Posted in Books, Favorite things, Places, Travel

Visiting The Second Kota M

One of the economic principles is actually applicable to travel: Maximizing the utility of goods/things to get maximum benefits with minimum resources.

Maximising the visa before it expires since obtaining it was quite a hassle.
Using the particular lane for families with young children while we still can.
Low-season travel while we get the chance.
And many more excuses I could make up to justify travelling.

We just returned from visiting another Kota M this year (there is a popular Netflix series here called The Setting with Kota M). While the first Kota M is located in Europe, the second one is in Australia.

After spring in Munich, we had a chance to experience another spring in Melbourne.

It was so nice to be in the place where the air is clean.

Cleaned my face after went around and the color of the cotton used to wipe the face didn’t change much, while at home, it always turned black.

Real blue sky in a normal country is surely different from one in another country whose sky is blue oligarchs.

Our itinerary in the city is always between garden and library. Walked around the huge Royal Botanical Gardens for few hours, breathing the fresh air, listening to the forest sound, and my favorite one : sat and stared by the lake. Doing boring things while traveling is always our main itinerary.

We also went to Luna Park and let the girl enjoyed quite few rides. It was hot and loud.

Done with sensory overload, what we need to is full amount of tranquility. So off we went to St. Kilda Beach.

After Three days in Melbourne, several things that really nice after visiting two cities in Australia :

  1. They have the most comfortable transport station to go around the town. Both Sydney and Melbourne have quite massive tram routes where most major landmarks can be reached by tram only. Tram is so convenient. No going up and down the stairs for subway/train. It makes everything feels near. Need to go to a proper beach? One ride 30mins tram away from city. Need to visit art gallery? Few rides stops from central. Need to run by the river or slow morning walk in a proper beautiful garden? Tram will take you there. I am always sold to a place where public transport system is well-designed.
  2. Proper halal good delicious food is easily accessible. Indonesian restaurants are everywhere, they have two best Lanzhou noodles that the rival only matched with the first one we had in Tokyo, and many more halal choices.
  3. People are (so far), properly friendly. No cold face like Korean and few Europeans, and most importantly no translation needed here.
  4. It feels European enough in ambience with Asian taste in tongue.
  5. Clean, fresh air to breathe.

The highlight of this trip was a road trip through Great Ocean Road. We stopped by Torquay Beach, Maits Rest Rain Forest Walk and the famous Twelve Apostles.

Nature trip will never fail to give you wide spectrum of emotions. It’s when the most sophisticated phone couldn’t capture what your eyes see. No words could describe properly to explain the magnificent beauty.

Couldn’t help being half grumpy while dealing with the windy, yet tremendously grateful by the opportunity to roam around the world seeing the nature created by Allah The Almighty.

We stayed a night in Port Campbell in a motel by the ocean. So so beautiful.

We safely returned at ‘home’ after 30hours on the road.

Road trip, in some parts, is indeed exciting. The breathtaking scenery along the way, visiting places that I have never thought I am able to visit. Places that always create constant self talk inside the head and sense of wonder and reminder how enormous this world is beyond my comfortable home.

But, some things behind the scene are ugly.

Like being cautious of the driving rules of another country, which is totally different from where we come from (which rules are never really clear). During travel, I am the anxious one while one in the driver seat has always been the calm one.

In a road trip, both are anxious (😂, now it sounds funny, but in reality, not really) which the only one left who stays calm is a 10 year old in a passenger back seat. My husband is basically an easy going laid back person, unless, when he drives. Driving in unfamiliar country doubles his tension.

Parking is tricky, eating schedule is messy, namaz time is uncertain and food is mostly unhappy (I survived with a banana and greek yoghurt yesterday since I couldn’t take more instant food). The other side of it is tiring for me.

A big applause for the driver for unlocking a new badge of road trip around the world and also, for the little girl on the back for surviving another long ride without complaining and whining. She’s also one of the reasons why we can go places enjoyably and sanely for many years, because we don’t have to deal with any tantrums,

I do really enjoy all the places we stopped by, but being trapped in the car on the road longer than 2 days, it’s not really my cup of tea.

And, unless doing it with this squad, I’d rather pass.

Most of the time, I always choose an accommodation which provides separate bed for kids. It’s important thing to take into account that everyone should sleep comfortably during the period of uncertainty.

I also visited two libraries and four bookstores in Melbourne and I couldn’t help myself buying and shooking my head in disblief : “Perpustakaan negara orang bagus-bagus banget, ya Allah”.

As always, I also did my solo stroll in Melbourne.

After few days here, this city feels and seems like to be a good place to start adulthood. Met Indonesian students everywhere we go, working part time either in restaurants,amusement park, or grocery stores, spent their free schedule to earn some money between courses.

The similarity : the hospitality looks genuine and they look happy doing their work.

In the tiny bussiness we run for the past few years, since 2019, I started hiring students to work with me and keep hiring students only. I want an employee who also pursue his study. I told them I’ll cater their classes schedule, whatever it is, as long as they commit to their work. It’s not a common practice in Indonesia to work while studying, unless you have a pressure to do so.

While I believe earning your own money once you turn 18 or at least 20 is really important for your emotional and mental health. You might still depend on your parents for certain things, but, at least, you don’t have to ask them to top up your phone credit, dine out out or pay your gas. To be a functional adult, you need such basic freedom at least.

Few other important things I notice here:

  • People in Melbourne walk in a normal pace. No speed walking, no rushing like they chase something. Exactly how they drive, no honking. When they overtake, they do it politely.
  • They’re Asians at heart. Other than coffee shop, the most full packed restaurants are either Chinese, Korean, or Japanese. Indonesian and Malay one is still full of their own people. Most employees in hospitality are Asians. No wonder they call this city the second home.
  • This trip feels comfortable because comfort food is reachable. Nasi goreng, sup buntut, iga bakar madu, sate kambing, you name it they have it.

Traveling always gives new insights.
The first Kota M we visited this year made me can’t go back to the usual pastry or bread.

The insight gained from this second Kota M already made me searching information and the tuition fee to study in a Melbourne University.

Seven days of pleasant beauty and hospitality finally come to an end.

Let’s meet again for another opportunity, insya Allah. Till then, Melb!

Here’s the highlight : met a koala in wild life.
Been to Australia : ✅
Posted in Books, Life happens, Thoughts

A Year Older and Book Titles

If book titles describe my life,then up to this 40 years, it has been a series of Unreasonable Hospitality bestowed by Allah the Almighty.

All the things that brought me here,the ups and downs, have been The Ride of a Lifetime.

Where I am in my 40th year is the combination of Allah’s endless favours,the love and support I received from my loved ones and the accumulation of self-courage to constantly choose and Do Hard Things from The Defining Decade and the following one after that.

When I look back, Thinking in Bets often becomes my standard operating procedure for navigating life, especially when it comes to something that matters to me because, for many things, it Always Seems Impossible Until It’s done.

If one asks How to Measure Your Life? Looking back, I see the choices made with no regrets: Finish What You Start, enjoy Tiny Beautiful Things, live A Walking Life, and keep training for an Organized and Disciplined Mind through consistent Atomic Habits for the past 20 years.

I am far from The Smartest Kid in The World, but I am blessed with Grit,a right Mindset, love playing The Infinite Game for the most important things, applying Clear Thinking to maintain certain things What Money Can’t Buy.

I don’t always have self-confidence, but I always believe in Berserahlah, Biarkan Allah Mengurus Hidupmu. May Allah grant me more wisdom, strength, patience, and guidance to navigate life learnings and winnings in this new decade. Amin.

Posted in Books, Life happens, Past learning, Thoughts

Tell, Life Will Show How

You tell life what you want, and life tells you how to get it. When you ask for soulmate love, you must listen if life says, but not with them. When you ask for prosperity, you must listen if life says, but not like this.

When you ask for belonging, you must listen if life says, but not here. What feels on the surface like rejection is often redi-rection. When you ask for a big life, you cannot keep fighting for a smaller one to stay.

That is a page from Brianna Wiest’s Pivot Year.

This page reminded me of one day in 2022.
It was only few days after Ramadan ended.

Ramadan that year spent by going around the town, did tens of viewing almost every weekend, while fasting. The initial plan was gathering information and see the available option that we could afford in few years time. Not buying.

Little did we know that was the beginning of long journey. In one of the viewings, the agent said she had another house that wasn’t really good but it was in a quite good location. We agreed to see it first.

We fell for it right away.
It was Saturday and on Sunday morning we came again with an architect I found on the internet just within few hours who could come, see and made a budget plan how much needed to rebuild this house.

From just looking around to really buying? I even thought it was kind a reckless. We also had a zoom meeting with our financial planner to check whether we could really afford it at that time. He said, by numbers, it should be okay.

We paid the down payment too that day. As a newbie, we didn’t know a down payment could be just a small amount. We paid 10 times as requested by the owner. Looking back, it felt like a head over heels teenager in love.

Those things happened in few hours. Then, what did we do on the same day? We returned to the house at night. Just wanted to see how it felt during the night.

Although I know it by heart already, still I forgot, when it’s easy then it must be fishy.

The process kept going until at certain point, it started to fall apart. Not here, life said. But, the heartache of letting go something you really wanted was quite real.

If you think the heartache was only on us, it wasn’t. It took the agent for a while to recover of what she lost when everything seemed so close. She kept texting for many other options that might interest us.

Refused to move on for a while, until I bumped into another advertisement that lead to where we are right now.

The process hadn’t been smooth from the very beginning. There was always something that made us wait, which finally felt right.

Indeed, a delay in your plan is always Allah’s protection.

5 Ramadan 1445 H

Posted in Books, Thoughts

The Best Marriage Advice

I read once that someone asked this man about what marriage advice he could give.

I loved how this man responded to such a question,

“After 25 years of marriage, the best advice I could give is no advice. The longer I am married, the shorter my advice. I feel like I have no competency in giving any marriage advice”.

It hit me hard reading that.

Usually, older adults will give you lots of advice when asked such questions. They will provide tips and tricks about what to do or shouldn’t do.

Being married myself, I realized that the man above was correct. There are no specific bits of advice like one size fits all. One don’t or do might work for some couples but might not work for others. Whatever principles you hold firmly before marriage might be the ones you throw to the deepest place inside because, after a long battle, it is not the right thing to do; it is not the best option once you zoom out and consider all the consequences in the future if you choose that.

This is just not me. I recently finished a book that confirmed such a thing.

This book told about one of the research with the most significant samples out there about how to predict whether people would be happy in their relationship or not.

These are a few of their findings :

“No algorithm in the world can predict with enourmous accuracy, whether two people will end up happy together”.
An enjoyable reading with great insight

It also actually reminded me of another relationship book; this one is quite famous and largely quoted everywhere. Written by two relationship researchers couple that said, based on long years that happened in their lab, they could predict whether the couple will survive their marriage or not with 95% accuracy. They were able to do this by analyzing thousands of couples from the way they interact with each other.

The Book
The excerpt

Well, in the end, no matter how many relationship books I have read, I always remembered what the man above said whenever some younger people in my current volunteer asked some questions about this.

Kind of responses I gave only the short ones because they were the only things I considered doable: “Don’t rush. Enjoy yourself a lot. Ask with the utmost details about what kind of person you want to deal with life with, and let God do the rest”.

If Forest Gump said that life is just like a box of chocolate, you’ll never know what you will get. For me, that is exactly what marriage is.

Posted in Books, Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

Investment

When some people say a child is not an investment, I kind of disagree.

A child is indeed one. All the time, energy, resources spent in raising one, she is indeed an investment whose return would only visible in the long term.

Just like those graphics in our investment app, some periods are bloody red while some other time are smiley green. Yet, you don’t stop topping up when it’s red and not overly joyful when it’s green, because nothing is permanent in the short term.

But, in the long term, the purpose of the daily, weekly, monthly or yearly investment is to achieve our goals, whatever they are.

The tricky part about investment : there’s no guarantee that you’ll gain, and there’s a huge possibility you might end up with a loss.

But, this is why you should still invest. Because, when you do nothing, it’s clearly a loss. No gain.

By doing something, we’ll allow ourselves to learn, to find a way, and try to enlarge our chance to gain something in the future.

Parenting is just like a bussiness which needs clear goals so we know where we head to. A system how to achieve those goals, constant evaluation along the way.

The picture above was a short meeting done few months ago that had been planned for weeks to have all the people on the screen from three different time zones to sit and talk about one little girl.

All these people invested their time and energy to discuss what the next goals for her therapy in the upcoming year.

We’re blessed to meet such incredible people who are willing to help us raising the little girl with their kindness and expertise.

Dr Phua who spent her Saturdays to do the tests that no single centre in Jakarta could provide (as far as my research tells). Mr Philip who spent his precious weeknd to have weekly session with little girl.

We fully understand how ‘expensive’ their time is, until we really had a hard time to pay it, in literal meaning.

This might be subjective and only based on my experience, but we prefer pay all the teachers in advance, so they don’t have to wait for what they deserve for their work.

When with the local ones I need to be annoying about how they do their job (as written here), with the foreigner ones, we need to be really fussy about how to pay them. It took us four months until we finally received the bank detail for weekly session we have, and no response at all for the service we received from the other one.

This girl is one of the luckiest (special needs) kids indeed.

For every investment she has received, we hope it would be enough for herself and hopefully, there are much more left to share and pay it forward.

Amin.

(One of the writing that has been sitting for months in the draft and released once a right book at the right time found me).

FLOW Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Posted in Books, Langit Senja, Maternité, Thoughts

Brace Myself

Pre-teen period is here and soon the teenager years are coming.

We fear what we don’t know and I am scared.

I know for sure she would change a bit by bit, physically, emotionally, and the suddenly no more the little girl that I used to know and somehow I am absolutely not ready for this.

There would be time when all the things that we have been planting or missed to nurture, will soon show its results.

Everything we have done will comeback and everything we neglect will attack.

Since few years ago, I have realized how parents have so little time to be with their kids yet so much homeworks to do.

Knowing all the homeworks that should be done is a good thing because many don’t even know what they are and don’t even bother to find out.

But, knowing is not enough. Doing it is what we have to do, and boy, that is so hard.

For the past three years, we have been consistently doing all the hard things first in the morning. We eat all the frogs before anything else . We spare all morning for the non-negotiables. Seven days a week.

Doing is an uphill job. It’s a job against gravity and we know how hard to go against it. But, I am too scared to imagine the consequences of not doing it just because they are hard.

And I don’t want to pay anything in the future just because I prefer being complacent in the present.

May the whys would always be stronger than any excuses available.

Amin.

No Limits-John Maxwell

Posted in Books, Thoughts

Early AM Thoughts

In most of days, it’s the dark quiet room before Fajr.

The serenity of having breakfast in silence.

In Ramadan, it is the silence before the loud sahur.

The comfort of being alone with your thoughts.

Asking so many whys without knowing the answer.

Wondering ‘what do I miss’ about everything.

Thinking how much change has happened and will happen in few years.

Remembering one of the pages from The Art of Simple Living Shunyo Masuno :

But, there are times I would like to think the other way around.

Life is short but a long practice one.

How does knowing and living so many life dramas together with someone for 20 years considered as short?

How come longing for something for more than 20 years until it was finally granted considered as ‘brief’?

How could living a life without enough sunshine for 10 years considered as quick?

For me, It only feels short when you have done those years of long practice. When you have arrived at certain point after you have been through so many things. After you looked back, nooded and said, “What a journey it has been”.

That is the only time when it feels short.

But, those days were always long.

4.27 am post sahur for Ramadan Qodho.

Posted in Books, Favorite things, Thoughts

A Ray of Hope

Going to a public park becomes a thing that we have been doing weekly since two years ago. To be more details, going to a public park with public transportation.

I might have so many complaints about many things on this city (and the country), not to say the people with power up there. But, these two years, I feel some hope.

I had to take care few things on the banks yesterday and found there is a newly opened small park nearby few banks that I wanted to visit. All these places located nearby a MRT station, all is within walking distance.

So, we left around 7 am and went to the park first. It is not one huge park, but more like a neighborhood playground. It is clean and well-designed (compared to few parks with old rusty playground). The little girl enjoyed playing there and we stayed for around 2,5 hours.

The second nice thing happened during escalator queue on one of the stations. I saw people standing on one side so another one was given to those who wanted to keep walking. This wasn’t a normal view here.

When you go to other places, like mall, people just standing without bothered which side they’re standing. But, watching such view yesterday, in a public place, my heart smiled a lot.

More outdoor parks and proper outdoor area, reliable and comfortable public transportation, and the mindful habit by its people, those are more than enough for me to have a slightest hope that at least, we’re getting better than before. Or maybe because it feels having what I had the time in London as I wrote here.

Not only my hope on this city, but also the hope of settling in this kind of neighborhood becomes louder and higher. Although, financial wise, well, the numbers are truly beyond our means.

But, been experiencing many things beyond what I thought we could do and been given so many things far above my expectations for the past few years, it makes me more certain, nothing is really impossible (of course, with list of ‘ifs’). Dreaming is free, afterall.

Cheers to more and better improvements to the place where we live!

Posted in Books, Thoughts

Going South

We had super low key Sunday on fully rest mode to be well-prepared for an important Monday, which was exam recording.

That was the plan. The first part checked, but not the second phrase.

Canceled one last afternoon rehearsal for another plan.

At this time, the rehearsal is more about setting the mood and strengthening the mental issue. When to rehearse matters. Felt slightly uneasy skipping it, but found no other ‘right’ time for that.

Cancelling rehearsal was one thing, unsually late bed time hour was another.

Movie night was on the plan. It started quite late wasn’t. Little girl insisted to do the movie in one sitting despite knowing she would have an early compulsory Monday morning class. Refused to cancel an essential thing for something optional. Chose to finish the movie came with the consequences.

In the middle of the movie, a text came to notify canceled recording session due to school closure.

Delaying the exam for few days is not actually a good thing for peace of mind, but there’s nothing we could do.

This morning, another text came. Early morning class postponed because the teacher was unwell.

Starting Monday without this class was actually not preferable, but we didn’t have power to keep it as planned.

Relaxed Sunday was on the plan.

Low key Monday wasn’t.

Once again, the invisible hand played its part.

Taking care (or taking over) little things beyond our control.

When plans are going south, keep calm and try hard to fix the mood.

Adding some pages from my early morning reading which totally resonated with what happened.

Daily Stoic – Ryan Holiday