I used to write everyday during traveling. When it was morning, dark, and quiet. To restore all the memories made on that day into the writing.
But, so little writing made on this trip although the mind has a lot to say. I hope it’s not a sign that I started taking things for granted, because I really (hope I) don’t.
Like I said in the previous post, resumed exercising traveling muscle turns out is not as easy as I thought. Within the 3-4 for years there are a lot of changes happen inside and outside and I am still trying to figure out what’s the most comfortable way to do it.
For example : the little girl. Four years ago, she still sat and sleep on the stroller whenever we went around. Pushing the stroller around, got on and off the bus or train might be tired but we almost heard no whining or grumpy face along the journey. Because when she was well-fed and sit comfortably, she slept. When we stop, it was either time to eat or play in the park and playground.
I am still getting used that we are now traveling with a pre teen that also has a say of what she wants to do, can show her unhappy face whenever it is not the place she’s interested in, could refuse kind of food offered, and keep nagging to visit something to spend her pocket money in a souvenir or accessories store.
Next : money. Unlike four years ago when we were really tight about money during traveling, now we could be a bit relax, with some price of course. One of the reasons why Australia were not chosen few years ago simply because we couldn’t bring food. We brought home made food to all previous countries we visited to save the eating expense. Only lunch spent outside and it was strictly like that.
Now, we still do that by doing groceries store and light cooking. But, we could have options. We could sit in a pretty decent restaurant, then had a takeway for dinner, snacking ice cream and coffee in between.
It’s better of course, but it’s also harder. When you have less it’s nothing to control because it’s not there, but when you’re blessed with more, it’s impossible without an adequate amount of self control. Knowing when to stop is not an easy feat. Just because you can, you should.
Wearing a mask. It’s weird at the beginning that we don’t have to wear mask at all here. I slowly reduce my mask wearing back in Jakarta for the few past weeks. But, it’s sometimes hard because everyone is still wearing them everywhere. Then, one step at a time.
Well, maybe the new era is not bad at all (obviously not bad actually), hopefully, after this first step, more places will follow. Amin.
3: Beaches and coastal walks only 30 mins away from the city.
4. Halal food options are pretty easy to find.
5. The mixture of european and asian architecture in the residence area.
6. Stay in Central is so far the best decision made. Glad I didn’t proceed to cancel the hotel on the last minute just because a wifi issue. Solved quickly.
7. Five days are the ideal length of stay.
8. Late summer soon autumn is perfect weather to travel in Sydney.
9. People are moderately nice. Not that friendly, but definitely not unwelcoming.
10. Independent coffee shop is a real serious bussiness here.
We finally break the fasting of regular traveling after hard thought and long consideration, after putting other priorities ahead for the past three years.
Accidentally exactly three years difference.
Resumed exercising the long traveling muscle turned out wasn’t easy as I thought. The back pain sleeping in sitting position made me think about the comfy bed at home.
The long waiting between arrival and the check in made me wish about this and that.
The messed up routines made me slightly uncomfortable. The only reason choosing this date : Public holiday on Saturday, so no YPM.
Dealing with immigration and customs always makes me anxious.
The high tension of pre-departure where I want the house is clean and clear make me do continuous cleaning even until two hours before going to the airport. Other than Ramadan and Eid, my home is on its best shape when we have traveling plan. Simply because : I don’t want coming back to a messy home. The post traveling mess is more than enough to deal with.
So, then, why bother?
Because being too comfortable and not learning anything new is more dangerous.
Because missing the important years for the little girl training outside her classroom and zoom meetings should make me more anxious.
Because, based on the past experiences, in spite of the hardships and the twists each past travels bring, how intense they were, I don’t have any slightest regrets doing all of them.
We met a mother with THREE KIDS UNDER FIVE traveled alone on the same flight. The littlest one had been crying almost through all the journey. But, near the landing, she had been in so much better mood and I saw them smiling happily when we landed. I was so proud of them. They will surely remember what they’d been through together for many years to come.
At least, it happened to us. First disastrous trip to Paris, where the little girl cried for two long haul flights, the sweat of nursing her a whole night, and she ended up sleeping on the floor until the first transit (that little baby slept in a bassinet), the tension she gave us where it was so packed on that tiny airplane from Istanbul to Paris and she didn’t stop whinning, I sweared after that trip, I would never take any kind of this crazy thing anymore.
Never say never.
After that disastrous Paris, she’s flourished and I broke that promise.
We finally found the courage to resume our regular traveling like we did back in 2016-2019. After completing the (unexpected) tetralogy of Ilana Tan’s trip from Autumn in Paris in 2016, Spring in London in 2017, Winter in Tokyo in 2018, and Summer in Seoul in 2019, we moved to London and the world has changed not long after that.
The trip we did during pandemic mostly two short days trip. The last long trip was Edinburg-Highland trip but it didn’t go with our regular pattern. It was a road trip where we moved places and stayed in four different places in a week.
Our regular travel pattern would be 7 days spent in one city. Stayed in an Air BnB or an apartment with kitchen, no highly ambitious itinerary, play in the playground, stop by for ice cream, get lost in small alleys, stroll by the river, lay down in the park, might not appealing for some people.
Among that 7 days, there would be one day where we took a day trip to other nearby city from the main city. Visited Versailles while we were in Paris, Liverpool and Manchester during London trip, Gotemba for Winter in Tokyo, oh we didn’t go anywhere in Seoul because it was the only trip that we only stayed for five days. At that time, I was afraid we didn’t survive the food, turned out what we didn’t survive was the people. The food was totally ok. Just ok.
Returned from London, we redefined travel. With Covid restrictions, the best and the safest we could get is staycation. We had a lot of it actually. Combining the hotel with good restaurants that we wanted to try nearby. Went to camping twice, which was just okay for me, and another short trip to Bandung last year. Haven’t set our feet further than that.
Last September my brother start pursuing his Phd in Karlsruhe, Germany. It was when the idea of browsing ticket for the sake of curiosity about how much it would cost to go there appeared.
The price of travel tickets has been soaring from pre-pandemic era and I have adjusted my expectations. All those travels that we did it was thanks to the ‘cheap’ tickets that found their way to greet me.
When I searched the price for three packs, it was okay. Not cheap definitely, but doable for our budget (which has been adjusted also from pre-pandemic era).
During my search, I realized it is not only the outside world that has changed, but mine too inside. When we traveled previously, the little girl was just a baby and a preschooler without no other responsibilities. But, since three years ago, there are a set of morning routines that we do daily and it’s quite impossible to do some of it when we travel. I treasure this morning routines dearly and the thought of putting them on pause for a whole week scares me.
On the other side, the period where we could take her for traveling with us is not getting much longer. What every parents should realize is we really have shorter time than we think we have with the kids. Travel with them when they are young, I totally support such idea. There’s no single trip that we regret taking in the past. I enjoyed every places we took her to.
The keys to travel with kids peacefully are two : be firm about eating and sleeping time. That’s it and that’s all.
So I kept searching and tried multiple destinations which might suit our preferences. I finally settled with the thought that Europe was still not doable for now. Thinking about the flight duration, the jetlag, the post travel recovery, we have limited time and space for that. So, the searching continued to those places within 7 hours flight.
I thought of returning to Japan, maybe another city than Tokyo. But, funnily, both me and the doctor have the same opinion about this. No matter how much we love Japan with all the good experiences we had there, returning there once again doesn’t seem a good idea that worth our precious budget and time. Also, the experience of flying with JAL set a high standard which is quite hard to replicate for now since JAL ticket price is totally doesn’t make sense now.
Then, just like many ideas that felt like a sudden turned-on light on my head, a city and area that we haven’t covered popped out. Tried several cities and comparing budget and there’s one city that suits us well.
As always, I never buy the ticket right away. Wait for several days, do more readings and searchings, compared with this and that once again. This is the period where I talk to myself a lot before I propose the idea to the doctor.
After few days or maybe a week or more, I talked about this idea to him. It was 6 months before the trip date. Unexpectedly, he agreed. Thought he would say we had to save more for our current place rennovation.
The ticket I found was totally agreeable. I even found another option with almost three millions rupiahs different, but, of course with some trade-offs. After considering many things, that much difference didn’t seem too much compared to what we could get with slightly higher price.
So, after continuous bismillah, the purchase made.
Unlike the previous trips where I always pack two month ahead (crazy girl), this time, up until a week before, when this post was written, I practically haven’t done anything for the trip. The suitcases are still on the cupboard, although the outfits are already in a separate basket. I have exchanged the currency in the money changer though.
I still have this insecurity and try to keep my expectations as low as possible, whenever we have planned a trip since Covid came. Covid also makes me trained myself to do flash packing. Many of our staycations were the product of sudden decision. As sudden as few hours before.
Well, after three years, maybe it’s about the time. How I miss resuming the trip to the airport.
Yesterday, a reunion with high school friends happened after five years which was the longest we hadn’t met.
I rarely could belong in a group. I am more into solo and the maximum member of group I could survive is three to five. But, it’s a different case for this one.
We met at the last year of senior high school by being on the same science class. High school was quite confusing place for me. I couldn’t fully safe being there until I met this people on the last year.
For the first time, it felt so safe.
What does it mean to be safe?
Safe just to be who I am.
This class is full of, borrowing the word from one of my friends there, socially misfits people. I prefer socially awkward actually. When I looked back, that class indeed was full of neurodivergent people. But, instead of chaos, it was beautifully blended.
For the first time during my school years, I chose to be in charge. I became the initiator of all meetings that happened for the last 20 years. I voluntarily organized those meetings.
When it comes to these people, this lazy me suddenly get my full energy to take care things to the smallest detail.
Just like when I take care Langit.
A kind of energy that only exist because you love something.
I could transform to be extremely extroverted when I am with them. Being loud and talk quite a lot and no pretense. They bring out the other side of me that is rarely appear in the surface.
A kind of personality that blooms when you grow in right soil.
We met often during the four years of college. From a simple eating out, ifthar together, a trip to Kota Tua, visiting a sick friend, attending the weddings and many more. Those were one of the best times of my 20s I spent with others.
But, life happened after that. The meeting slowly changed from regularly to occasionally to rarely then never. There were period where no matter how much I put my energy, it didn’t happen until I certain point I became reluctant.
There were periods where that whatsapp group was in a complete silence for a long time and I didn’t even have the willing to fuel it up.
Early this year, slowly but sure, the flame started burning again. After observing for some time, I dared my self to initiate the gathering once again. Thankfully, this time, the crowd answered better.
Long story short, we had that loud, full of laughter and talks in a restaurant which became our regular meeting point for a long time.
What makes this reunion worth my time and energy is because these people haven’t changed at all. We are the same old high school kids with 20 years older age.
You won’t find anyone flexing and bluffing about how materially successful one is, no uncomfortable degrading question asked. If everyone ask how are you it is literally means how are you.
I once wrote about them in the past after a meeting and yesterday’s meeting energy gave me the exact same feeling.
Joy and love. The one who made you smile and felt warm at heart after meeting them.
I hope everyone is stay healthy so we could have many more meetings in the future.
In one of my favorite books, it said good social relationship is the number one predictor for those who want to be aging well and happily.
This kind of social group is indeed one for me.
The last minute idea to make a group shirt was brilliant. The writing on the back was mine! This is us 20 years from 2003.My love language is words of affirmation indeed
Saturday morning routine view : the music school courtyard with some reading.
Life has simple principles but hard to implement.
Because we lack of patience.
Choose instant rewards over delaying gratification.
That’s the beginning of any kind of problems.
Life is always about how we see it and never about what really happens.
That’s why living life with the right mindset is priceless.
The power of subconscious mind could determine our position. One position in life is never permanent. Doing things will either make it better or worse. But, doing nothing is certainly the only road to the worse place.
Huge part of the future is actually accumulations of the choices we made in the present. Small part yet the most important one is not ours. It’s actually the biggest factor who determines the result.
February is the exam month in the little girl’s music school and I am writing this while listening to her lesson which full of silly mistakes here and there.
I wonder what’s stopping me to reach out to someone with problems unless they do it first?
Maybe it’s because I myself always feel uncomfortable reaching out to others when I have problems?
Or maybe I don’t like the feeling of knowing other people business and private life too much, like I don’t keen on others knowing mine?
Maybe because I mostly use my head more than my heart while from my observations, others do the opposite. I honestly find it hard to understand.
When I have trouble inside, writing is my healing. Been writing about everything since I was in the second grade of elementary. I agree with someone who says “normalize going to therapy”. In my case, for someone who doesn’t like talking and having the desire to talk about their problems to others, writing is the best, cheapest and easiest therapy that everyone could afford. Wrote this last year.
I didn’t know where it began, but I have so little trust in human. Even the one who said they loved you, been through many years of life’s ups and downs with you, could betray you easily. Talking from the real experience.
I fully realize the trust issue I deal with inside and how it impacts my behavior when it comes to dealing with other’s feeling. So, while I keep looking for some ways to deal with it better, I’d rather find the other alternatives to deal with any kind of life problems.
Other than writing, self-talking inside my head does help too, so does staying longer in the praying mat after daily prayer or right before the dawn. It’s inexplicably soothing. Your problem won’t disappear right away, but you get the strength to deal with whatever you should deal with.
There is one beautiful verse in Quran that said :
Isn’t clear?
So, I don’t have better recommendations than turning to the One who will take care all of your affairs, no matter how small or big they are, whenever life throws some lemons to your face.
After all, why we should ask help from the weak one who’s not always reliable and accessible due to many reasons when we have unlimited access to The Most Exalted?
It’s weird that there is a period of life which could make me feel guilty in certain parts about living it.
Especially when you couldn’t help comparing it to others.
The common feeling that happens when you compare what you have with others is envy. But, instead of that, what appears is guilt.
First, the guilt of (sometimes) being (so) oblivious to the fact I have a lot of biases and using my own standard to measure things. Although, I totally understand that everyone is living different kind of season at the moment. Some are still on the sowing stage while for others they are already on the reaping period.
I have known since long that life is not fair and never fair, but in an unpleasant way.
Knowing that life is also not fair in a good way is new to me.
Here’s another guilty part : how little has been done to return all the favors bestowed.
There’s no question about being grateful. But, in a way, it’s funnily confusing a little bit and here comes the second guilt : how come He granted things to the smallest detail? Is this really okay? Do we really get what we deserve? We human sometimes love making things sound more complicated than it seems.
Are we done with the guilt? Apparently no.
Here’s the third one : knowing how little has been done to return all the favors bestowed upon us. There’s this annoying feeling inside that sometimes I take things for granted and we should have done better than this.
Duh.
I have to keep reminding myself that any positions in life is temporary. Where you are right now is not permanent. It’s really a reminder to keep these feet on the ground.
One thing I learn from having these guilts : staying sober is an underrated skill in life. Maybe this is why people get drunk easily when life is on their side. Thinking it would stay forever.
The test of true characters can be shown in two situations :
The patience when one has nothing.
The humility when (s)he has everything.
I found the first one is way much easier than the latter.
Eating is one thing that I take seriously from the very beginning for the little girl.
Enduring the first year of feeding three times a day paid in the future years and it keeps compounding.
Took off from 18 months, the first trip abroad to Paris showed, patience (always) pays. Wherever we go, whatever food served on the table, we enjoyed close to zero drama. Trapped in long flight hours with toddler wasn’t scary at all.
And it didn’t stop there, eat well mostly means sleep well. Both eat and sleep well contribute so much to overall health.
Up until eight years, close to zero day of being sick. No matter the weather. No matter how packed the schedule. No matter how far we traveled. Nothing disturb the mind other than dealing with a sick child. Having a healthy one means peace.
Eat and sleep are the root of all problems, not only in childhood but also in adulthood. One can’t do anything right if (s)he doesn’t eat well (balance of everything) and sleep adequately.
To have such skills, both start in the very first year of life and worth all the energy invested on them.
Seriously might be a soft translation of obsessive. Could spend an hour or more to just sit and think the plan for a whole week, back up one included.
When it comes to eating, it’s not only about the food, but the mood.
In breakfast, obligatory daily questions asked : “what do you want for breakfast?”
The answer must be : “what are the choices?”
Options are available most of the time, training her decision skill starts from simple thing like this and it’s not a small feat.
All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast, said John Gunter. That’s why breakfast done twice since her early years. Light starter and heavier one later.
In deciding lunch, I choose what to serve by considering many other things such as what kind of day she deals with on that particular day, what subject she has on that day, how many and how heavy the afternoon classes she has after school, How it feels when she opens the lunch box and see what she will have after a long day.
While for dinner, it’s mostly eat what is served.
Building a good relationship with food is one of the most important things in life and I want my daughter to have it right. Just like building relationship with any other things, building this one too takes time and patience.
Although it’s not always home cooked, but I hope the thoughts and prayers poured for and preparing the food will do her good.
Writing feels so hard these days. I don’t know why.
It’s not about the time, it’s not about the topic since I always want to write about everything.
I miss talking about the little girl in details. I don’t know why as she grows up why I don’t talk her as detailed as when she was baby.
I want to write how she is doing many years after the first therapy done five years ago.
I want to write how daily things sometimes feel hard, but some other time, it feels like I could take care two or three more children.
I want to write some updates with about the new future living place, but, it still feels like too good to be true, although it’s already half way true. It’s really happening. How I want to babble long and wide about this.
I want to write so many things inside my head, I don’t know what stopping me.
This is why they said perfect is the enemy when it comes to writing. Sometimes you just have to write whatever and click that publish button.
A Penny for My Pensieve 