Posted in Thoughts

Prolog : The Stockdale Paradox

If others hope for great days and full of good things in the new year, I prefer going to the opposite.

Instead of thinking that better days are coming, the thought of let’s keep the seat belt fasten is much more soothing. It makes the brain and the heart dont lose the guard, keep alert, keep looking for the way out, stay firm and discipline to prepare for the worst.

If anything 2012 taught me, it was living with The Stockdale Paradox mindset, especially in abnormal situation or when life pushes you to face something that you have no experience which doesn’t give you the option to retreat and survive is the only way out.

The Stockdale Paradox in Jim Collins Good to Great book said :

“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

The Stockdale Paradox is a survival mindset. I had been through a lot and survived with this. In 2014, once we knew we were expecting, the first thing we did was preparing the fund for c-section. That time, one was working part time, while the other one was a student with small income. We had no insurance to cover monthly check up, nor the delivery. We covered everything on our own expense.

We chose the hospital carefully, not the cheapest one, but the most comfortable one within our budget. We worked hard and saved religiously. But, was it running smoothly?

Of course, it wasn’t even close.

I had to be hospitalized once even only for two days. High d-dimer forced us to spend our saving for some expensive medecines during pregnancy.

No matter how much we prepare for c-section, it would be so hard on us financially after that. But then, the mantra has always been :

“Let’s always prepare for the worst and let Allah take care the rest”.

In the end, Allah really took care the rest as I once wrote in this post.

In 2020, the toughest event that we had to face is flying long haul during this pandemic situation. Scared is an underrated term to express this.

Been researching all about this for months. From the airline to the exact day to fly. I no longer chose the cheapest one, but the safest and most comfortable one within the budget.

If there was something that feared me most, it was other’s review about how unpleasant the treatment they experienced in Soetta. Unfriendly officer, disrespectful army men, even worse when it was crowded. I had all the worst case scenarios in my head.

But, there was nothing I could do about that other than asking The Most Powerful to take care the rest.

And that day, here is the picture when we arrived that Friday afternoon :

Soetta is far from crowded.

In fact, it was totally empty.

We met friendly officers, from immigration check to health counter, everything went smoothly until the end. I couldn’t describe how grateful I was for that day.

Next week and few weeks after would be the first uneasy battle to survive, among many we might (or would) face this year. Facing the battle that no one would know what the price to pay in the end. Sometimes, I think my heart couldnt handle this anymore. But there’s nothing I can do other than to deal with it.

No flowerly words needed for this new year. Surviving January alone safely means a lot and enough for me.

Remember, we are in no better situation regarding the pandemic in this country than few months ago. Since 10 months ago to be precise.

It’s bad. It’s getting worse and the worst part is hoping this will end in anytime soon is such a false hope.

Bonne année à vous!

Stay safe and stay sane.

Posted in Thoughts

Da Capo and Dal Segno : End of Year Note

For the last two years, at the end of December, I did a summary or some rant about things that happened in that year or my feelings about that. I didn’t plan to write any for this year. Not that I dont want to, but due to the high level anxiety towards next year. But, such incredible year is too important to let go.

If there’s anything we could take from everything we have been through this year, it is truly a great reminder to return and take care, first and foremost, basic things in life.

Mastering basic habits like sleep,eat and daily exercise well is a great advantage. Three things that have strong impact to our overall health, physically and mentally. Been writing few times that staying sane could be the most important achievement to deal with this year. Doing those three basic religiously is the (only) way to stay sane.

It’s also the year which truly show the real face of a country. Facing the same test given, each country deal with it differently. We surely have different situation and resources, but the main weapons to beat this pandemic are totally the same everywhere : wear your mask, wash your hands, avoid the crowd.

The main difference is the people. Personally, it feels like watching the result of the failure or the success from one’s educational system. I once wrote something about this here and just few weeks ago I found this picture below and voila, those the most resilience during this pandemic are exactly the same country with the best education system.

Reviewing the last 10 months of the situation here, lack of understanding and implementation about basic things and characters since early age is the root of all evils happened in this country and this pandemic brings out the worst of it.

We’re currently watching the result on the absence of some basic skills that supposed to be nurtured and mastered since early childhood :

Self discipline to deal with themselves in any situations. Following the rules, knowing right from wrong (like stealing social fund during this pandemic, really??), and many more.

Empathy to deal with others without prejudice, whatever background they have (like a neighbourhood who treats their own neighbour who suffers from covid like a germ that should be killed, I am lost for words).

Strong literacy and numeracy to understand how things work, the real situation scientifically, and make decision based on that (unlike the stupid useless government who’s been neglecting their people with their ignorance, killed so many who could have been saved, the highest death number of health care workers, and so many more).

I could go really long with this, but I wont.

This year is when gratitude and anxiety collide. Sometimes, it’s overwhelmingly confusing because you dont know which is the right one to feel. Looking back all the things happened, personally, it’s been a year full of countless blessings and a mere thank you to express the gratitude is not enough. It’s hard indeed, but to consider it’s bad, it doesn’t fit the definition.

But, whenever I look outside, it’s painful. I hope nothing but sincerely pray for everyone who’s been dealing with the hardships would be given the strength to keep going. This too shall pass.

Looking forward to next year, it would be a different battle to deal with. For me, January has always been the darkest winter. Literally and figuratively. By next week, we will return to the less humane (a polite way to say inhumane) shift schedule for the doctor.

My anxiety level was soaring while reading next month schedule yesterday and it’s only few days from now. Bad thought were running wild uncontrollably. The only way to soothe this is through the best ikhtiar and the highest tawakkul. Accept that we have no slightest power to control about the future nor the past.

Is the anxiety gone now? You bet.

Borrowing one of musical terms, 2021 seems like a Da Capo of previous years ago regarding few things like the shift schedule, some of daily life stuffs. In the other hand, it seems like a Dal Segno for certain part regarding the things happened outside. Like in London and some countries, it’s almost totally back to March again.

But, just like every Da Capo and Dal Segno, they all lead to al Fine. So we hope for this pandemic. It will lead to the end, although it would be best to keep our expectation low about the when.

Hope everyone always stay safe, healthy, and sane.

Amin.

PS : It’s quite hard to keep the tone that I want in the usual year end post.

Posted in Thoughts

Lost in Labyrinth

These days it feel like living a throwback few years ago. The uncomfortable days of having constant thought called “What’s next?”.

This time, it even feels more intense because it wrapped with guilts and insecurities. Guilty about being far above ‘fine’ during this unprecedented year, insecure about the next things to do personally. I have several choices but dont really know how to start. Or maybe, still not really sure about starting it. I feel like torn between upgrading what has been running or starting new from the scratch.

I often wonder whether it is the side effect of staying at home all day with the little girl and it will be more months to go, or maybe another year? Even scarier knowing being outside, meeting with people is also not so recommended thing to do.

Unlike the last six months in London where I felt safe and so relieved being outside, here in Jakarta, whenever I am outside, I feel like my temperature rises and unwell. I continously keep reassuring myself everytime I go outside that I really have to do this and it’s for something essential.

After more than a year of absence from driving, I couldnt believe what a day of driving did to my body. No matter what the advertisings out there said, age doesnt lie. I felt like need two days rest after one day driving. How I missed reliable public transportation in London!

I am worried about many things and as always, it made me read more. As a result, I ended up with more worries. Blimey!

But, I took a tiny step today. For the first time in 10 years and months of consideration, I finally decided to upgrade the blog to a paid one for a simple reason : I want more of unposted London pictures in my blog and I need more storage for that.

For someone who’s too careful about money, deciding to spend money on something that could be done for free, then it must be really important. Thus, it took me months to come at such decision.

Congratulations on finding a tiny way out from your labyrinth, dear self.

Keep figuring out the rest of your homeworks.

Posted in Thoughts

Back to the Jungle

It’s been two weeks since the end of our London days. Two crazy weeks of so many high tension and risky things with current situation. It’s a huge relief that we have been through everything safely.

Finally found another nest to rest for next one year. Repeating the cycle of house viewings for the third time in three years. Taking risks meeting strangers because we didnt have any choice other than that. Luckily, we found one that we liked quickly and all the process went smoothly. After a week of staying at Airbnb, we moved in.

Filling the house was another story. Countless shopping sessions, boxes of decluttered things at the old home, moving things here and there, arguing about things to buy, taking care minor defects that suddenly appeared.

After one week in holiday mode and another week in unsettled house, I couldn’t be more grateful to be finally feel at home and just stay at home without thinking about things we didn’t have and haven’t done. I couldn’t be happier to be finally able to return to daily routines. Breakfast with choices, piano training with the little girl, exercise with Heather, arranging cooking and meal schedules, and many more.

The whole this moving thing is surely tiring. But, if I looked back, I would choose doing this all over again than any other choices.

Next week would be another different jungle to face when the doctor will resume work. It feels walking on the thin line between overthinking of the worst case and putting the highest trust on the Protector of all things. Trying hard to keep the balance to avoid falling into the despair.

Keeping the sanity is a tough job this year. All the uncertainties, unpleasant surprises, sad news, and the sudden changes happened in an instant, staying sane is such an underrated achievement. The tiniest victory, baby step progress, they deserve celebration.

As tiny as being able to beat subuh and resume sahur after two weeks of absence, like today.

Posted in Thoughts

The Battle of Returning

The decision to return was (also) a battle between the right over easy.

We dont have any obligations to return. Went here by our own expense, no official agreement with any places.

We got our visa extended for free by the government to another year even several offers to stay for good. People here kept questioning our decision to return.

It took months until I fully accept the idea. We’re about to lose all the safe and secured environment and heading to unknown jungle. I once again might return to the high tension of the first three months of first lockdown. Even worse. We’re about to lose all the support receieved for the little girl in her school. We leave when the vaccine is few weeks away.

I have many tantrums until this point. I am selfish. Judging for months about the way the official handling the crisis, oh COME ON. I am sick of this shitty government.

We’re about to lose many while having a choice to choose the opposite.

It started changing when I read one of the doctor’s email reply saying his old hospital at home was still struggling with the pandemic and they could use another help from him, then again, whether I like it or not, it’s the only right thing and reason.

” Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for,” said Mark Manson. A page of Brene Brown Dare to Lead has a word to describe it.

“Integrity is chooing courage over comfort. It’s choosing what’s right over what’s fun, fast, or easy and it’s about practising your value not just professing them”.

But maybe, the most important thing, above everything, it’s about putting the utmost trust to the one who decides all affairs. Allah has been taking great care of us everywhere. He will do the same, no matter what situation we have to deal with anywhere in this world.

Taking this option is about doing the right thing so we wont look back with regrets. In whatever price we have to pay in the future.

Bismillah. bismillah. bismillah.

Posted in Life happens, Places, Thoughts

Farewell to London

My own farewell with this city is nothing about grand things.

It is about farewell to small meaningful things personally.

A farewell to enjoyable slow everyday life in this city. Like thinking hard in front of pastry sections during groceries, running out of breath catching the morning school bus, swearing to the cold piercing weather, cleaning the kitchen mess, opening the window every morning and say hi to the view out there. Watching beautiful sunrise and sunset as much as I can.

Farewell to the time I take care myself best for the last few years. Having proper time to do what I love doing like reading more than 80 books, writing more, doing daily exercise with no zero days.

Farewell to the time spent enjoying the city in my own pace. To the reliable and comfortable public transportation. Picking random bus/tube, visiting small independent book stores, museums, landmarks, garden and parks, watching people, exercising my overthinking talent, and taking a lot of pictures. Doing exactly things whats inside my head that made me crazily saving in certain currency during my 20s.

Farewell to the place I choose to learn something new. Like volunteering in one of social organizations who supports mothers and children in need and found joy in that. Tired but happy.

Above all, to be healthy, happy, and safe for the whole time being here, during this unprecedented time. Alhamdulillah. Alhamdulillah.

The whole time I spent in London, I live by this definition of rich.

London has been beyond kind. He invited me three times so far.

First time, for 3 days in 1994 which I couldnt enjoy at all. Hot summer full of people and just recovered from chiken pox.

Second time for 1 week in 2017 which was quite high tension due to many reasons.

Maybe he knows I need to visit him again to really see what I have missed and invited me once again for the whole 15 months. It’s beyond human calculations thinking how very much on time I was invited back here.

Right when everything in previous duties finished well.

Right when I (and we) need it and ready to accept this.

Thank you for everything, London.

Who knows, I’ll see you again for another better reason and circumstances😉.

Posted in Thoughts

What 30 November Means

Been told the little girl since last month that we would write cards to each of her classmates and teachers to say our thanks and good bye.

Making a little kid wrote around 35 letters, that was tough. Thus, the manager planned doing it in six sittings for three weeks, every weekend.

Some writings were untolerably messy and should be thrown to the bin and asked her to redo it. Some sessions were rainbows while the other one needed high tension negotiation.

In the end, we got the job done.

No fruit and veggies to share allowed this year for birthday (which is a yay), so the brain should think another way. The teacher at school suggested stickers.

Sudden idea came during my walking alone in London session just few days before the d-day. Thought a pin badge with the color of her class and the initial would be a better idea than stickers.

Buying written cards and stickers might be easier and cheaper, but a hand writing with effort and a pin badge seemed better as a souvenir for something that you treasure dearly. Along with the card and the badge, we add books for everyone to enjoy.

On the doctor’s last working day in his hospital, we planned to buy pizza. But, we reconsidered the idea once again and decided to have a signature Indonesian food made by proper Indonesian cook.

We initially ordered certain amount of servings and ended up adding few more, afraid that it wont cover ‘everyone’ properly.

Pizza is surely easier and cheaper, but authentic Indonesian Mie Goreng, it’s something they wont find just anywhere.

Everyone was impressed by two things. First, asked him repeatedly : “How much do you spend for this?!” and the second was of course the food until it became the talk of the hospital for the whole week.

For everything that we have received here, giving a proper farewell within our means is the way we return all the favors. But above all, because it’s the right thing to do.

This date marked the eighth years since I bid farewell to the one who taught me about doing the right things and things right as much as we can in any circumstances and showed how to do a proper farewell until the last breath.

For every right things I have done, all credit goes to her.

Al fatihah.

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

Mixed Feelings of Turning Six

If you have mixed feelings about something, you feel both pleased and not pleased about it at the same time. I am filled with enourmous gratitude with everything about her since day one yet at the same time couldn’t help taking a deep sigh knowing the saying ‘children grow too fast’ is a truth.

She’s been growing faster than I could imagine within this one year. She’s been growing exponentionally in every aspect of herself. Physically, mentally, and I might say spiritually?

Physically, the most noticable is how her face has totally lost its baby-ish feature. Now I have a little pre-teen girl whenever I look at her.

She is now talking a lot, gaining more confidence in delivering her opinion, knowing what she wants, quite determined about that, arguing with us over every small routine that she should do, no more ‘nicely obedient’ baby, which in one side is a good news for us.

She even starts questioning something that I couldn’t imagine a 6yo me would ask such as :

“Why are we moslem?”

“Why we have to pray?”

Such a headache, I know.

The questions. Not her.

In one year, she transformed to be a pianist, a quite good one if I must say. Not the prodigy level but at least, far much better than her mom at her age. A diligent Quran reader, yes, she is reading the quran already and doing her five times prayer steadfastly. I am more than happy for this.

I have been witnessing the impact and result of doing daily practice for two ultimate things and focus on to where our energy flow. For piano and Quran, I apply no zero days, unless something major happened.

Instilling habits on the children depends a lot to the parents’ consistency and it’s far from easy. Earlier you start, the better result. We had bad days, hard song or surah to practice but, the only thing we should do is just keep going. I am so grateful that she has the same level of resilience and persistence as I do.

I dont have much to brag about myself, but I am happy and confident enough to say both are two of my best qualities and hundred times happier that they are on my little girl’s blood too. Hopefully, more strength will be given as the job is getting tougher and harder.

Apart from the hardworks, as she is heading to the last year of her first seven years, I can look back without regrets. I think she has been doing her first stage of life to the fullest. She has been happy and healthy, she eats and sleep well, she has been playing everywhere, experiencing any kind of weather, enjoying many playground around the world, dealing with her difficulties on her own at school, I really hope she keeps growing to be more secured and accept herself with all her strengths and flaws.

On the other side, if I look forward, I have (too much) worries about many things she has to deal with in the future. It breaks my heart everytime my overthinking thought takes over my mind.

I realize that raising a child is a marathon not a sprint. Measuring their growth and worth is not applicable in short run. A child can do well now, but it’s not granted later. Just like flowers, some bloom in spring while other bloom in autumn. Comparing one to another is totally useless as they have different land, water, and sunshine to grow.

I fully understand how little control we have about everything in life, and that’s including our child’s life. I keep reminding myself that her life is hers, not mine. Our job now is to prepare and help her to build her own life later, not build the whole thing for her.

There was one playground session last month which gave a good lesson for me and her. It was in the Peckham Rye Common where the slide for bigger kids has some challenges before they could slide down. They have either climbing the rope to the top or balance walking on it to the slide.

She was too scared because it was pretty high yet too curious to skip the slide. She kept trying and failed. Even ended up with tears. In one trial, she had climbed to the top but had no idea or too scared to lift her body to the slide since she had to move her feet from where she stood.

She was stuck for few minutes and made the other child below her wait. But, the nice thing here, no one pushed, screamed or yelled at her to make her go faster. Everyone waited patiently. Children and their parents. Until a boy came and climbed quickly to the top, then he pulled her safely so she could slide down.

Did she give up after that? No.

She started again from the beginning when there was no one, then until in one trial, she made it all by herself until the end.

It was one of the enlighting moments showed that the children would have to deal with their own dificulties and there’s nothing we could do as their parents, no matter how much we want to help them. No matter how much I wanted to make her ride that slide, I couldn’t do anything other than cheering for her from ground. The only way to ride the slide was by overcame her own fear, used her brain and strength until she made it. Or else, just went home without nothing.

Thus, I always pray to be given enough time and patience to prepare her with the right tools and attitude, for her to deal with many more obstacles in the future. Hope we the parents, could always be her safe and secure base to return to after fighting with the world outside.

Asking guidance and forgiveness from the Creator is continously done without the slightest doubt. Because this one is a tough job which I am often clueless and lose patience for countless time.

If there’s one thing that puts me at ease, it is that the fact she’s always find her way. In everything. From the small thing in daily life to a big thing as big as ‘finding her way’ to her DLD.

Hope she will continue to try her best in everything she does, protected in every step she takes, keep happy, healthy and be kind in whatever she becomes of.

Amin.

Happy birthday, Langit Senja.

I am so proud of you.

Although you know it already, saying it again won’t hurt.

I love you.

Posted in Langit Senja, Thoughts, Travel

Sekolah Anak di London

Sebagai orang yang punya cukup pengetahuan (dan ketertarikan) masalah sekolah dan pendidikan, satu tahun lebih di London ini membuka mata lebih lebar lagi tentang kedua hal tersebut.

Sebelumnya saya cukup yakin tentang apa yang saya mau untuk anak saya, (merasa) tau sekolah mana yang pas buat anak saya, dan sudah mempersiapkan hal-hal yang mendukung ke arah sana.

Tapi, beberapa tahun belakangan, dengan banyak hal yang terjadi, dengan kejutan-kejutan yang dikasih oleh yang punya hidup, baik dan buruk, saya seperti dipaksa untuk belajar lagi semua dari awal.

Setahun ini saya belajar banyak dari hal-hal yang saya alami di sini. Salah satunya dari sekolah anak saya.

Saya sudah pernah cerita betapa saya suka sekali dengan sekolah anak saya. September ini di tahun ajaran baru, anak saya mulai masuk ke year 1. Year 1 di sini masih lebih mirip TK B. Masih seperti perpanjangan dari Reception tahun lalu.

Sekolah negeri di sini, secara gamblang terlihat gratis. Padahal sebenarnya ngga. Semua dibayar oleh pajak. Seperti kebanyakan negara Eropa, pajaknya itu tinggi sekali, tapi semua dikembalikan untuk kepentingan umum. Makanya bisa ngga perlu khawatir bayar sekolah, biaya pengobatan kalo sakit, bisa nikmatin transportasi umum yang baik, taman-taman kota dengan playground yang bagus dimana-mana, dan masih banyak lagi.

Kami datang ke sini dengan visa kerja, jadi berlaku juga sebagai pembayar pajak. Kalo inget bedanya besar gaji (pak dokter) sebelum dan sesudah pajak, bisa sakit kepala dan nyeri dada. Maka itu jarang inget, jadinya alhamdulillah seneng-seneng aja. Justru yang lebih terasa enaknya. Seperti bisa periksa apapun gratis, kacamata dan periksa ke dokter gigi anak pun gratis.

Balik lagi ke masalah sekolah. Di sekolah Langit, setiap level hanya ada dua kelas, masing-masing kelas sekitar 25 anak. Dari Reception sampai Year 1, temen sekelasnya sama. Baru akan dicampur di Year 2. Dalam prakteknya dua kelas ini main sama-sama. Jadi, antara kelas A dan B kenal semua teman-temannya.

Kelas di sekolahnya ini menggunakan nama-nama dari alam seperti warna pelangi dan batu-batuan. Di Reception, Langit masuk ke kelas Magenta, di Year 1 kelas Indigo.

Selain ngga pusing masalah pembayaran sekolah (kecuali beli jumper dan jaket sekolah), di sekolah juga disediakan makan siang gratis. Selama di Reception, Langit bawa makanan sendiri, tapi setelah lockdown, ikut makan di sekolah. Makanannya pilih yang menu vegetarian atau paling ngga fish and chips plus sayur dan buah.

Sekolah ‘ngga bayar’, makan siang gratis, berikutnya : sekolahnya dekat. Di sini kita bisa tinggal di mana yang cocok baru cari sekolah. Karena sekolah negeri cukup banyak dengan kualitas yang sama. Jadi ngga perlu pusing dengan jarak antar rumah dan sekolah. Anak-anak ke sekolah naik scooter dan sepeda. Kami kadang-kadang naik bis, sekitar 15 menit.

Selain jarak, salah satu hal paling ideal buat saya adalah jam masuknya, jam 8.45. Buat anak-anak menurut saya pas. Salah satu alasan saya pilih TK yang sebelumnya di Jakarta adalah karena mereka masuk jam 8.30. Waktu masuk ini kasih ruang yang cukup buat anak dan orang tuanya supaya bisa melewati setiap pagi dengan waras.

Untuk ukuran sekolah Indonesia itu siang banget, tapi buat saya ideal karena dengan jam masuk seperti itu, sebelum sekolah, Langit di umur menuju enam tahun ini, bisa melakukan rutinitas paginya tanpa terburu-buru.

Setahun di sini, saya seperti memformat ulang semua kebiasaan dan bersyukur sekali untuk itu. Rutinitas pagi dalam setahun belakangan adalah :

1. Bangun pagi sekitar jam 5 lalu sarapan kecil (roti,buah, susu).

2. Solat subuh sama-sama dan hafalan qur’an surat pendek.

3. Waktu bebas 20 menit buat main. Biasanya main lego, main apa aja sesuka dia.

4. Latihan piano. Piano ini sekitar 30-40 menit.

5. Sarapan besar (nasi dan lauk) lalu siap-siap ke sekolah.

Semua rutinitas pagi ini dijalankan tiap hari, tujuh hari seminggu tanpa kecuali.

Jam belajar sekolah di sini cukup panjang, sampai jam 15.30. Dulu saya ngeri sekali dengan jam belajar sepanjang ini lima hari seminggu. Apalagi sebelumnya di Jakarta belajar cuma 3 jam 3 hari seminggu. Tapi ternyata, setelah dijalanin, biasa aja dan anaknya pun keliatan seneng aja tiap pulang sekolah.

Hal ini mungkin dikarenakan faktor senang selanjutnya : sekolahnya santai. Ngga ada itu PR-PR. PRnya cuma satu : baca buku. Baca bukunya pun bukan berarti anaknya harus sudah bisa baca, tapi dibiasakan suka membaca dengan didampingi orangtua.

Bukunya pun disesuaikan dengan kemampuan masing-masing anak. Bukan soal cepat-tidaknya bisa baca. Jadi, ngga ada yang peduli juga buat bandingin satu anak dan yang lain. Masing-masing anak diberikan dua buku untuk dibaca selama seminggu. Nanti di satu hari akan ada sesi baca satu lawan satu dengan gurunya atau diminta menceritakan kembali tentang isi buku tersebut. Semua aktivitas baca ini ditulis di satu buku : reading record.

Fokus utama di tahun-tahun awal ini hanya tiga pelajaran : reading, writing, dan basic math. Ada pelajaran lain seperti science, art, tapi bukan yang utama. Di sini ngga ada ulangan, ngga ada UTS, UAS, kecuali di akhir year 1 (atau 2 ya?) nanti ada tes spelling.

Di jam belajar sepanjang itu mereka juga punya waktu free flow di mana anak bebas nentuin mau ngapain. Main di luar, baca buku, atau apa aja yang tersedia.

Selain sistem yang berjalan, hal lain yang saya agak berat sekali ninggalin adalah lingkungan sekolah ini. Gurunya, teman-temannya, orangtua muridnya, semua bagian sekolah ini baik. Auranya positif.

Guru-gurunya encouraging sekali. Saya yang banyak khawatirnya tentang banyak hal, setelah parent teacher meeting, kaya menguap semua kekhawatirannya. Tau kalo anak saya yang semi berkebutuhan khusus baik-baik saja, ngga ada yang lebih disyukuri dari itu. Di sini, punya kebutuhan khusus, bukan masalah besar. Semua diperlakukan sama dan punya support sesuai kebutuhan.

Grup WA orang tua murid ada, tapi jauh dari annoying. Ngga ada yang spamming pesen atau forward WA ngga jelas, aktif kalo emang ada yang penting banget, ngga ada pressure apa-apa. Pas banget buat saya yang males basa basi. Perbedaannya jauh sekali sama grup wa sekolah di Jakarta dulu yang tiap hari ‘berisik’ sekali. Ada info yang bermanfaat, tapi lebih banyak yang ngga.

Kalo ditanya masalah teknis, sekolah ini udah punya semua yang saya perlu buat sekolah anak yang ideal.

Kecuali satu hal yang mana buat saya paling krusial.

Masalah solat.

Tantangan hidup di negara empat musim adalah waktu solat yang berubah sepanjang tahun dan ketika winter ini adalah yang paling sulit.

“Ah, anaknya kan masih kecil, belum wajib juga”.

Itu makanya saya selalu percaya timingnya Allah itu ngga pernah meleset. Dikasih ke London pas sekali umur Langit segini. Dalam segala hal. Termasuk solatnya. Kalo kesini lebih besar lagi, saya akan gelisah gimana dia akan solat kalo pas winter solat zuhur, asar, maghrib semua dihabiskan ketika masih di sekolah.

Tahun lalu dia hanya baru solat maghrib dan subuh. Tiga bulan lockdown, bisa lengkap solat lima waktu, dan saya ngga pengen mundur lagi ketika waktu untuk wajib solat mendekat.

Mungkin ini satu-satunya hal yang bikin hati bisa lebih ringan buat pulang.

Solat ini hanya satu bagian tapi buat saya yang menentukan semuanya karena solat bukan ‘cuma’.

Perjalanan mencari sekolah ke depan ngga akan mudah. Saya dan ayahnya banyak sekali diskusi dan revisi tentang pemilihan sekolah ini. Kami tau yang kami mau, tapi tentu banyak konsekuensi yang mengikuti dan ngga ada jalan lain selain kompromi.

Sekolah di London cukup banyak sekali membuka mata dan pandangan tentang apa yang kami mau dan perlu dari sebuah sekolah. Mau jadi apapun anak saya nanti, pada akhirnya seperti yang pernah saya tulis sebelumnya, saya cuma mau anak saya jadi manusia yang baik.

Posted in Thoughts

Second Lockdown and Count Down

England has entered second lockdown since last week. It’s not as strict as the first one since school is still open. Keeping the school open is a vital decision and I am glad they chose to do so.

But somehow, this second lockdown seems a bit more confusing than the first one. Not that I want to go back to the first one, but it just a bit uncertain for many things. Playground is open, you can still meet with other household in outdoor. Then, it’s not much different than the previous phase.

Maybe the only significant thing is you cant eat out and travel for leisure anymore. Restaurant only open for take away and delivery.

Meanwhile, we also start counting down our time here. Welcoming boxes and messes once again in the house. The second lockdown somehow gives a sense of early farewell with those restrictions applied.

Compared to the time while I was writing waiting game, this time the heart is more ready, in spite of facing more uncertain things in the future back home. But, we’ve been dealing with those uncertainties for the past few years. Life has been unpredictably excited since 2016. One thing always leads to another.

We have plans of course, but life as we know it, always has something at the end. Something that is rarely included in our initial plan, yet they almost always turn to be the best one. For someone with lots of worries, I often wonder whether I should worry too much or not. But, without worrying, I won’t plan carefully and pray desperately just like I always do for many things. There are times when I feel like to explode because sometimes the worry takes over all the empty space in my brain.

Secret of Divine Love in one of its pages said :

Do not place a period where God has placed a comma, because God’s plan stretches beyond your moments of doubt and fear.

Although there’s no doubt about that, It still feels easier said than done.

The heart has also currently been working a bit hard due to recent circumstances. A sick friend who’s currently in ICU, a sad news of the sudden passing of an acquaintance long ago who left her two little daughters behind.

This year has been strangely bad and sad in on side, yet it gives so many uncountable blessings in another side. To be healthy and safely made it to this point is one of them, right? If there’s anything that we should take into account from this year is, never take this life for granted anymore.

Not when it’s extremely short and precious.

Well, maybe that’s all for now.

☹It’s been few weeks and still couldn’t upload any pictures from this app, from any devices.