Author: arlanadya

Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee
Posted in Thoughts

The Most Stressful Time

Posted on by arlanadya

It’s not when I have a lot in my mind and my hands.

It’s not when the calendar is full of schedules from morning to evening.

It’s not when long lists of to do list are waiting to be executed.

It’s not when I have to wake up earlier than usual because day time left no space to do my morning routines.

It’s not when I have to move between places, taking care this and that outside, then dealing with house chores inside, and overslept in my praying mat after maghrib due to exhaustion.

The most stressful time has always been whenever the monthly period comes.

If others might be happy or feel relaxed having a short break from some of obligatoire daily routines for a while, I find it stressful.

During period, day runs so slowly. It feels like there’s no boundaries between period of time. There’s nothing to be looked forward to. There’s no urgency to have something done asap. Instead of relaxing, it’s draining.

It’s even worse when it’s holiday season, when not much should be done outside.

One funny thing about my period, it rarely comes on time, but almost always at the right time. It comes regularly, but not on the exact date. Been paying attention for years, it always comes whenever I need it the most.

Just like this week. We had an anniversary dinner and it was Thursday. Thursday is one of the regular fasting days, so my concern had been how I did the ifthar and maghrib prayer. Dinner reservation had been made before maghrib time and the plan was we’re taking turn for the prayer. Called the place few days before to make sure they had the prayer space.

It was quite busy week up to last weekend dealing with the moving. The first ten days of December was crazily hectic. Finally managed to return to real daily life at the beginning of this week.

It was when I realized the period hadn’t come. In one of my texts to the doctor, I said,

“Guess it will come right on the anniversary dinner so I don’t have to deal with fasting and salat”.

It came on Wednesday morning.

There are times when certain things happen to remind me there’s nothing worth worrying about. The greater power beyond my control will take care everything, as long as I make sure I have done my part.

Luckily, this period also rarely stays long. Four days have been the average it would last.

Well, can’t wait getting back to my normal life.

Bon weekend à vous tous!

Posted in Life happens, Past learning, Thoughts

Two Decades

Posted on by arlanadya

Two high schoolers met in 2002 without knowing the dramas they would face for the next ten years ahead.

Fast forward ⏩

Two years of preparations while doing multiple long distance, among three griefs and countless setbacks throughout the year, it felt surreal to finally sign the paper at the end of 2012.

Both were jobless.One just finished master degree, the other one freshly enrolled to residency. Near zero saving à grace the wedding.

But, that didn’t stop her making an excel sheet for the wedding money. Made a report and returned 20% of it to both parents. Shared 30% to other family members.

The rest 50% went to them.
Instead of using everything, put 80% of it to the untouchable instrument and tried to survive few first months with the last 20% while looking for other streams.

Downgraded everything. The resident had been driving a car around since high school. Being married made him walking and riding angkot as early as 5 am, as late as 12 am. Ojek was out of budget.

Signed the paper meant agreed to two new roles : a wife and a breadwinner, didn’t prepare for an additional one. Mother left just two weeks before the wedding and took over her responsibilites at home was unavoidable.

Been working for 10 years before marriage and knew exactly what number is sufficient. What needed at that time was time and space to stay sane and just ‘enough’ money to support this family.

Secured one job with flexible schedule and looked for another to support the resident.

Once so close signing with another work who accepted her T&C. Before the pen touched the paper, saw a little important detail that had been discussed missing. Said they would fix it after signing. Closed the pen and left.

Being penniless doesn’t mean no choices. It’s just limited. This too shall pass spelt continously.

In spite of many things life threw, they survived. Other than many helps from invisible hands, what also helped was both had 80% done with themselves. Did what they wanted to do,went places,not much what-if left.

Low on money but highly self-aware. Financially fragile yet mentally strong to handle the shittiest days.

Those only felt good in memories, not in reality.

—————————————-

The burden of adulthood is not something one should take lightly. Asking another person to share the burden should be considered carefully, thought repeatedly, and chosen wisely.

Gonna spend most of the lifetime with someone who will decide what life will look like in the next 20,30 years down the line. We’re about to choose the father (or mother) of our child(ren).

Use more of the head more than the heart when it comes to marriage.

Write down everything. Be specific about the non-negotiables. Don’t compromise. Do the math. Take your time. Discuss everything. Make sure the values aligned.

Ask in details to The One who grants all the request. He granted even a wish as simple as “I dont want any sister-in-law (sister from the husband)”.
No pray is silly enough.

Not much could be said once one entered the jungle other than good luck and lower the expectations.

Done? Lower some more. Expect (and always be prepared for )the worst. A human heart is not a solid form. It’s more fluid than liquid.

This is so far the highest risk decision made in life.

When all has been done, all requirements met, things still won’t get any easier.

The past ten years were exhausting, heart-breaking,
yet on the other side,
it’s been amazing and exhilarating.Things happened beyond expectations.

Ten years from 2012, we managed to find the way not only to provide ourselves but also for others, to tick each other’s dreams, to raise a human being, to travel to many places, to deal with countless episodes of life challenges and many more.

On this tenth year, we took a small step to execute two biggest family plans thanks to two years of pandemic that made travel less tempting.

You won’t find any sugary words here. But, making me write such a long post with countless editing for weeks, that should explain a lot.

Personally, two decades with any kind of ships with a-previously-stranger is a milestone.

I am grateful (with a pinch of salt and sincere heart) more than any words written here or anywhere that the Boss up there paired me to work, navigate life (up until this point) with this partner I have.

Alhamdulillah for everything.
Bismillah for the third leg, mate!

Posted in Life happens, Thoughts

A Farewell Note for A Home

Posted on by arlanadya

Twenty four months with hundreds of episodes for Life in Montana season 1 finally comes to its finale and it’s time to say goodbye.

Bidding farewell to the space where the heart has been happy, secured, and peaceful. A home where personal and family growth happened for the past two years. Words couldn’t describe how I love the time spent living here. It ticks all the boxes from what I want from a home.

We had our last movie night two weeks ago. We usually pick one movie without fight. But, that night, we put five options and made a draw.

Paddington was out.

A movie about moving to a new place.
A movie with the city we once called home.
The line from this movie described it well :
“I soon learned home is more than a roof over your head,” he says. “My body had travelled very fast, but my heart, she took a little longer to arrive.”

Moving to a new place is actually not only about moving your belongings. It’s moving your whole life so you can be functioned as well as you were in the new place.

The process of creating ‘home’, that requires the hardest thinking.

After a week moving things, heart and everything, going back and forth between lower and upper floors nonstop, time to continue our journey to Life in Montana season 2.

So long.

I am not crying.

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

8th Anniversary

Posted on by arlanadya

I’ve been working since I was 18, juggling between studying and working at the same time. Not only one, I worked at three to four different places during college years.

Not because I had to, but I wanted to. Three 20s dreams were enough fuel. I fully understood no single dreams could be achieved without four things, which money is the first and foremost.

Eight years later, I got enough money to fund all the three dreams. That was when I realized money alone wouldn’t take me there.

I no longer needed more money to execute the plan. What I needed was time and energy to work on the things that should be done to get there. That was when I switched from working full time to part time, and never looked back since then.

I learned what number was enough for me and trade it with more time and energy to live the life, other than working.

Ended one life period with two ticked dreams out of three.
——————————————-
Married at 28 with another jobless person, life pushed me to take the pretty similar route like when I was 18. But this time, not because I wanted to, but I had to.

We postponed having kid in purpose to prepare ourselves better. Two years later, another life came to the family.

It was quite naive (of me) to think some money and a bit of knowledge were enough to raise a baby. Money is indeed makes things easier, but its function stopped there.

Just like in my 20s, I was reminded again, I couldn’t have it all in terms of money, time, and energy. When she came, other than parents who earned money, the little creature also need ones who give their time and energy. Having more money without paying attention to other things only caused the law of diminishing return.

Made the decision and handed the resignation letter one week after delivery to one of the jobs, then signed up right away with the new ‘company’.

Mathematically speaking, the number household earned was significantly reduced. In reality, the return and productivity of the family were higher than expected.

In two years, I ticked my third 20s dream, not alone, but together. Along with the bonuses that followed (and keep following) beyond expectations.

_____________________________

From the beginning, I considered being a mother as a job and just like any other jobs, it’s been a job that I take seriously.

Set fix working hours from day one : 5am-8pm. No one wants to work non-stop, you want to have other life outside your work. So does being a mother.

Just like any other jobs, there are ups and downs. Days when it feels tiring, boring, or unrewarding, but also the opposite. So does being a mother.

For this job, unlike any other jobs, there’s no probation period, thus, doing on the job training is unavoidable, up until now. It’s impossible to keep up with the pace of the growing company without continous learning, in many things.

I learned that one can do multiple jobs at once, but can only choose one thing to be the primary focus.

When I was 18, studying was my primary focus. So, those multiple jobs I did revolved around my study schedule.

Since 8 years ago, being a mother was my primary focus. So, any other roles that I took shouldn’t disturb the primary job schedule.

After cutting one job which had significant contributions to household, along the way, turned out I had to cut more and more to have more time and energy to raise this girl according to SOP that I had set before she came.

Personally, it’s impossible to do such an important job as raising a human being without clear goals and guidelines. Life never goes according to the plan is more reason why we should plan thoroughly.

In doing any jobs, no man is an island. Working together is the only way to achieve the objectives. A team mate whom we could share the responsibility and work together. I am beyond grateful having a work buddy like the father.

Up until now, I’ve been having great time working at this company. This one so far, the most fulfilling one among multiple roles assigned in my adulthood.

Today, it’s the 8th anniversary of me working with this company. I am beyond proud and happy for the opportunity to work for such wonderful company.

Thank you for 8 years of enjoyable ride!

Posted in Life happens, Past learning, Thoughts

Full Circle

Posted on by arlanadya
Same place, same spot within 30 years difference.

Another episode where life comes full circle once again after 30 years orbiting the sun.

It returned to the same place and spot, with 30x better quality, be it the picture or the performance. It returned to the same place and same spot with completely new perspective.

Last Sunday wasn’t only about witnessing the 7 year old on the right very first offline performance but also (or more about) witnessing how much that 7 year old on the left has grown.

I owe this place more than I could think of.

Posted in Review

Servis Pemakaman Kamboja

Posted on by arlanadya

Sudah lama sekali ngga pernah review apapun, tapi pengalaman beberapa hari ini berurusan dengan seluruh hal berkaitan dengan kejadian ini, betapa memudahkannya jasa yang ditawarkan pada saat kedukaan, sepertinya cukup penting buat ditulis, siapa tau ada yang perlu juga.

Sebelum ayah mertua meninggal dan masuk rumah sakit, pembahasan tentang teknis pemakaman sudah beberapa kali dibahas secara tertutup antara saya dan suami atau mertua.

Mengurus pemakaman bukan hal yang baru buat saya. Jadi cukup punya pengalaman dan pengetahuan tentang ini. Tapi, sebelumnya pengurusan dilakukan secara mandiri. Dengan bantuan seluruh anggota keluarga, yang jumlahnya cukup banyak.

Tapi, kondisinya agak berbeda untuk keluarga ayah mertua saya. Tidak banyak personel yang bisa diandalkan untuk hal ini, bahkan anak-anaknya. Minta bantuan pada pihak ketiga adalah cara yang paling logis.

Saya sebagai manajer lapangan sudah membuat plan tertulis secara detil tentang apa yang harus dilakukan dan dipersiapkan, termasuk tugas masing-masing anggota keluarga.

Plan yang ditulis di sore hari sebelum bapak meninggal di malam harinya.

Buat beberapa orang, membicarakan ini pada saat masih hidup mungkin agak kurang bisa diterima, namun, kami sudah melihat kondisi bapak yang semakin menurun. Meskipun tidak tahu kapan, paling tidak sudah ada sedikit bayangan tentang apa yang harus dilakukan dan biaya yang dikeluarkan.

Biaya pemakaman sendiri pada dasarnya mirip dengan pernikahan menurut saya.

Hal dasarnya sebenernya sangat simpel dan murah, yang tidak murah adalah biaya sosialnya, yang mana seringnya tidak bisa dihindari.

Saya mendapat kontak servis Kamboja dari internet dan langsung menhubungi WAnya. Dari awal, Mbak Asty, customer support mereka, sangat komunikatif dan responsif. Saya menanyakan beberapa hal tentang pemakaman.

Ada dua servis yang ditawarkan : standar dan premium. Harga premium dua kali harga servis standar, tapi servis yang ditawarkan juga jauh lebih lengkap dan komprehensif.

Kami cukup beruntung karena Alm. Bapak meninggalkan uang yang lebih dari cukup sehingga tidak perlu ada perdebatan tentang siapa yang bertanggung jawab untuk membiayai.

(Trust me, not even your own child would be source of help when it comes to money).

Kami memutuskan mengambil servis premium dan itu adalah salah satu keputusan terbaik yang diambil ketika berhadapan dengan hal ini.

Servis yang ditawarkan

Buat beberapa orang mungkin ini cukup mahal. Tapi, karena sudah merasakan lelahnya mengurus hal ini 10 dan 5 tahun lalu sendiri, kalo memang ada uangnya, minta bantuan adalah hal yang sangat meringankan beban dan pekerjaan yang harus dilakukan ketika berduka.

Ketika merasakan servis premium Kamboja ini, hampir tidak ada hal besar yang harus kami pikirkan sendiri, bahkan untuk hal kecil. Semua anggota keluarga bisa dengan nyaman menerima tamu, dan melakukan apa yang tidak bisa dilakukan pihak Kamboja.

Tapi, di luar itu, semua sudah dikerjakan oleh pihak Kamboja. Mulai dari penjemputan dari RS, sampai hari ini, Mbak Asty masih wara-wiri mengurus akte kematian bapak. Servis yang kami tidak ambil hanya pemandian karena sudah dilakukan pihak RS dan dua anak bapak yang hadir di RS waktu itu.

Itupun, ditawarkan penggantian berupa 50 pax makanan atau 40 pax yasin premium. Saya mengusulkan kepada semua keluarga kita ambil 50 pax makanan tapi akan disumbangkan. Semua setuju.

Hanya hitungan jam, makanan diterima.

Servis lainnya ngga kalah cepat. TPU dengan segera diurus slotnya ( mereka hanya bisa mengurus untuk TPU, bukan TPS). Paket Yasin premium jadi dalam sehari dengan revisi minor. Makanan berat 100 pax datang tepat jam 5 pagi. Snack sampai jam 10 pagi. Sampai ke pemakaman, tenda kursi, meja dengan air mineral dan makanan ringan semua sudah rapi tersedia. Tidak ada sepeser pun biaya lain yang kami keluarkan di pemakaman seperti tipping yang pimpin doa, yang gali kubur, dsb, yang mana adalah hal yang ‘harus’ dilakukan ketika mengurus sendiri.

Tugas saya sebagai manajer lapangan sangat terbantu sekali oleh kru Kamboja ini. Itupun sangat melelahkan, ngga kebayang kalo harus mengerjakan semua sendiri.

Untuk semua servis yang kami terima dari Kamboja sampai hari ini, Puas is such an understatement.

Terima kasih, Mbak Asty dan Kamboja. Semoga Allah membalas semua kebaikannya. Amin.

Posted in Life happens, Thoughts

The Pain of 2022

Posted on by arlanadya

This year has been one full of anxiety from the beginning of the year, until the very last day of October.

At the very end of October, a life of my beloved father-in-law also came to the end. We have known that this day would come soon since few days ago when he had been staying at the hospital for a week.

Last Friday I was stayed with him alone all through the day and couldn’t help feeling so uneasy. Friday in hospital ward brought back the memories ten years ago, the day I lost my mother.

The mood, the silence, it was tense.

Last Sunday became my last meeting with him. Me and the doctor cleaned her mouth while kept looking at the monitor box all the time.

Yesterday, the feeling was getting stronger. The numbers on the monitor slowly declined. All his boys gathered together.

I planned to go to the hospital knowing my mother in law was alone. Canceled the plan knowing the three brothers were heading there. Instead, I wrote a written plan about what to do just in case the time came.

Spent the whole last leg of afternoon writing and editing the plan.

After Isya, at the hospital, he did his last prayed lead by his second son, accompanied by his wife.

We were already in bed around 9 pm when the GP called that his condition was near to the end. He left the world peacefully on the arms of his wife.

My written plan finally shared to the whole family.

We packed our bags and went to the hospital. The two brothers got their chance to bath him for the last time before we brought him home. I accompanied my mother in law in the ambulance while the doctor drove the little girl to my aunt who luckily live nearby my MIL’s house.

My father in law was the quiet type. I might not have too many strong memories with him. Yet, I woke up at 3 am and write this, because he is important enough for me to remember the details of what happened on the day he left.

Ten years from the painful 2012, the pain of losing a parent returned.

The grief degree might not on the same level with one felt in 2012, but the passing of my father in law left as well important reminder like 2012 gave.

I’ve known him since 2002. Through stories. Through the narratives from one of his son.

Ten years from 2002, I had the chance to know him in person, through the law.

I found that we hardly know someone, no matter how long you‘ve ‘known’ him. There were many times when I found the story I heard for the past ten years didn’t match the reality I experienced myself.

But one thing that I’ve been witnessing for the 20 years of knowing him, same relationship with the same person could never stay the same all the time. It will grow to whatever side you give the most effort.

I am beyond happy to see how the narrative heard from the doctor 20 years ago was completely different to what I’ve been experiencing and have witnessed since 10 years ago until yesterday.

I found the truth from the saying, “if you don’t resent your parent enough, then they don’t raise you well enough”.

As an adult who has the freedom to choose and decide, It’s completely on your hand whether to turn the resentment into new contentment or endless disappointment.

The post has been on type-delete-type-delete mode for many times.

It’s much harder finding the right angle to write since there are lots of them whenever death is the topic, than choosing the best picture to use, since not many available and could properly describe the feeling.

Early dawn, 3.40 am, at the bedroom of my aunt.

Posted in Favorite things, Thoughts

Slow Morning

Posted on by arlanadya

Last weekend was too loud. Normally, we had loud Saturday but quiet and peaceful Sunday. Did major cleaning at home then went around to furniture and interior show rooms nearby and out of town on Saturday. Spent the whole Sunday visiting in-laws and hosting a family in the apartment. My social battery had reached below zero that Sunday.

Monday was not that loud but pretty intense. Morning walk after school delivery reached 9000 something steps and 7km, stopped by few shops for light groceries and went home while doing some weight training by carrying all those groceries in the bags.

Picked the little girl from school, went home and running the washing machine twice, cleaned the bathroom and many more. When the spirit came, it was unstoppable. Until next time, then.

When I saw this girl slightly wasn’t like her usual self this morning, I offered the option to rest for today. She loves school so much and always against the idea for having online lesson (the school offered hybrid) whenever I wake her up in the morning.

After set of morning routines as usual, I asked her once again, and without too much saying, she agreed. It was rare indeed and showed she really meant it.

It’s been a long time since we experienced a slow morning at home together during weekdays.

It was indeed much needed short break after two days of loud and intense weekend and quite busy Monday. No morning rush, no dementor traffic. Just two of us doing each other thing leisurely.

Little girl enjoyed down time with her library book and some movies. Big girl enjoyed a morning short nap then went to dining table to finish a bowl of leftovers tongkol suir kecombrang and tempe goreng. All done in complete silence.

Sink wasn’t cleared from dished as early as usual, floor wasn’t cleaned as scheduled. This morning, we did what we wanted to do first, not what we needed to do as usual.

It felt refreshing and truly charging having this kind of sloth morning after a while.



Posted in Langit Senja, Life happens, Maternité, Thoughts

DLD AWARENESS DAY 2022

Posted on by arlanadya

On today’s #dldawarenessday.

DLD was her first diagnosis. Given by the board at her school which explained this condition thoroughly.

Years of longing to understand so many questions finally answered in one October morning.

Every single trait matched.

Have you ever felt a big relief and utterly heartbroken at the same time?

That was exactly how it felt when I was standing long and quiet in front of that board. The trembling hands reached the phone, snapped all the information on board, sent it to her dad and became the longest conversation of that day.

Days after would never be the same anymore.

In spite of the mixed feeling, still, an answer means a closing, which was truly what I needed.
It also means more new doors to be opened, more reasons to learn and know more about this.

Registered as the first DLD Ambassador from Indonesia, registered to NAPLIC conference and listened to more people with the same conditions, read and bought available books and articles about this.

Along the way, more different diagnoses came for the past three years. It felt big and hard at the beginning, but, it shrank as time went by. Always.

But, DLD will always be a defining moment. DLD is lifelong condition that the person will grow with it forever. But, it doesn’t matter.

Through DLD I understood a diagnosis was important to understand someone better, but, never to define what she can’t or can do.

DLD is my ultimate reminder, you can do everything, give your best, and there are still so many things outside your control. Blame yourself a little bit and move on.

What makes the difference is how you respond to whatever shit life throws at your face. You have that enough power on that.

After so many exposures and continous reading about DLD and many other neurodevelopmental conditions, I began to understand that they don’t lack in anything but, just simply different.

That’s it.

Many times this is seen as a problem because people are not comfortable about differences, let alone accept it.

That’s why what should be done first is raising the awareness.

Just like everyone, with or without DLD, to function well, what we need is support.

That’s it.

Posted in Life happens

Signed The Papers

Posted on by arlanadya

Today, we did another akad after one done ten years ago.

Put our signature on those papers and submitted ourselves to another huge and long commitment for more years to come.

Previously, we planned to do it within 5-8 years after the London days, but here we are. Less than two years, suddenly all roads lead to this most important adulting stuff.

It was so much faster than we thought, but definitely no easier than expected.

For every single paper with both our signatures on it, too many Bismillah spelled, hoping it would be the right decision to do.

Then, saying it once again won’t hurt :

Bismillah.

235 215217820 1 81521195!