Category: Past learning

Like everything in this world, there’s always two sides of something. So is November. After the happy occasion, then we move to the other side.

It’s been four years, yet it still can’t be helped to remember every details without flowing tears. A dark rainy afternoon made the pain felt more hurt and real. As if the sky was crying a lot with her gone.

The one who set the standard how one should live. Do your best, dream and make it real, finish what you have started, give a lot, trust your own self and your God the most, don’t take what is not yours, and know how to feel enough with what you have and been given. 

The one who had the honour to left exactly two weeks after Hajj, paid her zakat, fasting for five days, done ashar prayer, and recited syahadat. 

The one who really showed the best way one should live and the most wanted way one would return.

The woman I call mother.

In this life, I have so many things I have been so grateful for. Being my mom’s daughter was, is, and will always be on the top of my list.

It’s greater than gratefulness. It’s an honour to be given birth, raised, and loved by her.

Sending my best prayer for the one I love the most.

Till we meet again, bu…

Meeting with the old friends always leave something to be thought of. This lovely bunch was a high school best friends in the third year. It’s been six…teen (ha!)  years after we graduated, lots of changes happened, yet one thing stays the same, their oldselves.

In spite what positions they are currently sitting in, more money they have, they truly are the same as they were. Instead of bragging about their achievements, new materials belonging, they share their own battle. Behind every smiles shown, each of us are still fighting our own battle. Either career, family, love life, are all present.

One may has a very good career in government institution, more than enough materials, yet still waiting for a child. One has a nice little family, yet still struggling with his career. Another one has good career and nice family, yet has to live far away from his family in another town outside Java.

In every gathering we have, some talks about the pasts were always brought up. Laughing at those good old days, when nothing worries us more than a killer biology teacher who always proposed lots of questions in every lesson. 

Or fast forward few years after, we went for a trip to Kota Tua, which turned quite failed since all the museums were closed due to public holiday, but was also considered as the most successful and happiest one.

When one by one are finally settling down, getting married, the meeting is also getting harder to set up. Unmatched schedules or any other reasons are likely preventing us to meet, and mostly the reasons come from family matters. Family event, a sick child, office/work event, etc. Everyone seems too busy to even meet for a mere ninety minutes. The friendship seems no longer on the top list of priorities.

It’s quite understandable though. I always believe, marriage, then after that,kids, change a whole game of your life. It feels like giving up half remote control of your life to these things. 

Before, whenever an idea of meeting was set, I would just go without many things to consider.  After married with kids, lots of term and conditions are applied. Please don’t be too far, too long, choose a place where it is comfortable enough for nursing, and bla bla bla.

One of a good friend from the circle, was once a tax employee and then after few years, he gave up his firm position and enrolled to a pilot school to pursue his dream. He is married with a daughter. Three years after, he finished the study and came back reunited with his family. After six months and up to yesterday, he is still struggling to find one pilot position, in spite of lots available airlines and his education background.

Looking from two sides, it’s good thing having a dream to be pursued. But in the other hand, pursuing a personal dream when we have other important responsibilities might be considered unfair. Luckily, the wife is supportive enough. Being a single parent during his study, a bread winner for the household, even after six months he came home. Come on, it’s only six months, right?

Hohoho, try that yourself.Being a husband, father, who has no job, no income, gave up the previous settle job for a dream, let’s make a bet whether you can survive for a month, IF,  you don’t have a strong partner to get your back so you can keep standing still. Not everyone is lucky enough.

Being such wife and mother is surely far from easy. There are so much to deal with. Her work at office, her 2,5 years daughter, her husband and the family future as well, and many other unseen things. Girls should really have a right and full comprehension about what it takes before deciding to settle down with someone.

Thus, when my brother once thought he would get married first then pursuing his second master degree abroad, I quite strongly against the idea. While he even didn’t have a suitable one with him yet, why bother giving up the study for such uncertain reason. Glad he could think rationally. Unless, he wouldn’t have enjoyed London as he pleases in a current time.

There will always be the end of an era where things would no longer be in your favours. Sometimes, life happens too cruel to deal with. Before such time comes, make the most of your time. Spent those happy, reckless youth to the fullest. 

Don’t stop running too early. Whether you like it or not, want it or not, the finish line will always wait for you in the end. Don’t bother to make it earlier. Enjoy the scenery to your heart’s content. Bring a lot to your brain to face harder challenges ahead.

A finish line is obviously the end of an era, but it also happen to be another starting line to the new chapter.

Of course, a higher level one.

May we all have enjoyable journey for each chapters in our life. 

Good luck.

Always being a careful and overly thinking person in almost everything, no wonder the anxiety level is quite high. Too strict and unflexible might be good for some things but surely not everything. Not easy to let things go means giving the best and being all out to do a total fight for every important matters in life.

Experiencing the journey of executing three personal dreams,  reminiscing every single little things done until it really happened felt quite surreal. Surreal because it seemed so unexpected this lazy girl could do that far and that much for something she really wanted.

Each of dreams has their own story, fight, failure, and one that we always forget, the twist. The bigger dreams took the bigger twist.

Welcoming 2012 with such a big heart knowing there would be three big things accomplished that year, thinking how perfect it would be, ready to mark 2012 as the best years  of my life. Done with dream number one, followed by number two few months later, and not long after, tied the knot.

Tying a knot with someone was not part of  the dream list. Never actually. Getting married to someone is the limit time when I should be done with my personal things. 

Why? Every decision make after married won’t solely depend on myself, but also the other person, even more sometimes, more than one person. That’s why girls, I strongly advise, do and accomplish as many as possible, as much as you can, as far as you want, before deciding to settle down with someone. Life after married won’t ever be the same anymore.

Overwhelmed by excitements over these made me forget one old phrase : do your best and let God do the rest. Men plan, God decides. 
He gave me three big things one could have within a year, but with term and conditions. It felt like He said, ” I give you three, BUT, I also take three, “.

First, Master degree abroad, graduated with flying colors : checked.

Second, Hajj before married, literally before married like a month before : checked.

Third, Married to one that you want after those long hard years and drama : checked.

However,

No pain, no gain, isn’t it?

Let’s do the God’s math.

By having the first, He took one that I loved so much. One whose nice scent would always linger, the most loving, cleanest, upright, most compassionate, stick to her shalat, Grandmother left just few months before graduation. It wasn’t  the fact she passed away that broke the heart. It was a missing chance of saying my final goodbye to her. I was thousand miles away from her. Nothing worse than missing the last chance to say goodbte to your loved ones.

Then, having number two was very precious. Not many have a chance to do Hajj at a quite young age, with all of their heart. So, shall we take another one?

One who was the most helpful, never grumpy, a tall and handsome one, the best and kindest uncle left exactly two weeks after his mother. Too much mourning within two weeks.

Finally, having the number three means a new whole journey began. A life changing journey. Thus, the twist level should be as high as the gift. 

I have no words to explain about this one. One who should be standing right next to my father on the wedding day left exactly two weeks before the wedding date.

Thankfully, a very proper chance was given. Went Hajj together, just the two of us, took care her, bathing, cleaning all part of her body in the hospital, slept over there everyday for thirteen days, sit right next to her until her last breath, it was one of the greatest honours I have received in my life. Serving one that gave you the most on her last days.

Back to 2016, it seems four years are enough to make someone forgets. Right when the last dream started rolling to happen, busy here and there, doing lots of things, make the twist is forgotten. Thinking maybe this is finally and really the time for number three, it hit pretty hard when I realized, with an executed dreams, twist will always follow. It’s not given separately. 

Again, since it is about a personal dream, then personal relationship would be a perfect twist this time. Some tiny part was taken from the relationship. Tiny part which changed the game. Once again, it happened right two weeks before doing the most important part of the dreams.

If one asks whether all these twists make me regret of having those dreams, the answer is no.

Having those dreams take me to the best inner self-journey I have ever experienced. Knowing how far and how long I can go, how persistent and determined I can be.

While having those twists show me how strong this heart can be, how good I can endure, how hard to stand back on your own feet after losing some important parts of your body. Show me truth of the saying, ‘Life must go on’. 

So I do. With all the strength left to go on.

Not much, not completely okay, but it’s enough. 

Having enough is good enough for me.
 
In the end, the cycle of each of dreams is similar. Get myself few nice dreams, working hard on it, get slapped by the twist, fall, stand back, and go on.

Thank you for the lessons and surprises, universe.

Have a nice dream and hurtful twist!

This morning, something suddenly barged into my mind. It’s quite special so it deserves a blogpost.

This year around this month, I am having a BEP. If you happened to be an economic major student or any similar majors, you must know BEP. It’s Break Even Point. In a simple definition, it’s a condition where a revenue you get is even with the cost you have spent.

In my case, it’s not about the cost. It’s about time. 13 years of piano studying and another 13 years of piano teaching. Thirteen years sounds pretty long, huh? Ah, if we sum up both, then it becomes twenty six years. A bloody 26 years relationship with this piano thing. Sounds even longer, doesn’t it?

Long time ago, I have realized something about a certain thing in my life. I think long-term relationship is my forte. Seems I am destined to that. Either in personal or non-personal, I have mostly been having such a long entanglement.

From simple things like a bag or shoes to a relationship with people, I have years of acquaintance. I have been wearing my Gabor shoes for ten years and still counting. I have been together with my piano for twenty six years, I have been coming to the same exercise class since I was in the second year of high school. So, it’s been around fourteen years. Then, I have been married to a person whom I’ve known and have relationship with for fourteen years.

Being in years of relationship with something or someone, does it mean everything go smoothly? Bien sure que NON!

The sole of my Gabor shoes had been through several repairings. The soles once changed and the leather had once re-sewn, yet it survives until today. It had been countless times when I cried frontally and secretly,  so heavily, asked my mom to let me quit the piano school, yet I kept going. There were times when I had been absent the exercise class, yet I always return.

There were even more and more countless times when we were facing hard times during my relationship with le husband. Any kind of relationship dramas, you mention it, we had it. On-off, bad to the worst break-ups, parents disagreement, long distance, even the marriage was almost cancelled just few weeks before the D-day because of my mum’s sickness. We finally lost her just two weeks before the wedding. In spite of all those hardships, yet we manage to stay together. Langit is the result of a long-time persistence and endurance.

When someone asked how bored it could be being with someone or something for such a long time, or how I survive along those years, here’s an answer.

I have been taught if something is broken, we do repair it or work on it, not change it.

We find solutions, not an exit door, for any problems.

We do our best to stay until the end-term appointed.

Well, no matter how much you love something or someone, in the end, you will part with them, won’t you?

As a child, I am proven to have the strength to endure some hardships. But, as a parent, honestly, I am not really sure if I can do as good as my mum to bear and stand next to my child for her to learn from some hardships. I don’t have much confidence to be as strong as my parents were. But, who knows?

Guess that is all for the morning babbles. Happy 26th piano-niversary, you! Cheers for more years to come!

I have a debate whether to write this post in Bahasa or English. The title seems telling you this one will be in Bahasa, while you’re currently reading an English post.

I can’t change the title because it’s a name of a place. And, I don’t intend to write any reviews here. You don’t do reviews to a place you called home.

It’s early morning and rainy outside. Last night was one of the sleepless nights I had because my mind was being occupied with something. Suddenly missing this place so much and couldn’t help thinking about this a whole night. Thinking how much I owe this place for so many things in my life.

I spent a continous 13 years in this place from 1990-2003. Attended every single grade, from the lowest to the very highest. Thirteen bloody years without a break. If you count right, it is almost similar time spent from kindergarten to the end of high school. Well, that was the case for me.

It has two branches now, Manggarai and Bintaro. Back then, it was only Manggarai. I went to Manggarai, for sure. It’s not a mere music school. It’s a real school which not only teaches music, but also educates you in every nice possible ways.

I once wrote about piano already. About what I had been going through there. This time, I want to give reasons why this one is worth the money spent for years.

Judging from its look, it might be just an ordinary building. I am talking about Manggarai branch here because this one is where I spent my time. The class was pretty small and only few of it have air-conditioner. The first eight years I learned there were spent in a non-air conditioner one. A standing fan was there for me.

This place is a real school where they have strict regulations about minimum age to enter, minimum points to pass, and an adequate manners for you to continue to the high level. They pushed the students to practice hard and much. They gave bulky of assignments, they gave enough pressure till we could say
the Darwinism was applied here. The one who said that only those who could adapt well, survived. Those who can’t, would be eliminated, or eliminated themselves.

Didn’t they care about losing student? Nope, they didn’t, don’t and never will do. They have an entrance test which is using for selecting students. Not only the students do the test, they give questions too for the parents. Back then, my mom even was directly interviewed. Now, they just give paper questions to the parents.

They consider how serious and how big the potential chance that the child will survive. That’s why they do interview to the parents also. The parents support play a big role for the survival chance.

I had been assigned to four different teachers during those 13 years. Four years with the first one, three years with the second, two years with the third, and another four with the last one. I was directly taught from the famous pianist Rudy Laban on my last four years in high level. May his soul is rest in peace.

To be honest, those thirteen years were not something that I could call enjoyable. As a little kid, my motivation to practice was as shallow as getting stickers on my notebook whenever I played well. More stickers, more better. In the other hand, I wasn’t a brilliant one also. Since the very beginning, piano was not something that I would claim as my best ability.

Then, so why does bother survive for 13 years?

I questioned myself and my mum too in the past. I cried asking my mum to allow me to quit. I couldn’t stand more of the teachers’ scolding in every lesson we had. I was afraid of performing in front of others. I was so weak in solfegio. Unlike school where I had always been in the top class, piano put me in the lower one. I hated being in some position where I had very least advantage. Invisible might be okay, but considered stupid, nah, that was another thing.

But, it wasn’t until few years after graduated, till I realized how those hard years toughen me. How those pressures made me stronger. How those high demand assignments showed me my true limit. Along with those pressures, they gave dedicated teachers beside you. Teachers who was always on time, well-dressed, patient, though they did enough scolding too, but, never, they gave up on their student.

This school has very strong culture. Maybe the strict rules classical music have surely give big influence. The ambience was pleasant, positive, and politeness was definitely everywhere. Once you were in the high level, with the smaller amounts of student, it gave stronger friendship. They compete soo smoothly. Really, I just realize this not long ago. Those who were the top students were sincerely friendly to each other. They were getting along comfortably while in the other hand, I knew for sure they practised so hard to beat each other.

What was more even incredible, those top students were not being proud at all until they were intimidating others. At least, for the lower rank like me, knowing I was just fairly good was enough pressure already. Feeling bullied or intentionally intimidated, never. What happen was, it gave me more courage to practise harder. Although I would never be as good as them, at least I wouldn’t embarrass myself in front of others.

What was even more pleasant, high level students tended to know each other despite what level they were in. Seniority wasn’t applicable there. Since it wasn’t a formal school, there were wide range of age differences among students in a level. For example, I was in my senior high when I was in high level, among my friends were junior high or even college students. We called each other by names.

I didn’t have lots of prizes there. Never been in any ranking concerts. I finished the highest grade at the same year I finished high school. When I finally made it, I told myself, so, this is it all? Thirteen years were finally having its end. No more pressures and sleepless nights of practising. I should be happy. But then, what had been those thirteen years actually doing to me other than giving me a piece of certificate stating I graduated the highest level with judisium B?

I found the answers right after I entered college. Those thirteen years started showing me its real impacts in the real life other than music. I saw how it made me slightly different above others. This was nothing about being proud. I signed a contract to be a teacher in one of the famous music school in the first years of college. I was 19.

Being unpopular students during my school years shocked me a bit when I suddenly became ‘quite popular’ during college. More pleasantly, I was known for my abilities first than the look,haha! I was known for one of those student who nailed the English proficiency test and scored enough to get a straight A without having to attend the class, and the one who played piano well enough to be a teacher in a music school, thus I was financially more independent than any others student.

I often felt didn’t believe myself for having so much advantages in my college years. All of those mostly thanks to the thirteen years I had been through in YPM. Hardwork, patience, persistence, the courage to strive the best and never give up no matter how low your position was, falling apart, dissapointments, and then stood up once again, I learned those all from there.

All the job interviews I had, I nailed it thanks to this place. Thirteen years doing music school was surely something for others. None of the interviews I had, left this music talking behind. It impressed those interviewers in whatever kind of job I applied. I even once being interviewed for almost two hours just because talking about the piano course. Even more, the first real talk with le husband also happened because of this.

I always have confidence in doing paper test. But, talking face to face was never be my favorite. Then I finally knew, those thirteen years happened for helping with this.

My dad had to spend some days waiting for me at the music school until midnight during my high level exam practise, or he sent me first at 7 pm then came back to fetch me at 12 am. Yes, 12 am. Either weekdays or weekend. My mum spent almost the whole through years sent me back and forth for my usual schedule.

Now, I spend my days taking care of my father for the past four years after my mum left. Thanks to this place, I am able to be present for my father in his old days, as well as my mother’s last days. The flexibility makes me able to do those things.

Amazing how it touched all things in my life, wasn’t it?

Phew, it’s quite a long story.

It is still raining outside and the traffic must be bad out there. Luckily, I am sitting comfortably at home with my baby. It is not because I have to. It’s more because I choose to. The thirteen years spent on that school allowed me to have the choice I choose right now.

Instead of working a whole day, a whole week in far away places from home, it gave me few hours working time, in some few days to my choices, in the nearest place one could afford. Like, five minutes walking from home, perhaps?

When people said I was so lucky, maybe I am. I was lucky enough to have all the support and chance to survive in that tough jungle.

If maybe there are some parents reading this, shall I suggest you to invest some money in this place when your child wants to learn music? It would be even better to support them all the way until they finish it. The road is surely rocky and bumpy, but the top view is worth all the pain. For a long time. Longer, better, and greater than you can imagine.

My mum once said :

” I am having hard times leaving you behind when we moved to another province outside Java while you were only a junior high school student. I often wondered whether it was worthy enough for a mere piano school. It turned out I did the right thing. It was one of my best decisions I made for you.”

I couldn’t agree more to everything she said. I owe this place for so many best things happened in my life.

I am beyond grateful for such great thirteen years journey and a chance to be once a part of its family.

Wednesday is a working day which I always go by walk since the workplace is only five minutes away from home. To have your source to earn money that close is such a luxury, knowing you live in one of the city with the worst traffic jam in the world.

My mind wandered whenever I walked home after work. Unlike the departure which I often do in a rush, going home was more relax. I took small and slow walks while looking at the sunset sky. Today’s topic was related to small conversations I had with my first student today.

Before lesson, she told me that she almost didn’t come for the lesson. When I asked why she answered because no one could escort her to the course place and her mom forbid her to walk alone. For additional informations, she was a six grader and her school was just three minutes walk from the course.

If I were not a mother when I heard her story, my first reaction would be, “seriously? You would miss the class JUST BECAUSE your mom didn’t allow you walked alone from your three minutes away school to this place?”
Then I would continue bashing here and there alone in my mind.

But, the reality is I am now a mother, so instead of saying those words above, my answered was, ” Ah, I see. So, how did you manage to get here?”. She said lucky there was a friend whose car could send her here so she didn’t miss today’s lesson.

I suddenly remembered my mother (again). Remembered what she did to me twenty until eightheen years ago. She left me with my grandmother when my dad was appointed to other province outside Java. She took the other two moved and left me here.

Reasons? I went to the best junior high school here which the way to be there was not easy at all, and another unexpected circumstance happened. I passed the grade six piano exam in YPM. Those two reasons were bold enough for my mum to left me here alone.

Was I happy? Not really. I had to move to my grandma’s house and had a very much further distance to school and the music school. It took about 15 minutes from home to my school and 20 minutes to the music school. Moved to my grandma’s house made the number almost four times bigger.

Not only the distance, the means of transportations were totally different. I used a pick up car to send me to and from the school before,while mostly my mom or dad sent me to the music school. Either by public transportation or by car. But, it didn’t matter. The route was easy.

When I lived in my grandma’s, I had to go an hour earlier to school so I could catch the bus before it was too crowded. I went with the bus from where it started until its last stop. Then, I should continue with another small bus to the school. I often had to stand all the way. It was hot and tired. Even more, for the next bus, I had to fight with lots of people to get a seat because it was office hours.

The bus driver prefered to take the workers than schoolers because of fare difference. I clearly remembered how I hated those morning routine. I arrived school with such exhausted state, full of sweat and absolutely with almost zero spirit. If only those eye-candy seniors didn’t exist, I didn’t know what else could improve my daily bad mood every morning.

So, I went to school facing those struggle, wouldn’t it be fair the back home trip was easier? Sadly, not.

The back home route was pretty different. It was a bit easier because it wasn’t office hour. BUT,the problem is there was only one bus who had direct route to my grandma’s area, and it came every AN HOUR. I had alternative choices, by taking small buses, but I had to change four times until I arrived in front of the gate.

I just realize where one of my golden rule came from. I chose the same thing about bus and man. No matter how long it would take, I prefered waiting for the one who took me directly to my destination. Although I had to wait longer, it didn’t matter because it was more comfortable with the air con and I could enjoy the big and spacey seat all by myself. Of course a bit pricey, but it was worth it. Changing from one to another was, is, and will never be my style.

I spent time sitting on the bus shelter while watching the cars passed by. No mobile phone with internet was available to make the waiting more enjoyable. I waited religiously, couldn’t help being so sleepy and even slept by sitting.

When the bus was already on my sight, I stood up and ran toward it, waved my hands hard to make sure I was visible enough for such a huge bus. I slept through all the way on the bus. Once missed the bus because the driver didn’t saw me coming, I was crying hard. Like a stupid person. Went back sitting on the bus shelter repeated the waiting for the next bus. For a fourteen years old girl, that time life felt so hard. And unfair.

The back home trip from the music school was nothing easy too. For me, I disliked it more than the morning trip to the school. It was because I had to go to terminal to get the bus home. It was a bit scary since I finished my lesson after maghrib. Even worse, this one bus was non air con and it walked soooo slowly because it didn’t have many passengers. So, it stopped every few meters to wait for passenger. Everytime it stopped, I really felt like crying thinking for how much longer until I would be really home. The piano lesson was already hard, this back home trip made it even harder.

If above the fourteen years old girl felt life was hard and unfair, here she would add two words : scary and frustrating. So, hard, unfair, scary, and frustrating, it was.

Things got a bit better when in one day I used my head and eyes to look at things during the morning trip to the school instead of sleeping. I realized that the bus passed an alternative route to my school, from the opposite direction. If I stopped in one of the shelter, I only had to walk few meters until I met that small bus to my school. It was the same bus, with opposite direction, which means, very very less passengers.
Even better, there were a lot of it! Since it came from the other direction, it didn’t stopped  exactly in front of the school. I had to use crossing bridge once more. But, who cares?

This new route invention totally changed my life, and my cousin. I went to school with my cousin brother together when he went for work. I was so excited waiting for tomorrow to try this new route. I

I went at the same time like usual, then took the bus. If before, it was a very long route, this time, I was only being in the bus not more than 15 minutes. Walked to the small bus stop where one of it was already waiting for me, then once I boarded, no more waiting. The traffic was very very nice. I stopped then I was crossing the bridge happily. If the old route it took me one and half an hour until I arrived at school, with this new one, it only took forty minutes. It reduced half time of the trip and tripled the happiness. I said goodbye to the sweaty, bad mood, exhausted girl in the morning. Those eye candy seniors even looked so much better.

—————————–

I reflected and compared how different parents these days with those old ones. While my student’s mom would not even allow her twelve years old daughter walk alone to such very close distance from her school, her teacher’s mom left a fourteen years old daughter alone, and let her conquered all part of the capital city by herself during her morning trip to the school. Before I found the new route, I started from the west Jakarta, passed the central, south, then east, and back to the south. North was only part that I missed. I went through it every morning.

I wondered a lot, how could my mother left her teenage-puberty age daughter alone, being parted hundred thousands kilometers away, just because some school and courses reason?

This question wasn’t asked in any cynical or harsh way. It was more in astonished way. How she could have such heart and boldness to do that. If I were her, I couldn’t imagine leaving Langit alone with le husband’s mother. Whatever it takes, I prefer her being close to me. Whenever I encounter this kind of question in my motherhood, I really wish she were here in person to answer this. I desperately want to know why and how.

Still during the walking yesterday, I tried to figure out any possible answers. One of them was maybe because it was me. She had the courage to do that because the child is me. I was a mature kid since elementary. Thanks to the three years in kindergarten, once I entered elementary, I was more than ready to study. I had played enough in kindy. I studied diligently at school and at home. I loved it. Once I went home, the first thing I did wad arranging tomorrow lessons books in my bag. I shared learning desk with my sister and one could really tell which was whose by looking at the the state of the desk. One messy part and one tidy part.

Unlike my sister who was more carefree, easy going, and rebelious, which I often viewed that she enjoyed life much better than me, I was serious, dicipline, and truly lived by the rules. Maybe that was the reason why my mom was brave enough to leave me here alone. She might knew I wouldn’t go here and there after school, she might be sure, although it was hard for me, I wouldn’t skip any piano lessons when she wasn’t there. She might believe I wouldn’t spend my monthly allowance carelessly knowing how much I liked saving, haha!

But then, she was right if she really thought all those things. I was what she had thought above.

I once visited my family during holiday and I was very surprise to see how different the life my siblings had with mine. As my father was a head of a government institution in that particular province, they lived very comfortably. The big house, two house assistants, one gardener, and a driver. My siblings went to school by car with the driver when their schools were just few minutes away from home. They left fifteen minutes before the school started. My sister once said, she even left five minutes before sometimes. They had their tennis lesson twice a week, went to the beach every week and enjoyed all those delicious saefood after swimming.

No wonder that fourteen years old girl considered life was unfair. While her brother and sister lived a fairy tale life like a little prince and princess, she lived the real life as an ordinary people.

Despite the hard times I had been going through, I really want my child(ren) to be a real-life ready person once they are coming of age. For who and what I am being good at now, full credit goes to my mother. Thanks to all her decisions on me and my life,  I proudly say I have been a real-life ready person since a very young age.

Thanks to her persistence, I earned my own money by working in a good music school since my first year of college. I paid my own phone bills, room rent, and more savings. Thanks to her boldness, I didn’t have any chance of nagging money to the parents experience, because I had earned more than enough on my own.

College was the highlight of my school years. All those hard times in junior and senior high school, and let’s not leave the thirteen years of music school behind, it were all truly paid off in my college years. I had the spotlight when I was more than mentally ready. It was good and it felt coming at the right time. It was the spotlight who found me, not because I was looking and trying hard to have it. It was a result of something.

I wondered if it is possible to have such result without going through those hardships and bad times for my baby.

I know the answer. But I just don’t have any idea if I could.

So many homeworks and hardworks to take, aren’t it?

I hope I am that real-life ready to make another human being even a better and tougher real-life ready person.

Because the world my child will live in later will probably be much harder, scarier, unfair, and more frustrating.

Being easy won’t help much. Some hardships will help her later to live easier, more fun, and enjoyable.

But, first thing first, I have to prepare myself to face those hard, scary, and frustrating life once again. This time, it will be harder since I had to deal with the one who has secret weapons to weaken my heart at any time in the name of love.

End of lesson.