Category: Thoughts

Posted in Places, Thoughts, Travel

A City Personality: Munich

Posted on by arlanadya

I always believe that every city has personalities.
For me, it is shown from how the people treat you, how the third place is and how the public transportation works.

Knowing a city is just like learning a person.
It takes time to develop a feeling for it.
That’s why staying in one city and having a few daytrips in between is the most preferable way.
Building rapport couldn’t be done if we’re keep moving.

This is the first time I visit a city whose most restaurants and cafes close their door when weekend is about to start. Closed early on Saturday.

This a city where there is almost no ticket checking point in every mode of its public transportation. You just hop on and off leisurely. Do they have tickets? I believe most of them do. A highly trusted system like this must come from a highly trusted people.

I wonder why I rarely see coffee shops/restaurants/eatery full of local people in few neighborhood visited. It is almost always empty. This is the city where they charge slightly higher price when you dine in. Maybe this explains why and most of ones who dine are tourists.

The two places where I see locals gather with family are :two hiking spots we did and the museums we visited.

Munich (or Germany overall?) is obviously not overly warm with charm but definitely introvert, trustable, know their boundaries, and highly punctual and discipline. Kind of adult with maturity and emotional stability which personally make a good choice of life partner.

“Cities were always like people, showing their varying personalities to the traveler. Depending on the city and on the traveler, there might begin a mutual love, or dislike, friendship, or enmity. Where one city will rise a certain individual to glory, it will destroy another who is not suited to its personality. Only through travel can we know where we belong or not, where we are loved and where we are rejected”.
-Roman Payne, Cities & Countries

Posted in Thoughts, Travel

Few Traveling Rants

Posted on by arlanadya

I

Waiting for subuh rant.

One of the concerns why raising a kid as a moslem in four seaons country is PERSONALLY hard is about the prayer time.

Subuh at 2.50, Isya is close to midnight, and it would be even earlier/later as summer comes, let alone a kid, it is a struggle too for an adult. Summer is not an only problem. Winter comes with different set of problem too. When all three prayer times would be done during school hours.

Once wrote in my note four years ago, among many objections to leave London during covid, this reason alone became the strongest pull to return and made me put aside all the other concerns.

Tempat-tempat seperti ini, secara pribadi, hanya cocok untuk dikunjungi dalam waktu beberapa hari.
Berat hidup di luar negeri, meskipun sudah (amat sangat) eneg sama pemerintah sendiri.

II

“Is it xxx part of the gang?”

has been the constant questions the little girl asked for the past few months.

When the answer is yes, no other questions asked. When it’s a no, the respond would be, “Oh great, that means we can still have it, right?”.

Traveling to a country whose governmenrt support the bastard of all evil gives certain guilty feeling inside. Fixing and straighten the niat why we go here is done repeatedly.

Trying to be mindful of what we consume and answer with, “I am sorry, Be, but, that’s part of the gang” as much as possible is the only thing this current level of iman could consistently do for the past few months.

III

The little girl soaked her pink knit slip-on sneakera while she was playing sling on the playground yesterday.

I took the picture of then-clean-nice-pink-shoes-now-fully-covered-with-mud and thought, when I posted in a social media the caption would be :

“A childhood full of adventures”.

In reality it went like this :

“Aduh Be, ini sepatu pink, knit jadi kotor gitu. Basah semua, yang bener aja dong. Bisa ilang ngga kaya gini. Makanya mami bilang tadi pake hiking boots aja. (Dalem hati, “untung murah”).

Never fully trust everything that you see on social media.

Posted in Places, Thoughts, Travel

Hallo aus Munchen

Posted on by arlanadya

It’s been few days since we arrived in Munich.

So far, the experience with the people has been well, the type of people who might be not really friendly like we had in Porto, but, absolutely not as cold as one we had in Seoul. The German feels so efficient and effective. Talk when they need and seem couldn’t stand stupid question from tourists, haha.

We also have visited and stayed overnight in its countryside. Berchtesgaden and Konigsee are really beautiful. Not only popular with tourist but also with locals. It’s quite similar to Lake District in England.

We had a train trip with one transfer then proceed by bus to our hotel. Then, it took 20 minutes walk to reach Konigsee.

A boat trip with 28,50/person taken to go around Konigsee. On the other side, there is Berchtesgaden National Park where we had a short, easy, and pleasant hike.

We sat by the lake and enjoy some german bread. That was one of the highlights so far. As simple as enjoying a piece of poppyseed bread and staring at the quiet lake for a while. Doing nothing but listening to a perfect combination between nature’s white noises and human interaction. I told the doctor that this kind of thing is something I really love doing while traveling.

For some people, it may sound weird. Why with all the efforts, time, money, and energy to go here or anywhere, all you want to do is just sit and stare?

Not because I couldn’t do that when I am not traveling, but the new surrounding, especially when you’re being around nature in a strange place will hit you differently. When you’re at home, you have to deal with life responsibilities that you can’t escape. But, in a land far away from home, you can do something differently. You can charge yourself, think more about anything. It’s not about escaping life, but, to enjoy it better.

For me what makes going places exciting is it makes me accept better that life is full of struggles, but it’s okay. Traveling makes me realize, human basically deals with the same struggle. Went home from Berchtesgaden in rush office hours, that was exactly the regular view in my city. So, I am just be grateful that we can rest for a while.

We also visited Salzburg since it was only an hour away from Berchtesgaden. We didn’t stay overnight there just few hours of visiting Mozart’s house and his birthplace.

Salzburg turned out to be more interesting than I thought. I really love the vibe once I exited the train station. Warmer people, more English and moslem friendly, and tourist ready. There are many interesting spots that few hours visit couldn’t do. I am thinking to return there while we’re still in Munich.

So glad to finally got this first trip writing done, unless, it would just drift away from the memory without any proper storage.

Tchuss!

Posted in Maternité, Thoughts

Entitlement

Posted on by arlanadya

Despite of having no helpers around, doing chores regularly, I still consider this little girl has certain level of entitlement that sometimes we couldn’t tolerate.

It’s not only about being an only child. Seen lots of non only child who are so entitled too. Entitlement needed for certain degree. When it comes to dealing with taking care of yourself, you need a bit of entitlement to do that.

But, many couldn’t find the balance and end up being entitled; thinking everything that they have is solely because of their own efforts, or the feeling that they deserve something while in fact, they put too little effort for that, or they’re blinded by their own perception and couldn’t understand where they do wrong.

Things like these are combination of environment and lack of role models. Entitlement comes from the system who allows this to happen and lack of role models who shows the opposite way of entitlement.

From my readings, basically and theoretically, we have covered almost all the issues that can cause the problems. But, in reality, it doesn’t make it easier. We’re so triggered whenever she acts like one spoiled entitled kid.

When I deal with this, my lecture in the car becomes longer and louder. We even stayed in the parking lot for 20 mins to have longer lecture and stopped the sobbing.

Done with the lecture, proceed to the conclusion and consequences.

But this time, after listing all the things she had done wrong and some responsibilities that she neglected, instead of giving an ultimatum of consequences, I asked her to choose her own consequences. I want her to think what the consequences instead of just feel like being punished.
“If my team didn’t clean the shoes properly, neglect their responsibilities, doing it without their brain, is there any consequences?”

While snorting and sobbing, “OF COURSE! They will complain, they will be angry, and give you bad reviews”.

“Exactly. No escape for consequences if you do something wrong. Now choose yours”.

We negotiated for a while until we reached an agreement sealed it with a hug before she got out of the car.

Stayed even longer in the car after she left to control the breathing and finished this writing.

If one considers money is the biggest issue in raising a child, it’s not really. It’s the thinking part who is tiring the most.

Posted in Thoughts

Consistency

Posted on by arlanadya

Exactly a month from the last post and it’s been while since I pressed publish button.

My draft contains a lot of unfinished writing that couldn’t be published. Either I lost the spark or words seem so hard to put.

Even this writing. I already wrote quite lengthy paragraphs then, it doesn’t seem to have something worth reading. So I just wiped half of them.

No wonder they said consistency is the key to many many advantages one could get in life. Small (good) things that you do repeatedly every day.

It’s that simple, yet it’s that hard.

Let’s just push the button this time.

Posted in Thoughts

Back to Equilibriun

Posted on by arlanadya

If there’s one thing that I observe for almost four decades of living : life, no matter how high, or low, will always return to its equilibrium.

It always comeback to the neutral state, where it’s not highly joyful or painfully sad. We will always return to the mundanity of ordinary life, where everything is sometimes hard, complicated, but overall, just fine.

But, there’s another one. The equilibrium doesn’t have to stay in the same position all the time. We can always make a new equilibrium according to what kind of season of life we currently deal with. 

For the past few years, I reflected that many things that served me well in the past were no longer fit in the present. Things that I thought would keep serving me the way they did, at a certain point, they stopped.

From the job that I had done for 15 years to the supermarket I regularly went for groceries, the kind of school that I thought best for my daughter, the way I conduct my daily habits, the specific workout I followed religiously for three years on YouTube, or even the Eid traditions that have been going on for many, many years, at a certain point, I quit all of them and discovered new ones that feel and suit me better.

Certain situations that might look and feel new to you at the beginning, slowly but surely, become a new practice that you feel comfortable with. Then, after some times, when it’s time to let this go, we just have to let it go. Apparently, new ones will come.

I am not saying we have to quit things all the time. This quitting, it’s different from the type that you do when things get hard or you get lazy. It’s the type that you quit when you’re done, Although there’s no exact date, nor you know when it will be done. You just keep going then life will show and tell you when and how.

I also learned that we don’t have to feel guilty about that. I think it’s one of the signs that you grow as a person which is the only way to have a fulfilled life. A new equilibrium means you keep finding a new climb, in a good way. You do it for your own good, not for external validation. It’s a way to have a better quality of life, to be a better human being. 

Three months have passed since I moved to this house, it starts feeling more like home than ever. It’s funny that the same place that was once the root of my anxiety and stress daily for more than a year, now it becomes the most comfortable to return to. The sad feeling of leaving the apartment that we had stayed in for three years, all the things that I felt too good to let go of and we felt we couldn’t survive without, it’s no longer there.

One simple example, I once was worried about how my daughter would keep her swimming practice without the pool that was available in apartment. Not long after moving, we found a swim school ten minutes drive from home, semi indoor one, with lukewarm water. It’s not the famous one, not one with big name, but, it totally fits with what we need. I could list many more, but let’s just use this one.

The honeymoon period and the excitement of living in a new place were also slowly replaced by facing the facts that taking care a house is a lot of work. The house might look good in pictures, but the cleaning parts, the little that needs fixing here and there, those are the other less exciting facts of owning a house.

I guess “enjoy while it lasts” is truly a good mantra to live with.

(Another thing that makes life always funny is, a right thing will always find you at the right time. Like when I finished writing this, I encountered  this short which really gave a similar feeling).

Posted in Favorite things, Thoughts

Core Memories and Eid Mubarak 1445H!

Posted on by arlanadya

Core memories have been a famous phrase these days.

When I look back, one of the ingredients of core memories is things done continuously for a certain period during our childhood. Something that we did repeatedly until it is impossible to be forgotten since it engraved in our heart and mind, memorized by our bodies.

Like for me, Ramadan and Eid cleaning are my top core memories. It was intense, done yearly together with my family, and the memories of how the mood of the home changed drastically after the cleaning, were some of the most memorable stuff in the core memories shelf.

Eid cleaning is one that makes you tired but happy.

Since she first started fasting four years ago, tarawih has been the routine my daughter performed for a whole Ramadan, without a fuss.

Personally, fasting for a whole month is easy. But she is doing tarawih for a month; that’s another story. Maybe because, unlike fasting, which is compulsory, tarawih is not. This little girl has been so determined in her fasting and tarawih. She did training while fasting, too. Both PE and swimming in the afternoon without neglecting the tarawih at night. Something that I couldn’t even do when I was at her age. I am beyond grateful for another Ramadan with a 💯 attendance of fasting and Tarawih this year.

I only hope as she grows, the memory of Ramadan (especially at home) will be stored in her core memories shelf. The fasting, the suhoor, the early morning chores (she does lots of chores, too!), the iftar and tarawih, all the joyful things that Ramadan brings; I hope it stays with her for a long time. May she find more meaning, peace, and happiness in all her future Ramadan worship. Amin.

To be healthy to do the whole month fasting and other activities with so much joy,
To be blessed with so much kindness received,
Enjoying lots of merry things that Ramadan brings.
It’s unavoidable to be sad because it’s leaving.

May all of our Ramadan worship be accepted.
May all the Palestinians be granted the highest reward, hopefully, sooner than we have been praying for, blessed with absolute freedom, and get everything a thousand times better than what they’ve lost here in Dunya and hereafter. Amin.

For countless times, May Allah grant us a chance to meet another Ramadan in health with a better level of iman.
Amin, Amin, Amin ya Allah.

Eid Mubarak from me to you!

1 Syawal 1445H

Posted in Thoughts

First Time

Posted on by arlanadya

There’s always the first time for everything.

Like completely missing sahoor because we were overslept and just woke up thirty minutes after subuh.

I never missed sahoor in Ramadan before. Like zero. Woke up very close to subuh yes several times, but completely missing it? Never.

Well, this is also a warning for myself since I have been quite loose on the night sleeping time for the past few days.

There’s one pattern that I recognize in my life : if I start slipping away, having good intention yet keep postponing it for no reason, neglecting some responsibilities or getting lazy, my lessson always come instantly. The wake up call rarely waits too long to ring, which is Alhamdulillah.

The more I realized that the biggest enemy has always been inside. You don’t have to fight anyone but your evil inside. This is why fasting is prescribed for us.

Finished this writing while waiting for having my car washed. Another long overdue to do list that had been postponed for a while.

Car wash, 28 Ramadan 1445H

Posted in Favorite things, Thoughts

The Most Uncomfortable Ramadan

Posted on by arlanadya

This Ramadan has been the most uncomfortable I have ever experienced in the few past years.

It still gives the usual joyful feeling but it’s been shadowed by several things behind the scene.

Knowing how the Palestinians spent this Ramadan under attack, famine, terror, and it has been five months, masya Allah.

Whenever I read some historical events, like world war, I wondered how life was for other parts of the world which weren’t part of the war. How it felt when you were part of the people who were affected by the war, struggle and suffered, while you knew there were people out there who had bussines as usual and normal ordinary days.

During covid, it felt like we were in this together. But, this time, I felt like we betrayed those people. We enjoyed festive Ramadan safely, happily, peacefully, while those people out there, the mothers, the children suffered greatly from the devils’ continous evilish acts.

I love doing all the worshiping day by day, but, I don’t feel like doing all the usual rituals. I want to capture all of things around the home during Ramadan as usual, but, always end up postpone or even cancel whatever I want to share.

I am currently on my period so I have been absent from fasting for almost a week. Nothing give uneasy feeling in Ramadan other than the period. I feel so isolated. No fasting, no prayers, no iftar, no sahur, no tarawih, I dislike period the most when it is Ramadan.

Halfway through Ramadan and I only write twice. This year Ramadan is joyfully uncomfortable.

18 Ramadan 1445H

Posted in Favorite things, Past learning, Thoughts

Different Ramadan Experiences

Posted on by arlanadya

Ramadan has always been an intense reflection period personally.

It allows more silence during the day where my mind wanders to many things that I have been going through and how much things have changed.

Comparing the different experiences of Ramadan when I was little and with what my daughter has today is one of them .

Looking back, the kind of Ramadan that I had during childhood was very much outdoor. Subuh at the mosque after sahur with the neighboor friends followed by playing outside before it was time to go to school, riding a bike around the block before iftar, then tarawih prayer at the mosque again after dinner.

While this little girl spent so much of her time indoor. Including the Ramadan. She fasts well and properly already. Wake up sahur easily, no hungry nagging along the day, having iftar eagerly, then tarawih together at home.

Growing up without siblings (and children of her age around the neighborhood) has its own disadvantages indeed. But, it is what it is.

During the fast, she keeps doing her activities as usual including physical training with her coach and soon swimming will resume. At home, she has few chores that she has to do like unloading the dishwasher and put back all the kitchen and eating utensils to where they belong. She also has to make some simple dessert for iftar.

Not only at home, we also totally have different Ramadan experiences at school. I went to a private Islamic school where Ramadan was celebrated loudly and merrily. I really really loved Ramadan vibes at school. It was one of the most wonderful times during my childhood.

For the little girl, she goes to a private general school. Although Islam is still the majority there, there’s no spesific celebration for particular religious events since it’s not a religious school.

The decision to send her to a non-religious school surprised me too, who had planned a long time ago about a school she would attend. But doesn’t life rarely go according to plan? Things happened, life course changed its direction, so we just need to adapt and adjust the plan.

For her to learn about her religion is the top priority for me. So, instead of fully outsourcing the religious education to the school, we take the responsibility. She’s been learning with a private teacher twice weekly at 5.30 am to learn the Quran, fiqh, and many more. For the other days, she is doing it with me.

This is another difference too. While I only learned the Quran at school when there was a lesson in the timetable and once a week with a teacher at home who my parents hired, she learns and reads the Quran every day, without excuse. It’s a compulsory routine to start her day.

No wonder, up until the third grade, she had memorized more surahs than I had ever done in 9 years of attending an Islamic school. This hit me hard. Of course, it is good that my daughter is doing better than me, but, shouldn’t us parents set an example too? Thus, I searched and have been learning with another teacher too since last more than a year ago to catch up with her. How could I correct and teach her when I don’t even know the surahs she memorized at all?

I guess educating a child is quite simple. You don’t have to teach her anything. You have to show and set an example for yourself. Anything, any skills, any values, that we want the child to acquires, do and practice it first ourselves. They will follow, most of the time.

It’s simple that’s why it’s hard. Because, nothing harder than changing and educating yourself.

In the end, whatever different Ramadan experiences she and I have, I hope Ramadan will always be a delightful time of the year, too, for her, as it has always been for me.

Amin.

Library, 8 Ramadan 1445H.