Author: arlanadya

Pas special, J'ai seulement besoin de beaucoup de privee
Posted in Favorite things, Life happens, Places, Travel

The Second Big Dream “Hajj, The Greatest Trip” (Catatan Perjalanan Haji 1433H)

Posted on by arlanadya

I’d been planning to go for Hajj in 2003. Right after I went for Umra with my family. First Umra.
I started saving since then. Luckily, I got my first job 6 months after that, so I could regularly saving.

I registered on December 2008, then 2 weeks later, my mum did it too. It was predicted that we would go in 2012. But, it turned out that our numbers listed in 2011. At that time, I was still in KL and my mum was in France. So, we deferred it until the next year.

I called it as my greatest trip for so many reasons. It is because the Hajj itself, which is great, and many circumstances that happened related to this. A week before we departed, things changed. There was a possibility that I would go by my self because my mum was not in good condition. She might go, and allowed to, but the doctoe suggested that she’d better stay. She decided not to go on Wednesday, while we departed on Friday, 19th October. Then, Thursday morning she changed her mind. She repacked her luggage and felt so sure about going there.

We departed to the Hajj dorm on Friday morning from Istiqlal. We stayed there until midnight then we went to the airport. Our flight departed at 5.45, Jakarta time and arrived at Holy Mecca at 11.45. It was such a long journey. It felt longer when your travel partner was not in good condition. I kept worrying about my mum. She could not sit for long period because of her stomach. It was aching all the time.

The stress continued after we arrived at Hajj airport, queueing in immigration, waiting for our luggage, taking a bath and miqot in the airport, waiting for another departure to the apartment,and so many more. After waiting for 4 hours, we got on our bus, which was non-air conditioner, and that 5-hours seemed much longer while my mum was sweating all along the journey. It was so heart-breaking to see her like that.

DKI 232 Hajj Airport

We managed to get our room early so she could have a rest first before we did the umra. We went to Masjidil Haram at 9 pm, by walk. I’d just visited the Mosque in 2010, but still, having this by my eyes once more never failed to make me shiver. It was so crowded. We parted from the group, so we finished Thawaf, Sa’i, and Tahalul only with other two members. We went back to apartment at 3.30 am. It was so tiring.

Holy Ka’bah

Since Wukuf was only two days away, so we just stayed in our apartment, recharging the condition from the fatigues, preparing for the main Hajj rituals in 5 days ahead.

Wukuf started on 9 Dzulhijjah, or 25 october 2012. We arrived in Arafah a previous day after Maghrib. We stayed in tents together with all of Pilgrims all over the world. It started after Dzuhur until the sun set.

DKI 260
Arafah

After Maghrib, we proceed to Muzdalifah for Mabit before staying in Mina for three days. In Muzdalifah we just stayed for few hours, collecting stones for Jumrah, and having light sleep above the rocky hill while waiting for midnight to go to Mina. Until there, I felt the rituals were nothing hard, but, the waiting, the queuing for everything, those were so tiring. 

While I kept fighting to get the best spot in the bus, tent, or everywhere so my mum felt comfortable. I knew she was bearing so much pain, got her comfortable places everywhere we go, was the least that i could do for her. I prepared every small things that could help her feel more comfortable. I had hot water in my thermos, hot tea, dates, and biscuits in my backpack.

DKI 261 Mabit in Muzdalifah

We arrived in Mina at 2.30 am and then prepared for Jumroh Aqobah. This time, my mum didn’t go, because I could do that for her. We should walk about 6 km return to reach the place. But, Alhamdulillah, I was able to finish it. Mina was very hot. It was almost 50 celsius degree. The bathroom was so terrible, that was the hardest part of all Hajj rituals. Once again, not the rituals, but all the process in doing that.

DKI 265 Tents in Mina
DKI 295 Mina’s Tunnel

We managed to return to mecca after the three days, or we followed ‘Nafar Awal’.  How we returned to mecca could be another long story since it was kind of mess. The leader said that he already booked the bus, but it turned out that the bus couldn’t come. So, we had to walk for about 1,5 kilometers. It was fine for me, or others, but not my mum and elderly ones. Once again, i kept trying to talk to the leader to get the bus available as soon as possible, before the sun rises high. I kept insisting him, nagging, while others might think ‘what a fussy little girl’ and told me to be patient as if it was a trial in our Hajj. They could say that since they were not having their sick mum with them. I believe, if they did, they would do the same. Moreover, why bother, in the end, they were so grateful that I was being noisy. Because of that, we got the bus, and arrived in our apartment before the traffic stuck just an hour later. Stuck until midnight.

Normal traffic in our apartment Normal traffic in our apartment

Compare to this on that day

Stuck from morning til midnight Stuck from morning til midnight

We finished all the Hajj rituals on the next day by doing Thawaf  Ifadah and Sa’i. This time, we just did it by ourselves. Mecca, especially Ka’bah was incredibly full. So crowded. But, alhamdulillah, we did our thawaf on the first floor, slowly. We finished Thawaf and Sa’i altogether within approximately 4,5 hours. Since my mum had to do it slowly and we stopped quite often, to drink and have a rest. If I reflected back, it was truly a miracle that we managed to complete our Hajj, with my mum condition. So, it only by Allah’s power we were able to do it. La Haula Wa La Quwwata Illah Billah.

The next days, I had a routine to wake up at 2.30 for preparing early breakfast for both of us. After having shower, then we went to the mosque for Tahajjud and Shubuh prayer. For few first days, my mum was able to follow it. Then, it became tiring for her. So, later, I just went there with Mbak Eni, my roommate and her mum. Since, I didn’t go with my mum, it was easier for me to find a spot for shalat. I stayed there until dhuha. I did Thawaf between subuh and dhuha, alone. That was one of my best me-time moments there. I circled the Ka’bah by my speed, prayed as much as i could, enjoying zam-zam after praying in Multazam and Maqom Ibrahim.

I returned to the apartment about 9 am. Bought nasi briyani nearby the apt for the brunch. Waiting for zuhur, I usually cleaned-up or washed the clothes. I did Zuhur and Ashar at home, then prepared for Maghrib and Isya at mosque.

So it run for 2 weeks there. But, then, I got another hard lesson there. That we could only truly have a plan, but, not decided whether it happened as we planned it or not. My mum was not getting any better. Then, in one afternoon, my father proposed to her to went home early. At first, she refused it. But, then, she finally agreed. It was something that hit me hard.

I thought only she would return, and I proceeded. Then, It wasn’t. My  father asked me to join her. I just saw the text after having thawaf. I saw there were few missed-calls from him and a text. Asked me to go home too. I was in a complete silence for some times after reading it. Then the phone rang, my father talked to me. I was crying hard for minutes after hung up the phone. 
I was crying inside the mosque. It was so silent and quiet, so I could cry peacefully. I remembered it was just less than an hour ago I prayed in my Thawaf that may Allah gave me a wider heart to accept all the things that He put in my life, all circumstances, good and bad. Then, without waiting too long, He gave me what I prayed for.

He gave me directly the thing that forced me to have this ‘ikhlas’. Instead of proceeding the Hajj to Madina, I had to go back to Jakarta. He fulfilled my wish to go Hajj before married, but, what I didn’t expect, It was how I had it fulfilled. Finished the main Hajj rituals, without visiting Madina and The Prophet. I accepted it quite slowly. Couldn’t help crying for it. Regretted it.

The next days the attention split between the preparation of going home while using my last minutes visiting the mosque and Ka’bah. I was busy going here and there to get all the documents needed because our case kind of abnormal. Returning early only feasible for those who were really sick according to doctor’s recommendation. But, my mum never visited any, because she didn’t want to. Fortunately, bless my father, the general director of Hajj affair was his colleague in Lemhanas. So, it made everything easier.

We had our Thawaf Wada (last Thawaf before leaving Mecca) on Saturday morning. That was the saddest moment of my Hajj. We did it slowly. She insisted to walk instead of wheel-chairing. She said that if it was her last being here, she wanted to do it properly, the best she could. It was very sad since it was truly her last:((

We stopped for a rest few times. We were so relieve when we finally managed to finish it. After praying for the last time in Multazam, suddenly she came to me and hugged me while saying, “Maafin ibu ya. Insya Allah nanti kamu kesini lagi sama suami kamu”. I didn’t want to translate it. That was the most emotional moment I’ve ever had. My mum hugged me in front of Ka’bah for the last time. I just realized that was her last hug too for me:'(

According to the plan, we would move to other group flight from Solo, because we didn’t get direct flight to Jakarta. So, our journey would be longer since we had to go to Jeddah first, stayed for one night, then proceeded to Solo, then to Jakarta. I couldn’t help feeling so worry remembering how far the journey would be and whether my mum would be able to make it. We were gonna spend so many hours on the plan, sitting, which was a big problem for her.

But, alhamdulillah, everything went well. Not that well, but we could go through it. No one could ever imagine what we had been going through. From Saturday until Thursday, when we finally arrived home. It was the longest 5 days I’ve ever felt.

My mum being hospitalized two days after. We supposed to go home from Hajj on November, 30th. But, the reality said that we went home 15 days earlier, but, my mum truly ‘went home’ at November, 30th. The ‘go home’ part was true, only the destination was different.

It’s not easy to finish this writing. It needs two months for me to finish it. I feel that I really to write this as complete as possible. For this was the greatest moment I’ve ever had with the person I love most in the world.

Posted in Places, Postgraduate Malaysia, Travel

Sedikit tentang Kuala Lumpur

Posted on by arlanadya

I intend to write in Bahasa, i don’t know whether it will be good enough (for me) or not. But, let’s have a try.

Selama satu setengah tahun tinggal di Malaysia, untuk ukuran full-time student, saya bisa dibilang tergolong ‘malas’ jalan-jalan. Tiap ada libur sebentar, yang dipikirin cuma cari tiket pulang ke Jakarta. Ngga usah libur lama, seminggu libur aja, langsung heboh cari tiket dari jauh-jauh hari.

Tiap pagi buka laptop, semua tab isinya cuma airlines website. Bandingin sana-sini, iya kalo langsung beli dan beres, ini ngga, ditungguin berhari-hari, kepikiran, bikin perasaan ngga enak, baru akhirnya beli. Padahal, kalau dipikir-pikir, uang yang dikeluarin buat bolak-balik Jakarta selama 1,5 tahun ini, bisa buat traveling ke negara tetangga kaya Thailand atau Singapur misalnya. Biarpun Singapur memang sudah pernah, dan ngga terlalu tertarik juga untuk kesana kedua kali.

Mungkin yang paling sering saya kunjungi selama disini adalah, ya, Kuala Lumpur,hehe. Ada beberapa tempat yang hampir saya selalu datengin, buat belanja, atau makan :

1. Sogo KL

Ini favorit banget karena affordable dan barang-barangnya pun oke. Dan yang paling suka, kalo majang tulisan SALE, beneran niat SALE. Ga kaya mal-mal lain yang bilang SALE tapi ya kaya ga SALE. Beli dompet 2x disini, beli kado buat beruang disini, mau beli oleh-oleh biskuit, coklat pun di sini.

Dulu, sebelum ngerti cara yang murah ke sini dr kampus, selalu naik Monorail yang merupakan alat transportasi yang paling mahal di antara moda transportasi lain di KL. Tapi, setelah diperhatikan,ternyata ada yang lebih murah. Naik KTM komuter dari Serdang sampai stasiun Kuala Lumpur (satu stasiun setelah KL sentral), setelah itu jalan sedikit ke belakang Kasturi Walk, disana banyak bus-bus metro yang siap nganterin ke Sogo dengan hanya RM 1 saja.

Bandingin dulu pas cuma tau naik monorail, ongkos yang diperluin buat PP kampus -Sogo itu kalo dijabarin KTM RM 1,7, Monorail RM 2,5, jadi pulang pergi sekitar RM 8,4, itu pun kalo beruntung ke kampusnya pas dapet naik bis kampus yang gratis, kalo ngga tambah RM 2 lagi buat naik bis T 416 dari UPM ke komuter Serdang. Jadi, kalo ditotal bisa RM 10 sendiri, yang mana, mahal lah ya buat ukuran mahasiswa (yang agak pelit kaya saya). Kalo dibeliin makanan, uda banyak bener kan,hehe.

Nah, setelah belajar dari kebodohan kesalahan dan mulai memperhatikan serta mempelajari, ternyata dengan naik bus metro lebih cepet, dan yang terpenting murah! Total biaya transport yang musti dikeluarin buat ke Sogo PP jadi cuma RM 5,6 saja. Lumayan kan bedanya. Buat saya si, jauhhhh,hehe.

2. Mid Valley Shopping Mall

Ini adalah salah satu mal yang paling ramai, menurut pengamatan saya. Hari biasa, apalagi weekend, Mid Valley kayanya ngga pernah sepi. Mal ini juga salah satu yang cukup dekat dari UPM dan lengkap. Makanan bervariasi, departemen store juga ada beberapa pilihan. Merek-mereknya pun beragam, dari yang agak menengah ke atas sampe yang toko pernak pernik kecil di gerobak. Kalo kuat jalan keliling di sini, cari dengan hati-hati, suka ketemu barang-barang fancy dengan harga yang buat saya oke banget. Kalau ROC habis juga biasanya dapet disini, karena ngga semua mal ada ROCnya.

Transport kesini ada dua pilihan. Saya tergantung dari kampusnya dapat bis apa. Kalau bis UPM datang duluan, berarti saya naik komuter, tapi kalau bis T 416 datang duluan, naik bis. Mid Valley punya stasiun komuter sendiri yang terhubung langsung dengan malnya. Jadi, begitu keluar kereta, jalan sedikit di dalam stasiunnya, naik lift, sampe deh di dalem malnya. Makanya, saya hampir selalu naik komuter, karena lebih praktis.

Tiap kali ke Mid Valley atau SOGO, saya merasa kaya lihat peradaban,hehe. Serasa kaya turis yang lagi liburan. Biarpun dikategorikan turis juga terlalu kere. Makanya selalu pilih di akhir bulan, karena musti lihat sisa budget bulan itu ada berapa. Hahaha, kesian bener ya:D.

3. Rumah makan sebelah Hotel Prescott Inn, Jalan Tuanku Ismail

Pertama tau rumah makan ini karena nginep di Prescott Inn pas pertama kali mau daftar ulang, bareng Ibu dan Dian. Masakannya, enaaakkkk. Bawal asam manisnya, kailan, cumi, pokoknya enak deh. Ini kaya warteg versi Malaysia yang nyediain makanan sehari, cuma bentuknya ya kaya restoran, dan yang paling penting, harganya, ck,ck,ck, murah benerr. Oh!Kalau di Malaysia mereka nyebutnya Kedai Mamak.

4. Kedai roti cane di Jalan Tun Sambathan

Ketemu kedai ini ngga sengaja pas lagi jalan berdua ibu yang waktu itu mau cari susu segar, eh, muter-muter tau2 ketemu resto kecil ini yang jual susu segar juga. Pesen susu segar, iseng mau nyobain roti canenya juga. eh, ternyata enak! Terakhir kali pulang, Ibu minta dibawain ke Jakarta, lumayan juga bawanya,hehe. Enaknya lagi, tempatnya bersih. Makanannya kaya Kedai Mamak, cuma tempatnya enak buat duduk-duduk, karena bersih dan ber-AC. Harga pun menurut saya cukup reasonable.

Restoran ini letaknya agak nyempil. Sederet sama stasiun monorail, kalau dari arah KL Sentral berarti sebelum stasiun monorail.

5. Old Town White Coffee Restaurant

Ini restoran tempat kita sarapan kalau nginep di MY Hotel Kuala Lumpur karena emang hotelnya kerja sama dengan Old Town yang letaknya persis di sebelah MY Hotel. Makanannya buat saya, dan keluarga, enak. Nasi lemaknya salah satu yang paling enak yang pernah saya makan selama di sana. Tempatnya pas buat ngopi-ngopi, ada yang outdoor dan indoor. Old Town juga merek kopi yang biasa diminum Ibu. Kalau ke Jakarta, pasti minta dibeliin barang 5 bungkus, dengan rasa yang beda-beda. Restoran ini relatif gampang dicari, karena hampir setiap mal punya ini. Kaya KFC aja lah.

6. Egg Tart KFC

Saya ngga suka junk food. Hampir ngga pernah ke KFC selama di Jakarta. Tapi, di KFC Malaysia, mereka punya Egg Tart!

Egg Tartnya, dua kata aja, : ENAK BANGET. Seriously, enak. Bayanginnnya aja ngiler. No further explanations.

7. Pasar Seni
Tempat ini cocok buat yang mau cari oleh-oleh dari Malaysia. Bangunan dua lantai berisi toko2 souvenir, coklat, dan lain-lain. Souvenir khas kaya magnet, miniatur, kaos, gantungan kunci ada semua disini. Buat coklat ada satu stand khusus coklat jual Beryl’s yang merupakan coklat produksi malaysia. Kalo saya ngga salah ingat, di sini juga ada Tourism Centre.

Sepertinya cuma segitu aja yang paling saya sering datengin selama di KL. Agak kesian sih, Satu setengah tahun di sana taunya itu-itu aja. Tapi, ya, gimana dong. Saya ngga pernah pergi kalau nggak ada kepentingan. I’d rather stay at dorm, watching movie,hehe. Tapi mungkin alesan sebenernya karena ya kere aja, hahaha:))

Sebenarnya, selain Kuala Lumpur, saya juga pernah ke beberapa negara bagian kaya Melaka, Johor Baru, dan Penang. Tapi, ngga bisa cerita banyak.

Melaka udah dua kali. Buat saya ini agak lucu. Pertama tahun 2008, waktu pergi sama Tante Lili. Ke Melaka sendiri, ikut rombongan tur, bayar RM 100 (kalo saya inget pas masih kuliah dulu, ngeluarin RM 100 dalam sehari cuma buat jalan-jalan kok tajir bener yaa,hehe). Berangkat jam 9 pagi, sampe KL lagi jam 5 sore. Waktu itu, pas banget lagi patah hati berat. Ini yang lucu. Empat tahun kemudian, saya ke Melaka lagi, one day trip juga, bukan sama rombongan tur. Tapi, sama orang yang bikin patah hati empat tahun lalu. Orangnya kebetulan lagi liburan. Dan, statusnya pas dateng juga udah pacar-serius-yang-udah-ngelamar-ke orangtua.Life is indeed funny;)

Ke Johor Baru dua kali, itupun karena roomate yang pertama orang Malaysia, a very very nice and kind girl, rumahnya di JB. Pertama kesana karena sepupunya nikah. Yang kedua kesana karena jalan-jalan aja. Ngga kemana-kemana, jadi ngga bisa cerita apa-apa.

Ke Penang one day trip juga sekeluarga, karena dapet tiket murah Air Asia. Tapi, kayanya bisa dianggep liburan gagal, karena kayanya kurang cocok sama peserta liburannya,hehe.

Kangen kesana, tapi, ngga tau kapan lagi bisa kesana. Semoga lebih cepat dari yang bisa saya bayangin. Amin.

Oh, KL also had been mum’s favorite destination after once she’d been there. Being there once more later without her, must be kinda sad..

Posted in Uncategorized

Lost?

Posted on by arlanadya

What I’ve been doing?

Where am I heading to?

What are my next goals?

Lately, I just feel lost. If someone ask me How’s life?

Then I’d probably answer :Umm.. i’m..lost?

Is it true that losing your loved one(s) can literally make you feel lost?

I do feel that. I’m no longer have dreams that make me feel excited to pursue, to make it real happened. Paris, Milan, Barcelona are no longer giving me stomach-ache by remembering them, of how much I really want to be there before this.

I thought of how great it will be to be a mother. But now, I just feel anxious every time I think about it. Not that I don’t want to be one, but the thought of raising child(ren) is quite frightening,now.

Work?Just refused another good opportunity. No regret.

I feel like trapped in my own body and mind.

And I miss my mum.

Badly.Boldly.

Posted in Thoughts

Looking Back

Posted on by arlanadya

.. all the things happened last year.

Have been reading through all posts. Really can’t believe that 9 months can change someone’s life, drastically.

9 months, 3 huge loss. You call that a lot.

A Grandmother, an uncle, a mother. I call it too much. Too much for such heart to bear.

On other hand,

6 months, 3 huge blessing.

Master Degree, Hajj on 27th birthday, and Wedding.

People said it was a very big luck. I considered and asked,” Are those the trade-off?In order to gain something, u have to lose something”.

I got three, I lost three.

Lesson learned in a very hard way.

For me, I still don’t feel ok about losing my two sunshines and a star. I don’t know that the price of getting all those blessing would be that high.

Maybe up there, Allah said to me,

“You can’t have it all my dear. I fulfilled all, ALL, your wishes this year. And it’s not merely simple wish, you ask big ones. Think how many people have a chance to have all those three huge things in a year?Rare, isn’t?Very rare.
Thus, What I take from you will also equal with those I will give to you”.

And no proper answer i can give for that. At least, for now..

Posted in Uncategorized

A’int no sunshine

Posted on by arlanadya

..when she’s gone

It’s true. My life has been just fine these days. fine.

Even after a month, these eyes are still so teary every time i remember her. any single things about her.

I miss her more on Fridays. My mind keeps flashing back to that black friday. It’s literally black, the sky, the atmosphere of the room. Everything.

Let’s go back.

I didn’t stay with her on Thursday night, that was one of two days which i didn’t stay with her. I went aerobics in Friday morning, then big bear picked me up the we went together to the hospital.

I was phoned that her doctor wanted to talk to me, which later he just wanted to say that her conditions is getting worse and it was ok to bring her home.

I kept telling big bear to hurry while he was driving. There was uncomfortable feeling inside that i couldn’t explain that made me really want to meet her soon. The doctor stood me up almost 1 hour that i really wanted to leave him.

At 11 am, i entered the room. the atmosphere was so different. It’s so quiet. Me and ts took turn. Minutes after big bear left me for Jum’at prayer. Then, there was me and her alone.

A nurse was there, checking her temperature and blood pressure. I saw her did it once, then, she did it again. It gave me a shiver, and ask how was it. She said it was 37,9 C and 90/60. I felt more more uncomfortable hearing that. She almost never had that low, the blood pressure. And I asked again, how many times it’s been checked today. She said three times.

110/70

100/60

90/60.

If i said uncomfortable before, i felt that my heart stopped beating for a while hearing that.

I used to take some nap in the sofa while took care of her, but that Friday, I didn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t. I just felt that I don’t want to leave her.

So, I kept sitting next to her bed. Reading her Yassin, repeating tahlil for times, and only break for lunch and pray. I half slept beside her, whispering to her that  big bear made it to residency, as she always wish it, rubbing her hands, watching her heavy breathing. I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her.

at 14.30, one of her dear friends came. Ask me to allow her in, I did. She was crying a lot. I did too.

This uncomfortable feeling was getting stronger after her friend went home. Even i hesitated to leave her alone for ashar prayer. Then at 16, i whispered to her ear, I wanted to pray first, a minute.

16.20, big bear came with batala. They just attended technical meeting for our reception. some minutes later, my aunt came. and, I didn’t know why, I followed her outside while she was talking with big bear.

Suddenly, batala called me, said that the nurses doing the suction. It was actually an usual medication they gave her, but i ran quickly to the room. I stood near her feet. All day long sitting next to her, I was watching the pulse in her neck beating all the time. Then I saw it.

I saw it’s no longer beating. Then my eyes caught the oxygen measurement tool in her finger, it showed 66, which normally it was between 90-92. I shouted panickedly to the nurse, i think there was a moment where i felt i was losing my brain, i just kept shouting, and ran to her ear. The nurses just realized that and hurriedly call the doctor.

What I’ve been doing in those last minuets was whispering tahlil to her ear, and crying hard. Crying hard till i wanted to vomit. Crying and shouting as loud as i could be. My dad joined me in those last minutes.

I couldn’t control my self. I keep crying and shouting until my aunt had to hold me tightly to calm me down. I ran to the bathroom because i couldn’t resist the intention to throw up all the things I felt inside. It was real. It was real that she’s gone. Forever.

The rest was history. I didn’t bother. What matter that she was no longer here.

It’s the 8th Friday since she left. I’m still crying hard. Everywhere.

Street, car, while praying, eating, name it.

All the memories about her seem so real, as if it just happened in a blink.

I bring her in everything I do, everywhere I go. I wear her veils, shoes, watch, bags. Eventough, wearing those things, will never replace how precious kissing her hand before going out, sleeping next to her watching korean drama, talking hours to her after she went home teaching in her room, hugging her and smelling her lovely scent, spending time doing many things together, which we, I and her, had a lot. Much more than anyone in the family, travelling together, again, only us, which I had more than my brother and sister. Bogor, KL, and our greatest trip together : Hajj.

But, that’s the very best I can do to keep her close. I bring her in my body, my mind, my heart. In every pray I spell.

Quoting from Yann Martel, Life of Pi :

“To lose your mother,… well, that is like losing the sun above you”

It is. There will be no more sunshine above me, ever.

Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone. It’s not warm when she’s away.

Posted in Uncategorized

They said..

Posted on by arlanadya

” Saya iri. Benar-benar iri kepada almarhumah. Saya katakan itu kepada istri saya. Beliau meninggal di hari Jum’at. Setelah pulang haji. Masya Allah..”

She went exactly two weeks after Hajj, on Friday afternoon. I think it was in the afternoon because many people wanted to see her for the last time,since yeah, almost everybody loves her.

” Almarhumah baik sekali sama saya. Saya dibeliin ceret air, karena punya saya uda bocor”

She bought that new ceret for the woman who takes care grandma’s tomb. Just few months ago. It turned out that she bought it for herself too. To water her own. She was the one who can’t take everything ‘asal-asalan’. Subhanallah..

“Ada banyak hal saya pelajari dari almarhumah. Tapi, ada dua yang paling saya ingat. Beliau adalah orang yang sangat menjaga sholat fardhu. Dia selalu bilang bahwa kemanapun dia cuma berdoa supaya dimudahkan untuk menunaikan shalat fardhunya. Yang kedua, beliau itu selalu memikirkan orang lain. Bukan cuma saudara, tapi hampir semua orang.”

For this, I can tell a lot. For shalat, yes,she did really concern about that. Look at her bags, then we will find pantyliners in every space, since she really afraid that her underwear is dirty. Until her last days, she had to make sure times, that her pee wouldn’t spread to the bed.

As she always think about others, that’s too true. Not only family, it was literally everyone. She bought habatussauda to be given to her collegues, free, she gave a sack of rice to every tukang bajaj who sent her home, and many more.

 

Dear Bu gendut..

You must be very happy up there. Didn’t you have all of your wish fulfilled?

“Ibu ngga mau nyusahin. selalu minta jangan dikasih sakit lama-lama. Kalau sudah ngga bisa sholat dengan baik, lebih baik dipanggil”.

Ngga nyusahin.Checked.

Ngga dikasih sakit lama-lama.Checked.

Sudah ngga bisa sholat dengan baik, dipanggil. Checked.

“Ibu uda siapin semua ya. Jadi, kalian ngga usah cari-cari. Sabun,batik,handuk”.

Yes, she did prepare all of that since years ago.

This house is so empty without you. And it feels less homy. much less homy.

Me, missing you, too much..

 

Posted in Life happens

The Pain of 2012

Posted on by arlanadya

I really don’t know how to start this.
Had my engagement on September,30.
I went for Hajj on October,19.
Returned 15 days earlier without having Arba’in in Madinah. Arrived on 15 November.

Then, I had the biggest loss of lifetime.

I had two before.
My grandma on Friday, 30 March
My uncle on Monday, 16 April

Recently, I lost… my mother.

My beloved mother. Friday, 30 November.

While my wedding is only two weeks away.

It’s …… effingly breaks my heart. like .. I don’t know.

Don’t know that there’s still a life with her gone, forever..