
My very first wishlist destination.
Then..
next..

Well, Shall I?

My very first wishlist destination.
Then..
next..

Well, Shall I?
It is indeed..
Life truly happens along this year.
I got the acceptance and have been pursuing my master degree abroad. Have been safely passed my first semester with good result. Alhamdulillah, eventough it was too far from easy, really. Those hard 5 months almost killed me sometimes. The loneliness, the assignments, every single thing i miss back home. hard.
And after 4 months of vacation (what a nice year!), I am heading back to my real life marathon there. Hope my second term will be as good as the first one. Amin.
As for the private stuff, well, it is runninng (well) and i hope it will keep running (better and better). more prayers each day for everything happen ahead. Hopefully..
I’ve been searching for something lately.
How?
By reading tens of wedding blogs these days. I did find what I’ve been searching for, but, then i find my self even feel worse than before.
I’ve been searching for something that can assure me that a marriage is another (my) next best thing. I found it is, in those blogs that i’ve read.
But then I find my self worrying lots of others thing. Because instead of being sure, I really feel doubt about everything.
Me..
Him..
Us..
My Family..
His Family..
Our Plan..
It seems like a scatter plan. While I also have another worryness about my study. I dont know whether it would be a good news or a bad one if that U** offer me a place there. .
If it is, I’m not sure having a longer and longer distance relationship..
A-once-more break-up?well…
Sometimes i really want to throw it up.
and to take my head off..
Dear Allah..
I really need help. Please, show me the (right) way. I absolutely feel utterly lost…
I stop running
But i feel tired…
I stop swimming
But I feel like drowning..
I have what I’ve asked for
But I feel like getting rid of it..
I’m an audience
But I feel exhausted as if I’m the performer..
I’m 26 and I feel nothing..
is one of my favorite words in the world…
is a place where your heart is…
is the place where u know u belong…
is a place to relax while the world moves along…
is a place filled with sun shine…
with rooms filled by the people u love inside…
Then, can u just choose a ‘house’ over a ‘home’?
Mencintai itu.. kadang mengumpulkan segala tabiat menyebalkan dari seseorang yang kau cintai..
Memakinya..
Merasa tak sanggup lagi menjadi yang terbaik untuknya dan berpikir tak ada lagi jalan kembali..
Tetapi tetap saja kau tak sanggup benar-benar meninggalkannya..
(Muhammad, sebuah novel)
Why..a-27-years-togetherness doesnt make two people become a real best-friend?
Or is it me who just dont really understand how a marriage works?
Why… all those korean, japanesse men on TV seem love their women so sincerely?
Or is it just the same like a cinderella fairy tale on the book?
Why… others’ life seem so terribly nice and easy but mine?
Or is it just me who can’t be as good as them?
Answer?
I dont really understand what makes me decide to start this blog. I used to write in a diary book. But, I just stopped doing that since last march. I dunno why too,hehe..
I dont need anybody to read this, because I truly make this for my one and only self. I just need to pour some ideas and re-read it when I feel like to read it..
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