Category: Thoughts

Warming up for daily school life starts today. After one year, the school tried a full week with full capacity. Couldn’t help feeling uneasy, but, let just see.

Today is an odd number license, so we took taxi to go there. Little girl keeps talking excitedly along the trip. When she saw squirrel before the last turn to her school, she couldn’t stop talking and commenting about the squirrel. I mostly listened and gave one or two short remarks once in a while.

I just dropped her and asked the driver to send me back home.

After she got off, the driver asked,
“Itu sekolah luar negeri? Bagus ya sekolahnya, hijau”.
“Ngga pak,sekolah biasa”.
“Anak tadi orang mana?”
“Maksudnya?”
“Iya anak kecil tadi orangtuanya orang mana?
“Orang Indonesia”.
“Oh, masa? Ngga kliatan kaya orang Indonesia. Saya kira orangtuanya bukan orang sini”.

I almost laughed out loud after the convo. But, not really in the mood to fix the misunderstanding. Today, I prefer being misunderstood to spending the energy explaining the truth.

My mind was busy worrying about sending the little girl to the real life jungle. The jungle full of talking where she should catch up quickly and interpreting many unspoken word and facial expressions. The hard work of making friends.

Just like the situation above, she might deal with so many misunderstandings out there while dealing with her limitation on her own. Just thinking about that makes my heart cry.

I pray so loudly may she will always be taken care of wherever she is. May she meet the kind ones. May she is given the strength to face whatever thing she has to deal with.

Amin. Amin. Amin.

Bon courage, Be!
(It’s me who needs more encouragement).

Part II here.

We had the symptoms but overall we’re fine alhamdulillah. We had been doing our days as usual, eat well and slept all through the night.

Fully vaxxed and boosted for the adults and completely vaccinated for the little girl, the cough has been the hardest and longest symptom stayed.

Other than having coughing choir few times in a day, no other significant symptoms.

Mild fever only lasted for one day.
No specific medicines consumed other than panadol and drug store vitamins. Also, liters of honey lemon water.
Literally.

Ah, the other symptom that looked significant on me : anxiety.

That was why I brushed the balcony, decluttered the kitchen, cleaned the bathroom and the fridge, and many more.

Few things we have been doing slightly different. Curfew is usually at 8 pm, now it has been 7.30. Short afternoon nap time inserted to the schedule. Gallon water usually lasted for 9 days, now it goes down to 3-4 days.

Got the virus is not something that we could be grateful for, but, if there are some silver linings, here they are. I am grateful we got it after booster for the adults and complete doses for the little girl.

Since we have it together, no separating this and that hassles. Even if we don’t, there’s no way to escape in this small space we live in.

Being regularly exposed with the virus as our part of daily life since two years ago, it made me quite vigilant.

Been doing and planning weekly groceries with the thought of the risk getting it just anytime in mind.

Basic things must be fully stocked to certain amount. Donc, we got it while we were fully equipped with food, vitamin, and medecine, even cooking oil that I stock regularly.

We also covered by covid insurance purchased once we returned from London (there’s one).

As usual, His timing is always on time.Just like many things before, this one too, we got it when we are as most ready as we could, and to consider the doctor strange request, it came right when he needed the most.

All the test cameback (almost) with one stripe (very very thin line on L’s) as for today.

I truly don’t and won’t take this for granted.

So, let’s close it with Alhamdulillah and another quote from my reading on July 2020 which is still so much applicable for now :

“For now, our social behaviours and personal hygiene are our best vaccine”.

So, I hope everyone out there is safe and healthy and if you haven’t, get the booster asap.

The pandemic is getting better but, it’s too early to say we’re completely done with it.

No matter what, stay negative is still the best option.

Part I here.

For the past two weeks alone, we have been doing the tests for four times, everytime we have schedule outside to make sure everything is safe. Mild cough or slight fever that was once considered as nothing to worry about, now becomes a valid enough reason to do the test.

Until it was last Monday when he came home around 10.30 pm , after a long day of multiple nonstop surgeries, while I accompanied him having a late dinner, he made a remarkable yet (totally) understandable statement,

“You know what, it might sound so absurd, but I am so exhausted until I really hope I could get my turn to rest,”.

No one in the right mind would blurt out such scary request. No matter how huge the possibility we might catch it someday, to voluntarily request for it wasn’t a good thing to ask.

But, I totally understood why such thing came from his mouth. Unlike in London where shift schedule allowed for him to have proper break weekly, off days were available abundantly, no call outside working hours,
here, weekdays and weekend are all working hours. Be it at hospital or at home.

Leisure weekend is much rare commodity than cooking oil.

On Tuesday morning, as scary as it was, he got his wish granted.

Did the antigen self-swab at home since suddenly, (funnily), everyone showed symptoms. After two years of negative test results, that morning all three kits showed positive results.

It was weird feeling to describe. Slightly surprise in one side. Huge relief in another side. For those who exposed daily, we’ve been escaping it a lot for the past two years. So, looked at those three two stripes kits, it felt like there was a voice inside the head that says ‘finally’.

I wasn’t exactly being grateful, but, looking at such results that day wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be.

And also, a fulfilled wish is always scary. Even as simple as saying things without thinking.

So, always be really careful of what you wish for.

It’s been exactly two years,on March 2020, since the first day we received the news that the doctor was having extremely close contact with a covid patient in Queen Square without any single protections. Doing intubation on a tested positive patient.

Since that day, life has never been the same. Sending him to hospital everyday had become constant battle dealing with worry and anxiety.

We fear what we don’t know. From there, I read almost everything about this. People experiences, articles, blogposts, stories, newspapers, journals, anything. It seemed like feeding my mind with more worries. The more I read, the more I overthink. But, it was much better than being left in the dark.

Been thinking about many plans just in case something happened.

Moved back here, the battle was getting tougher. By the time we arrived here, cases were on the peak. He worked as soon as we settled down.

It felt like repeating the cycle on previous March.

Dealing with covid patients daily and intensely especially during the wave at the beginning and on the middle of last year, from morning to late night, weekdays and weekend, to say he was exhausted was totally understatement.

Countless time of having close contact be it from the patients, colleagues, or during surgeries where 8 out of 10 surgery crews got it. Being in the same room with someone (who turned to be) positive without masks during break. Endless swab tests everytime we got the news, yet, we still missed it.

Every time it came back negative, I wondered for how much longer we could escape it.

The wave at the beginning of this year might be not as bad as last year, yet, for the past three months, the amount of test results we collected topped those of what we had last year.

He got more schedules than before to cover many residents or colleagues that got sick daily and weekly. Not only weekdays but also weekend.

No amount of incentives given could pay the battle those healthcare workers who deals with covid daily face​.
(not all healthcare workers deal with covid patients).

I remembered one of the quote from my readings,
“At certain point, covid will arrive at your doorstep, it’s just a matter of when”.