Author: arlanadya

” Saya iri. Benar-benar iri kepada almarhumah. Saya katakan itu kepada istri saya. Beliau meninggal di hari Jum’at. Setelah pulang haji. Masya Allah..”

She went exactly two weeks after Hajj, on Friday afternoon. I think it was in the afternoon because many people wanted to see her for the last time,since yeah, almost everybody loves her.

” Almarhumah baik sekali sama saya. Saya dibeliin ceret air, karena punya saya uda bocor”

She bought that new ceret for the woman who takes care grandma’s tomb. Just few months ago. It turned out that she bought it for herself too. To water her own. She was the one who can’t take everything ‘asal-asalan’. Subhanallah..

“Ada banyak hal saya pelajari dari almarhumah. Tapi, ada dua yang paling saya ingat. Beliau adalah orang yang sangat menjaga sholat fardhu. Dia selalu bilang bahwa kemanapun dia cuma berdoa supaya dimudahkan untuk menunaikan shalat fardhunya. Yang kedua, beliau itu selalu memikirkan orang lain. Bukan cuma saudara, tapi hampir semua orang.”

For this, I can tell a lot. For shalat, yes,she did really concern about that. Look at her bags, then we will find pantyliners in every space, since she really afraid that her underwear is dirty. Until her last days, she had to make sure times, that her pee wouldn’t spread to the bed.

As she always think about others, that’s too true. Not only family, it was literally everyone. She bought habatussauda to be given to her collegues, free, she gave a sack of rice to every tukang bajaj who sent her home, and many more.

Dear Bu gendut..

You must be very happy up there. Didn’t you have all of your wish fulfilled?

“Ibu ngga mau nyusahin. selalu minta jangan dikasih sakit lama-lama. Kalau sudah ngga bisa sholat dengan baik, lebih baik dipanggil”.

Ngga nyusahin.Checked.

Ngga dikasih sakit lama-lama.Checked.

Sudah ngga bisa sholat dengan baik, dipanggil. Checked.

“Ibu uda siapin semua ya. Jadi, kalian ngga usah cari-cari. Sabun,batik,handuk”.

Yes, she did prepare all of that since years ago.

This house is so empty without you. And it feels less homy. much less homy.

Me, missing you, too much..

Three months

Two big events

One purpose

It’s tough, indeed..

This month might become one of the most important months this year.

I am waiting for my hajj departure announcement and another next best thing, I don’t really keen on saying the term, but, I couldn’t find any suitable one, so, let say, we’re having our big family meeting and engagement by the end of this month, Insya Allah.

I’ve been wondering a lot lately. Of me getting married in the next few months, Insya Allah. I’ve asked him one day, “feel scare?afraid?”

He answered, “Nope, looking forward to it”.

Me?

I can’t clearly describe it. I’ve been religiously reading many of wedding blogs since several years ago. I enjoy many of them. Often thinking that if one day will be my turn, how it would feel. At that time, tiny part of my hear answered,

“I really can’t imagine me, getting married. I even can’t imagine to whom”

And now I’m here, and almost there, somehow I still can’t really figure out, and keep asking, ” Am I really doing this?Doing all those preparations those girls did?Experiencing what they’ve been going through as well?Me?”

I feel stupid and pity my self at the same time. Feel stupid as if I’m a teenage girl by asking those questions. You’re almost 28, my dear self. Wake up.

I do wake up, in fact, I’m living it.

Or maybe is it the fact that I’m finally,truly with him, which feels unbelievable for me?

After all these long and rocky journeys we had?

He really had strong faith, and believe that one day, in the end, no matter what we had to go through, who we were to be with first,we will end up together. He told me this few years ago.

As for me, I’m not that confidence to say that. Instead, I’ve been proposing a long question, not to him, to the time to answer

“Do all of these things happen intend to show that we’re too stubborn to accept the fact that we can’t be together or as the tests of perseverance of being together for good in the end?”

Keep repeating that question for years.

And when I’m finally heading to its final answer, well, it still feels unbelieavable.

Or maybe I’m just being too melodramatic.

Whatever it is, I hope nothing but all the next best things happened and may Allah always guide me through all the way. Amin.

Back in many years ago, a little girl swore, that one day, if she would become a mother, she would never, n.e.v.e.r., treat her child(ren) as her parents treat them.

She really could not understand about so many things that her parents did to her, and her siblings.

Why were they so strict?

Why did she has to make schedule just to watch TV?and only can choose certain shows.

Why did she has to learn every night?

Why did she has to do the scary, yet suffering piano course?with all those scary and strict teachers. yet, practice it every day. Practiced all the songs that she would never really master. Coped up with those talented students. For 13 consecutive years. From age 5 till 18. No break.

She asked this and got an answer : “Finish what you have started”. Yet, some (good) luck favored her in this thing.

Why could not she have pocket-money to buy any snack in the school canteen as other children did everyday?Instead, she had to bring her own snack and lunch, which sometimes she was quite ashamed of, because she almost never went to the canteen?

Why didn’t they buy her those branded shoes and bag, as her friends had?and even judged someone from what shoes he/she wore.

Why couldn’t she have that cute baby-g watch as it was being trend in her school?instead, they bought her a simple watch and answered her question : “Do u know what is the function of watch?to show you the time?Has ur watch do that for u?Yes, it has. So, what else?”.

Why did they never buy her and her siblings those video games, Nintendo, or any other games that their friends often talk about in the school?

Why did they never allow her to hang out with her friends to the mall during weekend?

Why did they never allow them to go to any school events after school?

Why did they never send them to the school by their own car like her parents’ friends did?

Why did she never have birthday party at school like her friends?

Why did they give so many rules, set so many standards, and yet, hardly ever give some rewards?

Why did they restrict her of having any relationship along the junior, senior, high school, yet even university?While several boys had asked her in junior and senior high school. Even some of her friends had a boyfriend since primary school. She couldn’t really understand why.

And so many why in her head till she really swore she will be a very nice mother someday, unlike her parents.

As the years gone by, one by one, she started to see everything more clearly.

All of those things that her parents did, bring too many good things for her.

She experienced it most started from her college years. Clearly see the difference between her parents product and other parents’.

Clearly see the characters nurtured from her parents made distinct differences comparing to others. Not at all a perfect one, but it was just different.

She had already a job, real job with a contract from a very good music school in her first year of university. Which wouldn’t be happen if her mother didn’t really really insist her to finish her 13 years of music studies. while others students still depended on their parents’ money.

She had a Straight A without having to attend English class, because she scored good in the TOEFL prediction test. Which wouldn’t happen if their parents didn’t pay and send her to a good English course. Which other students had to struggle and attend the English class, yet, not obtained an A.

She became a lecturer assistant in her third year. Which wouldn’t happen, if her parents didn’t teach her the habit of learning and achieving good score in her study. While other students could not have the same chance, either because they didn’t meet the requirement or they could not pass the test

She had been asked to teach Iqra for her house-owner children, since they know that she used to teach and able to teach. Which wouldn’t happen if her parents did not push her to learn Qur’an with their private teacher every week, from elementary until university, continuously.

Straight from her first year until she finished her study, several men had asked her, not merely to be their girlfriend, but straightly saying that they wanted to her to be their future wife. More, although she refused it all, they were willing to wait. literally wait. at least for some years.

After graduated, she chose to work in a school, as she had wanted since long. to become a primary teacher. She had done a good work in the school, good appraisal evaluation, selected as one of the favorites teacher in teacher’s day, obtained the highest score in the school during the teachers test from the ministry, and so on. Which could not happen without all of her parents effort, values nurtured, since her childhood.

She had a very good financial condition, several accounts, including Hajj account, and even a dollar accounts with a very good amounts for an early 20s girl. Which could not happen if her parents did not teach her saving money. Saving was one thing, taught her to manage it was another thing. If other children had given daily/weekly money by their parents, not with hers. They gave her monthly, and asked them to manage it well. No asking for more money, unless for school needs. Even they had given her a debit card, from the first year of junior high school.

And with those money, she had been able to travel abroad to several countries, pay half of the Umra fee, and paid half of her postgraduate school fees, and above all, paid her fees of Hajj registration in her 24, which will depart insya Allah soon.

…..The pride is priceless.

There are so many more to write.

Along these years, she change her mind a lot. Instead of thinking that she does not want to be the same parents as hers, she started thinking if she doesn’t want to be like them, then like who?

While all the evidence is there. Prove how her parents really done well in raising their children.

While she might haven’t been able to do half of what her parents had done to her future child(ren).

They might not be the best parents in the world, but they truly the best parents she could ask for.

Now, the thought of not being able to be as great as her parents really despise her.

“If you raise your children to feel that they can accomplish any goal or task they decide upon, you will have succeeded as a parent and you will have given your children the greatest of all blessings.”

Brian Tracy quotes (American television host) “The deeds of the children are a testament to the upbringing they received from their parents”. CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI, Brisingr