Posted in Favorite things, Thoughts

Core Memories and Eid Mubarak 1445H!

Core memories have been a famous phrase these days.

When I look back, one of the ingredients of core memories is things done continuously for a certain period during our childhood. Something that we did repeatedly until it is impossible to be forgotten since it engraved in our heart and mind, memorized by our bodies.

Like for me, Ramadan and Eid cleaning are my top core memories. It was intense, done yearly together with my family, and the memories of how the mood of the home changed drastically after the cleaning, were some of the most memorable stuff in the core memories shelf.

Eid cleaning is one that makes you tired but happy.

Since she first started fasting four years ago, tarawih has been the routine my daughter performed for a whole Ramadan, without a fuss.

Personally, fasting for a whole month is easy. But she is doing tarawih for a month; that’s another story. Maybe because, unlike fasting, which is compulsory, tarawih is not. This little girl has been so determined in her fasting and tarawih. She did training while fasting, too. Both PE and swimming in the afternoon without neglecting the tarawih at night. Something that I couldn’t even do when I was at her age. I am beyond grateful for another Ramadan with a 💯 attendance of fasting and Tarawih this year.

I only hope as she grows, the memory of Ramadan (especially at home) will be stored in her core memories shelf. The fasting, the suhoor, the early morning chores (she does lots of chores, too!), the iftar and tarawih, all the joyful things that Ramadan brings; I hope it stays with her for a long time. May she find more meaning, peace, and happiness in all her future Ramadan worship. Amin.

To be healthy to do the whole month fasting and other activities with so much joy,
To be blessed with so much kindness received,
Enjoying lots of merry things that Ramadan brings.
It’s unavoidable to be sad because it’s leaving.

May all of our Ramadan worship be accepted.
May all the Palestinians be granted the highest reward, hopefully, sooner than we have been praying for, blessed with absolute freedom, and get everything a thousand times better than what they’ve lost here in Dunya and hereafter. Amin.

For countless times, May Allah grant us a chance to meet another Ramadan in health with a better level of iman.
Amin, Amin, Amin ya Allah.

Eid Mubarak from me to you!

1 Syawal 1445H

Posted in Favorite things, Thoughts

The Most Uncomfortable Ramadan

This Ramadan has been the most uncomfortable I have ever experienced in the few past years.

It still gives the usual joyful feeling but it’s been shadowed by several things behind the scene.

Knowing how the Palestinians spent this Ramadan under attack, famine, terror, and it has been five months, masya Allah.

Whenever I read some historical events, like world war, I wondered how life was for other parts of the world which weren’t part of the war. How it felt when you were part of the people who were affected by the war, struggle and suffered, while you knew there were people out there who had bussines as usual and normal ordinary days.

During covid, it felt like we were in this together. But, this time, I felt like we betrayed those people. We enjoyed festive Ramadan safely, happily, peacefully, while those people out there, the mothers, the children suffered greatly from the devils’ continous evilish acts.

I love doing all the worshiping day by day, but, I don’t feel like doing all the usual rituals. I want to capture all of things around the home during Ramadan as usual, but, always end up postpone or even cancel whatever I want to share.

I am currently on my period so I have been absent from fasting for almost a week. Nothing give uneasy feeling in Ramadan other than the period. I feel so isolated. No fasting, no prayers, no iftar, no sahur, no tarawih, I dislike period the most when it is Ramadan.

Halfway through Ramadan and I only write twice. This year Ramadan is joyfully uncomfortable.

18 Ramadan 1445H

Posted in Favorite things, Past learning, Thoughts

Different Ramadan Experiences

Ramadan has always been an intense reflection period personally.

It allows more silence during the day where my mind wanders to many things that I have been going through and how much things have changed.

Comparing the different experiences of Ramadan when I was little and with what my daughter has today is one of them .

Looking back, the kind of Ramadan that I had during childhood was very much outdoor. Subuh at the mosque after sahur with the neighboor friends followed by playing outside before it was time to go to school, riding a bike around the block before iftar, then tarawih prayer at the mosque again after dinner.

While this little girl spent so much of her time indoor. Including the Ramadan. She fasts well and properly already. Wake up sahur easily, no hungry nagging along the day, having iftar eagerly, then tarawih together at home.

Growing up without siblings (and children of her age around the neighborhood) has its own disadvantages indeed. But, it is what it is.

During the fast, she keeps doing her activities as usual including physical training with her coach and soon swimming will resume. At home, she has few chores that she has to do like unloading the dishwasher and put back all the kitchen and eating utensils to where they belong. She also has to make some simple dessert for iftar.

Not only at home, we also totally have different Ramadan experiences at school. I went to a private Islamic school where Ramadan was celebrated loudly and merrily. I really really loved Ramadan vibes at school. It was one of the most wonderful times during my childhood.

For the little girl, she goes to a private general school. Although Islam is still the majority there, there’s no spesific celebration for particular religious events since it’s not a religious school.

The decision to send her to a non-religious school surprised me too, who had planned a long time ago about a school she would attend. But doesn’t life rarely go according to plan? Things happened, life course changed its direction, so we just need to adapt and adjust the plan.

For her to learn about her religion is the top priority for me. So, instead of fully outsourcing the religious education to the school, we take the responsibility. She’s been learning with a private teacher twice weekly at 5.30 am to learn the Quran, fiqh, and many more. For the other days, she is doing it with me.

This is another difference too. While I only learned the Quran at school when there was a lesson in the timetable and once a week with a teacher at home who my parents hired, she learns and reads the Quran every day, without excuse. It’s a compulsory routine to start her day.

No wonder, up until the third grade, she had memorized more surahs than I had ever done in 9 years of attending an Islamic school. This hit me hard. Of course, it is good that my daughter is doing better than me, but, shouldn’t us parents set an example too? Thus, I searched and have been learning with another teacher too since last more than a year ago to catch up with her. How could I correct and teach her when I don’t even know the surahs she memorized at all?

I guess educating a child is quite simple. You don’t have to teach her anything. You have to show and set an example for yourself. Anything, any skills, any values, that we want the child to acquires, do and practice it first ourselves. They will follow, most of the time.

It’s simple that’s why it’s hard. Because, nothing harder than changing and educating yourself.

In the end, whatever different Ramadan experiences she and I have, I hope Ramadan will always be a delightful time of the year, too, for her, as it has always been for me.

Amin.

Library, 8 Ramadan 1445H.

Posted in Favorite things, Thoughts

Ramadan is Here!

Ramadan has always been exciting and spending it fotr the first time at our own home feels incredible.

May this Ramadan bring so much blessing,

May the fasting will be joyful and happy.

All I want for this Ramadan is for the Palestinians to be safe, at ease, and free.

Amin.

Ramadan Mubarak and have a blessed and joyful one!

Too comfy couch in the living room facing the vertical garden, waiting for suhoor time and the slow cooked oxtail soup ready while listening to the rain, 1 Ramadan 1445 H.

Posted in Favorite things, Places, Thoughts, Travel

The Accomplishments of The Year

We went to a place with winter weather without any heater for this holiday. 

Dieng was chosen thanks to countless reels that promote this place and it successfully brainwashed me to arrange a trip here.

Other reason is to to balance the city trips throughout this year and last one is to let both spoiled girls (me and my daughter) experience less comfortable situations and see different things out there.

In spite of lack of facilities here and there, maybe due to its geographical location, but, the hospitality we received from the locals we met here was pleasing.

Few that make a trip called acceptable : clean bathroom, good food is easily accessible, feel safe to go around, and proper internet connection.

I can tolerate washing dishes with freezing water, no refrigerator is available, less comfortable ride and bumpy road, cold piercing weather that makes us stay inside with three layers of clothes and socks to stay warm, last day in freezing weather without water, all the attractions that require us to pay no matter how ‘nothing to see’ they are, but, it’s okay. The tickets were totally affordable.

We only had two main itineraries during the stay. Sunrise in Sikunir and Mount Prau Hiking. 

We climbed Sikunir on the second day and left our cabin house as early as 4am. It was freezing cold and quite tough when you traveled with a 9 year old.

But, the view up there was totally worth it.

On the third day, we climbed Mount Prau. I didn’t expect anything at first. But, along the way, we reached the first stop, then continued to the second one, then the third one till we finally reached the summit.

Mount Prau is considered as one of the beginner choices and I think it fits someone who has never experienced mountain climbing before. We departed from Dieng basecamp which is considered as the easiest route.

For someone who lived most of the childhood to adolesence dealing with genetically severe asthma, I climbed leisurely and happily, back and forth. We spent six hours climbing up and back down. 

One thing about nature trip, if it’s done with the right group (actually, whatever trip is only good when you go with the right companions), it’s the most mindful trip one could have. We can’t rush, especially when we travel with a kid, we couldn’t be disappointed much, the focus is only to get to the next stop, and whatever view we get along the way, it’s nothing but beautiful.

I love the silence during the 8km of walk.
The view of blue sky, white clouds, and fog out there. The each step taken in the quiet forest.

Kind of trip that makes you really tired but happy and realize how tiny we are in this enormous world.

Doing daily exercise, no zero day, wherever I have been, regular morning walk, for the last four years, show its benefits during this climb.

This is such a personal huge milestone in this decade.

But, that wasn’t only about me. There is a 9yo who also reached the summit with her own two legs for the first time. We did several hiking too before when we visited Bajo and camping, but, she received a lot of help back then.

Several comments we heard a long the way : 

“Wow, she’s so cool”.
“How old is she?”
“She went up to the summit? Amazing!”

Two climbs in two days for a nine year old is not a small feat indeed. She whined a lot, which is normal. She complained so much, which is more normal. She said she was exhausted and being grumpy, which is nothing but normal.

The parents who brought her to such trip and ‘enjoyed’ six hours of intense motivational coaching and mood lifting? Maybe that was the only one which was not normal.

But, enjoying such thing and left her behind is not an option. We’re suffering together is the only way to go.

Raising her, we never choose easy, and hopefully will never be, as much as we could.

She might not be impressed a lot about today, but I believe, her mind and body will keep score.

Life won’t get any easier, not always about fancy hotel and pool or beautiful city, but, we have to push through. We always finish what we have started, no matter how hard it is. I hope this trip teach her that.

Easier said and written than done.

Overall, Dieng is beautiful, cold, and worth the long road trip by train, car, and jeep, long hikes to enjoy the beautiful scenery in the highest village in Central Java.

In Dieng, we stayed in a modest cabin house without any heater in 10-15 degree. No proper hotel chain available in Dieng. Some good policy from the local government. So all the accommodation, restaurants here are owned and run by locals. No fancy coffee shops is seen here. No English speaking people heard except some few snobs from Menteng Dalem.

The scenery here is one of the places in Java Island that suits our tourism tagline : Wonderful Indonesia.

After Komodo-Labuan Bajo trip four years ago, this trip is another quite impressive domestic travel on the list.

Posted in Favorite things, Places, Travel

Bonjour, Emily!

So, after four days in Porto, we started our journey back home, with another brief transit, in the one and only,

Paris.

Despite the scorching hot weather with lots of people, Paris never ceases to make me smile.

I loved everything I saw and smelled. The buildings, the boulangerie, the creperie, the small alleys, so little time yet so many things to see.

We stayed near the airport and went to the city by the metro. When we were there in 2016, we mostly traveled by bus because it was easier with strollers to carry around.

During the precious short visit, we only had few main itineraries :

– Visited the Institute Curie for the little girl.

– Bought a pan for the doctor.

– Stopped by chez Emily and Monoprix for me.

Since all of them are within walking distance and few metro ridings, we covered all of them within few hours spent in Paris (minus the sleeping).

Paris is always a good idea, just like Audrey Hepburn said, which I totally agree. But, spending some time during summer in Paris, bon, Paris en été, ce n’est pas pour moi. C’est chaud et trop bondé.

Glad it was only short yet still lovely.

Bonjour, Emily!
Ça va, Gabriel?
Posted in Favorite things, Life happens, Places, Thoughts, Travel

Adagio in Porto!

It’s been a very long ride until we finally safely arrived in this trip main destination.

I didn’t have any expectations about this city. No idea what it would be.

I rarely fall in love with the first sight. But, Porto got me right.

Less than one hour set my feet in this city, I fell in love in an instant. This city is beyond charming.

It had been 48 hours without having a proper meal, it served us with a set of Portugese home made meal from a tiny homey local restaurant across our apartment. It was pumpkin soup and red bean rice with cod fish. I really wanted to cry while sipping the soup. It was the best meal I had in this trip.

We stopped by for the light groceries nearby then returned to the apartment. When we arrived, our room was ready.

We bought Andante card for the bus and metro at Sao Bento station. Our first visit in the afternoon was Ribiera. Sitting by Duoro river and listening to street musician. The little girl seemed too tired after countless flight and airports transfer to do anything else, so she just slept on the bench by the river.

We stayed for 4 days, the first two we went together, while the other two, the doctor attended the course which became the main reason we visited Porto, so me and the little girl explored the city on our own.

Porto is fascinating. I love almost everything about it. It might be not as neatly ordered or filled with stunning beauty like some of other citites in Europe. It is more like beautiful mess with the right measure.

Couldn’t help taking too many pictures of murals and facades. We also stayed in the street of art where there are lots of small galleries.

We basically ticked all the a must see places. Sunset in Jardim de Morro, Mercado de Bolhao, Santa Catarina, Livraria Lello, Cedofeita, Jardin de Palacio, Natural History museum in Universiti of Porto. But, the best one about the city is its charming alleys.

For someone who loves walking, being lost in Porto alleys were the highlights of my staying in this city. Just going in and out aimlessly made me happy.

I love how it felt safe to walk there. I reclaimed my solo traveling in between time spent together and it was so refreshing. There were those times when this trip worth all the hassles been through to get here.

Their bus card called Andante . In music, Andante means a tempo in walking pace. It’s funny how it fits the description of their city. Four days spent in Porto, I feel like life was running in adagio., which means a slow tempo.

Beauty. Safety. Walkability. Porto has set the bar too high for introduction to south Europe. It’s underrated yet highly recommended city to visit.

The city’s postcard view
One of the most beautiful bookstores in the world. Paid entrance for €5, which could be used for buying a book here.
One of the most beautiful Mcd in the world, said the article
Sunset from Jardim de Morro
Sardine is a serious bussiness here
Alma in front of Capela de Almas
Mercado Bolhao

Muita Obrigado, Porto!

Posted in Favorite things, Langit Senja

Morning Carpool Karaoke

Carpool Karaoke on Monday Morning

We were on the way to school last Monday when a song heard from the radio. After the few first seconds of the intro :
“Is this time after time?”

“Exactly,”

Listened for a while then asked again :
“Is this a remake?”

100 points to Gryffindor.
Other than her strong memory, her ears are indeed one of the best part of her.

Couldn’t help taking my phone and recording this.

The video and the vocal might not be the best quality, but, I hope a session of carpool karaoke on the way to school with mommy becomes one of her strong core memories, as it is for me.

Posted in Favorite things, Thoughts

The Closing

The end of Ramadan is here and as always it’s sad.

Time indeed flies when we’re having fun. This year, in spite all the feeling inside, the fasting has been fun.

It’s little girl third Ramadan since she started learning to fast. This time, she is doing it properly for the whole month. No more having ifthar in the middle of the day.

I love how she enjoys the fast. Enjoy means she is doing it effortlessly. Easy to wake up in the morning, no sahoor drama, doing her activities as usual, including the swimming training. She’s been so eager to assist her father while he cooked, helped me baking the cookies, making a simple refreshment for ifthar. We heard close to zero whining all through this Ramadan.

The early holiday helped. Considering Jakarta’s weather all through the month, staying inside is a better option while you fast.

She is the only one at home who managed to complete 100% tarawih and fasting altogether. Not many a 8-yo could do that. I love her perseverance and determination for doing that. May Allah keeps such spirit alive.

Amin.

At the end of this Ramadan, I am beyond grateful to finally have two huge concerns that have been around on my mind lifted. The uneasy feeling told on the previous post mostly about these two things.

This academic year, the little girl would have a new teacher in YPM due to the conflicting schedule of her previous teacher. The teacher had been sounding a name which I had totally no idea who it was. Googling and stalking didn’t help since the teacher had protected account.

The whole through Ramadan, I had been constantly asked for her to be with someone who will understand her. A teacher who would focus on her strengths instead of her weakness. Having a special need kid is getting harder when they’re older. People might not understand and just judge without having willingness to understand what’s the story behind. I found myself thinking to explain everything in advance. Having a teacher who wants to understand matters. Also about the schedule.

We really enjoyed having an early morning Saturday session with the previous teacher. Seven am piano lesson worked best with us. It didn’t disturb the school days. With the name the teacher gave, it might be impossible to have the same schedule since she has two kids. I have been quite uneasy about who her new teacher would be for many reasons.

Last Sunday the answer finally came. It was near ifthar when a text came from the previous teacher. She apologized that the new teacher turned out to be another name other than the one she had been briefing about.

Looking at the name on the screen, as if some huge stone was taken out of my chest.

The new teacher would be her last year theory teacher whom we’re already familar with, whom I have been known around through her social media posts which I am quite happy about. A psychologist who is also familiar with a special need kid, a kind one too judging from the whole year interaction on the last year theory class although it was fully online class. She was there when the little girl did this year final exam and she was kindly said the words encouragement to her. She has been teaching for six years and consistently appeared on the teacher’s concert.

I was even more grateful when I texted her to discuss the lesson schedule. She asked what our usual schedule looked like with previous teacher. Told her it was Saturday at 7am. Then she offered almost exactly the same time. Just few minutes latter.

That was one of the periods where it shows for the countless time there’s something bigger than this little creature who will take care all the affairs that has been worried about. Something that no human mind could afford to make it happen. It’s nothing but the work of The One who arranges everything to the smallest detail.

That Sunday was one of the highlights of this year Ramadan.

Another huge worry was also lifted yesterday. Been worrying about this matter for the past two weeks when I was accidentally found a huge loophole in one of the future plans. Think about it now, maybe the finding meant to help me to figure out how to deal with it within the timeframe instead of knowing when everything was too late. For the past two weeks, I’ve been doing everything within my ability about this. Spelling continous prayers to ask the help from the Most Powerful. The frustration and the tension for the past two weeks were too overwhelming sometimes.

Yesterday was the execution time. My dzikr had been too loud and desperate along the way. We were about asking something to beat the system. When the question finally asked, the officer excused herself to ask her superior and she came back in few minutes with a yes. The sound of my Alhamdulillah was quiet loud that time.

(You’ve endured well, my heart)

That was one of the periods when I was reminded once again how helpless we are as human, how little control we have and all those problems should be humbling us enough. With one twist, every good thing would be easily messed. With another, all the worry could be wiped right away.

Well, this would be the closing post for this Ramadan.

We did out last taraweh and now we’ll have our last sahoor. Alhamdulillah.

Doing the whole fasting month in good health, enjoying all the rituals are two of the greatest blessings this Ramadan brings.

May Allah receives all the worship and grant a chance to meet another Ramadan. Amiin.

Eid Mubarak!

Living room, 4 am, 29 Ramadan 1444H.

Posted in Favorite things, Thoughts

Ramadan Best

Ramadan has been about simplicity. The time when you don’t have to constantly think about what to eat, what to serve, and many more like the other eleven months. I love how simple things are during the day when the little girl has already joined a whole day fasting this year.

The time when you’re naturally drawn to do more good deeds than usual, when you become more conscious in doing something bad or useless knowing it would ruin your fasting.

Dropping any ifthar jama’i outside except for the unavoidable ones since the last 11 years. What is needed after a whole day of fasting is proper rest and silence. Not loud and exhausting dinner.

Start with simple ifthar.

Followed by silent reading time.

End with slow tarawih.

Kind of the best version of days during #Ramadan.

Post tarawih at the living room, 7 Ramadan 1444H.