I had been dreaming of setting my feet in Paris for more than 20 years and finally checked the list in my 30s.
All the road to make it happen, all the price paid for just a single dream.
The little girl is not even ten and has been to this lovely city twice. Without really knowing and understanding what it took to get here (and many other places she has been to).
There were times when I asked myself, “What would she become of being raised in a situation where such a hard-earned thing like going abroad feels like a regular thing to do?”
Something that both of her parents ever had growing up. Maybe once every ten years or more, but not as often as we have been (by my personal standard, this is way too often).
Raising a human being is a tricky business indeed. Less is more, I agree, especially for the material things. Children care and need more of our presence or attention than the literal money we earn.
But, the short period spent with them is another thing that should be considered. When one thinks 18 years are long, this is wrong. We even have less than that to teach and transmit everything we want to. There’s an expiration date for parents to have significant influence in their children’s life.
Traveling is about maximizing such a ‘short’ period together, giving the most important education outside the classrooms and Zoom meetings, to transmit as many values as possible I wish her to have and hold. This period is like preparing her for the upcoming trips she would have later, hoping she has enough resources before she finally takes off with her life journey insya Allah.
I don’t have the slightest regret of every single trip we took her to. No matter how difficult they were. No matter how much we spent for them. Money (always) returns, the time won’t.
(This sounds like I am trying to convince myself).
She might not really ‘care’ about all those trips as much as I do. She might appreciate less fascinating things than all the places we’ve been to (like more time playing toca boca than walking around the city alleys under the sun with me). She might not remember all these things as much as I did, but hopefully, there would be something beneficial later from all those journeys we had, which I don’t know what. Yet.
Perhaps, a bit of good-to great-memories that made her smile when life gets tough is more than enough.
Shadow wefie in Paris within seven years of difference.
Such an intense trip deserves more rants. Guess this is the last one.
This trip looks good and perfect in pictures but quite a mess in the structure.
So far, the most twisted one among the history of family trips.
From the messy itinerary, a week journey with seven flights rally, Long delay made us sprint in Abu Dhabi, Denied check in when we’re fully ready, Paid a hefty sum of money for the tiny mistake I didn’t see, Ran back to the airplane after realizing I left a bag with passports, handphones, and money below the handrest in the seat forty, Another sprint session in Abu Dhabi, during queuing for boarding, ran between terminal one and three, to fetch another bag I left when we checked out at two thirty.
Those were crazy, honestly.
But, I also felt being saved for countless time while dealing with those difficulties. It felt surreal when the plane touched the ground back to this city yesterday afternoon at three thirty, We were wasted yet,gratefully healthy.
This writing finished yesterday at ten forty, all the luggages were already returned to its place safely, while the washing machine was singing happily. My clean laundry was ready.
Scene 2
We might have lots of miss and twists, but we got it easy when it comes to traveling with this little girl buddy. It might be hard to believe when I said we had zero tantrums since she was a baby.
They said traveling is one of the truest test of character. If it is true, then, she must have passed with flying colors. Much calmer than her mother, while dealing with so many irregulars, Where everything was so unfamiliar.
I have no control of what she would become of despite all the best efforts that had been done, but I hope, she would thrive and becomes an adult who deals with lots of uncertainties in life like she does with everything that traveling brings when she was a child.
The best traveling buddy parents could ask for
Scene 3
Marriage doesn’t have to be ideal, The most important thing it should be functional.
I believe, so does in traveling.
You might need one with the same vision, but the other important thing, you also need a company with different functions.
For every little details I am quite good at (although it becomes debatable in this trip), I get a good one who covers for the big picture that I am quite lack of and I am beyond grateful to be blessed with such traveling partner.
If you want to go fast, go alone, if you want to go far, go together”. African Proverb
We were on the way to school last Monday when a song heard from the radio. After the few first seconds of the intro : “Is this time after time?”
“Exactly,”
Listened for a while then asked again : “Is this a remake?”
100 points to Gryffindor. Other than her strong memory, her ears are indeed one of the best part of her.
Couldn’t help taking my phone and recording this.
The video and the vocal might not be the best quality, but, I hope a session of carpool karaoke on the way to school with mommy becomes one of her strong core memories, as it is for me.
So, we received this year Piano exam result yesterday.
Last year result set a high benchmark which was quite hard to beat. More than sure, it would be too good to be true to achieve the same result this year. But, we expect at least it won’t be too far from last year one.
It turned out to be not as good as we expected.
The poin jumped down by ten points. The awards shorten by many lines.
She cried hard and sobbing loudly after knowing the result. She said, “ I thought I did well!”. It was funny than sad actually watching her coping with this.
If that was the result we received for the first time, I think I would definitely dance joyfully. Few awards and goes to prize concert in June was quite big. To say it’s bad is quite ungrateful actually.
Comparison is a thief of joy indeeed, isn’t it?
But, evaluating the situations needed.
Last year exam done by recording exam due to pandemic. It wasn’t a usual practice. But, no other options. The exam should be recorded in one long video without stop then submitted the recording to the exam google drive. She did quite well for all the five pieces.
This year, the school slowly returns to normal exam but they still give options. Students can choose whether they want to do online (by zoom, not recording) or offline, face to face.
I didn’t have any hesitations about choosing between the two. Face to face is the only way to go. There’s no use going for another year of online exam. She needs to experience offline exam as soon as possible.
Last year, time for practice was available abundantly. School was still doing more online than offline. No morning rush to the school so we could do our morning practice leisurely.
This year, as school has fully returned to offline, five times a week, time for practice reduces significantly. Some of the days, we could only manage to get 10 minutes.
Since the beginning of the year, we started having afternoon practice knowing the morning one is not enough. But, I think morning is still the best time to practice. The morning energy is totally different with the afternoon.
Last year, we chose all the five pieces by ourselves. Those five pieces were highly enjoyable. The set of five songs played in order was exciting. The combination between the low and slow pieces taking turn between the fast paced and grand pieces were beautiful. Watching her playing the whole set was so entertaining.
This year, when the teacher suggested the exam pieces, that was quite surprising. All the pieces chosen were downgraded in terms of technical requirements and mostly not as enjoyable as last year ones. I once asked about this to the teacher . She said this grade required the students to start playing etude and they had to choose two pieces of etude and that was quite hard.
Okay, so we chose two safe and easy compulsory etudes for the exams. But, what was even more surprising, the teacher also chose equally safe and easy songs for the optional pieces. Three equally safe and easy songs. All has only one page consist of four rows. Simple notes and melody.
I was trying not to be too fussy, but I asked the little girl to ask her teacher to at least play one or two that would be more entertaining. We couldn’t do much about the boring etudes since they are compulsory but we can do something about the optional ones.
Among the three optional songs, two were finally changed to slightly difficult ones, although it’s as short as the intial choice. One song remained the same.
For the exam, whether it is recording, online via zoom, or offline face to face, they will only play three songs out of five. The jurors will choose the three songs that they will listen in recording, or the song to play for the online and offline.
We practiced the five pieces equally but it’s unavoidable to have preferences. Not really equally I think, I demand her to practice more the for the harder one, and she voluntarily practice more for the song she prefers more than the others. One etude is more preferable than the other one. Among three optional pieces, one song is also played better than the other two. Why better?Because she loved it, because the songs allowed her to love it. It is only three bars but allows different mood in playing it.
On the exam day, she got one etude which was less preferable one, the song she played the best, and another easy one that included from the beginning. I actually had no idea what happened inside, but she exited from the exam room with a happy face.
So be it then. After all, our control stopped at the efforts. Result is never ours to decide.
When we finally got the result, I was torn between disappointed and unsurprised. Among the three songs she played, she only got a single award for that one particular song that she played best. That’s it.
Let’s compare this year awads with last year.
She got awards for all three pieces she played last year along with the second place spot for her year while only got one single award for this year without knowing where she sits for this year. That one piece really saved our heart I think. I couldn’t imagine how it would feel if she missed everything.
Here’s when I thought the feeling towards the song should be taken into account when choosing a piece. I have been a piano teacher for 15 years and now exclusively teaching my daughter after we moved to London. During that 15 years, I joined five years of school competitions with my students.
Not all student could compete. Competition is not concert. As a teacher, I set personal requirements for those who can join the competition. I don’t want to waste months of time and energy, since competition is not compulsory.
Only one that really could spare time to work hard for the competition among any other their responsibilities, can bear long hours of practice, and enjoy being scolded regularly that are eligible to register. Why setting such requirements? Because, they will compete with such students from many other teachers. Without having those requirements fulfilled, they will lose even before they play on the stage.
Among five years where I joined the school competition, there was no single year my student came home empty hands. For my last year of teaching, two students enrolled, both came home with first winner prize.
Such result is actually start from a little thing called choosing the right piece. I could spend hours to sit and think about which piece should be played by each student according to their competition level by grade, according to their best strengths, judging how less known the song is. The less popular the better.
Back to the exam results above, it also confirmed the same thing. When it comes to performing, choosing the right song matters a lot. Winning a competition starts by choosing the right song to play.
Well, I rest my case here.
The real deal about dealing with disappointment is actually not the on theday when it happened, but on the days after we brought it to sleep. It would be the first one you think about after waking up in the morning. A year of hard work will keep flashing back on your mind, the countless rigorous practice sessions we had done, and many more.
But, is it all bad? Of course not. By getting the result, we are able to know what works and what don’t. Through this year results, we know being on the top couldn’t be achieved by doing bare minimum practice. Last but not least, this year result gives easier standard to achieve better next year compared to what last year done to this year.
With 99 last year, where should we go other than going down?
Guess I am done with my coping.
Writing always helps.
Breathe in, breathe out, let’s return to 90 bracket next year. Bismillah.
I’ve been working since I was 18, juggling between studying and working at the same time. Not only one, I worked at three to four different places during college years.
Not because I had to, but I wanted to. Three 20s dreams were enough fuel. I fully understood no single dreams could be achieved without four things, which money is the first and foremost.
Eight years later, I got enough money to fund all the three dreams. That was when I realized money alone wouldn’t take me there.
I no longer needed more money to execute the plan. What I needed was time and energy to work on the things that should be done to get there. That was when I switched from working full time to part time, and never looked back since then.
I learned what number was enough for me and trade it with more time and energy to live the life, other than working.
Ended one life period with two ticked dreams out of three. ——————————————- Married at 28 with another jobless person, life pushed me to take the pretty similar route like when I was 18. But this time, not because I wanted to, but I had to.
We postponed having kid in purpose to prepare ourselves better. Two years later, another life came to the family.
It was quite naive (of me) to think some money and a bit of knowledge were enough to raise a baby. Money is indeed makes things easier, but its function stopped there.
Just like in my 20s, I was reminded again, I couldn’t have it all in terms of money, time, and energy. When she came, other than parents who earned money, the little creature also need ones who give their time and energy. Having more money without paying attention to other things only caused the law of diminishing return.
Made the decision and handed the resignation letter one week after delivery to one of the jobs, then signed up right away with the new ‘company’.
Mathematically speaking, the number household earned was significantly reduced. In reality, the return and productivity of the family were higher than expected.
In two years, I ticked my third 20s dream, not alone, but together. Along with the bonuses that followed (and keep following) beyond expectations.
_____________________________
From the beginning, I considered being a mother as a job and just like any other jobs, it’s been a job that I take seriously.
Set fix working hours from day one : 5am-8pm. No one wants to work non-stop, you want to have other life outside your work. So does being a mother.
Just like any other jobs, there are ups and downs. Days when it feels tiring, boring, or unrewarding, but also the opposite. So does being a mother.
For this job, unlike any other jobs, there’s no probation period, thus, doing on the job training is unavoidable, up until now. It’s impossible to keep up with the pace of the growing company without continous learning, in many things.
I learned that one can do multiple jobs at once, but can only choose one thing to be the primary focus.
When I was 18, studying was my primary focus. So, those multiple jobs I did revolved around my study schedule.
Since 8 years ago, being a mother was my primary focus. So, any other roles that I took shouldn’t disturb the primary job schedule.
After cutting one job which had significant contributions to household, along the way, turned out I had to cut more and more to have more time and energy to raise this girl according to SOP that I had set before she came.
Personally, it’s impossible to do such an important job as raising a human being without clear goals and guidelines. Life never goes according to the plan is more reason why we should plan thoroughly.
In doing any jobs, no man is an island. Working together is the only way to achieve the objectives. A team mate whom we could share the responsibility and work together. I am beyond grateful having a work buddy like the father.
Up until now, I’ve been having great time working at this company. This one so far, the most fulfilling one among multiple roles assigned in my adulthood.
Today, it’s the 8th anniversary of me working with this company. I am beyond proud and happy for the opportunity to work for such wonderful company.
DLD was her first diagnosis. Given by the board at her school which explained this condition thoroughly.
Years of longing to understand so many questions finally answered in one October morning.
Every single trait matched.
Have you ever felt a big relief and utterly heartbroken at the same time?
That was exactly how it felt when I was standing long and quiet in front of that board. The trembling hands reached the phone, snapped all the information on board, sent it to her dad and became the longest conversation of that day.
Days after would never be the same anymore.
In spite of the mixed feeling, still, an answer means a closing, which was truly what I needed. It also means more new doors to be opened, more reasons to learn and know more about this.
Registered as the first DLD Ambassador from Indonesia, registered to NAPLIC conference and listened to more people with the same conditions, read and bought available books and articles about this.
Along the way, more different diagnoses came for the past three years. It felt big and hard at the beginning, but, it shrank as time went by. Always.
But, DLD will always be a defining moment. DLD is lifelong condition that the person will grow with it forever. But, it doesn’t matter.
Through DLD I understood a diagnosis was important to understand someone better, but, never to define what she can’t or can do.
DLD is my ultimate reminder, you can do everything, give your best, and there are still so many things outside your control. Blame yourself a little bit and move on.
What makes the difference is how you respond to whatever shit life throws at your face. You have that enough power on that.
After so many exposures and continous reading about DLD and many other neurodevelopmental conditions, I began to understand that they don’t lack in anything but, just simply different.
That’s it.
Many times this is seen as a problem because people are not comfortable about differences, let alone accept it.
That’s why what should be done first is raising the awareness.
Just like everyone, with or without DLD, to function well, what we need is support.
When some people say a child is not an investment, I kind of disagree.
A child is indeed one. All the time, energy, resources spent in raising one, she is indeed an investment whose return would only visible in the long term.
Just like those graphics in our investment app, some periods are bloody red while some other time are smiley green. Yet, you don’t stop topping up when it’s red and not overly joyful when it’s green, because nothing is permanent in the short term.
But, in the long term, the purpose of the daily, weekly, monthly or yearly investment is to achieve our goals, whatever they are.
The tricky part about investment : there’s no guarantee that you’ll gain, and there’s a huge possibility you might end up with a loss.
But, this is why you should still invest. Because, when you do nothing, it’s clearly a loss. No gain.
By doing something, we’ll allow ourselves to learn, to find a way, and try to enlarge our chance to gain something in the future.
Parenting is just like a bussiness which needs clear goals so we know where we head to. A system how to achieve those goals, constant evaluation along the way.
The picture above was a short meeting done few months ago that had been planned for weeks to have all the people on the screen from three different time zones to sit and talk about one little girl.
All these people invested their time and energy to discuss what the next goals for her therapy in the upcoming year.
We’re blessed to meet such incredible people who are willing to help us raising the little girl with their kindness and expertise.
Dr Phua who spent her Saturdays to do the tests that no single centre in Jakarta could provide (as far as my research tells). Mr Philip who spent his precious weeknd to have weekly session with little girl.
We fully understand how ‘expensive’ their time is, until we really had a hard time to pay it, in literal meaning.
This might be subjective and only based on my experience, but we prefer pay all the teachers in advance, so they don’t have to wait for what they deserve for their work.
When with the local ones I need to be annoying about how they do their job (as written here), with the foreigner ones, we need to be really fussy about how to pay them. It took us four months until we finally received the bank detail for weekly session we have, and no response at all for the service we received from the other one.
This girl is one of the luckiest (special needs) kids indeed.
For every investment she has received, we hope it would be enough for herself and hopefully, there are much more left to share and pay it forward.
Amin.
(One of the writing that has been sitting for months in the draft and released once a right book at the right time found me).
Pre-teen period is here and soon the teenager years are coming.
We fear what we don’t know and I am scared.
I know for sure she would change a bit by bit, physically, emotionally, and the suddenly no more the little girl that I used to know and somehow I am absolutely not ready for this.
There would be time when all the things that we have been planting or missed to nurture, will soon show its results.
Everything we have done will comeback and everything we neglect will attack.
Since few years ago, I have realized how parents have so little time to be with their kids yet so much homeworks to do.
Knowing all the homeworks that should be done is a good thing because many don’t even know what they are and don’t even bother to find out.
But, knowing is not enough. Doing it is what we have to do, and boy, that is so hard.
For the past three years, we have been consistently doing all the hard things first in the morning. We eat all the frogs before anything else . We spare all morning for the non-negotiables. Seven days a week.
Doing is an uphill job. It’s a job against gravity and we know how hard to go against it. But, I am too scared to imagine the consequences of not doing it just because they are hard.
And I don’t want to pay anything in the future just because I prefer being complacent in the present.
May the whys would always be stronger than any excuses available.
An annual school program called Pekan Kebangsaan which held every year around 🇮🇩 Independence week. They choose one or two provinces and learn all about the cultures. From their food, songs, nature, and everything.
This year goes to Papua and Maluku. What I thought it might be boring since they did it online, turned out to be so wrong.
Instead of boring, the impact stays longer and better than expected, for this girl.
Been singing two songs that taught which were Apuse and Rasa Sayange non stop daily for the past two weeks. Remembered each meaning of word in Apuse as explained in one of the sessions.
Yesterday, in between my nap time, I listened to countless singing sessions until her interest triggered me to take a children song book that have been kept for a long time in the drawer.
I gave a book where she could play both songs with the piano. She stayed there for a while, playing both songs while singing.
It reminded me of Ausubel Meaningful learning Theory in reality.
“Learned information is completely understood and can now be used to make connections with other previously known knowledge, aiding in further understanding and to higher level of application”.
That “I am getting the hang of it” in middle of rest sign in Apuse😂
A Penny for My Pensieve 