Category: Thoughts

Posted in Thoughts, Travel

A Throwback Thursday and 25th of October

Posted on by arlanadya

It’s an endless talking when Paris is the subject.

Learnt the language since elementary school, had the visa stamped on the passport in 1994, but chicken pox stopped the plan. Happily spent three years studying the language after long office hours, even took the international exam in french DELF (like IELTS/TOEFL) although just passed miserably for B1 level, thinking mastering the language would take the step closer to this city.

There were times when checking the ticket price was the most enjoyable guilty pleasure. Opened several tabs from several airlines just to see how much it would be to go there.

It was a long road to finally set these feet in this city and it came with such an expensive price, literally and unliterally.

Seven days spent here was truly an exceed expectation experience. When most people had unpleasant experience with this lady, je n’ai souvient d’aucun.

The kind metro officer who taught how to use the machine to buy the bus ticket, the tall cashier at small supermarche kindly helped changing the money into coins, the old lady who friendly chatted during the queue in Monoprix, the ladies in the bus who looked at Langit nicely and played peek a boo, the unfriendly-look Louvre guard who showed us the door to skip the long queue, that tiny and chaos apartment in non-touristy Boulevard Saint Germaine found in the very last minutes before departure, the street which felt like a fashion spread where those chic and stylish Parisiens made a beautiful sight to the eyes, lovely weather and beautiful colors, I didn’t know spending seven days in a city could be this happier. Or maybe that was the price after those long waiting years.

Quoting From Elizabeth Speare, The Witch of Blackbird Pond :

“After the keen still days of September, the October sun filled the world with mellow warmth… The maple tree in front of the doorstep burned like a gigantic red torch. The oaks along the roadway glowed yellow and bronze. The fields stretched like a carpet of jewels, emerald and topaz and garnet. Everywhere she walked the color shouted and sang around her .. “In October any wonderful unexpected thing might be possible.”

There are always something about 25th October.

It was the departure date when the three big dreams were set in 2003.

It was the day of Wukuf in Arafah in 2012 when the second dreams checked.

It was the date printed on a boarding pass when the third and longest dream accomplished in 2016.

25 October is always be a reminder that dreams do come true and it would take a long journey until you arrive at the final destination.

It’s also a reminder there were no single thing as a coincidence in life. The invisible hand arranged everything to the smallest detail for all things happened in life.

But, worry not, He fulfilled all dreams without exception.

Posted in Thoughts

After Paris

Posted on by arlanadya

August, 2017.

I have been living ‘uncomfortably’ comfortable after Paris was beautifully executed in last year. Having all three big dreams fulfilled was one of the greatest feeling I had as a human. Paris became my third and last twenties personal biggest dream to achieve. Then, when it was done, what’s next? Nothing.

And, with that, the emptiness attacked.

Less spiritful days, going through month by month by keep asking ‘what’s next’, and no satisfying answers came. Thinking about living the rest of time without having any specific dream is torturing. Of course, there’s Langit who makes another big purpose, but Langit is not a dream. She is my responsibility, whether I like it or not, I have to keep going.

I’d been thinking about going back to several places that once made me happy, but with current situation, it didn’t feel that appealing anymore. Those places like school and french course were only suitable for my carefree twenties. Not with my heavy and full of responsibilities thirties. I should find something else that is worth my time and energy better.

I am almost done with myself. I have no unfulfilled dream which I would regret not having it when I die. I had travelled quite a lot, I did my master degree abroad, I did my Hajj, I took care of my mother until her last breath, I am taking care of my father in his old age, I enjoy my current work and feel the satisfaction about that, I sleep, eat, and live safely and comfortably.

I have received a lot. It’s about time to return the kindness. Something that is worth my energy and my time shouldn’t be something that centered to myself. It should be bigger than that. I should upgrade definiton of work for myself too. Something that is not only about me, but more for others.

I have learnt a lot that work(s) is only meaningful if you have clear purpose and goals to be achieved. Without them, work feels like a routine to earn money, to pay those endless bills monthly, and wushh, it’s gone without a trace.

I’ve been craving for work that has some significant impacts for others and for myself to drag me out of my comfort zone. I want to do more than what I have been doing, I need to learn something new and exciting because I feel like I am done with my current lesson chapter.

————————————–

October, 2018.

This writing has been saved in draft for almost a year. Somehow I couldn’t finish it because,wow, never knew starting and running a bussiness would be such headache and honestly, I felt it was too far from cool. Although it’s still a tiny one, but the problems to deal with were quite a lot. Dealing with employees, customers, the license owner, the struggle to make sales and getting customer, there were real battles.

There were times when I felt I really wanted to give up and just let it run with the flow, but, I just couldn’t do it. We have started and I want to see where this will be going to. If this one fail later, I need to make sure that I have done everything in my power to make this work.

Through this tiny bussiness, I now understand how safe it is to be an employee, not to say this to offend since I am still one too until now. You jusy have to do your work and every certain date you get your paycheck. Done. Meanwhile as a bussiness owner, I have been constantly insecure whether the sales could make it to pay all the salary and rent.

It’s been a year and progresses have been here. The old store has been renewed and among four first employees, three were not there anymore and it is okay. I also learn that people are replacable. Losing one, the other one will come. Of course it takes certain things to deal with new one, but, to keep someone who doesn’t want to stay or giving bad influence to the store culture, I prefer letting them go. I also decide to hire male employee only. Me as a woman is more than enough. The bussiness suits male more than female too.

Like almost everything in life, I take this one seriously too. Never missed a day visiting the store and checking the work result and doing quality control on each work given to the employees. Keep thinking and searching ways to improve sales, because this one should have real profit. Replying those inquiries, complaints,and sending notifications to customers, and dealing with monthly report.

Running this bussiness feels like having a second child. By having another child it means I have to sacrifice another thing too like cutting another working day so I can be more focused. There were times when I also totally cut any ties from dramaland. Watched not even one drama for months. The real life dramas had been more than enough at that time and there were times when I feel like resigning from this.

Maybe just like raising a child, first year is always the toughest, physically and emotionally taxing, and for me this one is no different. Entering the second year, it’s more comfortable for some part but I still couldn’t lose my guard. I always have this kind of feeling that when I am loose when it’s calm, I have to pay more during the storm.

Of course I don’t have to stand by all day during open hours, but I always come everyday before the operation hours. I am still dealing with stuffs when I am home or even during the trip. Yes, I keep dealing with this too when I was overseas.

I am pretty lucky to have this team with me who can be trusted with money and work and they have been very much reliable. Without them, I couldn’t do this at all. I could take few days off during my trip and having them report to me daily and so far it’s been running well. Alhamdulillah.

It’s too early to say this one a succesful one and almost never this one becomes something I boast about everywhere. It’s far from easy yet I am beyond grateful having this chapter full of new learnings in my life. When some statements above seemed saying that it’s really hard and far from pleasant, in fact, I enjoy many parts of this. I enjoys replying messages, explaining about things, showing what we have done, eventough the end is not always become sales, but It feels nice knowing I have helped someone with their curiosity.

In the end, hopefully this one gives more benefits to people who use our service and also the employees who work with us, and if it can touch more lives, then I would be much happier.

Wishing for more endurance to survive this and become better than before. Amin.

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

School is (finally) Cool

Posted on by arlanadya

Next Monday will be the beginning of Langit’s new adventure in a new place called school. A real school life. After postponed school for some time, she finally shows us that she is ready for that.

I once wrote about school is not cool and it was almost two years ago. Right after that not too pleasant experience, Langit had lots of chances to see the world and had been going places a lot. They were surely more interesting school for her. From Paris, London, Manchester, Liverpool, Tokyo, Solo, Jogja, Surabaya, until Tanah Bumbu. She survived long haul flights well, enjoy lots of new tastes in many places she visited, played in many playgrounds and beautiful gardens, traveling to lots of new places at such young age.

At the beginning of this year, after several meetings with pediatrician, she started her therapy sessions twice a week. This session actually feels more like a private playing lesson. Unlike our previous experience, which made the heart feel so heavy everytime we had a class, this one is a light-hearted one. So grateful that she gets a very kind facilitator to play with for an hour. It’s been seven months and we plan to keep coming.

On May, we enrolled her in a daycare nearby once a week. We try to put and expose her to a larger group. Eventhough it’s only once a week for six hours, she gets enough experience to interact with other children and we’ve been through it with almost zero drama like crying when I left her, etc. She’s been spending six hours there pretty well.

Guess it’s true. When the child is ready, she will be truly ready.

We finally came up with decision about which school to go last May too. After lots of school visits, paying registration fees to some schools, we decided to send her to the very first school we visit. It feels good because I am an avid believer that the first answer is rarely wrong.

It’s a quite new school, still trying to gain new students, and unlike many other parents who prefer the more established one, we choose this school.

We love its big and wide playground with lots of toys. A swimming pool is there too. It’s located inside a housing residence, far from busy road. I once also had a doubt about sending her to less known school, but after what we’ve been through in these past six months, we finally came to a conclusion that we need people who’s willing to understand her and some environment where she could show something that she’s good at.

I found this willingness in the school principle character. A middle-age kind lady who’s been pretty helpful and shows that Langit’s English speaking preference will be fine here and it’s just matter of time when she could acquire bahasa Indonesia as well as her English. Apart from the fact they are still trying to get students, but it’s quite soothing knowing the teachers themselves are eager to help. I once wrote about how I wish to meet this kind of teacher for Langit  like one in the article of this The World Against (Y)Our Introverted-Child.

We told the pricipal that we don’t expect much as long as she is happy to be there, eager to join her friends sometimes and do what the teacher told her to. In fact, we have already mentioned that we prefer letting her stay another year in kindergarten when she is not ready for elementary.

There is possibility that we might be wrong, but hopefully we won’t be or at least, whatever wrongs that will come in the future, it’s all repairable.

I have been praying a lot the same and usual pray that I always recite whenever coming to a new place. For us to meet the kind one. It has been always answered and hopefully this time will too.

Sending my little girl to her first world out there after keeping her safely 24/7 for 3,5 years are surely scary.

Goodluck, baby.

Be ready, mommy.

Bismillah.

Posted in Maternité, Thoughts

Lazy Parenting

Posted on by arlanadya

Found an article this morning that led me to two other articles that speak what I feel and have been doing for these 3,5 motherhood years.

Never know this term does exist and couldn’t be happier it does exist and there’s nothing wrong with that. Guilt is motherhood bestfriend and to be freed at least a bit from that is relieving.

As the article says :

Lazy parenting is about intentionally providing your child with opportunities to develop a sense of self-efficacy, which in turn will bolster confidence, independence, and responsibility. It’s about mindfully stepping back to allow your child to struggle on their own for a minute rather than rushing in and rescuing. It’s about letting your child find out just how much they are capable of. And they actually are capable of a lot!

It explains things Langit can do at her age like dealing with her bathroom stuff by herself like pee, brushing her teeth, and sometimes bathing herself with my supervision.

She takes care her own dirty laundry, wet towel, as well as dress and undress herself.

She helps herself to prepare her own cup and put a bit of sugar when she feels like drinking hot tea, pour water when she wants to drink, or getting some snack she would like to eat.

She chooses her own clothes, from undies until the outer, wear herself the socks and shoes and she loves walking too.

I have no one to help in taking care of her, more with the doctor is being far away, it’s even less help at home. I need to make her do her own things, at her capacity, to make my daily life a bit easier.

In general, intentionally lazy parenting is the shift in thinking from, “I need to move in and fix this for my kid” to, “I need to step back and see if my kid can manage this on their own. It might take longer and be messier, but if they can do it themselves, then they should.”

Whole-heartedly agree with the statement. If it’s something that the child can do herself, then they should do it herself. Help once or twice would be fine, let them do it alone next time.

Raising my daughter without my mother taught me that parents wouldn’t always be present for their children. There are lots of time when we should deal with things on our own as a child. Such ability is not innate, it should be taught properly and it starts by dealing with the simplest thing in the child’s daily life.

I remember about writing this previously about Lima Beda Tentang Langit.

Thank you for showing up with these articles, mother.ly.

Full article could be read here :

https://www.mother.ly/life/im-a-lazy-parent-and-proud-of-it?utm_source=huffingtonpost

https://www.mother.ly/child/what-is-lazy-parenting-and-should-you-try-it

Posted in Thoughts

Eid and Lost Traditions

Posted on by arlanadya

Eid has been identical with some traditions hold in each family. When the original team were all here, mine would be massive cleanings and changing new sheets in each corner of the house before the D-day, then early morning breakfast with black forest and our home made cookies before heading to the mosque. Right after Eid pray, we went straightly to both grandma’s houses.

As life changed drastically in 2012, so did this Eid traditions. Some (are) still (trying hard to be) kept, but it is surely unavoidable to let go some. More,with Langit arrival in 2014, even more to let go. At first, it’s hard to let go those rituals that have been kept for years. After all, that’s what makes Eid special. Such traditions wouldn’t be available in the other day. Those brought and created special warmth too in our home.

This year marked some major traditions that should be let go due to certain circumstances. No gathering at home and we have a restaurant instead. Last year was my father’s turn to hold family gathering at this house and this year is the second child’s turn.

Not because she doesn’t have a house, but more of she can’t and doesn’t want to do it at her home. Thinking about the hassles to host thirty something people at home, preparing here and there then taking care all the mess after all guests return. So, a decent restaurant is a more logical choice. Paying those expensive food is much better choice than dealing with the mess at home.

It’s absolutely unimaginable in the past year to celebrate Eid in a restaurant as if all family members have no home to hold once-a-year gathering. But, there’s nothing we can do about that. After my grandma passed away last year, a strong reason to gather all members has been loosen much. By this year, my father only sibling who stays out of town and comes to Jakarta every Eid, decides to stay at her home this year. Who will push her to come? None. It truly takes a strong figure to gather people.

It was quite sad previous years, but this year, I take it more lightly and just accept those unevitable changes. Having the doctor at home for Eid is good enough for me. The rest is just complementary.

I couldn’t help wondering what changes next Eid will bring for next year, if my time will arrive by God’s will.

Eid Mubarak à vous tous!

Posted in Thoughts

Life Battles : A Patern

Posted on by arlanadya

After some times, I realized that life mostly really happens in an even year more than the odd one. Looking back to previous years, lots of big events, life-changing ones, turn-table twists, they were mostly happened in even years.

To name several :

  • Meeting the doctor for the first time in 2002 as well as the end of my 13 years of piano education.
  • The first job secured in 2004 during the first year of college.
  • Survived two months in a small village with the best strangers as well as the ‘loudest’ year of proposals in 2006
  • The worst and longest broken heart in 2008. This year marked the second hardest year in my twenties. The first goes to next foyr years.
  • The reunited, long distance, and resuming in 2010. Talking about the relationship here.
  • Finally, 2012 turned out to be a year with three earthquakes in my world, as well as the life-changing year. The end of an era. The end of my comfort zone. Life has never been the same after 2012. It was just like the Mayans prophecy predicted that world would end in 2012. At least, mine did.

Langit Senja came in 2014. A whole new beginning to the jungle of motherhood. Entering the fourth year, this jungle is truly wild, scary emotionally and energy draining, physically taxing, and no one is close to a winning. Really, there’s no better mother than another. You win some, yet you couldn’t help losing in another game.

Fast forward to 2016. A year that thought to be another mundane year yet, it was wrong. Went through first semester safely, then two big presents sent from the universe. Broken relationship and unlocked third biggest twenties dream.

Now, it’s 2018 and the pattern repeats. Currently dealing with medium long distance relationship which airline ticket price costs us a lot. Two flights needed that make the saving screams a lot and this one will last for a year. One might say years are short, but they really forget that days can be so long. Days in this April feel exactly like that.

The advice of count your blessing is not really applicable during this state. I do count mine, yet it doesn’t make this feel any easier. This is not our first encounter with distance yet, again, having previous experiences is not necessarily make you stronger. Being away from one of the sanity keepers is hard enough.

Other circumstances also happen until I have to have another long distance with my other sanity keeper called dramaland. It’s been six months already that I totally cut the tie with those fellows from dramaland. No matter how much and want to return, the mood is really gone. Current affairs in works and other tasks have eaten all my energy and mood.

There’s nothing I hope for other than this April will soon meet its end. At least, passing through April safely means the big part of these shits is gone.

Breathe in, breathe out.

When life throws shits to your face, wipe it cleanly and keep going slowly.

You’ll get there.

Posted in Thoughts, Travel

Alasan Panjang untuk Sebuah Trip Pendek

Posted on by arlanadya

Buat seorang pemales kaya saya, liburan yang bener-bener disebut liburan itu adalah tinggal di rumah, ngga harus ngerjain apa-apa, ngurusin siapa-siapa, tidur-tiduran sepanjang hari atau justru pergi kemana-mana sendiri tanpa harus khawatir ninggalin sesuatu atau seseorang di rumah. Kaya satu hari di bulan Februari waktu Pak dokter dan Langit berangkat duluan ke Bali, dua member lainnya juga pas ke luar kota. Baru kali itu kayanya dalem sehari saya keluar rumah tiga kali dan super hepi.

Empat bulan berjalan di tahun ini sudah diisi dengan berbagai perjalanan ke berbagai tempat. Beberapa karena ‘harus’, satu karena disuruh sama tiket murah, dan yang kali ini karena ‘pengen buat orang lain’.

Beberapa trip yang dijalani dua tahun terakhir, sedikit diantaranya adalah karena pengen ajak orang. Trip ke UK April tahun lalu itu bisa ada karena motivasi yang kuat banget setelah ke Paris dan setengah sangkel karena ngga ajak Ayah saya. Makanya dengan alesan itu, plus adik saya juga pas lagi ambil master di London, setengah maksa saya bujuk Ayah saya supaya mau pergi (dan ngebayarin tiketnya)😁.

Perjanjian dibuat karena tiket ditanggung, semua biaya lain saya ambil alih, dari akomodasi, tiket ke luar kota, makan, transport selama di London, pokoknya semuanya, yang mana ya hampir seharga tiket juga buat 4 orang.

Selama kurang lebih sebulan saya berkutat dan muter otak buat cari tiket dengan harga yang bisa diterima, buat 4 orang. Dapet tiket JKT-KL-London dengan maskapai bintang lima timur tengah dan kasih kelas bisnis buat ayah saya dari KL-JKT dengan total harga yang ngga sampe 9jt per orang, salah satu prestasi yang bisa dibanggakan sama otak pas-pasan ini. Bukan sekedar untung itu, skill juga😎.

Ribetnya ngurusin semua tetek bengek trip UK buat 4 orang, sendiri, dengan segala dramanya dibayar sama hepinya wajah ayah saya waktu dia di Manchester ngeliat kampus lamanya, asrama mahasiswa tempat dia tinggal, apartemen yang pernah kita tempatin sebulan waktu ke sana, dan masih banyak lagi yang ngebuat semua kerepotan yang harus dijalanin jadi terasa worth the price.

Trip ke Jogja kali ini ada juga karena alesan yang kurang lebih sama untuk orang yang berbeda. Tiap saya pergi dan ayah saya ngga ikut, saya pasti ngerepotin tante saya dan keluarganya dengan minta untuk nginep di rumah supaya bisa ngurusin ayah saya. Tante ini adik almh ibu saya yang paling kecil, yang paling baik, yang paling ngga pernah nolak kalo diminta tolong, dan mungkin yang paling punya sedikit kesempatan untuk bepergian dengan segala keterbatasannya.

Setelah semua urusan trip ke Tokyo beres, saya udah niatin untuk bikin satu trip lagi dan kali ini akan ajak tante saya dan anaknya. Sering banget minta tolong kok ya ngga ada terima kasih yang lebih dari sekedar oleh-oleh dari tempat yang saya datengin.

Kebetulan pas banget ada sabtu merah lain di April ini yang mana saya ngga perlu hutang kelas dan saya punya satu hotel yang saya penasaran buat nyoba karena saking seringnya terpapar review di media sosial tentang hotel ini.

Awalnya saya ragu tante saya mau ikut karena takut sungkan dibayarin dan sebagainya. Orang lain mungkin dengan senang hati tanpa malu-malu akan bilang iya, tapi tante saya beda. Dengan hati-hati saya nanya apa dia mau ikut, jelasin naik apa dan durasinya juga ngga lama, yang penting refreshing aja sebentar berdua sama anaknya dan keluarga saya.

Di luar dugaan ternyata dia seneng banget ditawarin ini. Lega banget dengernya. Makin deket ke hari H, seneng banget denger betapa semangatnya mereka dengan trip ini. Puncaknya pas udah duduk di kereta dan tante saya bilang,

Dia (sambil nunjuk anaknya) ngga berenti bilang ‘ini baru bagus, mah, ini baru kereta bagus, ngga kaya dulu kita pergi sama kak iwan’.

Ikhlas banget rasanya bayar(in) semua pengeluaran di trip ini dengan denger komentar anak 10 tahun yang pemalu kaya gitu. Siapa bilang bahagia itu selalu dari diri sendiri?

Trip kali ini juga merupakan banyak hal pertama buat saya. Pertama kali pergi tanpa Pak dokter, travel partner andalan, pertama kali pergi tanpa bawa SATU PUN makanan berat favorit Langit (yang ini bener-bener agak nekat), dan pertama juga pergi dengan ninggalin toilet seat Langit di rumah. Ini seperti tes drive traveling ke level yang lebih tinggi. Sekali lagi, buat yang males kaya saya, pergi tanpa tiga hal tersebut itu sesuatu sekali.

Bismillah. Semoga semua dilancarkan dan kenyataan bisa mendekati harapan dan senantiasa dilimpahi kesabaran. Amin.

00:58, Taksaka 54 yang super dingin dan bikin ngga bisa tidur.

Posted in Past learning, Thoughts, Travel

Travel Babble : A Warm Welcome

Posted on by arlanadya

I am writing this from 32sqm room in Tanah Bumbu Regency where the doctor will spend a year of compulsory service.

The battle between joined and sent him off first to this place was tough. Days in last week spent by non-stop googling about the ticket price, calculating benefit and risk, lots of conversation happened between head and heart. After long and hard battle inside, finding the best possible route with the least cost,two tickets bought just two days before the departure.

My travel history had never been this nekat. The tickets price might be quite scary for the saving, but regret of not buying them would surely be greater than the pain of paying them.

Unlike the other trips that had been meticulously planned, this one was almost zero, not because it’s a domestic one but more to limitation of information we got in our hand.

There things that are unggogleable no matter how hard you search for them. The only thing to do is just come and see, then let’s see what we can do about them on the spot.

This trip will be another huge challenge for me because I will travel back to home with the little girl only two of us. Two flights, if one doesn’t sound challenging enough. During traveling, I am so dependable with the doctor. He has more patience in dealing with this girl than me. As a lazy person, it takes something really important until I dare to take the risk to do this kind of thing.

I have my number one pray whenever we go places. For us to meet the kind ones to help whenever we are in need. So far, the prays always answered until the least important thing. Paris, London, Manchester, Liverpool, Tokyo, the trips were greatly enjoyable because of those strangers kindness that we could never payback. This Tanah Bumbu trip turned out to be the same.

We booked differently because the doctor didn’t need the return flight. So when we checked in we turned out to have separate seats. Seven rows differences. I had the thought in my mind to ask for switching the seat with the other person so the doctor could sit with us together.

We happened to seat with a man at the same age with my father, maybe, and when he saw we sat in different row, it didn’t take him long to walk to the back of the plane and asked the doctor if he would like to sit with us. That was very kind of him. I didn’t even say any words about switching the seat.

Arrived in Tanah Bumbu we drove with a fellow obgyn doctor. After some talk and believe it or not, in spite of his thick javanese accent, he is a Gorontalonese. You can meet javanese everywhere, padangnese is also pretty common, but it’s a very very rare chance to meet a Gorontalonese in the land of nowhere. I destined to met one here. In this tight schedule trip.

Another one that makes me shivering more, among thousands of remote areas in this country, this land of my dad’s birth land chosen, more spesifically it was where my late grandma’s spent her childhood.

Never, a single path of life, is a mere coincidence. Every thing happens for a reason.

No matter how overrated people think traveling is, but it’s never for me. I had my very first real traveling back in 1993, and its impact was greater and longer beyond a mere going to new places and showing it to others. It developed many things inside of me that I believe they were something that only could be done and got from traveling.

Traveling is always an eye opener to new things that we don’t know and to learn something new is only exciting by seeing something in other places than our comfort zone.

I don’t remember if London and Tokyo made this much babble within seven days of traveling. Tanah Bumbu made it this much only within few hours of arriving.

In spite of the nice words written above, the mess of having long distance marriage is waiting ahead.

Be kind, please, Life.

I am really looking forward to April….

2019.

Posted in Places, Thoughts, Travel

A New Adventure Begins

Posted on by arlanadya

Safely finished five years of residency was surely one of the biggest blessings in this marriage jungle. Far from easy, shitty and stormy, yet, we made it to the end.

Some decent jobs in good places had been offered and one had been gladly accepted. Another blessing that no time needed to apply here and there, waiting for interviews, etc. Even the salary has been paid right after the interview. To call it a mere blessing is such an underrated word. We are extremely grateful for this.

The end of an adventure is always a door to the new one. Right after residency, the health ministry released a new policy : Compulsory service for five major specialist doctor to go to some remote area all over the country for a year.

WKDS is destined to be our new adventure. The waiting was pretty torturing and took some dramas. Some offered that too good to be true once made but then, if it’s too good to be true then it doesn’t exist. Prayer had been made to ask the best place appointed.

The announcement was out before we departed to Tokyo. A small regency in South Borneo become our destination. A small city with 30 minutes flight from Banjarmasin, the native land of my father. Maybe it’s so right to say we will always be back to our root. Among thousands of cities in Indonesia, my half hometown is destined for us.

Unlike previous traveling that planned thoroughly and had enough time to make preparations, this one is really stressful and high tension. Ticket had been booked just 2-3 days before departure, price was far from cheap, and it took two flights to arrive at the city. We’re pretty lucky because there is a flight with small plane so we don’t have to ride hours of trip by car.

Commuter and long distance marriage mode is on. It is not the first time we’ve dealt with this, yet, it doesn’t make it feel easier. I survived those endless shift schedules for five years, yet knowing it would take months until another meeting is truly scary for me. Hoping my patience will cooperate well this time.

I love traveling to new places. But this one is quite different. Who knows what one full year could bring? It scares me a lot.

But then, like every previous steps taken and destined for us, the helping hands were always there. Surely know that we’re never being left alone. What had been appointed is always the best plan more than we could expect.

So, the utmost trust placed to the One whose hold all affair and decision. May this new adventure brings lots of new learnings, bigger blessings, and we’ll be back safely after a year.

Amin.

To Tanah Bumbu we go!

Bismillah.

Posted in Thoughts

A Best Friend Called Anxiety

Posted on by arlanadya

Entering the third month of this year, anxiety has been accompanying me a lot. Lots of worries about many things. One solved, another one came and so on.

Residency officially ended in the end of February. Another title behind the doctor’s name is a result of a long, hard, shitty, and rocky journey for the family. Having it ended safely and well is nothing but Allah’s mercy. Waiting for announcement for a year of WKDS is one of current biggest anxieties.

Easily being anxious over something is good and bad at the same time. The good part is detailed preparations in dealing with everything is a must for me. I’ll go until the deepest root if possible. Being certain until there’s no point missing and even if there’s one or two, it’s really beyond my control.

The bad part is most of the time, things don’t go worse than what I thought. ‘Don’t Worry, Be Happy’ is not applicable for me. There’s no real happiness without proper amount of worriness.

Having lots of plans means more anxieties. But, don’t you know that having NO PLAN gives more of that feeling? It feels like you don’t have any directions where to go next, you don’t know where you’re heading to, and worse you don’t know where you will end up.

No matter how anxious it is to wait for and expecting something, it’s still better than having nothing to be waited for. Thus, “go with the flow” surely doesn’t work with me. I have to participate in deciding where the flow will go.

So, it seems being friends with anxiety is unavoidable. Quoting from Paulo Coelho :

Anxiety was born in the very same moment as mankind.

And since we will never be able to master it, we will have to learn to live with it – just as we have learned to live with storm

.

Luckily, behind the biggest anxiety, I believe a greater power is there. The One who will take care the end result according to what fits and suits us the most.

Never alone and will never be left alone.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Keep going.