Summer is here. My least favorite season of the year, which for some people it’s the most enjoyable period when the day is long, sun is out, and it’s holiday.
The toughest part of summer is the praying schedule. Having subuh as early as 2.40 and isya as late as 10.43 is quite hard. But, it will slowly getting better. The temperature keeps rising for the last few days and it reached 30 celcius for these two days. The weather seems sending the signal to the body and mind to remind that they will soon deal with such temperature again. Yes, the end of this long holiday is near.
More and deeeper rants about that later.
As summer comes and curve flatenned, the UK government has announced another stage of easing lockdown yesterday. Start from 4th July, almost every bussiness could reopen their door. Hairdresser, library, children playground, pubs, museums, galleries, hotel, campsite, and dine in restaurant. After three months, it’s nervously excited to have all those things back.
Resuming holiday still takes lots of doubt. Because things will never be the same again after this. The anxiety is still bigger than the excitement. It feels like torn between keep being safe at home just like what we have for these three months and the longing for being in a new place once again.
While the other countries have started to slowly enjoy old normal life, Indonesia forced itself to join the crowd when more cases are available. Still, the shameless government keeps doing NOTHING significant to improve the situation. Three months have passed without any clear strategies.
Have I told you lately that we’re hopeless? I have and will be telling that again and again. It’s heart-wrenching knowing that going back to the place with stupid, ignorant, useless government is unavoidable.
Six out of twelve months have passed. Hopefully things will get better in the next six months.
Greeting Hello Summer with soft whisper and loud prayer.
Trafalgar Square today : never would imagine sunny summer day in London to be this empty
Rarely concerned and made loud buzzing about stranger’s death unless it’s someone whose works deeply touched and enjoyed by heart and mind.
I found out Clayton Christensen passing in January recently and today, I found about the passing of Anders Ericsson two days ago.
Both are psychological book writers whose works I really admire.
Prof Christensen is Harvard Bussiness School professor who wrote How to Measure Your Life. His book was neatly and systematically written. He explained how bussiness theories are also applicable to other settings in life such as marriage, parenting and career. I borrowed his book from the library and had been renewing it for 20 times, because I wanted to keep reading it.
Anders Ericsson is Swedish Psychologist who had been studying about expertise for 30 years. His book, ‘Peak’, explained that an expert is never born, they are always made. Through the years of practice, to be spesific, deliberate practice. Many examples written is so entertaining until you will believe, there’s almost nothing that you can’t do, if you set your whole mind, body, time and energy to master something.
Monday, 15th June 2020 became the first day of the re-opening all non essential store across UK after the official lockdown in last March. People were queuing from early morning to enter Primark and other Oxford Street’s darlings last Monday.
At certain point, I understand the reason behind such thing. Being in a represive state for three months is hard, extremely hard for some people.
Freedom is priceless.
But on the other side, have these three months taught lots of things such we actually dont need too much to live? (Reallyyyy? Asked all the purchase made during lockdown). Managed to survive these three months by doing only the most essential things to survive.
Going outside for doing groceries and daily walk only, once until thrice a week. Daily workout everyday with Daniel and Alex in my bedroom to keep my sanity, daily dose of dramaland friends, and recently, baking becomes something that gives unexplicable calm, spent time with the little girl and the doctor. I have known that home is where I belong the most since 10 years ago when I decided to quit full time job. But this pandemic made it obvious that home is (or should be) the centre of our life. Taking care and investing more energy on it should be something that we prioritized above anything.
It’s where we start and where we will return.
After these three months, personally, I am not really sure that back to the old normal is a good idea. I love the new regulation of not sharing seats with strangers in public transport, I love the idea that school and work could be balanced between doing it from home and on site plus the reduced working hours. I like the absence of morning rush, I like flexibility between schedule, I love keeping safe distance from other people, or maybe in short, it’s just because I love slow and quiet life too much. It might not be suitable for everyone.
I am fully aware about many privileges in my pocket that make surviving this situation well. No money issue eliminated the struggle by 70%. At times when people are losing job, work hard to make ends meet outside, being able to stay at home is precious. No specific mental health issue to deal with thanks to many things nurtured in the past.
Being physically and mentally healthy are priceless.
A message text just came this morning saying that little girl is invited to go back to school from Monday. I am torn between happy and worry. Happy because I think she really needs it already. Worry because she will start being exposed to outsiders which we have no control about many things.
I dont think we could really back to the old situation after this. Just can’t imagine how. Or maybe, not too fast. Instead of excitement, return to the old lifes bring more anxiety. Funny, eh?
In every turn, always wish nothing but Allah’s guidance and protection to walk every path we (choose to) take.
It’s almost impossible to not being overwhelmed watching everything happen in these few past days, not to say the past few months.
The death of George Floyd who made the whole world filled the street and loudly screamed to abolish any forms of racism. Then yesterday, the old case of Shukri Abdi, 12 year old Somalian girl from Manchester who died of drowning because of bullying, and so many other things that put heavy weigh in the heart. The world looks three times more scary after motherhood.
I have known for long the world is scary, even in the early years I once wrote something about that in The World Against (Y)Our Introverted-Child. With this heavy heart, the homeworks for parents are getting harder. It turns out that it’s not enough to not to be racist. But, more than ever, it’s so important to be anti-racist.
Living in a city where we’re part of minorities, it’s such a blessing that until this very second since nine months ago, I have never been in any situations where I am treated unfairly. No matter where I go. So far, this city has been so kind to all of us. But, I have just realized that even London has a moslem mayor.
I am quite certain to say that I am not racist. I dont have any problems about making friends with anyone regardless their religion or race. Honestly, for someone who is always having hard time in dealing with people, I am glad enough if someone considered me as their friend.
But, I am not sure about doing a self-proclaimed that I am anti-racist. I might have been an unconscious racist in certain conditions or things. Then, the homeworks to teach such thing to the little girl is getting harder. You cant teach something that you dont even have no knowledge or experience.
The experience of being a part of minorities becomes one of the most valuable lesson. Things like travelling could help, although not much. Short duration wont make long lasting impact.
Maybe what we need is to be constantly exposed in a setting where differences become common. Deal with any kind of people from any backgrounds considered as something normal. Understand that we might be different in small things like our looks, beliefs, and preference, but on the greater side, we are all the same human who just want to be treated fairly by anyone, and kindness is a universal currency that accepted everywhere.
My heart always stings whenever I am thinking about the future years this little girl will have to deal with.
Found this enlightning video delivered by the most passionate Islamic studies NON MUSLIM scholar which tells the clear definition about non-racist and anti racist.
The first anti-racist person in the whole world turned out to be the best man in the world who is so dear to us, moslem.
I intended to have the word ‘dark’ above. But, let’s keep the hope alive.
As other countries have been easing their lockdown since the curve has flatenned, the most frustrating home country couldn’t help waiting to do the same by releasing ‘new normal package’. The absurd thing is they’re doing this when the curve has nothing close to be flattened, in fact, it keeps soaring. While there are no more tests, no tracing, no self quarantine, basically almost no significant effort to strongly, stubbornly flatten the curve.
While the efforts from the government feel pretty useless, the citizens are not even better. Leisurely going out without the mask, ignoring social distancing, and many more.
When incompetent government meets ignorant citizens, that’s the price we have to pay.
How a country be more screwed than this?
In my opinion, we’re currently watching the result about the absence of some basic skills that supposed to be nurtured and mastered since early childhood :
– self discipline
– empathy
– literacy and numeracy
It surely becomes the big homeworks for the parents of future generation.
It’s really the most crucial and right time for those education policy makers to re-design early childhood and primary education curriculum. It becomes obvious to strongly emphasize some basic skills and values that should be nurtured in all school without exception. Make it a compulsory course for all school and children whatever curriculum they use, no matter what kind of school they run.
•
It takes a village to raise a child. But, above that, it takes the right and well-run policies to create physically and mentally strong future generation who will make a strong respectable country.
•
Self discipline to deal with themselves in any situations.
Empathy to deal with others without prejudice, whatever background they have.
Strong literacy and numeracy to understand how anything in this world works.
•
Those three would be good enough.
With them, then maybe we could have a brighter future than the current situation.
I didnt know that changing the domain address will cause a drastic change to the blog. Any older posts under arlanadya.wordpress.com were unaccessible from search engine.
I thought changing the address wouldn’t make any changes to the contents. I still have no idea how I can export all those old posts to appear in my new domain : apennyformypensieve.wordpress.com.
Rarely have any regrets in things I have done. But this one, I really regretted changing the address without fully knowing the consequences.
I have all my posts with me. But, when it’s searched on the search engine, any old posts under arlanadya would display ‘the author has deleted this site’.
An email came on the beginning of May about virtual competition at school.
Asked her to participate and it was a yes. Made a simple arransement of the competition song and practiced it with her right away. We had only two weeks to master everything.
Ten days after the first practice, she nailed all the notes and lyrics. Performance practice kept going.
Had a rehearsal once before submitting the video. Two days before deadline, video submitted to the school.
Today, they announced the result.
First winner in her category granted. Alhamdulillah.
Among one big flaw given and many other ones she has, some few strengths are also running in her blood.
Hard working, persistent, kind, easy going, resilient, and enthusiastic learner.
For me, that’s more than enough.
I am beyond grateful having this school in one of her early education years.
Passed two months after lockdown policy first announced, UK has been easing the lockdown as numbers of new cases and deaths are continously falling.
Right now, outdoor picnic, travel inside the city without using public transportation, even meeting one people outside the household is already allowed.Bus is getting more crowded, the queue at the supermarket is getting shorter although it’s still crazily long on weekend. So we just have to know when to shop. But, essential things are all stocked up. No more worries about searching for eggs or rice. Last week, even baking essentials which have been unavailable for weeks were all back in stock.
We had picnics on the day of Eid and the day after. It was nice to be freely and legally outside while the temperature is getting high. We had the Eid picnic on the park nearby and the following day we went to the Southwark Park by bus.
School is planned to reopen by next week. We are still unsure to send the little girl back by next week. Still waiting the strategies from the school about this.
Di ilmu manajemen ada yang namanya POAC. Planning, organizing, actuating, controlling.
Planning buat Ramadan pertama Langit sudah dijalankan berbulan-bulan sebelumnya waktu belajar rukun Islam. Repetisi teori tiap malam sampai berminggu-minggu.
Semakin dekat, Organizing rundown di kepala. Ramadan pertama di luar jadwal biasa buat orangtuanya pun ngga mudah, apalagi buat anaknya. Satu hari sebelum hari H, akibat terus berpikir musti apa, ide datang tiba-tiba.
Target-target kecil dibuat dengan reward yang sesuai. Membayangkan 30 hari puasa berat, tapi dengan mencacah jadi tiga bagian, lebih terlihat ringan. Bukan terasa. Baru terlihat. Di awal, target 10 hari pertama 5-6 jam, 10 hari kedua, 7-8 jam, dan 10 hari ketiga 9-10 jam.
Saatnya Actuating dan implementasi.
Dengan pertimbangan jam puasa yang panjang, sahur dan buka di Ramadan ini dilakukan 2x. Sahur pertama jam 2, yang kedua jam 4.30. Buka pertama Zuhur jam 1 lalu bertahap asar jam 5 lewat.
Di 10 hari pertama, ternyata semuanya berjalan di luar rencana. Hari ke 5, puasa 5-6 jam sudah ngga terasa. Jam buka bukan jadi hal yang terlalu ditunggu. Maka setelah 10 hari pertama, durasi dinaikan. Daripada jam buka yang lebih lama, lebih pas memajukan jam sahur. Selain karena subuh aktual juga semakin pagi setiap hari, sekalian latihan sahur yang sebenarnya.
Kalau orang dewasanya sahur dulu baru subuh, anaknya subuh dan tadarus dulu baru sahur. Solatnya lebih penting dan lebih cepat dibanding kunyah makanan. Batas imsak adalah alarm yang sudah diset waktu tertentu. 10 hr kedua, maju 2 jam dibanding sebelumnya. Waktu buka masih sama.
Setengah bulan, durasi puasa yang baru mulai terasa biasa. Pertanyaan “can we ifthar first” makin ngga terdengar, waktunya menaikan batas lagi. Notifikasi adzan zuhur sudah dimatikan. Diganti dengan alarm yang tiap beberapa hari dinaikan waktunya akhirnya buka ketika adzan asar.
Di 10 hari terakhir, alarm sahur dinaikan pelan-pelan dan sampai batas yang di rasa cukup buat belajar puasa pertama. 12 jam penuh. Mirip dengan durasi puasa penuh di Indonesia.
Kebanyakan ide itu dateng di detik terakhir. Hadiah besar sudah dikeluarkan di hari ke 28 masih dibungkus. Penawaran baru diajukan di menit terakhir hari terakhir menjelang asar : boleh buka puasa sekarang dengan 1 hadiah besar seperti kesepakatan di awal atau mungkin mau nunggu sampai maghrib dan bisa dapat 2 hadiah besar.
(Hadiah udah dibeli beberapa karena nemu bundle super miring di ebay. Sisanya disimpan buat nanti kalo diperlukan. Jadi, hadiah kedua juga sudah ada).
Di sini Percobaan Marshmellow Walter Mischel, salah satu riset paling terkenal di psikologi pendidikan, yang digunakan. Dimana anak-anak bisa belajar tentang delay gratification. Kurang lebih mirip seperti penawaran yang diajukan. Sekarang dapet satu, tunggu sebentar dapat dua.
Dengan setengah hati, (dan dorongan pasif-agresif orang tuanya), anaknya milih buat nunggu. Tambahan beberapa jam trakhir mungkin salah satu yg terberat karena pertanyaan-pertanyaaan khas jadi sering terdengar lagi.
Tapi kata kaya Mbak Nana, “kita sudah sejauh ini. Kalah bukan pilihan”. Dengan segala macem distraksi Alhamdulillah sampai ke akhir yang diinginkan.
Langit menyelasaikan Ramadan pertamanya 30 hari penuh dengan baik.
Setelah tiga tahap sebelumnya, akhirnya bagian Controlling jadi penting buat mencapai tujuan. Tanpa kontrol, semua rencana dan implementasi bubar. Ngga ada konsekuensi, ngga ada reward, ngga ada kejelasan dan batas waktu.
Selain kontrol diri dari anaknya, orangtua sebagai yang lebih berkuasa perlu punya kontrol dan membuat batasan plus kebijakan yang jelas.
Kalo orangtuanya buat planning mentah, organisasi dan implementasi setengah-setengah, kontrol diri anak lemah, ditambah kontrol yang payah dari orangtua, apa sejak awal memang pilih untuk kalah?
Orangtua dan anak bisa diganti subjeknya untuk skala yang lebih besar. Seperti pemerintah dan rakyat, mungkin?
Ramadan yang berat memang bukan lapar hausnya. Yang berat itu bangun(in) setiap pagi dimana yang bangunin juga pengennya tidur lagi, yang berat itu (liat anaknya) solat dan ngaji sambil nahan kantuk. Yang berat itu nunggu Isya sampe jam 10. Yang berat itu nahan sabar dan godaan dimana pilihan buat berenti selalu ada. Toh ngga ada hukuman yang keras ketika itu dipilih. Bolong sehari ngga papa, kan baru belajar, kata setan di kepala. Paling anaknya cuma ngga dapet hadiah. Atau kan dia udah dapet beberapa hari, kasih ajalah udah dibeli ini.
Kembali ke nasehat terkenal kepala sekolah dari dunia sihir, ” Saat-saat yang sulit membuat kita harus memilih mana yang mudah dan mana yang benar”.
Ramadan pertama Langit menunjukkan buat melakukan yang benar itu ngga pernah mudah. Ramadan benar-benar salah satu cara yang paling konkrit untuk melatih kontrol diri sejak dini. Sesederhana menahan diri dari makan dan minum itu efeknya panjang sekali di masa depan.
Ternyata ngga sia-sia dengerin kuliah di GKA lima belas tahun lalu. Pun kuliah psikologi pendidikan sembilan taun lalu. Semoga jadi amal jariyah buat semua yang ngajar.
Semoga semua amal Ramadan diterima, semua doa dikabulkan dan bisa bertemu lagi tahun depan. Amiin.
Hadiah kecil 10 hariHadiah sedang 20 hariSatu hadiah besar 30 hariBerubah jadi dua karena menunggu lebih lama
A Penny for My Pensieve 