Posted in Thoughts

Things To Be Asked For

Arafah is the day where we’re advised to ask about everything. The tagline is ‘it’s to be unrealistic about your duas”.

While some duas are private, there are a few things that I would like to write openly.

If I could request several things to be fulfilled, I first want to focus.

Hyperfocus, if possible.

I want that firm focus to go through everything in this life, which is full of distractions. I consider myself to have a certain amount of focus, but I feel like it’s sharply declined compared to many years ago.

The clear sign is my ability to finish a book in one sitting. I truly understand that life now and then is different, but even if I have time, it’s so hard to be not easily distracted.

The second one, I want patience.

Again, like focus, I certainly have it, but I need more. That is one thing I lack when raising a child. The paradox is I spent almost a whole day with my daughter, happily. It takes a lot of patience to do that. Maybe what I want is micro-patience. One that you need to deal with the smallest things that are not live up to my standards and expectations.

Last but not least, I want peace.

Again, I already have it daily, and I realize how privileged I have been and am grateful for that. But, it’s easy to say this when everything is going well. So I want peace too whenever things aren’t.

All three of these things are closely related in some way. Obtaining them is much more complex than any tangible thing. Thus, asking for them is the right way, doesn’t it?

Finish this writing is one of the reasons why I really want to have those three above.

Too many unfinished drafts for the past few months.

Posted in Thoughts

Another Arafah

This year’s Arafah and first nine days of Dzulhijjah at home have been wonderful. Slow, quiet and peaceful.

It’s our chance to do few of Arafah related rituals for the first time, individually and together.

The standing of Arafah has always been heart thrilling.Arafah has been the day of an annual reminder about a glimpse of our future after this lowly world.

It’s something that makes other things shrink.

It diminishes specific wants and replaces them with greater goals.

May Allah receive our sincere worship.
Forgive all of our past, present, and future sins.
Fulfilled all duas, to the smallest detail, no matter how unrealistic they are.

I certainly have no knowldege about the first and the second, but, twelve years from my Arafah, it has been certain for the third.

Eid Mubarak, enjoy the big feast,
and for the countless time,
Free Palestine!

Posted in Life happens, Thoughts, Travel

The Hidden Cost of Traveling

Traveling is costly.

Literally and figuratively.

All the money, time, and energy spent to make it happen, those are not an easy feat indeed.

But, what is often overlooked, there is another cost that happens after you return. At least for me.

The time spent to re-adapt to the usual schedule. The jetlag costs me my morning routine from close to never sleeping in the morning to completely dozing off until midday for the first few weeks of returning from Munich.

I put my teaching schedule on halt in advance. I told the students I would be traveling for three weeks. Although I spent only eight days in Munich, it took me another two weeks to fully recover. Having short break after holiday is quite important for me. I know it’s a privilege to be able to do so.

The first Sunday at home spent after traveling felt more precious although it’s truly an ordinary one. I guess traveling is only exciting knowing you have a home to return to.

I am also quite grateful for the timing. We’re currently entering the first ten days of Dzulhijjah and Alhamdulillah, the recovery process was done when the nine days fasting began.

I am currently on the third day of fasting, and hopefully, it will go well until the end of nine days insya Allah.

That’s it and that’s all for now.

Tchuss!

PS : I really miss the daily German bread intake that I had during my stay in Munich. Been looking for similar ones here and still haven’t found what I am looking for.

Posted in Places, Thoughts, Travel

A City Personality: Munich

I always believe that every city has personalities.
For me, it is shown from how the people treat you, how the third place is and how the public transportation works.

Knowing a city is just like learning a person.
It takes time to develop a feeling for it.
That’s why staying in one city and having a few daytrips in between is the most preferable way.
Building rapport couldn’t be done if we’re keep moving.

This is the first time I visit a city whose most restaurants and cafes close their door when weekend is about to start. Closed early on Saturday.

This a city where there is almost no ticket checking point in every mode of its public transportation. You just hop on and off leisurely. Do they have tickets? I believe most of them do. A highly trusted system like this must come from a highly trusted people.

I wonder why I rarely see coffee shops/restaurants/eatery full of local people in few neighborhood visited. It is almost always empty. This is the city where they charge slightly higher price when you dine in. Maybe this explains why and most of ones who dine are tourists.

The two places where I see locals gather with family are :two hiking spots we did and the museums we visited.

Munich (or Germany overall?) is obviously not overly warm with charm but definitely introvert, trustable, know their boundaries, and highly punctual and discipline. Kind of adult with maturity and emotional stability which personally make a good choice of life partner.

Cities were always like people, showing their varying personalities to the traveler. Depending on the city and on the traveler, there might begin a mutual love, or dislike, friendship, or enmity. Where one city will rise a certain individual to glory, it will destroy another who is not suited to its personality. Only through travel can we know where we belong or not, where we are loved and where we are rejected”.
-Roman Payne, Cities & Countries

Posted in Thoughts, Travel

Few Traveling Rants

I

Waiting for subuh rant.

One of the concerns why raising a kid as a moslem in four seaons country is PERSONALLY hard is about the prayer time.

Subuh at 2.50, Isya is close to midnight, and it would be even earlier/later as summer comes, let alone a kid, it is a struggle too for an adult. Summer is not an only problem. Winter comes with different set of problem too. When all three prayer times would be done during school hours.

Once wrote in my note four years ago, among many objections to leave London during covid, this reason alone became the strongest pull to return and made me put aside all the other concerns.

Tempat-tempat seperti ini, secara pribadi, hanya cocok untuk dikunjungi dalam waktu beberapa hari.
Berat hidup di luar negeri, meskipun sudah (amat sangat) eneg sama pemerintah sendiri.

II

“Is it xxx part of the gang?”

has been the constant questions the little girl asked for the past few months.

When the answer is yes, no other questions asked. When it’s a no, the respond would be, “Oh great, that means we can still have it, right?”.

Traveling to a country whose governmenrt support the bastard of all evil gives certain guilty feeling inside. Fixing and straighten the niat why we go here is done repeatedly.

Trying to be mindful of what we consume and answer with, “I am sorry, Be, but, that’s part of the gang” as much as possible is the only thing this current level of iman could consistently do for the past few months.

III

The little girl soaked her pink knit slip-on sneakera while she was playing sling on the playground yesterday.

I took the picture of then-clean-nice-pink-shoes-now-fully-covered-with-mud and thought, when I posted in a social media the caption would be :

“A childhood full of adventures”.

In reality it went like this :

“Aduh Be, ini sepatu pink, knit jadi kotor gitu. Basah semua, yang bener aja dong. Bisa ilang ngga kaya gini. Makanya mami bilang tadi pake hiking boots aja. (Dalem hati, “untung murah”).

Never fully trust everything that you see on social media.

Posted in Places, Thoughts, Travel

Hallo aus Munchen

It’s been few days since we arrived in Munich.

So far, the experience with the people has been well, the type of people who might be not really friendly like we had in Porto, but, absolutely not as cold as one we had in Seoul. The German feels so efficient and effective. Talk when they need and seem couldn’t stand stupid question from tourists, haha.

We also have visited and stayed overnight in its countryside. Berchtesgaden and Konigsee are really beautiful. Not only popular with tourist but also with locals. It’s quite similar to Lake District in England.

We had a train trip with one transfer then proceed by bus to our hotel. Then, it took 20 minutes walk to reach Konigsee.

A boat trip with 28,50/person taken to go around Konigsee. On the other side, there is Berchtesgaden National Park where we had a short, easy, and pleasant hike.

We sat by the lake and enjoy some german bread. That was one of the highlights so far. As simple as enjoying a piece of poppyseed bread and staring at the quiet lake for a while. Doing nothing but listening to a perfect combination between nature’s white noises and human interaction. I told the doctor that this kind of thing is something I really love doing while traveling.

For some people, it may sound weird. Why with all the efforts, time, money, and energy to go here or anywhere, all you want to do is just sit and stare?

Not because I couldn’t do that when I am not traveling, but the new surrounding, especially when you’re being around nature in a strange place will hit you differently. When you’re at home, you have to deal with life responsibilities that you can’t escape. But, in a land far away from home, you can do something differently. You can charge yourself, think more about anything. It’s not about escaping life, but, to enjoy it better.

For me what makes going places exciting is it makes me accept better that life is full of struggles, but it’s okay. Traveling makes me realize, human basically deals with the same struggle. Went home from Berchtesgaden in rush office hours, that was exactly the regular view in my city. So, I am just be grateful that we can rest for a while.

We also visited Salzburg since it was only an hour away from Berchtesgaden. We didn’t stay overnight there just few hours of visiting Mozart’s house and his birthplace.

Salzburg turned out to be more interesting than I thought. I really love the vibe once I exited the train station. Warmer people, more English and moslem friendly, and tourist ready. There are many interesting spots that few hours visit couldn’t do. I am thinking to return there while we’re still in Munich.

So glad to finally got this first trip writing done, unless, it would just drift away from the memory without any proper storage.

Tchuss!

Posted in Maternité, Thoughts

Entitlement

Despite of having no helpers around, doing chores regularly, I still consider this little girl has certain level of entitlement that sometimes we couldn’t tolerate.

It’s not only about being an only child. Seen lots of non only child who are so entitled too. Entitlement needed for certain degree. When it comes to dealing with taking care of yourself, you need a bit of entitlement to do that.

But, many couldn’t find the balance and end up being entitled; thinking everything that they have is solely because of their own efforts, or the feeling that they deserve something while in fact, they put too little effort for that, or they’re blinded by their own perception and couldn’t understand where they do wrong.

Things like these are combination of environment and lack of role models. Entitlement comes from the system who allows this to happen and lack of role models who shows the opposite way of entitlement.

From my readings, basically and theoretically, we have covered almost all the issues that can cause the problems. But, in reality, it doesn’t make it easier. We’re so triggered whenever she acts like one spoiled entitled kid.

When I deal with this, my lecture in the car becomes longer and louder. We even stayed in the parking lot for 20 mins to have longer lecture and stopped the sobbing.

Done with the lecture, proceed to the conclusion and consequences.

But this time, after listing all the things she had done wrong and some responsibilities that she neglected, instead of giving an ultimatum of consequences, I asked her to choose her own consequences. I want her to think what the consequences instead of just feel like being punished.
“If my team didn’t clean the shoes properly, neglect their responsibilities, doing it without their brain, is there any consequences?”

While snorting and sobbing, “OF COURSE! They will complain, they will be angry, and give you bad reviews”.

“Exactly. No escape for consequences if you do something wrong. Now choose yours”.

We negotiated for a while until we reached an agreement sealed it with a hug before she got out of the car.

Stayed even longer in the car after she left to control the breathing and finished this writing.

If one considers money is the biggest issue in raising a child, it’s not really. It’s the thinking part who is tiring the most.

Posted in Review, Visa

(Lari-lari) Mengurus Visa Schengen di VFS Jerman

Kali ini Alhamdulillah dikasih pengalaman untuk mengurus Schengen sekali lagi, kali ini dari VFS Jerman.

Alhamdulillah kali ini ngga ada drama yang levelnya seperti waktu itu Visa di VFS Belanda. Catet, yang levelnya ya. Drama mah PASTI ADA. Saya sudah lebih dari menerima kalau selalu ada harga yang dibayar untuk semua yang mau didapatkan.

Kalo waktu di Belanda lebih ke sebelum pengurusan, kalo yg Jerman ini terjadi di tempat. Meskipun semua dokumen sudah dicek di rumah berulang kali, tetep ada aja.

Sebenarnya, ngga ada dokumen yang terlalu sulit untuk visa Schengen. Formnya juga udah lebih ringkas. Banyak jelas, tapi ngga susah. Ini berdasarkan tiga kali mengurus visa Schengen dan visa-visa lain.

Setelah petugasnya cek semua dokumen, beliau bilang dengan tenang,

“Bu, ini yang bisa disubmit hanya punya ibu dan bapak, punya anaknya ngga bisa”.

Tulang belakang langsung kaya mau copot dengernya. Apa lagi nih😭😭😭.

“Kenapa, Mas?”

“Ini di paspor anaknya yang halaman terakhir harus ada cap “UNABLE TO SIGN”. Ini ngga ada,”.

“Gimana caranya biar ada?”

“Ibu harus ke imigrasi minta cap”.

Abis tulang belakang copot, nyusul tulang lainnya setelah denger itu. Waktu itu sudah jam 2 lewat, imigrasi tutup sebentar lagi. Kalo ngga submit hari ini ngga ada slot hari lain yang tersedia dan kita harus ulang dari awal. Pembayaran hangus. Dan ini waktunya cukup mepet dengan tanggal keberangkatan. Skenario terburuk adalah cuma satu yang jalan , yang paling berkepentingan.

Setelah semua skenario terburuk muncul di kepala, hati yang patah.

Tapi, kejadian kaya gini bukan hal yang pertama kali dihadapin. Mungkin karena keras kepala atau terlalu ngotot untuk langsung nerima, sementara yang di samping terus bilang “ga mungkin”, saya tanya lagi ke petugasnya,

“Cap ini bisa langsung, ga perlu perjanjian?”

“Bisa bu, tinggal minta aja,”

“Saya ke imigrasi sekarang, tapi minta dibantu hari ini”.

“Kita tunggu sampai jam 3 ya bu, kalo lewat dr itu kena charge premium time”.

“Ngga papa”.

Saya lari keluar gedung, cegat taksi, dan gambling ke kantor PTSP di dekat sana yang mana saya tau ada kantor perwakilan imigrasi. Sampai di sana sudah tutup karena ternyata cuma sampai jam 2.

Keluar gedung lagi, cegat ojek ke imigrasi Jakarta Selatan. Bilang ke bapaknya supaya agak ngebut. Waktu itu udah 2.20. Sampe Imigrasi langsung tanya dimana, ke lantai 1 dan minta cap. Itu ngga langsung dilayani cuma suruh taro aja paspor di meja.

Setelah berapa lama, petugasnya kembali dengan paspor tercap UNABLE TO SIGN. Langsung cegat ojek lagi balik ke VFS. Tiba-tiba hujan sedang. Basah tipis-tipis. Sampai depan pintu masuk jam 14.57.

Selama perjalanan, sibuk zikir dan mikir, ya Allah, makasih udah dikasih pelajaran baru lagi, biarpun susah ya.

Ternyata selain itu ada lagi. Kali ini ASURANSI.

Kami sudah beli asuransi yang paling atas untuk perjalanan ini. Tapi, ternyata ngga cukup. Waktu apply di Belanda ngga ada masalah, di Jerman ngga bisa. Jadi, untuk apply visa via VFS Jerman perlu juga asuransi yang cover COVID.

Kali ini bagian Pak Dokter yang urus via telp. Deg-degan bolak balik cek email nunggu polisnya keluar selama menunggu panggilan ke counter. Ngga berapa lama, polis keluar, nomer dipanggil lagi.

Setelahnya, masih ada lari-lari kecil sembari nunggu di konter. Fotokopi surat pernyataan, fotokopi polis, fotokopi paspor halaman belakang, total mungkin ada 7x kami gantian bolak-balik ke fotokopi.

Satu hal yang mengurangi waktu pengurusan visa kali ini adalah kami ngga perlu ambil biometric karena tahun lalu baru aja urus via VFS Belanda dan diambil biometric. Jadi setelah urusan dokumen clear, bayar, bisa langsung pulang.

Prediksinya ngurus visa cuma 1 jam. Ternyata salah, perlu 4 jam sampe kita bener2 keluar dari VFS. Kalo masih dengan biometric, tambah lagi.

Nasib penduduk negara dunia ketiga.

Visanya sendiri cukup cepat. Kami submit hari Rabu, hari Senin sore minggu berikutnya sudah ada notifikasi visa sudah bisa diambil.

Kalo waktu penyerahan berkas perlu empat jam, yang saya ngga sangka juga, proses pengambilan ngga kalah lama. Saya pikir untuk pengambilan cuma perlu waktu sekitar 30 menit. Tapi salah besar. Saya menunggu selama dua jam sampai akhirnya nomer saya dipanggil ke counter.

Alhamdulillah, visa Schengen ketiga setelah Prancis dan Belanda, giliran Jerman yang ada di paspor.

Visa dikabulkan, Alhamdulillah. Tapi, saya tetap ada ganjelan karena untuk usaha dan upaya yang menghabiskan waktu, tenaga, dan biaya sebesar itu, periode visanya terlalu singkat. Tidak sampai 1 bulan.

Sekali lagi, nasib jadi warga negara dunia ketiga.

(Bukan komplain, cuma menyuarakan fakta).

To be fair, maybe we have to go through all these kind of headache procedures, because we are not known for our good reputation as tourists. Remember our fellow citizens who ruined the cherry blossom tree in Japan? And many other circumstances that show our true character as a country? No one wants to give the permission to stay in their home if the visitors are not trusted.

Jadi, kesimoulan dari urus visa Schengen di VFS JERMAN :

1. Paspor anak harus ada cap UNABLE TO SIGN dari imigrasi

2. Asuransi perjalanan yang dibeli harus cover COVID.

3. Siapkan mental dan waktu dua kali lipat dari prediksi.

(When it comes to dealing with traveling twists, one of my golden line is, “if it’s not love, I don’t what it is”.)

Posted in Thoughts

Consistency

Exactly a month from the last post and it’s been while since I pressed publish button.

My draft contains a lot of unfinished writing that couldn’t be published. Either I lost the spark or words seem so hard to put.

Even this writing. I already wrote quite lengthy paragraphs then, it doesn’t seem to have something worth reading. So I just wiped half of them.

No wonder they said consistency is the key to many many advantages one could get in life. Small (good) things that you do repeatedly every day.

It’s that simple, yet it’s that hard.

Let’s just push the button this time.

Posted in Thoughts

Back to Equilibriun

If there’s one thing that I observe for almost four decades of living : life, no matter how high, or low, will always return to its equilibrium.

It always comeback to the neutral state, where it’s not highly joyful or painfully sad. We will always return to the mundanity of ordinary life, where everything is sometimes hard, complicated, but overall, just fine.

But, there’s another one. The equilibrium doesn’t have to stay in the same position all the time. We can always make a new equilibrium according to what kind of season of life we currently deal with. 

For the past few years, I reflected that many things that served me well in the past were no longer fit in the present. Things that I thought would keep serving me the way they did, at a certain point, they stopped.

From the job that I had done for 15 years to the supermarket I regularly went for groceries, the kind of school that I thought best for my daughter, the way I conduct my daily habits, the specific workout I followed religiously for three years on YouTube, or even the Eid traditions that have been going on for many, many years, at a certain point, I quit all of them and discovered new ones that feel and suit me better.

Certain situations that might look and feel new to you at the beginning, slowly but surely, become a new practice that you feel comfortable with. Then, after some times, when it’s time to let this go, we just have to let it go. Apparently, new ones will come.

I am not saying we have to quit things all the time. This quitting, it’s different from the type that you do when things get hard or you get lazy. It’s the type that you quit when you’re done, Although there’s no exact date, nor you know when it will be done. You just keep going then life will show and tell you when and how.

I also learned that we don’t have to feel guilty about that. I think it’s one of the signs that you grow as a person which is the only way to have a fulfilled life. A new equilibrium means you keep finding a new climb, in a good way. You do it for your own good, not for external validation. It’s a way to have a better quality of life, to be a better human being. 

Three months have passed since I moved to this house, it starts feeling more like home than ever. It’s funny that the same place that was once the root of my anxiety and stress daily for more than a year, now it becomes the most comfortable to return to. The sad feeling of leaving the apartment that we had stayed in for three years, all the things that I felt too good to let go of and we felt we couldn’t survive without, it’s no longer there.

One simple example, I once was worried about how my daughter would keep her swimming practice without the pool that was available in apartment. Not long after moving, we found a swim school ten minutes drive from home, semi indoor one, with lukewarm water. It’s not the famous one, not one with big name, but, it totally fits with what we need. I could list many more, but let’s just use this one.

The honeymoon period and the excitement of living in a new place were also slowly replaced by facing the facts that taking care a house is a lot of work. The house might look good in pictures, but the cleaning parts, the little that needs fixing here and there, those are the other less exciting facts of owning a house.

I guess “enjoy while it lasts” is truly a good mantra to live with.

(Another thing that makes life always funny is, a right thing will always find you at the right time. Like when I finished writing this, I encountered  this short which really gave a similar feeling).