New Eid

This year Eid looks new to me. Consciously omitting few major traditions that have been doing for years, mostly because there were kind of Eid that I now.

Maybe this is also part of the consequence of having new Ramadan? This Ramadan was the first time I did few things that I had never done before in terms of my personal relationship with The Creator and with other people.

I usually don’t and rarely break any habits that have been done consistently for a long time. But, this year, I feel like trying to find out how it would be, feel, and look like, to not doing things that had been done for years, no matter how much time and energy consuming they were.

The decision to do things differently didn’t come easily. For the last one week or few days, changing the decision back and forth was unavoidable. As usual, the convo inside the head had been so loud. The battle between to do and not to do was intense. Almost everything won by the opposite of old Eid traditions.

It feels a bit weird, but not bad actually. Unlike few years where I felt sad about having Eid and lost traditions, this year it just feels okay. At least I know, no guilt is present. Not saying doing these make me feel over the moon, but, I could say this works for me. The question whether this would be adopted and become part of Eid tradition, that’s another thing.

Doing this Eid differently reminds me of the quote from Life of Pi that is saying “I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go”.

This year Eid, I choose to let go many of old things that have been holding me tight to the past. I am not sure about saying this is the right thing to do, but somehow, it feels liberating. Knowing I mustered the courage to try, so I know how it feels rather than keep doing the same things and wondering how it would be.

I thought the fact that this year is a ten year marker contributes significantly to the feeling of wanting to have a new Eid. It wasn’t like I forced my self to do this, but more of the curiosity to know how it would feel to let few things go. I want to know.

Ten years from 2012, I chose to let go things (which considered huge and important) like baking and cooking hassles completely and spent the Eid night in a place other than home.

Verdict : no tears shed.

But, I also keep the old one around. The only major thing that I did and think I will always be keeping is the Eid cleaning. Something that makes me always happy having it.

I am actually the only one who is having New Eid. My brother added a new huge role and title called dad, the whole country also celebrates this Eid brand new by resumimg mudik, sholat Eid and family gathering after two years of absence.

The Hermitage quiet living room, 3.30 am, 1 Syawal 1443H.