Posted in Thoughts

No Title I

No words can explain how it feels when you wake up in the morning then there is still sunshine while you know that she’s no longer here and there to greet you home.

I really can cry hard only by thinking of that in a second.

There will be no saturday visit anymore

There will be no stay overnight and sleep next to her

No longer those comments and angry-compassion face of telling me to eat more

There will be no phone-talk hearing her praying for me with tremble voice

I just want to hug, smell her lovely scent, and kiss her goodbye for the last time, which is now impossible…

And what could be worse than not having proper chance for saying goodbye to your most-beloved ones.

I don’t know that going home (tomorrow) can have any other feeling beside joy and excitement.

My head aches so bad thinking of it. Not found her to greet me home. Forever.

For the first time, I don’t know whether it’s better being at home or staying here.

(Maybe) from now on, everything will never be the same again…

Posted in Life happens, Thoughts

Mourning

I couldn’t be more suffering of being far away from home than today.

It’s losing the last chance of meeting one of the most important person in my life.

I can’t help and stop crying from the morning my phone rang and received that news and worse, i can not fly home. it breaks my heart so badly.

I want to hug her

She always have lovely smell

and she always cry everytime we talk on the phone

I really want to be there. The feeling of not be able of meeting her and touch her really killing me.

Nek, Kak Indi sayang nenek.

Sayaaaang sekali.

If only you could wait for me a bit..

I really want to hug you for the last time

Thank you for everything, for my 27 years being with you.

Kak Indi sayang nenek. sayang sekali…

Posted in Past learning, Places, Travel

Miles away from home, chapter 1: Manchester

I have been reading so many blogs today, whether those wedding blogs or travel blogs. Travel blogs have been one of my addictions. I don’t know why the idea of going abroad always amuse me.

My family is not an extremely rich one, we had vacation sometimes, but hardly going too far. Puncak was our most frequent visit, since there was my dad’s office villa there. So, going abroad by plane was seemed so far.

My first experience of flying in an aeroplane was back in 1994. I remember the exact date, it was June, 5th, 1994. What was so exciting, is not domestic flight, but an international flight.

I flew with Emirates. One of the newest middle-east airline which now is one of the finest and favorites one.

Where to go?Singapore?Malaysia?Australia?No.

We went to England!:D

It felt so awesome for this 10-years-old little girl. We, I, my mother, my sister, and my brother, were going to visit my father who pursued his master degree in one of the best university in the world, University of Manchester.

We visited him during summer, for 2 months (What a great vacation!). I remembered we took night flight, with Jakarta-Singapore-Colombo-Dubai-Manchester route. It was 18 hours flight, with 5 hours transit in Dubai. The flight was great. The foods were all delicious. All the steward and stewardess were very nice. They kept giving us toys, bags, koala dolls, i loved it all. I still keep the bag from my first flight:)

I still remember clearly that we arrived at the airport and my dad had waited for us,then we went to the apartment by that black taxi cab, as in the movie. I couldn’t help smiling along the road from the airport until we arrived in the apartment. It felt as if your heart is going to explode because the excitement.

In our apartment, my dad had prepared gifts for each of us, yes, each of us, including my mother. He prepared me and my sister with a backpack and small bag. It was red backpack and a very cute small bag, which i still keep it until now.

I enjoying my 2 months there a lot. A lot. We stay in an apartment in granby row room 504 (I really have good memory on this). So, what were we doing during those days?

Let me names several.

We were …

going around the city

eating ice cream in many parks

waiting for bus number 81 to Piccadilly Center

going to precinct Centre by walk and counting steps along the pavement (I loved those pavement) to buy postcards.Oh, I sent the postcards to my best friends, (Almh.) Arum and I didn’t remember who another one, and i got the reply when i was still there!It was so cool receiving a letter with your name in the envelope as if we stayed permanently there,hehe.

The very same building as i remember

Picture taken from University of Manchester

going to University of Manchester and the Museum of Manchester, buying some very nice stickers, shopping in debenhams, my sister and I were very keen of Polly Pocket, we’d been visiting toys r’ us almost every time we went there, and finally buy some of it. (I don’t remember how exactly we paid for it,hehe)

doing groceries shopping in either Tesco or Indian Shop. I remembered how i disliked going to that Indian shop because it was so smelly, so i just waited outside, but going there is compulsory, since my dad had bought us the backpack so it can be filled with those groceries stuff:))

In other way, I loved going to Tesco. It’s quite far from the city, but i enjoyed the trip there. We passed those houses with the maroon brickswall and the chimneys, as Enid Blyton books told me. so, no complaining. Beside, Tesco is smells nice, and we had ice cream there:D

Oh, i remembered one thing that we (me and my siblings) always loved doing daily. We went to the park nearby the apartment. It has big bottle statue and we loved climbing it and playing there, and run-racing with the train passed-by in the railway bridge. We just pretended as if we were chasing the train,hehe. What a silly kids.

I found the picture of the park!!Our apartment just two blocks away

During our 2 month there, we also visited other cities. We went to London, by train!So, before King Cross station is famous because of platform 9 3/4 in Harry Potter, I have been there,in Manchester-London trip. We stayed for 3 days in London. We visited Big Ben, Tower Bridge, Trafalgar Square, etc.

We saw the guard-changing ceremony in Buckingham Palace also, it was so interesting. I keep wondering what Queen Elizabeth doing inside,hehe. I remembered we couldn’t visit tower of London and Madame Tussaud because it was summer holiday, so the queue was so long. Oh!We were riding on the red double-decker also:D

We also went to several cities like Blackburn (here i bought those blue Clark shoes with only 2 pounds, or Rp 7000,- ,at that time currency)! From then, I love Clark shoes, but it’s quite pricey now:(

Sheffield, Bath, Harrogate, and Buxton were another cities we visited. I didn’t remember clearly, but i remembered of having a-lake-side-picnic with the view of mountain and stone house like one in Little House on The Prairie book:)

Actually, we had also our Benelux visa to visit Netherland, Belgium, and Luxembourg, but, unfortunately, i had chicken pox there, so we cancelled the trip:(

There was also my starting point of learning English. From then, i love English subject and so eager learn by my self, from either books or movie.

Wow, what a long post. I think it is the first time i do really writing something here. It’s always heart-warming, memory traveling to the past:)

Manchester was my first love, which leads me to more places, more journeys, and always keep longing to going back there later, someday, Insya Allah. Amin.

so, I’ll see you later;)

Posted in Uncategorized

Another (most) favorite thing

I can’t remember when you weren’t there
When I didn’t care for anyone but you
I swear we’ve been through everything there is
Can’t imagine anything we’ve missed
Can’t imagine anything the two of us can’t do

Through the year, you’ve never let me down
You turned my life around, the sweetest days I’ve found
I’ve found with you … Through the years
I’ve never been afraid, I’ve loved the life we’ve made
And I’m so glad I’ve stayed, right here with you
Through the years

I can’t remember what I used to do
Who I trusted whom, I listened to before
I swear you’ve taught me everything I know
Can’t imagine needing someone so
But through the years it seems to me
I need you more and more

Through the years, through all the good and bad
I knew how much we had, I’ve always been so glad
To be with you … Through the years
It’s better everyday, you’ve kissed my tears away
As long as it’s okay, I’ll stay with you
Through the years

Through the years, when everything went wrong
Together we were strong, I know that I belonged
Right here with you … Through the years
I never had a doubt, we’d always work things out
I’ve learned what love’s about, by loving you
Through the years

Through the years, you’ve never let me down
You’ve turned my life around, the sweetest days I’ve found
I’ve found with you … Through the years
It’s better everyday, you’ve kissed my tears away
As long as it’s okay, I’ll stay with you
Through the years!

Kenny Rogers-Through The Years

I love it. From the very first hearing, back in my junior high school. Each words. I can’t help smiling when i’m reading those words and humming this song.

It has all the best of a song can be. The lyrics, the melody, as well as the singer. And most of all, it is absolutely heart warming.

Definitely my all time favorite:)

Posted in Uncategorized

So long..

It feels like years that i haven’t written anything.

Currently in my last chapter here. I have been enjoying (maybe) the longest holiday in my life. I just hope it will finish well and , maybe again soon.

I just have two un-answeres questions while i am here :

– Why, can not we have such good transportation system back in my country?while almost all these jiran countries have those already. I never could understand.

– Why, the language become so differ than ours?the accent , which i found sometimes is quite annoying, while it came from the same root?

Never mind.

However, this year would also be one of the most exciting and memorable year.

Having another degree, will travel again insya Allah on September and having another birthday there (amin,amin, amin), and another big(gest) plan in the end of the year, Insya Allah.

Still have not any clear direction where to go from here. I hope i’ll just find the right place along the way. the only thing i care about is finding the way to my constant stomachaches destinations. It’s absolutely a guilty pleasure to read those blogs and searching for promo tickets, click any dates, and see how much it cost,hehe.

I just believe i’ll be there someday,let’s keep it in mind and have some faith.

Till then…

Posted in Postgraduate Malaysia

Update

It’s almost the 5th week here!
Alhamdulillah everything has been settled which i really really really grateful about that. Hopefully, this semester will be accomplished well. say, AMIN!
Let see how i’ve been doing since the first week.

1. I promise to cook more often

Well, I did, I did, I did!:))
I’ve been cooking every week and that’s quite good,haha. Well, at least, it’s eatable;)

My courses are going well so far. I’m going to have my first presentation by next week. And i cant hardly wait to go home:))

What else?Hm, we’re doing fine. and hopefully, we’ll keep doing fine. Amin..

I think that’s all for now. I’ll see u later!

Oh, I almost forget, October is here, which means, another year of mine is gone. And, wow, what a number, it’s 27!Alhamdulillah:)

Posted in Postgraduate Malaysia

First week

No, it’s not about pregnancy as i’ve seen in many blogs i red.

Passed the first week here. Had few things settled such as room, including a (very nice) roomate, fee course, but the course itself. I hope next week everything will settle insya Allah. Amin.

Being far from home always make me think a lot. I don’t know, maybe because i have nothing to be done except those basic things that human alive does.

I realize more here how unfriendly i am. It’s totally different with my nice roomate. She’s very open to everyone. even some people just knocked at our door, then greeted her “hi, charming” then they just talked to her in a best-friend manner. One thing that might be too hard for me.

I think i’m very low at my social skill. I dont like talking to other people and (worse) i don’t really care. I don’t bother to join any social media. Even when i have a blog, which is one of that socmed, i don’t want any people read this. Am i too possesive about me?Well, it scares me too(sometimes).

I have promised to be better this semester. I’ve promised to go around more, cook often, and be nicer. The result of my first week, still unseen yet. I’m too lazy to go around, and the food i brought from home are still available.

Oh, instead of going around here, i’ve booked a ticket to go home next month

Nice sad, isn’t it?

Lets hope for a better me next week!

 

Posted in Uncategorized

Deactivated from home

So I’m back here. Struggling with this school stuff.

Trying my best to solve all the (small-but-annoying-my-mind) problems and alhamdulillah, slowly, they are all done. But, i haven’t solved one of the most important one which can affect all the plans ahead. Dear Allah, please help me..

I miss home even more than the first semester.

and having a very strong drive to go home on october

(It rhymes, doesn’t it?)

Then i realise one thing

Travel and being far from home teach us to understand how priceless family and friends are

and

to see where our truly home is

Posted in Postgraduate Malaysia

Gloom, gloom..

Kalau bahasa Indonesia yang lagi trend sekarang bisa ditranslasi ke ‘galau’ kali ya?

Uda pernah nulis juga si kenapa cuma semakin deket semakin berat aja ni nafasnya,hehe.Inget mau ninggalin rumah bisa bikin ngeringis dan menghela nafas berat.

Inget bakal ngahadepin beberapa masalah, ke(belom)tidakpastian, ketemu sama2 assignment2 yang kadang2 stressful, bosen sama makanan, kangen rumah, kangen beruang jelek,dan lain2.

Payah banget ya, mustinya bersyukur malah ngeluh.

tapi, beneran, baru kali ini ga terlalu excited mau deket lebaran karena makin deket lebaran, ya makin deket juga hari itu. Susah banget buat ngga terlalu mikirin itu. sebel juga si. Tapi, gimana dongg:(

Uda ah, jangan manja..