I spent a lot of time typing and deleting the first sentence. Finding the words to say turned out wasn’t an easy thing to do.
Maybe just like what people with DLD do.
In spite of sleeping quite late (based on my regular schedule), I woke up early and felt like yesterday was a dream that I wanted to make sure it was real.
It started with a forwarded whatsapp text from her dad followed by the school manager herself last week. It was an offer for the little girl to do something related to her major weakness that makes her doing weekly therapy until now.
I wasn’t sure at first. It was a good chance of course, but, I didn’t want her being exposed too early. But, since the school was quite sure about that, and she would did it with her teacher which the relationship has been really great, so I allowed that. More than being uncertain, I was also curious.
Yesterday felt like having a second episode of what I felt in this post.
I watched her doing a 30 minutes live talk in the school social media platform with the teacher.
She was being briefed on Tueday, a light one. I made her some pointers on the paper. The rest, she just went with the flow.
One of the most admired qualities that she has is the confidence. We have discussed about her condition. Althought I am not sure she fully understand about that or not for now, but, for someone with language disorder, speaking difficulties, she talked ‘too well’. Her confidence is much bigger than her constraints.
She also reads a lot and that is a tremendous help. She has a lot of interests that makes her doing an intense reading on the particular topic. Thanks to this app, her interests are well entertained.
Back to yesterday.
Watched her talking excitedly, I couldn’t help looking back once again. Unlike the Dyspraxia that had just been discovered recently, language problems has been her constant problem since she was baby.
Consulted a child development pediatrician since she was 22 month old.
Enrolled therapies at 3 years old with speech delay diagnosis.
Did exhausting therapies few times a week, with all the drama.
Diagnosed with DLD at 5 during her time in Alfred Salter.
Doing a live talk at 7.
Yesterday felt like a monumental moment despite anything that has been written on the paper.
It also has been a year since she has been consistently and confidently giving ‘news anchor/reporter’ answer to “what do you want to be” question. Said that she would report any news from any places. Among many jobs out there that could be done with less talking, she chooses one with the most talking.
Writing this, I am still overwhelmed and too amazed for witnessing few among many of life and its funny paradoxes.
Yesterday was not an usual outdoor time with scooter, bus or train.
It’s something that has been on the plan since last year yet to make it happen takes more courage than I think. It’s something that she has been longing for quite a while.
I had planned previously to go to one of the parks with usual mode then changed it suddenly on the last minute after having beautiful morning show up above in the sky.
Never underestimate the influence of the nature to your overall mood.
More, her dad was also here. So, more reasons to do this. I had this place in mind before. It is only 15 minutes driving and it has a huge and wide parking lot, then outdoor picnic space to rest after that. Truly a perfect place for the thing we wanted to do.
Done doing her set of morning menu, we drove to this place. It was a rare sunny Sunday, so even the weather conspired us to make this thing happened.
There was no one there since it was as early as 8 am. We enjoyed all the space for ourselves.
At first, I talked to myself to lower my expectation, to be patient, because it wasn’t something that one could do in an instant. More, with her pre-existing condition. So, ‘lower your expectation, mommy’ had been continously playing inside my head.
It was hard at first, as expected. But, slowly, it was getting better. Then, not for long, it happened. Right before my eyes.
She rode two wheels bicycle on her own.
She really did it!
That was it? What’s so grand about being able to ride on two wheels bicycle?
For some people, this is just an ordinary milestone, but not for her, or us. Other than having diagnosed with DLD during our time in London, she is also known to have mild DCD or dyspraxia.
Dyspraxia is a childhood developmental disorder marked by clumsiness in otherwise healthy children. Few of its symptoms are having difficulties in certain motoric movement like balance and coordination.
She has experienced countless time falling while riding scooter, while walking, couldn’t ride a swing properly, couldn’t throw and catch ball, and many more.
From 100 ideas to help children with DCD and Dyspraxia.She once even fell while riding a tricycle!She fell into this yucky pond during walking normally on the way to visit child development pediatrician consultant.
There were times when it felt so frustrating. Having a language disorder is a huge setback already. Having another felt too much.
If there’s a trait that might look unfavorable in certain circumstances, but it works well while dealing with this situation.
I am too stubborn to just accept whatever shit life throws.
After having adequate crying, whinning, and countless why, no time to waste anymore. Something should be done.
For the past two years, instead of going to therapy for this, we enrolled her to a private gym class where she could train all the things she couldn’t do yet.
Another thing that helps a lot other than being stubborn, she might have those disorders, but, on the other side, she has this determination, persistent, and perseverance. She always tries her best in everything she does.
Another thing that we got on the good side: we mostly destined to meet the kind and right people. Teachers, therapists that truly helped us and her genuinely (other than the fact we paid them, of course).
There were days when I felt so depressed because days went by without significant progress. But, it wasn’t enough to make us stop.
We kept coming every week. When the gym closed down during delta wave last year, we asked if the coach would do it in our residence outdoor space and she said yes. So, the training continued, in spite of the situation out there.
Yesterday, it was all paid off.
I am fully realized in spite of having such conditions above, we have many advantages and privileges that maybe some other special needs parents and child don’t.
But, if a little note is allowed, maybe here : above paper diagnosis doesn’t define who your child is. There’s so much life after that. There are many other doors open for them, as long as we don’t stop looking. Accept what has been destined for you, but don’t accept it as an end result. We need diagnosis to understand the child, not to prevent them to do things they’re capable of.
She wrote this last year.Please, don’t.
Above all the efforts you have done, put your trust. To the One who creates her and to your child herself.
This weekend we had done one of the most complicated duets so far.
On Saturday, we practised for more than an hour, took for more than 50 recordings (excluding the many times we did without record it) and still could’t get the tempo right. The song was still above 1 minute. Kept breaking my promise ‘this is the last time’ to her. I finally ended the practice after we got it to 57s although mistakes scattered everywhere.
We tried again on Sunday. Unlike the previous day where I had to deal with both playing and recording, this time we got the doctor to handle the camera.
We did the duet at the end of session on Saturday and did it at the beginning on Sunday. On Saturday, it was the first practice, so I had to put it after we did any other homeworks. While on Sunday, we just needed to refine some details here and there, although it was also far from easy.
Hard practice on Saturday really paid off. That day, we finally settled on the 20th take.
It reminded me of the lines from my current finished reading that explained our situation through a research done 30 years ago.
The research :
Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin
The finding :
“How much they practised” is talent
We managed to go from 58s to 49s. Nine seconds made all the difference. Just by one day, deliberate practice improved everything from tempo, details, rhytm, and of course, confidence.
What separates good from great sometimes only a little bit of patience.
This song arguably is the most enjoyable and satisfying duets for this year and the past two years since we started doing duet for the first time.
Annual birthday decoration : simple and no hassles.
It felt like there’s a frog in my throat.
I have been looking forward to this day with many kind of different feelings. It is relieving in one side yet heart-breaking in another side. I felt like having so much to say yet couldn’t write as much as I wanted to say.
I once wrote in this post how Islamic parenting also divided the span of a child’s life into three big stage of 7 years and how it aligned with so many reaearches from western world. One of them explained by this paper, quoting Dr. Bruce Lipton :
I fully understand long before how huge the impact of the first 7 years to a human life, if it’s not everything.
Does knowing all these informations help me doing all things for these 7 years? Indeed.
Yet, does knowing all these informations make doing those things easier? I wish.
What I realized is while I consciously know all the theory and been trying my best to apply it into practical situation, along the way I realized more than parenting and raising my little girl, there was more important thing happened along this journey: to reparent and raise my own self.
It felt like going on a journey that I didn’t know included in the itinerary. Visiting places in the past that made me wonder and think a lot. How much, how huge, and how significant the influence of those who raised us for the early years of our life.
In my plans, some of things that I don’t want to copy from the past looked easy. But, I could see life smirked at me. Knowing all those theories is not enough to make all the (bad) parenting done by my parents dissapeared. In fact, many times, I truly passed the baton to the litte girl of many things that my parents have done to me and it was totally hard to against that because it was all in my subconscious mind.
So, if there’s someone who said “I wont be like my parents to my child”, then, wait until she/he is a parent him/herself and look what happened.
Willpower alone is not enough to fight against the urge to not repeating the cycle. No matter how much you tried to not doing the same harm you received, it kept appearing. Maybe that’s why it said it is important to be mindful parents. So you know what you’re doing. You know when it is not right so you can repair as much and as fast as you can.
So far, maybe that has been the best thing I have done in this first seven years. To avoid repeating the same cycle, the best that I can do is repairing as quickly as I can whenever I did some damage to her, which is a lot (like I wrote here).
‘I am sorry’ said in an instant, for countless time. ‘I love you’ thrown generously. The two medecines regularly consumed along this journey are many many hugs and kisses
These seven years have been the period when I realized how much works should be done not only outside but also inside. These have been the periods where I learned to let go, to forgive, and to move on from many things in the past. Forgive and move on needed so we can do better than what the parents had done so the future generation would not have what we had.
These seven years have been the period when I realized how much damage parents can do to a child yet how strong the love is in spite of all those damages done. But, in the other hand, it finally came to our sense, being them was not easy. Maybe like what I am doing now, they also just did what they know best for us. These seven years have been the period of continous repairment and the daily struggle to break the cycle in hoping that the little girl would have a better set of situations when she makes a choice to be a parent herself.
The words in dua for parents where we ask forgiveness for the parents became make sense to me. More than the child to them, the parents did wrong more to the child more than they realized.
Being a parent is a job that one should take seriously, spare enough time, not only for doing, but also for thinking. Being a parent is not an autopilot job. It requires your full energy. More than just feeding and clothing, the thinking part to know where you go,fixing, resting, and curing ourself, those are equally important parts as well.
I remembered few years ago when I was so busy doing things outside, what left when arrived at home was exhaustion. The impatient me was only getting worse, being crankier more than the little girl herself. Projecting my incapability to manage my emotions to her.
I took some decisions to cut off my working schedule and it was one of the best decisions made so far. It was when I realized that I couldn’t replace physical presence. Quality over quantity is only applicable if you are sure you can give the same amount of energy at home like when you are outside. For me, it was impossible.
If I allow to reevaluate myself from two different points of view, myself and the little girl, I am not totally proud of me yet I am beyond grateful for everything she is.
But then, in spite of the damages, I have done many things within my power in every stage of her life. For that, I have no single regret.
I have no regret staying close to her almost 24/7 from day one. Whether during the time when money was tight, or the time when I am able to make such choice leisurely, staying close to her is something that I won’t negotiate.
I have no regrets stubbornly breastfeed her for 2,5 years despite the drama and pain along those periods. For this part, I am so proud of me because believing in myself when everyone kept suggesting to open that formula milk box during early months.
I have no regrets taking care of her without any other helps than his father and few times with the close relatives because I didn’t want her to observe anyone than us at home, for a long period in the day.
I have no regrets teaching her to sleep and eat well. Those two are the very first rights that a carer should give to a child for them to lead a healthy life, which I have written so many times.
I am beyond humbled to be granted chances to be her first teacher in many things in her life. To learn together about things I never knew important before, to be a better person because someone is watching closely.
I am quite lucky in spite of my (and his father) lots of lacking, she is growing up to be what she is.
The great Greek philospher, Aristotle once said : Give me a child until (s)he is 7 and I will show you a (wo)man.
Then, here she is.
A little girl with many admirable qualities who keeps trying her best in everything, who’s willing to try new adventures, who’s always curious, who sleeps and eats very well, who reads massively, who displays self-discipline and empathy, whose mind I sometimes couldn’t understand how it works.
A lucky girl who’s so far able to grow healthily, close to never being sick. Been experiencing many things, exposed to lots of knowledges, exploring many places, playing in many playgrounds around the world, having great fun in different kind of weather, overcome her struggle, getting the earliest interventions for her conditions from the best help available, introduced to many good habits since early years and keep sticking to them, always shows enthusiasm in everything she does. So many privileges that shouldn’t be taken for granted.
To say she is lucky is one thing. But, I think it’s us the parents who have been riding along her fortune. She might not realize how much her presence elevate many things in her parents life. We surely won’t go this far without her.
Despite all those good things, I still have tons of worries about her. Things that mostly beyond my control and there’s not much I can do about that other than keep trying what we could do, what we could afford within our power. There are times when I question everything like, “is this all we could do?”
Heading to the second 7 years scared me more than the first one. This was my hardest period among the three. The period where I felt so lost for many times. The period where I should figure out so many things on my own and often it felt so frustrating. But, it was also the period where I grew exponentially, in many aspects mentally. It was the period where I learned the most about real life. Something that I didn’t know I need until many years later.
I am torn between scared of giving, watching or letting this girl experience such hard times yet also scared of choosing the easy way by avoiding it.
Fiuh. A birthday post has never been this gloomy.
Well, guess I have said enough.
Happy birthday, Be.
I am so sorry for many things I have done to you and haven’t done for you.
You’re doing great and I believe you will keep doing so.
I wish you all the strength and resiliency you need to face everything you will meet in your life.
To call myself your mother is one of the greatest gifts life gives to me.
J.K. Rowling wrote 7 legendary books started with how it would end. So did these Seven posts. I started writing the last one for months with constant editing then slowly, the other years followed, from two short rows, to maximum characters allowed. All had been done with rigorous editing weekly.
These are absolutely set of posts written with continous tears wiping knowing this best time of life would never return. For the past few weeks (hm, ok, months), I have been silently crying knowing bidding farewell to this best period of her life, one which influence she will carry for the rest of her life, is near. I just hope I didn’t waste and miss any of it too much.
There was one night when me and her dad sat on the couch together, silently choosing some pictures. The silence broke and he said, “Aduh, jadi sedih banget, udah banyak banget yang dilewatin ya,” Indeed.
Seven posts surely couldn’t capture the whole picture of everything that happened along these years. Yet, it gave a glimpse of how much three of us grow for the past seven years, personally and as a family.
Reaching this big milestone safely, after doing all the best within our power, is indeed one of this year’s biggest blessing.
The colors of this morning golden hours.Magnificent present from huge sky to another little sky.
Physically. Mentally. Like a caterpillar turned into a butterfly, everything was transformed beautifully, in the right time.
Above the paper, she might be delayed in some parts.
Above the paper, she is someone with disorder.
But, I finally came to understand that she, as a WHOLE human being, is not left behind and lack of something. She is always right where she is supposed to be, as she is.
She is far more capable and able beyond her label. The label only makes us understand her better. It’s not an excuse to limit her from pursuing anything. Some disorder and difficulties would never define her.
Pandemic brought certain blessing in disguises. It gave us a chance to do all five times prayers for the first time, the first Ramadan fasting at home, in spite of the long hours of fasting in spring.
It was by far, one of the most peaceful Ramadans in my life.
The starting line where homeschool took over the majority of her education.
Being in-charge and having ownership to most of your child’s education according to what you value important is liberating.
A year that showed some little changes in daily routine and discipline took us higher more than the expected level.
Doing few little things daily and consistently made those years of feeling left-behind turned to some good feeling of knowing where the strengths lie.
A year when we turned our focus from what she couldn’t do or lacked of to the things that she could do so well, which, they are MANY.
It was amazing how little shift on your mindset could elevate things better, higher than expected.
For me, it was the most enjoyable year of motherhood so far. A year where I had a chance to take care of myself the best after years of being the last above everyone else at home.
A year which allowed me to return to things I love doing. To put back a heavy-reader badge on my chest. To have many conversations with myself during long walks around the beautiful city leisurely. There were periods when I felt so overwhelmed by gratitude, wondering how could this happen for so many times. Wondered how could this be real. How life suddenly became this crazy in a good way?
During my solo walking around the city, enjoying everything with my senses, I constantly reminded myself, to really remember this period, whenever bad times comes (which was certain), that life once was this beautiful.
A year full of gratitude to be granted chances to experience and learning so many new things from new people I met.
That year felt like the sweetest dessert at the end of a decade.
It was just the right time when everything felt so frustrating. Everything done to make her language better, or in this case, sounded normal, no longer showed any progress.
Changed the therapy place and it was even worse. Never would I imagine I could throw a rage in public and felt no slightest regret doing that.It surely my frustration spoke loudly.
Read books,articles,and researches,regarding this case without no clear answer. Asked desperately in silence with tears to at least,understand what happened here.
It felt like being pushed to take a trip you didn’t have any idea about the destination so you didn’t know what to do,what to bring,and until when.
For someone who is almost always with plans,know at least a big picture of what she wants, this was depressing.
Then, it happened.
Beyond explanation. Beyond human calculation. Beyond the wildest imagination
He turned our world around through an email found on the spam. Would never forget the night calling from that secluded hospital said an interview had done with the person from the email.
In less than an hour,an official offer letter to work in one of specialized hospitals, exactly the subject that the doctor had been looking for in many places, landed in the email.
At first I thought,
“Is this another joke and trip into the unknown?”
But, this is why we need to believe there is a greater being who could turn our life around as easy as 1,2,3.
He moved us across the continent to answer all the questions. Mine,him,hers altogether. Years that felt like being in a dark long tunnel suddenly met the light at the end.
It was like having sudden ‘approved’, ‘approved’, ‘approved’, of many things we’d been praying for years..
Led to the answer of our many questions step by step. The answers itself were given in details, precisely, even better than the initial requests.
Requests were granted abundantly. It still gave me goosebumps to remember the way all the things came to us in this particular year.
So, always ask. Desperately. Then put your utmost trust.
The starting line of a whole new world for us.
How come it wasn’t? From secluded hospital in little vilage of Borneo to top hospital in Queen Square, from playing with friends and moms in east Jakarta to playing with The Royal of Englands in London Park..
The year when everything looked great outside yet it felt extremely grim inside.
After survived five years of residency, thought that we finally could relax a little bit.
Not really.
After a month of being geographically single parent during the first year, The Boss said we needed to level up.
A government mandatory service suddenly came 2 months before graduation for 5 majors only. He sent the doctor again, this time, for a whole YEAR to another secluded hospital in South Borneo. A literally hospital in middle of nowhere, surrounded by paddy field and forest. We thought five years of (crazy) residency life was enough.
The funniest thing, they CANCELED this policy exactly right after he completed it.
Life and its funny jokes never cease to amaze me till I was too tired to laugh.
But as always, He took care the rest. Sent to a place where we met kind people, acceptable place of living, and the best thing was we could have two weeks off every month with full salary. It allowed us travel seven times this year! Nailed riding on plane, train with the baby alone.
Therapies began. Enrolled school 3x a week and 1-2x a week daycare on my working days.
Started showing quite significant progress in few months. When we saw progress, I thought we had finally ‘arrived’. Yet, we hadn’t.
In spite of ‘forcing’ all activities in Indonesian, what kept coming was the other language. There was still something off that couldn’t be explained by months of interventions. It felt so frustrating because even the professional seemed no idea what and why.
There were times during long driving back and forth from Kemang to Cipinang three times a week, the mind wondered why all these things seemed so pointless. We were grateful for the progress, but something was really missing here.
Yet, stopping didn’t seem a better idea.
Who said your efforts would always be paid off?
Oh, please, it wouldn’t.
Who said your efforts would never betray you?
Oh, it would, big time.
This part was darkest gloom.
Comes from a family who don’t take birthday (let alone the party) seriously, this year was the very first birthday party she had.
School set new standard of birthday and couldn’t (or wouldn’t) follow it. So,to cater that, I just set mine. It was nice though.
A confusing year to describe. It was great with some weight. It was fine yet full of concerns behind.
Sometimes you need to talk to the three year old to understand life once again”.
At that time, my three year old didn’t talk much yet she started reading on her own. Reading words by words. She talked mostly in English, in spite of living in a fully Indonesian environment.
I was busy teaching English when I was pregnant with her, and her early days lullaby from her dad was either Moon River or The Beatles. Didn’t know it made such impact.
Her first long sentence she made in kitchen while playing with spoon and fork was “Moooon River, wider than a mile” all with the correct pitch and tune.
How could reading that needed higher level of decoding letter and singing with correct tune and pitch that needed certain practice (which we didn’t have any), came easily while talking normally that only needed imitation from others, which happened daily, seemed so hard?
There were times that made me totally don’t understand many jokes that life threw. This was one of them.
It was the period of doing everything at home to make the language right, yet something was still off.
The doctors said we could wait before deciding for therapies because she was ‘talking’ a lot.
The waiting period where you didn’t know when what you were waiting for would come.
How long? Or would it ever come?
On the brighter side,she survived 30 hours of three flights for another trip across the continents, traveled to three cities, without any dramas, slept and ate well for the whole week, little baby started proving herself to be a good travel buddy.
Two and half years of fully breastfeeding journey ended peacefully. No drama, no tears, just huge relief. Done my part giving the best protection that nothing could replace.
More, the best part of this year was : no more days and travelling with diapers soon after we blew the candle on the second birthday. We toilet trained early, because we were ready. Nailed day training in a week, night training took a bit longer. Omitted diapers from shopping list, my heart and wallet couldn’t be happier!
More indoor and outdoor movement and activities around the area.
Sunbathing after breakfast while reading on the stroller. Barefeet while watching people. Swimming in adult pool with floaties. Learning to climb the stairs carefully. Driving around the area just the two of us with seatbelt on started here. Making mess at home. Practising piano on her own more often. Doing some voluntarily chores.
For the first time in four years (after marriage) without any single trips, we flew out of the city to visit Yangti. Then,luckily,(and crazily ),we flew further across the continent to the city I had been longing for a long time.
This was the period where I received the return of investing a lot of time and energy to make two basics things right during the first year.
Seven days in my dream city showed it clearly how she enjoyed everything offered in her plate, sat down properly, and finished everything.
I would never forget the smile given from an old lady in Brioche Doré Champ Ellysées when she looked at her enjoying a plate of curry chicken poulet eagerly.
Certified eat-like-french baby she was!
Sleeping also wouldn’t miss the opportunity to show its result. At first, I thought it was impossible. But, she slept at exactly at 8 pm and woke up just at the same time as she did in Jakarta, and later, in any places we visited. No matter the weather.
For some people,it’s weird. For us,it’s great!
Having both on time and as scheduled as we are at home make us mostly enjoyed holiday leisurely without dealing with a cranky baby and gratefully, without once until now, post holiday sickness .
This year also was the period where language problem detected and consulted right away.
One key point from this year : no matter how hard you try, there would be so many things outside your control.
When we saw something that didn’t feel right, dropped the ego, let go that denial, consulted it right away.
Never miss the opportunity for having early intervention. It made all the difference.
I am talking as someone whose having adequate experiences in dealing with therapies, shitty therapists, and knowledge about the hidden disabilities that could happen to everyone.
Never knew it was the beginning of another long journey.
Reaching the first seven years is something. A little thing to celebrate this huge milestone through something that I know best. So here we go.
Unlike the ‘tricky’ pregnancy, her delivery was too ‘quick and easy’.
Visited the hospital for reguler check up. Turned out she was on the way. Then everything escalated quickly. Water broke in 2 hours. Delivery started at the exact time like a name we prepared for her. Became a mother 3 weeks early than expected. Returned home 3 days later as a family.
“There is no jobs that is equally taxing and emotionally draining than parenting in the first year”. -What to Expect The First Year-
Then, real life began.
First months of motherhood were hell.
Took care of three men, a newborn baby, and a whole house was crazy. The sleep deprived, the exhaustion were no joke.
When you thought things couldn’t be worse, that was the time it could go worse. Mbak Wi suddenly resigned after 21 years.
The Boss up there thought I could handle some more, so, on the second month, He sent the father away for A WHOLE MONTH to a secluded village. He was rarely at home because of his residency during junior years, now he was completely absent for a whole month. I was very much a single parent with a newborn, an elder carer, house caretaker, and part time teacher.
The most depressing period in the first year.
Returned to work at the second month, because having no money was scarier than the exhaustion and the strong urge to breathe properly, being away from everything at home for a while.
He being sent to secluded village and the following month would be another internship outside the main hospital meant there was no income. We were lucky that the delivery was pretty smooth, prepared the money for c-section but the baby chose the other way, zero charge for the labor, only used 1/3 from what we prepared. Maybe He knows we would need it few months later.
Neither good days or bad days stay forever.
Things got better in term of sleep deprived at three months when she finally could sleep a whole night like the science said. Those struggles and stubborness to teach her sleep every single night paid off. The routine ‘day starts before subuh and ends right after isya’ began here.
Things were better at the fourth and fifth, signed by returning to the exercise class, until feeding came at the sixth.
The second biggest homework : eating. I knew already it would be hard, but didn’t expect it would be so hard. Fruit at 5.30, breakfast at 7, lunch at 12, dinner at 17. No snack-snack club. Prepared everything from the scratch, in normal days, shift started at 4, in meal-prep day, shift started at 2. Exercise class once again given up.
Two first months of feeding was easy peasy, exploring kinds of menu was quite fun, until the texture changed. Dealing with longer meal time because she learned to chew. It was exhausting. Running out of patience was unavoidable. But, still kept showing up for three big meals plus a small one on time, everyday.
Here came another witch, her weight that seemed so stuck no matter how strict I was with the meal. So, who said your efforts wouldn’t beat the result? It would, for the short term.
There was always silver lining. Although it was hard, at least, there was no period that she wouldn’t eat. She just ate no matter how long she kept every scoop in her mouth. She ate everything that served in front of her. Some she loved, some she didn’t, but it wasn’t problem. She just tried everything. From ikan cuek to ikan lele, tumis tauge to tumis pare, oatmeal ubi to mac n chesse. Lucky she didn’t have any allergies.
In feeding, I rarely compromised in terms of schedule and food. I didn’t listen to anyone who said “maybe it doesn’t taste good”, “just feed it later on the restauran we go”. Never. She should eat at home right before anything else. Because, It was me who needed to eat at the restaurant.
In dealing with sleep and eat, other than the thought that it wouldn’t last forever, the thought of my sanity also worked. I needed to be functioned well to take care her well. So, doing the right over easy for the short term was the only way to go.
Didn’t remember when it was suddenly getting easier. Feeding hour was getting shorter and play time was longer. Morning routines (fruit, breakfast, bath) all done before 8.
Finally managed to return to the exercise class since she was sleeping right after that. Things that made me five times happier.
More rainbows after the storm, Mbak Wi also made a comeback, the doctor’s shifts were getting better, left her during my work days felt lighter because it was her nap time and the work place was only five minutes by walk. Feeding her right after work was exhausting but knowing my korean drama friends waiting at 7.30 was exciting.
Sleep well.
Eat everything.
Fully breastfeed without any supports.
Thus, in the first year, we managed to have zero medecine intake.
A Penny for My Pensieve 