It’s always this period of the day during Ramadan that brings certain sentimental feeling. The silence after Subuh, when everyone is (or seems) back to sleep, the house is on semi-dark mode.
Sitting on my desk with door or window opened, looking at the beauty of morning sky and rising sun, listening to bird singing, reading or writing some stuff, let the mind wandering far here and there. Remembering the good old days. Looking back to many things that had been through. Worrying about things that might happen. Counting all the blessing that have been bestowed upon me. Feeling utmost grateful for everything and everyone.
This Ramadan feels quite more sentimental than usual. This year marked the tenth year from the capricious 2012. Entered this year with a quite heavy heart, couldn’t help thinking and revisiting the old writings about everything happened on that particular year.
That year was my very first life-changing Ramadan. Losing two closest family members within two weeks apart, without being able to bid proper farewell because I was far away from home. My heart aches so much whenever I think about that. After that, Ramadan has never been and felt the same anymore.
Is Ramadan all about fun?
The answer would be no when it comes to planning what to serve. Without fasting, it is already a headace and hardwork. It’s not about the cooking part, it’s the thinking part. With fasting, a whole month, make it double.
When I still lived with my dad, I even made a matrix for a whole month. Took care three men and a baby, with different schedules, with different palates, I thought and worked so hard to decide what to eat or who would eat what for leftovers, every single day.
It was even harder during Ramadan because the thinking after fasting a whole day or how to make sahur easier to bear by serving the meals that pleased everyone was harder than dealing with the baby girl at that time.
Not to mention the preparation and the takjil part. Always be the one who woke up earliest and left the table last. I was totally running out of energy after ifthar. Those years were few of the hardest and the most exhausting Ramadans in my life.
But, saying I wasn’t happy was totally not true. I remember all the happy feeling every Ramadan brings, without exception.
This year Ramadan feels pretty similar like last year. It feels slightly more exciting since the little girl has been embracing this holy month well. She has been a sahur warrior, no whinning, eat happily, even rarely back to sleep after subuh, truly my girl. She made her own Ramadan plans and so far, everything goes quite well.
Two years from her first Ramadan, I am still thankful for many blessing in disguises the first total lockdown in London brought. Three months that changed our daily life forever. The chance to observe five times prayers daily, a chance to have a whole month of Ramadan fully done at home. That Ramadan in London 2020 was one of the most peaceful Ramadans I had experienced in many years. No complaints about fasting long hours in spring.
I love almost everything about living in London, except one thing that gives me assurance that raises her here is a better deal during this period of life : close to no problem in applying five times prayer and fasting. It matters above everything.
I love how ifthar becomes less crowded on the table now. Less food, only served the essentials. I learn by years that we don’t need much after a whole day of fasting. Yet, sahur becomes a bit merrier. Fruits platter for entrée, a little bit of main course and a slice of mini pastry or cake with cup of tea or milk for dessert.
Well, it’s almost 3.30 means it’s time to open the kitchen.
May everyone out there is having a blessed and joyful holy month of Ramadan this year!
7 Ramadan 1443H
More Ramadan’s rants :
A Penny for My Pensieve 
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