I was born with close to zero competitiveness running in my blood . The only one I care to beat is no one but myself. If people want it, go ahead. If people can do it, please do.
I observe people a lot, but I observe myself more. I like doing things my way. I am always curious about how I come to certain conclusions, and I believe the decisions I make depend on how well I think and which perspective I take on the situation.
In grade 2, I realized where I stood in the class. In my first term, I was fourth, and then I relaxed. The next term, I was fifth, and the last term, I was eighth.
Then I realized I needed to work harder to get a better position. I care not because I wanted to beat those above me, but I did care because I saw that being at the top of the ladder gave some advantages I found interesting. But I also realized that no matter how much I tried or how hard I worked, I never really reached the very top.
Later I knew that it’s not about a fixed mindset. It’s about understanding the Qadr that Allah placed upon each of His creations. Allah put not just Qada but also Qadr in everything we receive. Working harder than your best limit is neither decrease or increase it. To arrive here, that is too a long way of understanding.
I spent so much time growing up in many competitive settings my parents arranged, and I realized early on that I didn’t have that desire in my blood. The only reason I kept doing it because it was the only way to survive at that time while I still had no option other than to follow through.
But once I have the option, I never look back; I choose myself over anyone. I listened to my mother a lot, but I had my own T&C too.
I understand where she came from and how much she wanted to prove herself, given her upbringing. She projected much of her unfinished business onto no one but her firstborn daughter.
I have had many sessions asking myself whether I am just lazy or if this is just how it is. But lazy is not the right word to describe me. When it comes to something I consider important, I can do it consistently without reward, without an award, without money or a medal. I do it consistently in private.
I rarely envy what others have, except the ability to think and write well. I am never interested in the rat race, since my goal isn’t more material things but the most precious resource: time.
Money is rarely a question of amount; it’s a question of cost. What should I pay for that amount of money? Sleeping time? Peace of mind? It makes saying no feel more effortless.
The bare-minimum win for me is praying properly and mindfully, eating well, and sleeping better. These are immeasurable things that many take for granted.
By my 40s, I am more certain than ever: we have no urgency and no need to compete with others in everything in life. Allah’s power, blessing, and mercy encompass the whole world and the universe, here in dunya and later in the hereafter. It’s never a zero-sum game. One person’s gain is never another person’s loss. It’s simply not yours from the very beginning.
The only thing we’re competing against is time. The only thing we should be aware of is whether we have used all the resources at our disposal- the tools we are given- to improve our lives, our health, and our family life, and to get closer to the ultimate goal of life.
Allah’s approval and the best eternal home in the hereafter.
