Posted in Thoughts

7th : (Ramadan) Life in the Time of Corona

We have passed the first ten days of Ramadan and currently on 13th day. Subuh is getting early while maghrib is getting late. Morning walk is rarely done since the spring weather has been pretty cold for the past few days. Other than that, the long hours fasting is a priority for now. One thing that I never let go daily is home workout exercise. Fasting and workout are two things that I can handle, with other compulsory things like I wrote once in Puasa Ramadan, Menyusui, dan Olahraga and Puasa Sunnah, Menyusui, dan Olahraga.

Little girl had successfully finished her 10 first days strongly. For the second leg, we added 2 more hours of her fasting duration. Instead of longer ifthar, I decided to try earlier sahur. I think is easier for her since she is an early riser. Prolong the ifthar might be harder for her. Maybe. I still dont know which will work for the third leg, but so far she’s been so excited and doing the fast well.

We give her one star each day once she finished her fasting and some little present at the end of ten days. She had opened her first present three days ago. We promised her a small present if she manages to fast for the next 10 days, a medium one and when she completes all 30 days, a big one will wait for her.

It’s been so far the most calm Ramadan I have ever experienced. I stopped coming to ifthar outside since 8 years ago. The only place I need for ifthar is at home. Unless it is unavoidable, after a long day of fasting, the least that I need is being somewhere without my comfortable pyjamas or daster. I need to break the fasting peacefully. Thats why I always ask Langit to stay away from the table when adzan maghrib comes. The houseworks are still manageable since I always plan ahead. I am lucky I dont have to do all the cooking.

One big progress is consistenly doing my tarawih with the least skip in years. It takes bigger effort to do tarawih more than the fasting for me. I hope the mind will keep it until the end. The older you are, the older you realize that refrain yourself from eating and drinking is not that hard. But, fighting to do what’s right over the easy, when it’s not compulsory, that’s the real fight. And the hardest battle is the one that you deal with yourself.

Lockdown life in UK still keeps going. It might be extended for more weeks and it’s surely the right thing to do. The peak has passed, but it’s still not enough to be relaxed. Nothing really matters right now other than being healthy until we could safely passed this together.

May the rest of Ramadan brings more blessing for everyone.

Posted in Thoughts

6th : (Ramadan) Life in the Time of Corona

It’s been six weeks after lockdown announced in UK and things are slowly getting better.

After weeks, Deptford Market Yard returned to bussiness and Lidl pastry section started opening too last week. It’s not really the time to back to normal yet, because new cases are still coming although death numbers are declining.

Ramadan started last Friday. It’s the first time having Ramadan in this unfamiliar setting. No sound of imsak, adzan maghrib and tarawih, no street food takjil. Ramadan in spring makes long hours of fasting. While in Indonesia, fasting takes around 13 hours, here it lasts for 17-18 hours. Subuh is getting earlier by two minutes while maghrib is getting late by three minutes each day. At the end of Ramadan, we should stop eating as early as 3 am and having ifthar at 9 pm. It’s quite tough.

Somehow I think, lockdown makes it easier. Less distractions to go outside, school, mosque are closed. The highlight is having the little girl her very first fasting in her life. She’s been diligently fasting for 8 am until zuhur at 1 pm since the first day. Presents are waiting at the end of every 10 days😀.

Hopefully we can spend this Ramadan in good health and safely passed this pandemic together until the end.

Amin.

(School) Life in the Time of Corona V

Life in the Time of Corona IV

Life in the Time of Corona III

Life in the Time of Corona II

Life in the Time of Corona

Posted in Maternité, Thoughts

Sekolah (Makin) Banyak PR

Dulu pernah nulis tentang Sekolah Banyak PR tahun lalu dan post dua hari lalu tentang (School) Life in the Time of Corona V.

Di situasi saat ini, dua post tersebut jadi terasa makin relevan karena hampir semua orang tua makin sadar betapa banyak PR sebagai orang tua yang harus dikerjakan selama masa kerja dan sekolah dari rumah ini.

PR literal sebenernya ngga terlalu susah menurut saya. Dari pengalaman ngajar anak orang belasan tahun dan ngajar anak sendiri enam tahun ini, pengajaran masalah kognitif itu relatif gampang. Apalagi kalo anak itu emang dasarnya punya kemampuan yang kognitif yang baik. Ngga akan susah ngajarinnya. Belum lagi kalo didukung fasilitas-fasilitas lain seperti gizi yang baik, hal-hal yang menunjang kenyamanan belajar, tugas mereka cuma belajar tok.

Hal yang lebih sulit adalah bangun mental yang diperlukan buat belajar dan hal lain yang lebih penting dari sekedar hasil di kertas. Hal yang semua penelitian mengaminkan merupakan hal yang lebih menentukan keberhasilan seseorang dalam hal apapun. Hal-hal kasat mata seperti ketekunan, percaya diri, determinasi, penguasaan diri, dan masih banyak lagi yang semuanya dirangkum dalam satu istilah besar : kecerdasan emosi.

Salah satu buku legendaris dari Daniel Goleman di Emotional Intelligent menjabarkan ada lima komponen kecerdasan emosi :

  1. Kesadaran diri. Ini termasuk mengetahui dan sadar pada perasaan diri sendiri.
  2. Pengaturan diri.
  3. Motivasi.
  4. Empati.
  5. Kemampuan sosial/sosialiasi.

Saya cukup beruntung dibesarkan oleh ibu yang punya kelima kecerdasan itu. Kalo soal ibu saya, susah buat ngga terdengar berlebihan, karena ya memang seperti itu. Salah satu hadiah terbesar yang hidup kasih ke saya itu jadi anak dari ibu saya.

Ibu saya pribadi punya kelima kecerdasan itu. Ketika itu diturunkan hampir ngga mungkin 100% diturunkan dan masing-masing anak pun ngga mungkin bisa 100% dapat porsi yang sama. Mungkin kalo bisa edit pernyataan terakhir di paragraf sebelumnya : salah satu hadiah terbesar yang hidup kasih ke saya itu jadi ANAK PERTAMA dari ibu saya.

Dari lima komponen tersebut, saya bisa bilang menguasai tiga komponen teratas (intrapersonal intelligence is my number one strength), saya masih terus belajar buat melatih dan meningkatkan empati sampai hari ini, sementara nomer lima, terus terang itu hal yang hampir saya ngga pernah serius kerjakan. Sampai setua ini. Banyak dalih dan sedikit energi. Satu yang bikin saya bergerak maju biarpun sedikit karena punya anak. Itupun masih bisa dibilang ngga memuaskan. People (always) make me nervous. Ibu saya punya natur extrovert sejati sedangkan natur saya introvert sampai ke tulang terdalam.

Ini jelas PR terbesar saya. Saya sering ngelamun dan mikir, saya ngga akan bisa cover semua. Energi dan kemampuan terbatas. Alhamdulillah sudah terbantu karena saya punya tiga hal penting teratas berkat ibu saya sehingga memudahkan buat transfer ilmunya ke Langit. Hal nomer empat karena masih belajar jadi proses transfernya agak abu-abu. Sedangkan yang kelima, makin sulit lagi karena (alhamdulillahnya) anaknya punya natur introvert kaya dua orangtuanya.

Kecerdasan emosi ini dari pengalaman dan bacaan saya bisa terbentuk dari hal-hal extrakulikuler selain pelajaran-pelajaran di sekolah. Satu hal yang penting adalah ada orang dewasa yang mengawasi kegiatan ini, dilakukan rutin dan punya target yang terukur. Musik dan olahraga adalah salah dua hal yang terbukti bisa mengembangkan hal-hal di atas.

Kalo di atas saya bilang punya kemampuan yang baik untuk tiga hal teratas, sebagian besar adalah berkat tiga belas tahun yang saya habiskan di Sekolah Musik Yayasan Pendidikan Musik (SM YPM) belajar Piano.

Di artikel ini dijelaskan bahwa selain mempertajam kemampuan otak, membaca juga merupakan salah satu sarana untuk mengembangkan kecerdasan emosi. Belajar berempati dengan tokoh di buku. Membaca membantu kita untuk melihat perspektif dari berbagai karakter yang berbeda yang mungkin tidak kita temui dalam interaksi sehari-hari, dan memberikan pengalaman psikologis tentang bagaimana karakter tersebut menghadapi situasi dan berinteraksi dengan orang lain.

Kalo orang bilang tahun-tahun awal jadi orangtua itu berat, itu benar. Berat emosi dan fisik. Tapi, apa setelahnya jadi lebih ringan? Secara fisik iya. Secara emosi dan mental? Tidak.

Semakin bertambah umur, PRnya akan makin banyak, kesulitannya meningkat, dan ngga akan berhenti, energi kita pun akan makin terbatas. Saya akui umur ideal menikah yang suka digadang-gadang menimbulkan pressure itu sebenarnya ada tujuannya. Semakin tua, beban akan semakin berat. Jelas beda membesarkan anak dengan energi 25 tahun dan 35 tahun.

Kabar baiknya, semakin awal PR-PR ini dikerjakan, akan sedikit meringankan beban di tahun-tahun berikutnya. Saya inget salah satu wawancara TV oleh Desi Anwar ke salah satu gubernur di Indonesia saat ini bilang, beliau bilang, “kita yang sekarang ini adalah hasil dari kerja keras orang tua kita,”.

Itu membekas sekali dan buat saya juga berpikir tentang anti-tesisnya. Anak kita nanti adalah hasil dari kerja keras atau kerja malas orangtuanya.

Asumsi ini adalah anak dengan orangtua yang lengkap, yang punya kemampuan untuk memberikan yang terbaik dalam banyak hal.

Salah satu buku favorit saya yang hampir semua halamannya saya ngga bisa berenti ngangguk adalah How To Measure Your Life dari Clayton Christensen, seorang professor Harvard yang bukunya ini menjelaskan teori-teori bisnis yang penerapannya relevan sekali dengan parenting.

Salah satu chapternya bicara tentang School of experiences. Dia menjelaskan pentingnya orangtua untuk kasih school of experiences yang tepat buat anak-anaknya. Seperti yang dijelaskan di bawah ini.

Inti dari tulisan panjang ini bisa dirangkum dengan baik dalam dua paragraf. Beda emang level Professor Harvard.

Bab lainnya yang menurut saya juga bagus adalah tentang outsource the jobs. Dari Theory of Capabilities di bisnis bisa juga diaplikasikan di parenting. Dia menekankan bahwa anak perlu belajar lebih dari sekedar skill. Mereka perlu membangun value yang mana value ini hanya bisa ditransfer dari orang yang mendampingi mereka. Kita mau anak kita jadi anak yang seperti apa tapi menyerahkan mereka ke orang lain, kita sebenarnya kehilangan kesempatan berharga untuk membangun hal penting di diri seorang anak.

Di antara semua hal-hal ngga menyenangkan yang harus dihadapi saat ini, situasi ini banyak sekali kasih kesempatan buat hal-hal yang ngga bisa dilakukan dalam keadaaan ‘normal’. Salah satunya adalah mengerjakan PR-PR yang mungkin sebelumnya belum tergarap dengan baik.

Sedikit nasihat terakhir dari Prof. Chritensen :

Semoga kita diberikan waktu yang cukup dan memanfaatkan waktu tersebut sebaik-baiknya buat mengerjakan semua PR penting ini.

Amin.

Posted in Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

5th : (School) Life in the Time of Corona

According to Howard Gardner, there are 7 types of intelligences that human could be categorized to. Howard Gardner initially formulated a list of seven intelligences. The first two have been typically valued in schools; the next three are usually associated with the arts; and the final two are what Howard Gardner called ‘personal intelligences.

1. Linguistic intelligence

2. Logical-mathematical intelligence

3. Musical intelligence

4. Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence

5. Spatial intelligence

6. Interpersonal intelligence

7. Intrapersonal intelligence

In Frames of Mind Howard Gardner treated the personal intelligences ‘as a piece’. Because of their close association in most cultures, they are often linked together. However, he still argues that it makes sense to think of two forms of personal intelligence. Gardner claimed that the seven intelligences rarely operate independently. They are used at the same time and tend to complement each other as people develop skills or solve problems.

As a person, I have known even before I knew about this theory, my biggest strength goes to the 7th intelligence. The ability to know my self very well. I mostly know what I want, what I should do, the persistent and determination to achieve it, the ability to stand up no matter how many times I fall, and the resilience to finish what I have started no matter how long it will take.

As it is said above that one intelligence rarely stand alone, the other one that I could be quite comfortable to claim is number 1. While I might have some bit number 3 and 4, have a little of 2, and the very least of 5 and 6.

In some researches, intelligence of a child is inherited more of it from the mother than the father as written in this article.

Research has confirmed that a child’s intelligence is in fact determined by their mother’s genes.

That is because intelligence is carried on the X chromosome and while kids can inherit an X chromosome from their dad also, mums carry two X chromosomes so are more likely to pass theirs on.

Researchers at the University of Washington found that a secure emotional bond between a mother and child is crucial for the growth of some parts of the brain. After analysing the way a group of mothers related to their children for seven years, the researchers found children who were supported emotionally and had their intellectual needs fulfilled had a 10 per cent larger hippocampus at 13 on average than children whose mothers were emotionally distant. The hippocampus is an area of the brain associated with memory, learning and stress response.

A strong bond with the mother is thought to give a child a sense of security which allows them to explore the world, and the confidence to solve problems. In addition, devoted, attentive mothers tend to help children solve problems, further helping them to reach their potential.

As a mother, one thing that I know I have done right so far is having fixed schedule at home from the very beginning of my child life. It’s so important for my sanity and turns out it is also supported by experts about how important daily routine for children.

As a baby, Langit’s day starts from subuh at the latest at 6 am and always end at the very late at 8 pm. My two non-negotiable principles are :

1. Bed time is at 8 pm.

2. Eating what is served.

No questions and debate on those two.

As years go by, I keep enjoying the results of applying those two things. Wherever we go, she sleeps on time. Weekend or weekdays, home or holiday, the eyes closed at 8pm. She grows to be a non picky eater, wherever we go, she eats what is served on the table. After seven months here, no dependency to rice is one of the advantages of living here.

In spite of all the hardships, all the energy and resources spent, moving to London is one of the best things happened to us, as a family and individually. I wont elaborate about that, but only focus to things that related to the title.

Heading to the end of her first seven years leg, having fixed routines brings even more advantages. Combination of having fixed routines since early years and moving here turn out to be something that helps a lot during this unprecedented time.

It’s been few months since she started having compulsory fixed schedules as followed from morning till evening :

Morning
-Subuh
-Quran
-Small breakfast
-Piano
-Big Breakfast

– Bath time

School from 8.30-16.00

Evening :
– after school watching
-Maghrib
-Iqro&Islamic
-Reading books and phonics

She literally wakes up for Subuh together with us on the exact prayer time. It’s getting harder recently since in spring and summer, subuh is getting earlier while maghrib is getting longer.
But, as many thing before, we will figure it out and find some way. After subuh, it’s time for reading Quran. It’s when she recites and memorize Juz amma. Every two weeks, we add another surah without leaving the old ones that have been memorized before.

Done with those two, she will have a light breakfast with a cup of milk and bread/pancake/donut then proceed to her most favorite schedule : piano practice.

It’s been only four months, but unexpectedly, her progress is quite good. Talking from a piano teacher point of view, I am surprisingly satisfied with her, as she has an underlying condition (will elaborate this later as I have also written in few previous post back). I see how powerful it could be to practice and repetition done daily to the whole skill. It’s still a long way to go, but having the basic skill and attitude right, it’s something that should be celebrated.

Done with piano, she can choose either to take a bath or have her next breakfast first. This time is main course breakfast with rice. She doesn’t have rice for lunch. I usually pack her bread and jam or samdwich burger, yoghurt and fruit, and some other light snack.

After six hours in school, she could have her me time of watching youtube, games, or whatever she wants while waiting for dinner. Maghrib is the cut off of her me time. After maghrib, she is having Iqro and short Islamic lesson and reading books before 8pm sleep.

That’s what the normal days look like.

Those compulsory schedules are all on me.

________________________________

This Friday is the third week of UK lockdown but the fourth one for us.

After four weeks at home, additional options during lockdown (choose or leave as we/she want) :
+ Zuhur, Asr and Isya (the silver lining)
+ Morning walk and exercise
+ Painting

+ An hour of bathtub playing
+ Scary Math with Daddy (no daddy no math)
+Nap time
+ Two sessions of watching youtube
+ Writing
+ Helping with dinner, laundry, and cleaning, baking or washing the dishes.

While the compulsory ones are all on me, these optional ones are divided with her dad. Since it’s optional, we can have it or leave it. No pressure.

The only thing that slowly move from optional to compulsory is the first item. The best thing of this staying at home period is the chance to have her doing all five prayers. What could be better than that?

This might sounds a bit uncomfortable, but I somehow feel grateful to be here during this hard time. Having the doctor working with proper shift schedule, although the risk is no joke, but at least, he has proper rest time.

Having the little girl schooled in a place which only focused in three big areas is a blessed. I saw a lot of parents throwing tantrum to their child school because of the unrealistic school works given during staying at home. This is a hard time for everyone. Not only for the adults, but also for the kids. There’s no need to make it harder of doing what’s not too urgent and important.

As her school only focus in three things : Reading, Math, and Writing, they make it easier too for us to be focused.

They have the same book to read for a whole week with different tasks given daily based on that.

They do the same math theme to repeat until they master it.

All down to the same thing : repetition.

Based on this post opening, she tends to learn faster in language than in math. She loves phonics, reading fast, and love to playing with words into song. That helps her to play piano easier too. She can play while singing and reading the notes at the same time. She can answer questions without a single mistake when playing in the language app. It’s the irony or the funny side since she has an underlying condition.

Meanwhile in math, judging from the high pitch of her father’s tone from many of math lessons, guess the researches above is true. But, not to take all the credit, both of her parents love books and reading too, so it’s more combination of nature and nurture to be fair.

What the schools here have differently is the resources to learn about that. They have bulks of website and apps to learn. It’s paid by the school and free to use. It’s currently Easter break for two weeks so basically there’s no lesson schedule from the school, but we still keep practising as usual.

More than before, it’s proven having daily schedules in whatever situation, turns to be a great help for the parents and the child. So they know what to do each day, even when school is cancelled.

More than before, it shows that the child first school is at home, and the parents is their first and main teacher.

It’s important to choose what really matters the most for us what kind of lesson we want to teach them. We can’t pick all the fight, make those SWOT analysis on you and the child, and choose our own battle and stick with it until a long time. Do it daily with no excuse. This lockdown period gives proper chance to build tiny habits at home that becomes the main ingredient for characters. Something that will go with our child for a long time.

We dont spent too much time doing the lessons. Just average amount and adequate time. Instead, she found new love for cooking with her dad, taking care laundry, and doing any other non-related school things.

We do morning walk to the forest, climbing the hill, riding the scooter, and stopping by to Sainsbury to buy some things.

These kind of lessons that we do during school in the time of corona.

School is greatly missed indeed and we’re really looking forward to going back there. But being at home for a long time is not a bad idea. After all, it’s the only place where we could return to.

Posted in Thoughts

4th : Life in the Time of Corona

The contrast between what it feels inside and how it looks like outside.

Every single day feels likes a battle that should be fought hard, hopefully to win, safely.
A battle that feels getting (morally) harder and harder each passing day.

It feels like being in the ‘light’ version of one of the best movies where Roberto Benigni won the best actor in 1999.
Walking in a very thin line between staying strong, sane, and positive while dealing with continous anxiety and sad news to keep going.

In this kind of situation, survive alone, that seems one huge thing that matters the most.

Posted in Thoughts

Anger Rant

I have known for long our country has a lot to catch up.

But, until this pandemic is happening,then I know, we would never be able to catch up. Not even in 100 years.

It’s 2020 and what we have is stupid, ignorant, useless government.

Need more?

They are as well bastard, brainless, clueless, heartless, more evilish than the real evil.

They practically dont do ANYTHING to PROTECT their people and just let everything be ‘taken care’ by nature.

Indonesia is the only country whose government consciously using herd immunity to face this virus.

Posted in Thoughts

3rd : Life in the Time of Corona

Found this unknown small parks around the neighborhood while taking the road less often traveled during morning walk.

It’s been a week of lovely sunny weather to have a picnic in the park. Sunny day made the days feel lighter. I was never fan of long walk before, but these few past weeks, it becomes something that I crave the most. It’s beyond grateful to live in this neighborhood during this hard time. The fresh air, the right amount of silence, the greens around the area, the bench to sit and wander. But, most of all, the ability to enjoy all of them.

Among all the dark side current situation brings, finding the bright side is essential to keep us sane.

The last words Albus Dumbledore spoke to us? “Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him”.

Replace Harry with the best hope we have.

And Trust Him.

Posted in Favorite things, Places, Thoughts

2nd : Life in the Time of Corona

Morning walk becomes a new routine since the invisible bug attack. It’s such an irony while the beautiful season is here, we should stay at home.

An hour of morning walk is much needed to stay sane and living in this introverted neigborhood is an underrated blessing. The serenity, the beautiful weather, it’s calming.

May everyone stay healthy and hope we can safely passed this storm together.

Amin.

Posted in Thoughts

1st : Life in the Time of Corona

We are now currently facing the huge pandemic of Corona, and London keeps having more cases since the beginning of March.

We have been staying at home from last Friday. The doctor had been sent home right after his hospital, which should have been cleared from the virus, confirmed its first case last week. The government had announced the school closure starting 20 March for the whole UK.

After doing 10 days of self isolation with my housemates, witnessing and experiencing the frustration for finding basic needs, checking to almost every store, having intense fear of being outside and facing the crowd, some thoughts occured.

It would be a good idea to stop counting the x-th day of WFH or whatever the hashtag is and slowly start accepting this is a new normal situation.

It’s not a two weeks holiday at home instead a daily life that would or very likely last at least a year ahead.

It wont hurt to start thinking and preparing how to survive and adapt with the new life.

More than ever, it’s proven that having daily habits at home, done consistently every single day, would be so helpful for the adults and the kids to keep the sanity. Even babies need their own habit and rhytm. We can’t live continously with holiday mode.

More than ever, the golden rule of finance is proven : Cash is king. The importance of having emergency fund to support at least 6-12 months of life become non-negotiable.

More than ever, everyone has a chance to feel a tiny pinch of what a newborn mother felt.

Facing a new life with zero experience, limited access to be outside, limited chance to have a proper amount of social interaction, no difference feeling between weekdays or weekend, dealing with lots of uncertain things ahead and how stressful such situation is until the famous What to Expect the First Year described :

“There’s no other job as emotionally and physically taxing as parenting in the first year”.

But, the good news is, just like rainbow days, stormy days have also its expiry date.

This too shall pass.
The panic buying and stock piling will end.

One of BBC articles, (unlike the Post Partum Depression in newbornmother), it’s corona recession, not yet depression. Hopefully will never be.

In the mean time, we just have to do everything in our power, to survive, together.

*Self isolation itself is not that hard as a bunch of boring introvert.

How almost every supermarket in UK look like these days :

The whole world goes down by something invisible, intangible, yet so powerful.

Verily, there are sigs for those who reflect.