After several times (intentionally) missed all kind of previous playdates with school friends, finally agreed to join a birthday girls-only playdate for the little girl.
We went through long rides of buses returns but, it was quite enjoyable because we faced close to no traffic jam for 20km back and forth.
For me to say yes to such event and put myself in less comfortable situations (like being around with strangers for hours), to somewhere unfamiliar and quite far from home, on a school day, on a fasting day, when I needed to reschedule the afternoon class, that was not a small feat and took a lot of efforts to make this happen.
Guess social skill is just like fingers which could play piano well, both take a lot of practice. Especially when you’re far from talented.
Well, I was pretty happy saying yes to this. Especially when I saw how happy the girls were along the playdates. But hopefully, the next one won’t come soon.
Surviving ny first rendezvous with the few of school moms after three years.
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Another change takes place this month.
Signed up to her first evening class today. After bed time is slowly postponed to 8.30 and sometimes close to 9 pm for the past few months. Been thinking to try an evening class with few requirements : non academic, relax and easy, and must be in group, and it should be a small group.
Why small group? As her language therapist suggested, she needs to practice her social skill more in a group setting where she could learn to take turn, hold herself to not keep talking all the time, reading the room, etc.
Done my research and found that fits into my requirements, except the schedule. The schedule should be discussed with other participants first. The best schedule for me is on Friday night when there will be no school on the following day.
After several times voting, the schedule result met my expectation. Alhamdulillah.
Let’s see how it goes.
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Post YPM trip on Saturday, we went to the local public library, which ended with massive disappointment because two books that the little girl wanted to bring home were categorised as non-borrowable ones.
It’s a head-scratching policy, but, I am not complaining here. It’s a good enough library but maybe they need to improve some of their policies. It‘s such a pity when a child’s reading appetite is that high, the policy won’t allow them to feed her with the food they have in the library.
I also hope in the future we can borrow more than two books so one visit could be more beneficial and efficient.
But, here was what happened few hours later :
One that we couldn’t borrow in the morning, arrived on the same day in the afternoon, thanks to the dad who couldn’t stand the disappointment on his girl’s face. Yes, the little girl is quite obsesssed about dinosaurs and history. For this year, her choice of future job is to be a paleontologist.
Another period when I really want to rant about many things yet couldn’t find the time (lame excuse I know), but suddenly, an idea to combine all the short writings came. Maybe, I could use this format if it works to make writing more consistent.
The I don’t know if others experience this or not, but I’ve been recognizing that life has patterns. Talking about mine, the seasons and the problems might be different, but, the pattern is quite clear.
In raising a child, the pattern appears clearly too. Just like anything, life has never been letting me (or us) stay still and chill in raising this girl. Always give something new to learn, always on a research mode to find the best solution, letting us to be exposed to something that we have never encountered. It is not necessarily something new, but, it is certainly something rarely heard of.
(Like finding the term DLD and dyspraxia for the first time).
Previously, the dentist appointment was at 11 am and I asked for whoever was available since it was only a regular check up. Suddenly, I had a meeting that couldn’t be cancelled at that time so I asked to reschedule the appointment. It was moved to 2 pm.
Been visiting this dental regular and we got different dentist for each visit. Here is another clear pattern. For almost every problem we encounter, meeting the right people is included with the solution. Since I change the appointment schedule, they switch the doctor too.
The dentist asked why we came. I explained that this was a long overdue meeting to have her teeth checked. The dentist said it was all clear, only certain parts needed better brushing. That was it.
Then, I came up with a question about her teeth which previously were nice and grow evenly, but when the adult teeth coming, it starts growing unevenly which changes her facial features. I asked why, since she never bottle-fed, no thumb sucking, so what happened? I asked whether it was true that we should wait until she is 12 to start wearing braces (an insight we got from another dentist).
We happened to meet a pediatric dentist who clearly knows what she does. Instead of, answering my question in a simple short answer, she explained about how the teeth happened to be that way systematically.
She said we came at the right time when it is still early and to fix the teeth, what we should do first is fixing the breathing habit.
Instead of waiting until 12, we could start right now. She said, it won’t be easy because it needs commitment and consistency, from both parents and child. Fixing the teeth is the easy part, but she wants us to fix the foundation first, which is the breathing habit, that’s the hard work.
I rarely sold to something, but her explanation was beyond make sense. I decided to sign up right away (usually I would say I would discuss it with the father too).
Last night, we spent time watching youtube videos about MYOBRACE therapy together.
More homeworks are coming and I am surely not complaining, because it means, life pattern goes to the right direction.
I wrote on the previous post about how anxious I have been dealing with longer leisure time with the new schedule since the beginning of little girl’s new academic year.
I also stated that this wasn’t the first time and the more anxious I was, the more intense the searching. In the end, it has been always something new to do.
Funnily, not long after I published the post, an offer came.
I have been volunteering with an English bootcamp since more than a year ago. My initial intention was just to be more useful and maybe I could learn a thing or two. So when I saw the opening on the internet, I signed up right away.
My role is basically facilitating a discussion on a small break out room in Zoom around 2×30 minutes with 3-4 people. The camp provides a booklet contained different kind of articles in English and two sets of questions to be discussed on the break out room.
For someone who doesn’t like talking, close to never turn on my camera during a meeting, signing up for this camp is another way to push myself to do something that I am not comfortable with. For the first few months, it had been exceed my expectations.
I have been receiving a lot of positive feedbacks as a moderator. All those kind words in Secreto filled me with joy and somehow it becomes the fuel to make me stay in spite of postponing my sleeping time a little bit. I really enjoy the class and listening to all the story of the strangers I meet here. Close to never skipping any classes.
Another reason why this is enjoyable because it only runs for 6 days a month within two weeks. So, there’s space for me to have a break and miss this class.
After few months, the founder offered me a teaching position. While being a moderator is a voluntary work, the teaching is a paid one. I accepted it for two meetings.
Teaching in front of large audience is not my strength at all, so from my personal opinion, I still have a lot to learn to make myself comfortable and confident enough to deliver an interesting session.
They offered me another one or two months later and I accepted it as long as I felt confident enough with the materials.
Right after I published the second last previous post, I received a text on my messenger from the founder asked me whether I would interested in joining their internal team.
I enjoy being a moderator there, but working for them is another story. I gave them my conditions and I asked in details what kind of job that I would do and the expectation. After several discussions, I finally agreed and decided to take offer. I have been wanting a fully remote part time work with tolerable work load, and this is the exactly what I have been looking for.
So, insya Allah, starting next Monday, a new experience begins. After four years since resigning from the last workplace and moved to another continent, this will be the first time I resume working for others. Hopefully everything will be okay and I can survive this well. Amin.
Another struggle solved and updated with a new one.
I read once that someone asked this man about what marriage advice he could give.
I loved how this man responded to such a question,
“After 25 years of marriage, the best advice I could give is no advice. The longer I am married, the shorter my advice. I feel like I have no competency in giving any marriage advice”.
It hit me hard reading that.
Usually, older adults will give you lots of advice when asked such questions. They will provide tips and tricks about what to do or shouldn’t do.
Being married myself, I realized that the man above was correct. There are no specific bits of advice like one size fits all. One don’t or do might work for some couples but might not work for others. Whatever principles you hold firmly before marriage might be the ones you throw to the deepest place inside because, after a long battle, it is not the right thing to do; it is not the best option once you zoom out and consider all the consequences in the future if you choose that.
This is just not me. I recently finished a book that confirmed such a thing.
This book told about one of the research with the most significant samples out there about how to predict whether people would be happy in their relationship or not.
These are a few of their findings :
“No algorithm in the world can predict with enourmous accuracy, whether two people will end up happy together”.An enjoyable reading with great insight
It also actually reminded me of another relationship book; this one is quite famous and largely quoted everywhere. Written by two relationship researchers couple that said, based on long years that happened in their lab, they could predict whether the couple will survive their marriage or not with 95% accuracy. They were able to do this by analyzing thousands of couples from the way they interact with each other.
The BookThe excerpt
Well, in the end, no matter how many relationship books I have read, I always remembered what the man above said whenever some younger people in my current volunteer asked some questions about this.
Kind of responses I gave only the short ones because they were the only things I considered doable: “Don’t rush. Enjoy yourself a lot. Ask with the utmost details about what kind of person you want to deal with life with, and let God do the rest”.
If Forest Gump said that life is just like a box of chocolate, you’ll never know what you will get. For me, that is exactly what marriage is.
It’s the third week since the beginning of the new school year, so we kinda have a new schedule daily at home. It’s actually just a slight change in the little girl’s school hours but, for me, for the past three weeks, it’s been quite a struggle.
I remembered one of my readings that said having no free time is stressful, but do you know what is the most stressful? It’s having too much free time.
I am currently struggling to deal with longer leisure hours daily. It feels like I keep looking for something yet, I haven’t found what. I have to rebuild my routine from the scratch once again until I could feel comfortable with it.
It is actually not the first time. Since 2019, when I finally left the job I had for 15 years, that was exactly the first time I faced such struggle. Not only that, moving across continents added to the pressure.
But, the more uncomfortable I had been, the more intense the searching. So far, I always find what I am looking for in the end. But, you know, the process of starting all over again, it is such a pain in the mind.
The struggle is combination of feeling guilty because the brain keeps telling that I should have been more useful than this, feeling confused to decide what such leisure time worth doing, and last but not least, the tiredness of thinking of weekly plan. The thinking part is the hardest job of all.
But, does it mean I want to return to the regular day when everything is fixed and I just have to run day by day doing the same thing?
Hoho, that would be the scariest feeling of all.
I keep telling my self that whatever struggle you deal with, it’s many times better option than returning to phase of life that was finished. No advantage of repeating the cycle once again.
The hardship of navigating new directions is totally normal and it’s more reasons to keep looking, but turning back is never an option.
This is kind of spontaneously written post when I face Monday without a solid plan.
I had been dreaming of setting my feet in Paris for more than 20 years and finally checked the list in my 30s.
All the road to make it happen, all the price paid for just a single dream.
The little girl is not even ten and has been to this lovely city twice. Without really knowing and understanding what it took to get here (and many other places she has been to).
There were times when I asked myself, “What would she become of being raised in a situation where such a hard-earned thing like going abroad feels like a regular thing to do?”
Something that both of her parents ever had growing up. Maybe once every ten years or more, but not as often as we have been (by my personal standard, this is way too often).
Raising a human being is a tricky business indeed. Less is more, I agree, especially for the material things. Children care and need more of our presence or attention than the literal money we earn.
But, the short period spent with them is another thing that should be considered. When one thinks 18 years are long, this is wrong. We even have less than that to teach and transmit everything we want to. There’s an expiration date for parents to have significant influence in their children’s life.
Traveling is about maximizing such a ‘short’ period together, giving the most important education outside the classrooms and Zoom meetings, to transmit as many values as possible I wish her to have and hold. This period is like preparing her for the upcoming trips she would have later, hoping she has enough resources before she finally takes off with her life journey insya Allah.
I don’t have the slightest regret of every single trip we took her to. No matter how difficult they were. No matter how much we spent for them. Money (always) returns, the time won’t.
(This sounds like I am trying to convince myself).
She might not really ‘care’ about all those trips as much as I do. She might appreciate less fascinating things than all the places we’ve been to (like more time playing toca boca than walking around the city alleys under the sun with me). She might not remember all these things as much as I did, but hopefully, there would be something beneficial later from all those journeys we had, which I don’t know what. Yet.
Perhaps, a bit of good-to great-memories that made her smile when life gets tough is more than enough.
Shadow wefie in Paris within seven years of difference.
Such an intense trip deserves more rants. Guess this is the last one.
Last trip was another hard lessons for myself about the importance of tawakkul, which also much correlated with Tauhid.
From myislam.org :
Tawakkul is having complete trust or reliance in Allah. For all affairs, Allah Almighty is capable, sufficient, and knowing so we should rely on him alone.
Tawḥīd or al-tawḥīd (also spelled touḥīd or tawḥeed) is an Arabic word, which literally means “unification” or “asserting oneness.”
Faith and religion are something personal, and I rarely want to talk about this. But, last trip was too intense, too chaos, too much of anything I felt until it was too impossible for us to return safely, unless it was the mercy of Allah. I really wanted to remember what really happened, what was on my mind during those periods.
The trip was such a strong reminder that you might be overly meticulous planning everything as much as you can, but nothing would prevent you from having everything goes against your plans.
Fully understand that life rarely goes according to the plan. That is one reason to not only rely on ourself in everything. More, in the place when we barely knew anyone, didn’t speak a single word of their language, when no one was having advantage to help us, the urgency to rely on something greater than ourself was even bigger.
The moment when we’re denied check in for Porto-Paris flight was one of worst moments in traveling.
After a long queue to check in the counter, when the officer said we couldn’t use this ticket because we didn’t take the first flight without any notifications, so the airline cancelled the whole flight, my heart was shattered.
My mind was racing here and there.
The officer handed me an email address which I skeptically received, knowing it wouldn’t do much to help us. Who in the world would reply an email on Saturday morning?
We went to a corner trying every single way possible to contact the airline from any platforms. The airline doesn’t have any office in Porto. We couldn’t make a call because we didn’t use any sim card that allowed us to make a call.
An airline whatsapp seemed work for a moment, but it wasn’t really. I already offered the only solution I knew at that time, buying a new ticket for afternoon flight. It was far from the best solution, because it means we missed the whole day and should pay another amount. The doctor still tried to find a way to talk to the airline call center.
At that time, I looked around and saw the long queue in the check in counter was clear. No single passenger was seen. I moved my feet to return to the counter.
I mustered my courage and faced that lady once again. Tried hard to keep my calm and talked without trembling, while kept looking at my watch. The flight would depart in an hour. I kept talking to myself along the way.
My self talk wasn’t about the positive affirmation to myself, but, sincere pleading to The One Who Takes Care all affairs, One who owns the heart of every human being, to help me to go through what I should go through at that moment.
“We couldn’t reach anyone who could help us with this, can you help me, please?”
“Have you make a call?”
“No I haven’t, I can’t. We have tried all the platforms to talk to the airline, but it didn’t work,”
“Ok, I try to call it for you, not sure there will be someone right now”.
Judging from her face and her tone, she was obviously didn’t do it happily, which I totally understood.
At that time, the doctor was already on the phone with someone but they said they didn’t understand what was the problem. The ticket was still there and we could use it. But, I believed, during that critical moment, one who really could help us was the one who had the authority to hand us the boarding pass, not someone who wasn’t there.
She was finally able to talk to someone who kept asking her questions which she relayed to me. Why we didn’t board on the plane, why we didn’t send any notifications, why we went to Amsterdam instead. All the questions I imagined would be asked on Paris border during our arrival were all asked here.
I answered truthfully.
Until she said,
“You can use the tickets but you have to pay a fine because of this. XXX euro,”.
“We’ll pay,”
“How will you pay it?”
“By card”.
“Do you have the card with you now?”
“Yes, I have,”.
I called the doctor from a far asked him to bring all of the luggages.
Few minutes later, three boarding passes issued.
We thanked her so many times. I thanked the One who softened her heart endlessly.
In that moment, it wasn’t my pleading, it wasn’t because of we had the money, it was because He allowed it to happen.
Later we knew, the fine was charged per person. Not for the whole bunch.
The price of tiny mistake could be this expensive.
Sigh.
When I thought we had been through the worst, another came.
It was when we arrived in Abu Dhabi. We had safely landed and got out of the plane. Just few meters after that, the little girl said she wanted to go to restroom.
When I wanted to leave my backpack with the doctor, I realized something was missing.
My handbag where all the passports, boarding passes, money, handphones were inside, wasn’t there.
I ran back to the plane as fast as I could because almost all passengers was out. I told the cabin crews I left my bag on my seat.
One might wondered how could I leave such important bag.
I put it under the arm rest. Both were in brown colors. When I got the bag, the officer almost turned off all the light and ready to close the door so I had to scream, “wait for me!”.
“Ah yes, you’re still here. No worries,”.
He turned on the light again.
I walked out of the the plane and the bridge safely.
My dear heart.
I thought two nerve-wrecking moments were enough to humble me.
But, it seemed that the lesson hadn’t finished yet.
Since we had 8 hours of layovers with another hour of delay, we decided to book an airport hotel so we could sleep properly.
We slept well and checked out an hour before it was boarding time.
During the queue for boarding, the doctor asked me where the other plastic bag I brought from Paris.
I really couldn’t believe myself at that time. For leaving another thing at the hotel room.
The hotel was in terminal one.
Our flight was in terminal three.
Once again, my legs were pushed to do the sprint.
The hotel receptionist was startled, when I arrived,
“Mam, your flight is boarding already!”
“Yes, that’s why, please be quick,”
Another man who helped to open the room asked,
“Where is your gate?”
“32”
“It was on terminal three!” He acclaimed.
“Yes I know, thank you so much,”
I reached the gate on time.
During the sprint, my lips were on constant istighfar and thought I might do harm on someone for having all these chaos.
Three huge mistakes in a row.
How much I failed and felt so off during this trip, yet how near the help had been.
It wasn’t luck, it wasn’t my sudden realization, it wasn’t because we had the money, it was purely because He helped us with any ways possible until we made it.
Without His helps all through the journeys, I didn’t know what my mistakes would do to us.
Couldn’t help crying when the plane was finally landed at the home airport.
This writing was started yesterday and I still had no idea how to finish this. But, this morning, a post from Yasmin Mogahed came to me and it talked about those two titles which hit me hard.
I remembered one of my writings when we returned from London during Covid time, where we had to leave all the safety net we had in London and would walk into the unknown battle we had in Jakarta.
This trip wasn’t about all the experience that taught me lessons in traveling. More importantly, it was one which strengthened the belief inside. . The belief that after doing my best in everything, He did, He does, and He will take care of the rest.
As always.
I just have to put my utmost trust on Him and nothing else.
My big next homework is about how to transmit this important belief and value to the little girl. To have such belief at heart, that all the things that happen to her, no matter how big or small, whatever it is, wherever she is, whoever she becomes of, it is not because of her, not because of her parents, not because of anything, but Allah.
Above any skills and values in life I want her to possess, this one alone is the most valuable I hope her to master and stay with her for the rest of her life.
This trip looks good and perfect in pictures but quite a mess in the structure.
So far, the most twisted one among the history of family trips.
From the messy itinerary, a week journey with seven flights rally, Long delay made us sprint in Abu Dhabi, Denied check in when we’re fully ready, Paid a hefty sum of money for the tiny mistake I didn’t see, Ran back to the airplane after realizing I left a bag with passports, handphones, and money below the handrest in the seat forty, Another sprint session in Abu Dhabi, during queuing for boarding, ran between terminal one and three, to fetch another bag I left when we checked out at two thirty.
Those were crazy, honestly.
But, I also felt being saved for countless time while dealing with those difficulties. It felt surreal when the plane touched the ground back to this city yesterday afternoon at three thirty, We were wasted yet,gratefully healthy.
This writing finished yesterday at ten forty, all the luggages were already returned to its place safely, while the washing machine was singing happily. My clean laundry was ready.
Scene 2
We might have lots of miss and twists, but we got it easy when it comes to traveling with this little girl buddy. It might be hard to believe when I said we had zero tantrums since she was a baby.
They said traveling is one of the truest test of character. If it is true, then, she must have passed with flying colors. Much calmer than her mother, while dealing with so many irregulars, Where everything was so unfamiliar.
I have no control of what she would become of despite all the best efforts that had been done, but I hope, she would thrive and becomes an adult who deals with lots of uncertainties in life like she does with everything that traveling brings when she was a child.
The best traveling buddy parents could ask for
Scene 3
Marriage doesn’t have to be ideal, The most important thing it should be functional.
I believe, so does in traveling.
You might need one with the same vision, but the other important thing, you also need a company with different functions.
For every little details I am quite good at (although it becomes debatable in this trip), I get a good one who covers for the big picture that I am quite lack of and I am beyond grateful to be blessed with such traveling partner.
If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together”. African Proverb
So, after four days in Porto, we started our journey back home, with another brief transit, in the one and only,
Paris.
Despite the scorching hot weather with lots of people, Paris never ceases to make me smile.
I loved everything I saw and smelled. The buildings, the boulangerie, the creperie, the small alleys, so little time yet so many things to see.
We stayed near the airport and went to the city by the metro. When we were there in 2016, we mostly traveled by bus because it was easier with strollers to carry around.
During the precious short visit, we only had few main itineraries :
– Visited the Institute Curie for the little girl.
– Bought a pan for the doctor.
– Stopped by chez Emily and Monoprix for me.
Since all of them are within walking distance and few metro ridings, we covered all of them within few hours spent in Paris (minus the sleeping).
Paris is always a good idea, just like Audrey Hepburn said, which I totally agree. But, spending some time during summer in Paris, bon, Paris en été, ce n’est pas pour moi. C’est chaud et trop bondé.
It’s been a very long ride until we finally safely arrived in this trip main destination.
I didn’t have any expectations about this city. No idea what it would be.
I rarely fall in love with the first sight. But, Porto got me right.
Less than one hour set my feet in this city, I fell in love in an instant. This city is beyond charming.
It had been 48 hours without having a proper meal, it served us with a set of Portugese home made meal from a tiny homey local restaurant across our apartment. It was pumpkin soup and red bean rice with cod fish. I really wanted to cry while sipping the soup. It was the best meal I had in this trip.
We stopped by for the light groceries nearby then returned to the apartment. When we arrived, our room was ready.
We bought Andante card for the bus and metro at Sao Bento station. Our first visit in the afternoon was Ribiera. Sitting by Duoro river and listening to street musician. The little girl seemed too tired after countless flight and airports transfer to do anything else, so she just slept on the bench by the river.
We stayed for 4 days, the first two we went together, while the other two, the doctor attended the course which became the main reason we visited Porto, so me and the little girl explored the city on our own.
Porto is fascinating. I love almost everything about it. It might be not as neatly ordered or filled with stunning beauty like some of other citites in Europe. It is more like beautiful mess with the right measure.
Couldn’t help taking too many pictures of murals and facades. We also stayed in the street of art where there are lots of small galleries.
We basically ticked all the a must see places. Sunset in Jardim de Morro, Mercado de Bolhao, Santa Catarina, Livraria Lello, Cedofeita, Jardin de Palacio, Natural History museum in Universiti of Porto. But, the best one about the city is its charming alleys.
For someone who loves walking, being lost in Porto alleys were the highlights of my staying in this city. Just going in and out aimlessly made me happy.
I love how it felt safe to walk there. I reclaimed my solo traveling in between time spent together and it was so refreshing. There were those times when this trip worth all the hassles been through to get here.
Their bus card called Andante . In music, Andante means a tempo in walking pace. It’s funny how it fits the description of their city. Four days spent in Porto, I feel like life was running in adagio., which means a slow tempo.
Beauty. Safety. Walkability. Porto has set the bar too high for introduction to south Europe. It’s underrated yet highly recommended city to visit.
The city’s postcard viewOne of the most beautiful bookstores in the world. Paid entrance for €5, which could be used for buying a book here.One of the most beautiful Mcd in the world, said the articleSunset from Jardim de MorroSardine is a serious bussiness hereAlma in front of Capela de AlmasMercado Bolhao
A Penny for My Pensieve 