– having a piece of gemblong after that.

– thinking whether I should go with left over spaghetti or left over sambel goreng with krecek for dinner.

– folding a huge pile of laundry without hurry while watching The Bennets.

-exercising while watching Notting Hill. Never watch it until the ending before and I missed London, so, it was a good choice.

– baking the choco chip muffin after long hiatus. The ingredients were ready and the baking equipment had arrived from London.

– enjoying the silent, tidy home all by myself.

– writing this post and few things in mind without looking at the time continously.

– reading whatever I want to read according to the mood.

– doing nothing and lazing around while listening Dave Mathews Band.

I could hear someone screaming : What’s so fun with those things? Where’s the going out plan? Window shopping to the mall without limit? Trying out the food outside? Driving somewhere you want while you have nothing in your hand? Why wasting this precious chance to do useless things like that?

Then I will calmly reply with John Lennon words :

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

Enjoying some time outside is nice. But, this time, what I need is staying inside peacefully.

For this day, it reminded me of old days where I had nothing to take care except myself. But, on the other hand it also reminds me of what future days might look like when the little girl is older and busier with her own stuffs.

Then, does this mean I’d rather have this kind of day all the time?

Bien sure, que non. Never once I wanted to return to the old days. I am where I am suppose to be and doing what I suppose to do, at this time.

Beside, what should I want to be in charging mode all the time? A good phone is only good when it serves its purposes.

Having such abnormal days were refreshing and I couldn’t wait to have my normal days back with fully recharged batteries.